Watch Over Me Part 2
by Lala1995
Summary: Meredith and Derek have had a healthy three years of marriage, raising Kaylee and Cooper and becoming up and rising MDs. When they decide on expanding their family, their timing couldn't be worse when their relationship hits a rough patch and they face problems after problems. Will they be there for each other to pull from the damaged road of love, marriage and family.
1. I Thought You Knew

"_You didn't know? I thought that is why you and Derek went to the on call room and why you were crying. I thought you knew about the kiss." George says. "I thought you knew." George says. "I'm an idiot." He says._

_She takes the kids and leaves the hospital angry and upset._

_12 hours earlier._

"Cooper, come one can you eat your breakfast. We have to go very soon." Meredith says to him in the morning. "Come on put away your train." She says taking it away from him.

"No!" He says slamming his hands on his highchair.

"Come on Cooper. You can have your train after you eat."

"No Mumma! I want my train now!"

"Cooper!"

Cooper's face defined with the detailing of wrinkles and anger from him screwing his face up. She knew what was coming. His temper tantrum. He was managing to have tantrums at least twice a week and this week was his 3rd. The terrible twos. Oh the joys of toddlers and parenting.

With his reddened face and his fisted hands he begins crying. Wailing. Screaming the house down causing an ear ache.

"Cooper! Stop!" She says screaming over his yelling.

With no luck he still cries and cries. They had to leave for work in 5 minutes.

Derek walks into the kitchen.

"What is it now?"

"He wants his trains, but he isn't eating his breakfast."

"Meredith you know how much he loves his trains."

"I do." She says standing up. "But he needs to eat first before he plays."

"Meredith just give him his train back." He says with a raised voice.

She turns to see Kaylee looking between the two of them.

"Derek." She says in a whisper. "He needs to learn. He is too preoccupied with toys to even eat and when he does start eating we have to leave the house. He needs breakfast Derek. He has all day to play with his trains."

Cooper was still wailing.

"Meredith! You're acting like a two year old. Your worse than him."

Yeah she could tell he was pissed off. "Derek I am acting like a mother." She says turning to take him from the highchair and putting him on the floor. "Cooper you have to stop crying. This is silly."

"Meredith he is two years old. He doesn't know any better. Let him play."

"Derek we aren't doing this now." She says handing him his bottle. "Kaylee go get your shoes on. We're late."

Kaylee leaves the room in a hurry.

Derek grumbles again.

"What is it?"

"No one put the dishwasher on last night."

"And that was your job." She says. "We're late."

He doesn't say anything back. He storms out of the kitchen. Meredith follows behind him. Holding Cooper's hand and the crèche bag. He had seemed to settle down. He was still whimpering. She grabbed the train she took from him and carried it.

She put Cooper in his seat and put his shoes on his feet. He was still crying.

"You can have it back when you finish crying." She tells him.

Derek already had the car started and was waiting impatiently for Meredith to get in the car. His knuckles were turning white from his grip on the steering wheel. Kaylee was silent in the backseat and Meredith slid into her seat without making eye contact with Derek.

Arriving at the hospital Meredith took the kids. Cooper had settled down and was all hugs and kisses. She didn't say a word to Derek as she left for the crèche.

"Mummy?"

"What is it baby girl?"

"Are you alright?"

"It's just going to be a long day. I can feel it."

…

"Okay ladies and gentlemen this is Nick Hanscomb." Dr Sloan presents.

"Hi."

"Nick was lucky enough to have me remove a large carotid body tumour from his neck. That I was able to get clean boundaries is pretty darn impressive even for me."

"Congratulations." Alex says.

"Don't interrupt. Now, despite the fact that it was wildly successful surgery, we had to dissect out deep lymph nodes in his neck. There is now only a delicate flap of skin between his carotid artery and the outside world. That said, what am I worried about?"

"I'd think given the friability of the skin, that there's a great possibility the artery could blow." Cristina says.

"Right."

"Don't worry, I've heard this before." Nick says.

"If that happens, whoever's in the room, I don't care if it's a doctor, a nurse, an orderly, your job is to stop the bleeding, then page me, in that order. Are we clear? Any questions?"

"They look scared."

"They're professionals. A healthy level of fear is encouraged."

"OK, then. If I do fie, it will have been lovely meeting you all."

"See? The patient is confident, you should be confident. That's it."

…

Reporting down to the ambulance bay after Sloan's meeting, they were greeted with an ambulance.

"What do we have?"

"Jacob Nolston, 47, status post his double bypass surgery two weeks ago, febrile with tenderness in his surgical incisions. We got a ten car pileup, mind taking him?"

"You got it."

"I need a gurney."

"I'll page Hahn." Izzie and Cristina say at the same time.

"Sounds like we all agree. Get him inside and flip for it."

"You're in good hands."

"Thank you."

Cristina and Izzie started bickering. Meredith couldn't handle it. Today of all days. She noticed the incoming ambulance and how fast it was going, a runaway train. She knew it wasn't slowing.

"I think you should move!" She says. But no reply is met. "Move!" She yells again.

They push the gurney closer to the doors as they watch the incoming ambulance crash into the one just leaving. Causing a mass destruction. A pile up. Which was ironic because the ambulance that was crashed into was heading to a pile up.

Meredith ran out to the flipped ambulance. Callie following close behind.

"Ray? Ray, can you hear me?" She asks the two paramedics hanging upside down.

"Stan." Ray says. "Stan."

"Oh, my god." Callie says noticing the damage.

"Stan? Open your eyes, man." Stan's eyes open."Oh, man. Don't scare me like that."

"Let's get you guys out of there." Meredith says.

"No! Stop! Stop. Don't touch anything. Don't touch anything until Fire stabilises. Doors aren't going to budge."

"Torres! I need you help here! Get the driver!" Bailey yells out.

"On my way! All, right, just page somebody to help you and keep them talking. You got this?"

"Yeah."

"Don't leave. Don't." Stan pleads.

"Ok." She says. "Somebody page the Chief."

…

Derek was getting ready for his surgery with Nelson. He came by to grab his scrub cap and grab something to eat.

"Are you alright?"

"Addison. I am fine."

"During that surgery. You did not look like your normal self."

"Just a tough morning." He says throwing his rubbish in the bin. "What's up?"

"Two ambulances crashed in the bay. They have wiped all elective surgeries off the board." She says. "And Nelson needs you."

"So you're the messenger girl now?"

"No. I came to find you and talk to you, hopefully as a friend because you had a rough morning."

"Addie, I'm fine."

"Yeah, I'm not so convinced." She says.

"I have a patient to get to." He says trying to move past her. But he bumps into her. Close to her body. He looks down at her lips. He leans in and is met with her lips. With their lips touching for a few seconds.

He realises what he is doing and he pulls away.

"This was not meant to happen." He says leaving as quickly as he can.

…

"How's it going in there, fellas?" Richard asks.

"I think…. I think that they better get us out of here."

"Yeah. If we're putting it to a vote, I think we better get out of here fast."

"I'm afraid 'keep still' is the best we can do for now. We don't want to make anything worse. We'll get you some pain meds as soon as possible."

"Sir?" Stan asks.

"Call me Richard."

"Richard, can you tell me… My legs, are they broken?"

"I can't see your legs?"

"How come?"

"Well, your body is trapped in the door. You can't feel…"

"I can't."

"You can't feel that?"

"I can't fell anything."

"His ears are bleeding!"

"I see, Ray."

"Can you get my wife? She works here. She's an x-ray tech."

"You bet."

"Stan, don't die on me. You hear me? I'll be so pissed."

"I'm doing my best, man."

Richard and Meredith move away from the rig, away from earshot.

"Get Stan's wife here now."

"What do we… How do we…?"

"We don't."

"We have a whole hospital…"

"The moment we move him, he's going to bleed out. All the medicine in the world won't save him. His wife has to get here soon if she wants to see her husband alive." He says. "Now move."

She ran as fast as she could. Today of all days had to be the sad one with the wife whose husband is dying. After her being pissed off at Derek this morning she knew she shouldn't be so mad at him. She found Sara. She had to now break the news to her. She led her down to the ambulance bay to see the wreckage and the army of rescue people.

"I've never seen her before?"

"What?"

"I've never seen her before. I've worked in this hospital all this time. Before today, she was a complete stranger to me."

"It happens. It's a big hospital." Richard tells her.

"I've never met her before, and yet I'm the person who handed her the worst day of her life. In her story, that' who I am. That's who I'll always be."

Richard placed a hand on his daughters shoulder. "That's the job."

"That's the job. I know." She says feeling tears form in her eyes.

"Look at me. This day… This day you feel helpless. This day makes all those other days when you fight to save a life and lose, this day makes you grateful you have a chance to do anything at all. You take it in."

He keeps a hand on her shoulder as the wife is carried away crying. Meredith couldn't help but feel today's toll creeping up on her and it was only 12pm. She bows her head so she can't see the wife and feel even more useless. Richard holds her shoulder until the wife leaves.

"It's time."

Richard explains to the paramedics what is going to happen before they pull the rig apart. They start to rip into the rig when they stop. Stan dies after saving his best mates life. Meredith felt her heart breaking. Especially when Ray starts getting angry and sweaty and refusing treatment.

She moves inside the ambulance, through broken glass and over Stan's body to save Ray's life. She stays inside the rig to save his life.

"We're about to start the pericadiocentesis, but with the position of the body, the blood won't be pooled to the heart…"

"I'd still use the subxiphoid rather than the parasternal."

"Right. Ok. Meredith, did you hear that?"

"Yeah, is the kit ready yet?"

"I'm getting it read for you now."

"How you doing, Ray?"

"You've got to be careful with this technique. If you aim the needle incorrectly, you could nick the very thin-walled right atrium."

"It could cause a cardiac rupture."

"Rupture, tension pneumothorax. There's about six different ways she could kill him."

"Are they talking about me?" Ray asks.

"No. Don't listen to them, Ray." She says turning away from Ray. "Dr Hahn? Shut up."

Meredith just focuses her attention on Ray and feeling somewhat proud at yelling at Dr Hahn.

"Tell me something Dr Grey?"

"What do you want to know about?"

"Yourself."

"Well I am married to a doctor at this hospital. Dr Shepherd. And I have two kids."

"What are their names?"

"Kaylee and Cooper. Kaylee is 6. Cooper is 2. He is going through his terrible twos at this moment. Very painful."

"Well they have to learn some way."

"And that some way is too scream the house down because he doesn't get his way. Something I wish we could skip." She tells him smiling. Trying to keep him distracted.

Being handed an 18 gauge needle Ray is not ready. He's scared.

"Are you scared Dr Grey?"

"All the time Ray. As a mother. A wife. As a doctor."

"Okay. Just do it. Don't count just…" He says as she pricks the needle into his heart to relieve the pressure and the blood.

"We're getting you out of here right now." She tells him climbing out from the rig.

"You're bleeding." Richard says taking her elbow.

"It's Ray's blood."

"I can see that." He says leading her away. "It could use a couple of stitches. But you stayed calm and focused and efficient in a very stressful situation. That's impressive."

"I was scared." She admits.

"You did it anyway. Like I said, impressive." He says to his daughter smiling.

…

Meredith walked the OR floor. She had been stitched up and was waiting on news about Ray. When she passed Sara.

"Excuse me. You're…. you're the one who came to get me. Who told me about Stan."

"Yes."

"Is Ray…?"

"He's in surgery."

"Ok. I have to go. I have to get out of here, so… Look, can you tell him that I'm sorry? I can't stay here? I just can't come back right now?"

"Ray want me to tell you that he's sorry too. He's sorry he couldn't save Stan. He wanted me to tell you that in case he didn't make it."

"You think he's not going to make it?"

"I hope he makes it. But you won't be here, so…"

"My husband is dead. Somewhere in this hospital. How am I supposed to stay here?"

"I don't know. I don't know. But I know if Ray makes it, he's gonna wake up and he's gonna have no one. And you're gonna go home and you're gonna have…"

"No one."

"I think it's better to have someone. Even if it hurts. Even if it's the most painful thing you have to do. Even if it's the most painful thing you're ever had to do. I think it's better to have someone." She tells Sara.

…

Derek was in the scrub room, scrubbing out. The patient was gone and the doctors were gone. He was in the scrub room because he didn't want to go and face Meredith after what happened. He was feeling guilty. He heard the door open.

"Derek…"

"Addison. Just leave. I can't face you after the kiss. It wasn't meant to happen. I have a wife. I am married. I am not supposed to be going around and kissing my ex. Who do you think I am? I am not a cheater. I made a vow it my wife to love her for the rest of my life. I kiss her not you Addison."

George opens the scrub room door but seems who is in there. The two of them are in a heated discussion. He is stunned at what he hears about kissing other people other than his wife. Kissing people who are his ex. The woman he was going to marry. He shut the door and left without a trace.

"Derek…"

"Addison no. Not now." He says. "I can't look at you."

He dried his hands and left her in the scrub room. Walking the floor he found a distressed and upset Meredith. She was only close by.

"Meredith?" He asks. She had a bandage on her arm. "Are you… What's wrong?"

Her head was bowed. She looked up with tears in her eyes.

"Tell me what's wrong." He asks.

He grabs her arm and leads her to an on call room. Locking the door for privacy so they can talk. He does not know what is wrong. He doesn't know if she knows about the kiss or if it is something totally irrelevant.

He sits down beside her and grabs her hands in his. She doesn't pull away which is a good sign. He just sits with her and waits until she is ready to talk.

"Just everything today… One of the guys in the ambulance he died. He left his wife." She says upset. "All I could think about was what if that was us. What if it was our normal day and we got into an accident on the way to work. We had been so pissed off at each other that if one of us died we couldn't tell each other that we loved one another one last time." She says wiping the tears away. "We have to say I love you at every chance we get because one day it could be our last time we say. We have to not fight over stupid things." She says crying.

"So today is a hard day?"

She nods her head and falls into Derek's shoulder.

"Yeah it is a hard day. Everything is just taking a toll on us. From home, to tantrums, to 36 hour shifts, to dying patients." He says. "I feel the same way." He says placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Some days I am so scared that something is going to happen. To us… Or the kids." She says. "Every waking minute I am petrified of something happening."

"Just cry. You will feel better."

Meredith sobs become known to Derek. Her body heaves as she cries. He is just her shoulder to lean on. He is being her support.

"The reason you are scared. You are a mother. Every mother is scared. Since you held Kaylee in your arms. Or the moment you found out you were having a baby you are scared that if I do one thing wrong this could be the end. But sometimes you can't tell if it is the end. So you have to be scared. Being scared is a humane thing. You shouldn't care what others think. Because in hindsight everyone is scared."

"Are you?"

"All the time." He tells her.

He lies her down on the bed and he lies with her. Her head resting on his chest as he cries.

He really hated seeing her cry.

"Richard was proud of the way I acted in the ambulance bay. He said I was calm and effective in a stressful situation."

"He meant it. I can tell Richard meant to say those words." He says. "He is proud of you."

Meredith traced her finger over Derek's chest.

"I'm his daughter."

"I know you are. He is a proud father."

"Are you a proud father?" She asks looking at him.

"Of course I am Mer." He says. "The moment I was told we were having a child I have been proud. The moment I felt the kicks. Each day when your stomach grew and the day they entered the world I have been a proud father. I don't regret anything that has happened. They are kids, when they fight with us and when they cry I know they are learning and growing up. I am proud that they realise their mistakes and they don't do it next time."

"We could have one more kid to be proud of very soon." She says in a quiet voice.

"We could." He agrees kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry for yelling at you this morning."

"I'm sorry for yelling back."

Derek had a lot more he wanted to say but he kept his mouth shut. If she didn't know then it wouldn't come up in discussion.

Meredith positioned herself, lying on Derek's chest. They smiled at each other before their lips met softly but hungrily. Derek's hands run up and down her back. His hands linger on the hem of her shirt and he pulled it over her head and threw it to the floor.

"Let's make a baby." She whispers to him.

…

Late that afternoon Derek and her left the on call room. Once they left they parted with a kiss.

"I'll see you tonight." She tells him.

"I shouldn't be here too much later."

"Do you want me to come and pick you up?"

"It's fine. I'll get a lift with Mark." He says kissing her once more.

"Okay. I love you." She says leaving him.

She changed from her scrubs and dressed, gathering her personal belongings and going up to the crèche.

"Hi Meredith."

"Hi Jenna." She says. "How were my two today?"

"Kaylee was an angel. Cooper wanted to be alone for the day and play with his trains. He didn't eat much. He just grazed but that's about it."

"Okay then. His going through his tantrums at the moment. He had one this morning about his trains and his food."

"That seems to happen a lot." She says. "I'll go get their bag for you."

"Thanks Jenna."

"Mummy." She hears as two arms wrap around her legs.

"Hey baby girl. You ready to go home?"

"Yes mummy."

"Let's get your brother then."

They find Cooper playing with his trains. Meredith kneels beside him.

"Hey Coopie."

He looks up at her and then back down at his train then back to her.

"It's alright sweetie. I'm not going to take it from you. It's time to go home."

He stands up and holds his arms up to be carried. She lifts him up and kisses his cheek.

"I love you Coopie."

He smiles at her and kisses her back. Jenna comes back with the bag and they leave the crèche. They run into George. He had been avoiding Meredith for most of the day. She had barely seen her intern all day.

"Hi Uncle George."

"Hi Kay. You all heading home?"

"Yeah we are. It's been a big day."

"Yeah it has with patients galore and ambulance crashes and things like that." He says. "Are you alright? I saw you crying earlier."

"Just today has been a bad day."

"Yeah it has. I'm surprised you are in a good mood after Derek and Addison kissing. I thought you would have been pissed at him."

"Wait. What? Derek kissed Addison." She asks stunned.

"You didn't know? I thought that is why you and him went to the on call room and why you were crying. I thought you knew about the kiss." George says. "I thought you knew." George says. "I'm an idiot." He says.

She takes the kids and leaves the hospital angry and upset. She gets them in the car and holds the steering wheel until her knuckles turn white.

"Mummy?" Kaylee asks.

Meredith doesn't answer her. She starts the car and then leaves the hospital. Buying take out and heading home. To wonder why he didn't tell her. To wonder why the hell he kissed Addison. To wonder why he seduced her in the on call room.

She got the kids to bed and she sat in bed crying. He had done it again.

He had done it again and she felt helpless.

**First chapter of part 2. I told you it would go out with a bang and a very big one in their relationship.**

**The aftermath of this whole situation will happen in the next chapter and more and more things get in the way of their relationship. Its does gonna be a bumpy ride, that is what I can say. **

**I'll have the next instalment up soon and let me know your thoughts on what is to come for them. **


	2. Forgiveness?

Derek finished up with his work and went and changed to head home with Mark.

"Hey George." He says running into George.

George looks at him like he was in trouble. "Hi." He says grabbing his back pack and leaving avoiding any contact that would be made.

"What is up with people today?" He asks himself.

"Come on Shep. I have a date with a lady." Mark says hurrying him.

Derek grabs his bag from the locker room and follows Mark through the hospital.

"What is wrong with everyone today?" Mark asks. "Addison looks guilty. You look pissed. Meredith looks sad. George looks like he is on edge. Izzie is… Don't get me started."

"It's just one of those days Mark. It takes a toll on everyone."

"Well you looked pissed. Why are you pissed?"

"I'm not feeling pissed anymore."

"Well this morning you were."

"Meredith and I were in a fight this morning just over Cooper's tantrum. I got pissed at her because I was tired and the dishwasher wasn't put on and… We've taken a toll to Cooper's tantrums. Morning and night. Especially before bed."

"He's going through that stage Derek."

"I know."

"Any luck on the baby conceiving?"

"Not yet. We only started a week ago."

"So you two have been going at it like rabbits?"

"Yeah we have been."

"Like on call rooms, supply closets?" Mark asks with a grin.

"Hey we are married. And we like sex. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"No there is not." Mark says smirking.

"You aren't married."

"I know that's why it doesn't matter who I sleep with. No strings attached."

Derek rolls his eyes. He takes out his phone and sees the missed calls and the messages. They weren't from Meredith. They were from Addison. Annoyed he threw his phone into his bag and followed Mark to the car.

Mark pulled up outside Derek's house. And Derek felt guilty. He was dreading his actions and dreading stepping through that door. He had to get over the thought and get inside.

"Thanks for the lift. I shall see you tomorrow."

"I'm not on until Friday."

"I shall see you Friday. Enjoy your date." Derek says climbing out from the car and going to the front door.

He went to turn the handle but it was locked. Meredith was in bed. He grabbed his keys from his bag and unlocked the door. He needed a drink after today. So he went to the kitchen and poured himself a drink. He needed to not face Meredith. He could see the look on her face if she knew. But he didn't know why he was freaking out. She didn't know. So all was fine.

He got the courage to take the steps to the bedroom. He walked the hallway and it creaked underneath each step he took. Kaylee's door was half open. Cooper's was open. The kids were both sound asleep. He hated not seeing them go down for bed.

He opened the door to his bedroom and shut the door behind him. He tried not to disturb Meredith as he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and change.

Meredith had heard the door downstairs open and close. She knew he was home. But he spent time downstairs. He was down there for at least 20 minutes. She waited to hear the footsteps on the stairs and the footsteps coming down the hallway. He heard every floorboard creak under his footing and heard him approaching the room. She heard the door open and close and him move across the floor to the bathroom.

He did not look at her once. She looked at him the whole time through her teary eyes. She heard him brush his teeth and change. She heard him turn the light off and open the door from the bathroom and climb in beside her. She watched him the whole time but he never noticed.

As his body turned to face her she closed her eyes and felt a kiss come to her forehead. She opened her eyes and his eyes met hers.

"Hey. Go back to sleep." He tells her.

If he saw her face right at this moment, he would notice her eyes red from crying. Her cheeks puffy and the pillow wet from the tears that fell from her eyes.

His body turned away from hers and he slept on his side. His back facing her.

The question lingered on her tongue on whether she should ask him or not. It could wait till the morning or she could ask him now.

"What really happened today Derek?" She asks.

Derek turned around and looked at her. "What?"

She sat up and turned on the light to reveal her tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes. "I told you what happened to me. You never told me about your day. I heard about your day from someone else." She says upset.

He knew it was serious now. "What do you know?" He asks.

"You kissed Addison."

"How did you find out?"

"George told. Of all people to tell me. George told me. My husband didn't tell me."

Derek bowed his head.

"Tell me what happened Derek."

He looked at her. She was asking for answers. She was hurt. Of course she was asking for answers.

"Okay fine. Last night I was in the pit with her. I had a pretty hard day. I lost 3 patients and traumas kept rolling in. She told me to come home. I was pissed off because of the shitty day I had. The sleepless night didn't help my mood at all. This morning with Cooper crying just got me angrier. Fighting with you got me angrier. When we got to the hospital I had a surgery. I was pissed off from the morning and I wasn't thinking straight. Addison came to see if I was alright when I was getting ready. She asked if I was alright. I told her it had been a tough morning. She let me know about the ambulance crashes and all elective surgeries being cancelled. I went to leave but bumped into her. I looked at her lips and our lips met. We kissed."

"For how long?"

"Not long."

"What happened…" She says but is interrupted when the phone rings.

Derek grabs the phone and answers. Meredith wipes the tear from her cheek with her sleeve and waits to return to the knowledge.

"Hello?" He says. "Really. That's great. Yeah we'll call you back later in the morning. Congratulations. Bye John." Derek says hanging up the phone.

"Who was that?"

"We have a new niece. Ella Grace Bridges."

A small smile formed on her lips but quickly disappeared.

"What happened after that?" She asks.

"I don't want to ruin the moment Meredith. I'm not telling you anymore."

"Why not Derek! I am your wife! Why aren't you telling me what else happened? Has this happened before? Did you go and hook up. Derek I need to know!" She yells angry and upset.

His pager sounds and the anger boils in her even more.

"I have to go."

"Of course." She says angry.

Derek climbs from the bed and changes. He avoids looking at Meredith. He leaves her to cool down. He leaves his crying wife who had no idea what was going to happen. He gets in the car and drives to the hospital. He goes to the locker room to change. He sees Addison there.

"Where you paged too? It must be something big."

"Derek I paged you."

"What? Why?"

"I want to apologise for what happened today."

"Save it Addie. Meredith knows. She found out. No apology is going to make her forget." He says grabbing his bag to leave. "I can't speak with you right now Addie."

"Derek." She says grabbing his arm.

"What?"

"Remember the time you kissed that girl while Meredith was pregnant. The one you kissed when you two were together?"

"Yes." He snarls.

"You have done this twice to her. Go home. Apologise your arse off to her because this will be breaking her heart and tearing her apart." She says. "I didn't mean for it to happen. It was a moment of weakness. Go home to her and tell her every detail possible. Tell her you're sorry. Tell her I enforced the kiss. Make it better Derek because if you don't I am going to have to kick your arse." She says.

Derek leaves the hospital and goes home. He had a conversation going through his mind to what he was going to say. He made it up the stairs again and opened the door to the bedroom. He found her asleep. So he slid his shoes off. And slid into bed beside her. He kissed her temple and then her hand. He watched her sleeping body. Her chest rise and fall. Everything felt alright.

That's all he could think about. That at this moment none of their fighting had happened and everything was alright because at this point he didn't know what tomorrow would bring.

…

She woke in the morning. The bed was still warm beside her. She knew Derek had come home last night again because she woke in the middle of the night with him in his clothes he changed into to leave for work. He had fallen asleep holding her hand. For a moment she forgot everything and smiled. She soon realised what had happened and she lost the smile on her face. But she watched him breath and it made her feel as though everything was alright.

But she woke again and he wasn't beside her. She climbed out of bed and walked passed Cooper's room. He was still asleep. So she went to Kaylee's room and saw that she was up and not in her room. There were no noises downstairs which frightened her. She headed downstairs. No TV was on. No Kaylee. She went to the kitchen and no Derek or Kaylee were in there. She was starting to panic. She found a note on the table.

_I wanted you to sleep some more. I couldn't sleep. Kaylee, Peanut and I have gone for a ride. I left Coopie to sleep because he looked to peaceful. I'll be home soon. I'm sorry. _

_I love you with all my heart._

She went back upstairs to see Cooper was waking up. She walked into his room and kissed his forehead.

"Hey baby boy. Come on. Let's get some breakfast in. Are you hungry?"

He nodded his head. She picked him from his bed and put him in his highchair. She made him a bottle and his breakfast and he ate it all.

"We're you hungry little boy?"

"I be a good boy." He says smiling at her.

"Oh is that right?"

"Yes Mumma. Be a good boy for Mumma, I eat in the morning and then play after."

"That's right mister."

"Can I play now?"

"I suppose." She says lifting him from the highchair and placing him on the ground. "Go play little one."

…

"Be careful Kay!" He calls out after her.

She turns around and smiles at him. She stops her bike and gets off waiting for Derek to catch up.

"I went real fast daddy."

"Yeah you did baby." She says walking her bike beside Derek.

They walked the street and talked.

"Hey Kaylee stop for one second." He says to her and bends down to her level.

"What is it daddy."

"Well I picked these beautiful flowers for you." He says handing her flowers he had picked on their walk. A rainbow bouquet, tied with a piece of grass to hold them together as a bouquet.

"They're pretty daddy." She says smiling. "I love you daddy." She says hugging him.

"I love you too baby girl." He says kissing her. "Come on let's keep walking."

They got to a house. With a dog in the front yard sitting at the front fence.

"Oh daddy. look how cute the doggy is." She says. "Can I pat him?"

"Kay you have to be careful around other dogs. They aren't all friendly and kind like Peanut is. So you be careful with other dogs."

"What about Sam's dog?"

"You are fine with Sam's dog because you know him. You are fine with Juno because you know her. Just be careful with dogs like this because they could hurt you. I don't want you hurt now do I?"

"No daddy." She says.

"Climb on your bike and show me how close you are to getting your training wheels off."

Kaylee climbs back on her bike and shows her daddy how good she is at riding. She had been begging Derek for a while to have her training wheels taken off. She just had to prove it to him and herself that she could be confident to ride without that safety net.

They stopped off at Carolyn's for a quick visit before going to the park and taking a seat on the park bench.

"There's a lot of kids here today daddy." She says.

"I know, its school holidays."

"Why didn't we go on a holiday like some of the kids in my class did? Like Sam go to."

"Well we are a little busy at work baby girl. We will go on a family holiday."

"To Hamilton Island?"

"Not there. To Bubble Bay or New York. We are just going to have to wait."

"I know. We always have to wait. Like how I have to wait for a brother or a sister. I don't like waiting very much." She admits to her dad. "It takes away too much fun and a lot of my thoughts."

Derek smiled at her. "Kaylee you are only 6. What thoughts do you have in your little mind of yours?"

"Many daddy. I think about lots of things and try to work out a lot of things." She says. "I'm trying to be smart."

"You're trying to be smart? You don't need to try you already are smart."

"Daddy you know what I mean. I think about big things and try to solve problems. Like medical mysteries."

"How do you know about those?"

"Aunt Cristina told me a story about medical mysteries and how medical mysteries are like the journeys you go on to discover things and you have to solve the mystery. Like in Scooby Doo and in Dora."

"Oh course she did." He says. "You need to be a kid Kaylee."

"But I want to be older daddy."

"Trust me sweetheart. When you are my age you will be wishing to be a child again?"

"Why daddy?"

"Because being a kid is way better. You don't have to work. You don't have to pay bills or work out tricky things. Being a kid assures you of freedom. You are free to explore and play. You worry about what toy you want to sleep with at night and how to tie your shoes. Its simpler being a kid."

"But daddy I know how to tie my shoes."

"I know you do. I was using that as an example." He says. "Just enjoy being a kid because you will be my age one day and be working and have no free time."

"But daddy I want to be working. I want to be a doctor and save lives of people. I want to get married and have a family."

"Well that's something to look forward to. Don't wish your life away just yet because you can't go back."

"Oh daddy." She says smiling. "I'm going to be just fine. I assure you."

"I know you will be." He says. "Ever since you learnt the word fine I have heard it come from your mouth so many times. I have to believe you."

"Mummy says the word fine a lot." She says.

"Mummy does. And she uses it so much it's hard to believe her."

"Well you should daddy. You should know when she is hurt and when she is happy." She tells him. "I prefer happy Mummy."

"Me too."

"Get her some flowers, like my flowers. She will like them."

"I will."

"You should surprise her as well because surprises she doesn't like but when she sees what it is she likes it a lot."

"Are you married to Mummy?"

"N daddy. Don't be silly." She says. "I am her daughter and I know these things."

"Do you want to know what that is called? It's called being around Mummy and Cristina too much."

"I don't mind daddy."

"I know. You pick up a lot from them."

"I know I do. I learn lots of things."

"Oh Kaylee." He says. "You sound like your 24 already. Go and play on the swings before I send you out to get a job and earn some money."

"Oh can I?" She asks.

"You're too young. Ten years and you'll be fine."

She kisses his cheek before standing up and running to the swing. He smiled at his little girl. He didn't know what would happen when he got home. He was just hoping it wouldn't affect her or Cooper.

…

Arriving home the house was quiet.

"Where's mummy?"

"She's gone to work baby."

"When will she be home?"

"I don't know."

She looked at Derek once more.

"Are you and Mummy alright?" She asks.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because yesterday you and her were angry and then you didn't wake her this morning or stay in bed with her like you usually do of a morning."

"It's just a rough patch we are going through. I didn't want to wake your Mummy though. She needs her rest."

"Yeah she does. You shouldn't keep her up daddy with your talking." She says.

Derek smiles if only she knew. "Kaylee you shouldn't talk."

"Oh daddy, I like talking."

"Just like I do." He says. "Come on do you want a drink?"

"And something to eat. I'm starving after that big walk daddy."

"Well you did ride a lot today. You're riding quite well."

"Does that mean I can have my training wheels taken off?"

"Well your very close. I think a couple more weeks and then I will take them off. Well I will do what my dad did."

"What did he do?"

"Well." Derek says picking her up and putting her on the bench. "When I was about 6 I begged and I begged. He took one of the training wheels off. He told me that I would have a safety net but at the same time learning to ride with two wheels. I did that for a week and then he took off the next one."

"Did you fall off daddy?"

"I did. A lot of times. But he held me and ran up the street before letting me go and I drove the bike myself but ended up on the kerb and had two bloody knees and two scrapped elbows." He tells her. "But we kept practicing and practicing and that day and before I knew it I was riding on two wheels without falling off onto the concrete." He says smiling at her.

"Can we do that daddy? Can you take one wheel off and then I practice and practice before you take the last one off?"

"We can do whatever you want Kay."

"I can't wait until I show up Sam. His going to be very jealous of me daddy. I won't have my training wheels and he still will."

"You never know Kay. He could already have them off."

"But daddy his on holidays. He can't already have them off."

"Okay. You will have yours off first. I will assure you."

"I can't wait to show Jackson and Sam and Charlie and Jasmine."

"Hey do you think Coopie is ready to have his training wheels taken off?"

"No daddy. He can't have them off before me."

"That's true."

"He doesn't ride his bike all that well yet does he?"

"Not yet. Give him a few years." He says smiling at her. "Here you go." He says handing her a bottle of drink and a banana and kissing her forehead before putting her back on the ground.

…

Meredith walked through the door with Cooper on her hip, it was just after 8.

"Mumma." He whispers from her shoulder.

"I know baby boy. I'll make you your bottle now and then change you and put you to bed." She whispers to him.

She carries him to the kitchen and drops the bags on the table.

"You're home?" She hears. She turns around and sees Derek.

"Yeah we are." She says forcing a smile on her face.

"He's ready for bed." Derek says.

"I came in here to make him his bottle."

"I'll make it. You can change him if you want."

"You don't have to."

"Hey." He says placing a hand on her arm. "He's my boy to. I need to help out with these responsibilities. So making up his bottle is the least of my worries."

He kisses her cheek and they both freeze looking at each other. All the pain from yesterday forgotten. The love burning through their skin. She smiled at him and then shifted Cooper's position.

"I think he has some pyjamas in the laundry." She says breaking the silence.

"I'll make his bottle up."

She left the kitchen. Unaware at what had just happed. She was pissed off at him still for everything especially since Addison kept looking at her during her shift today.

"Here you can wear your race cars tonight. Does that sound good?"

"Yes Mumma."

She carries him to the lounge room and sits down on the couch with him. She undresses him and dresses his tired body with his pyjamas. Derek comes into the room with his bottle and sits down on the couch. He hands Cooper the bottle and he sits back drinking from it.

"Do you want me to take him up to bed?" Derek asks.

"I don't mind." She says."

"Hey I didn't do it last night. It's my turn tonight." He says. "No arguments. Go and shower and do whatever." He tells her standing up and grabbing Cooper. "Say goodnight to mummy." He says.

"Nigh Nigh." Cooper says rubbing his eyes.

"Night baby boy." Meredith says kissing his cheek. "Sleep tight."

Derek disappeared upstairs and left Meredith alone with her thoughts.

"He went down like a light." Derek announces as he walks back into the room.

"That was quick." She says. She didn't comprehend how long she had sat there thinking.

A silence came across both of them.

"I'm going for a shower." She says.

"Okay."

She leaves Derek alone. She couldn't be alone with him just in case she said something she would regret later. But she shouldn't care because Derek did something hurtful. So she shouldn't care.

She emerged from the shower and saw Derek gathering clothes to change into. He looks up at her.

"If you don't want me to sleep here tonight then that's fine."

"No Derek. This is your bed as well. I'm not kicking you to the spare room."

"I would. If I was you. I would kick me to the lounge or the kerb."

"Derek don't be silly." She says climbing into bed.

He nods his head awkwardly. He was unsure what to do. He stood holding his change of clothes.

He undressed and pulled on his new clothes before he climbed into bed beside her. They sat in another silence. Leant up against the headboard of the bed, staring at the door.

"Mer." He says.

"Yeah?"

"Yesterday I wish I could take it back. I didn't mean to kiss her. Yesterday morning I was shitty. The night before was rough. Just she caught me off guard. I should have not leant in. She put me in a shitty mood as well by coming by. I was… It was stupid. I was an idiot. I feel like the worse person in the world." He says. "Meredith, I'm sorry for this happening again. Then and now. I am so sorry."

A tear runs down Meredith's cheek. She reaches over and grabs his hand. Before she turns to look at him.

In her mind she was angry at him. In her mind she shouldn't forgive him. But she made a vow to him. She wanted another baby. She was being selfish but that's what she wanted.

She turned to him and captured her lips on his. A kiss of forgiveness he thought it to be.

She deepened the kiss and shifted her position to lie on his body. His hands going through her hair and to her back.

"I love you Mer." He whispers.

"Make up sex?" She asks smirking.

"If you say so."

**So at this point in time neither are looking too good. Derek though is looking like the worse. All these happenings are happening for a reason and that reason is staying with me for this point in time.**

**Next chapter will consist of a flashback from a phone call from a certain someone from 3 weeks earlier and just fluffy family stuff consisting over two weeks with Kaylee and Cooper. I haven't wrote this next chapter so things could change.**

**I'll have an update soon. When I find the time. Reviews would be great.**


	3. You Learn From Buggering Up

_2 weeks earlier_

It was the 26th of December. The day after Christmas. Meredith was heading home from work and was getting the kids from Carolyn's and heading home to spend time with the kids. Derek was working 30 hours and wouldn't be home until midday tomorrow. So it was her and the kids.

She climbed into the car and heard her phone go off. She reached into her bag and pulled it out seeing if from an unknown number.

_Hey Meredit. I start work at SGH on the 29__th__ of Jan, hope to see you soon. Saxon._

She was shocked. She was well and truly shocked at what name she just read. She couldn't comprehend that the man she hurt so badly was in contact with her wanting to know about schools to send his daughter to.

So many thoughts ran through his mind. Thoughts of was he married? Did he have more kids? Was he back with Bri's mum? She was lost and the tapping at her window scared her.

She looked up seeing George standing there. She wound down the window and smiled.

"You alright Mer?"

"Yeah I was just on the phone. You alright?"

"I was wondering if I could get a lift home. I was supposed to carpool with Izzie but she is in surgery."

"Sure, hop in." She says offering him a smile.

He climbs into the passenger side and clips himself in.

"Where are the kids?"

"Carolyn's, they spent the day with her. I much prefer them spend holidays with family than being at the crèche."

"They are growing up so fast."

"I know. Kaylee is going into 1st grade in just over a month and Cooper is 2 and a half soon. I just can't get over it."

"They'll be off to college before you know it."

"I know." She says smiling.

"Are you and Derek going to have a baby again soon?"

"We're planning on it. We're hoping for a baby by the end of next year. We're not interns or anything so it's a good time."

"And it's the same age gap between them and Cooper."

"Yeah, it will be shorter than Kaylee and Cooper but I don't mind. It will be another baby."

George smiles and looks at her.

"What?" She asks.

"I think that you and Derek having Kaylee at 18 was a great thing. I don't mean this in an offensive way but if you two didn't have her you would be lost. You'd be partying too much and you would have barely made it through med school. Kaylee grounded you and you had responsibilities. Yes you were still teenagers and growing up and still kids yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and you two I know have and still will but you two love each other so much. You two are better parents than some parents who are in their thirties. You have experienced a lot and lived a lot. I admire you so much for everything you have done."

Meredith smiled at George and thought about the possible what ifs.

"Thanks George. I appreciate that."

"I mean it. If Derek makes a mistake, he doesn't mean it intentionally. Sometimes things get the best of you and you fall into that trap. He will never mean to hurt you or the kids. Just like how you will never mean to hurt Derek or the kids. We are human. We make mistakes. Some we always wish to take back and others we learn from. I know that if Derek makes a mistake it will hurt you so much but you have to look at the bigger picture. Your family. The love you two have for each other. It may take a while for that trust to come back but you two are meant to be. It's the way it goes."

It was true. Derek loved her so much that the mistake he made were not because he meant them but because he was caught in the wrong spot at the wrong time. Its hurtful but love is enough to forgive him. She smiles softly to herself and continues the drive.

"Do you mind if I get the kids first then drop you off home?"

"No not at all. I'd love to see the two of them."

"Great because they have been asking me a lot if they can see you. I tell them that they will they just have to be patient."

"Patience doesn't work with children. You should know this."

"Hey I do. I have to tell Kaylee this every time she asks for a baby sibling."

"Hey we are all waiting." He says smiling.

"What?"

"Izzie, Alex and everyone else are waiting for a new baby Shepherd to spoil."

"Well give us time to actually conceive one." She says pulling into the driveway at Carolyn's.

"We are." He says and climbs out of the car.

"Uncle George!" Kaylee screeches and runs towards him.

He picks her up into his arms and kisses her cheek. "Hey Kaylee. How are you sweetie?"

"I'm great."

"Well that is great." He says.

Meredith joins George and kisses Kaylee's cheek. "Hey baby girl. Were you good for Nanna?"

"Yes I helped her bake and clean and even helping Nancy pack things. I'm sad they are leaving."

"Me too baby girl. Where is Nanna?"

"She went around the back with Coopie to find a ball."

"Well how about you go and get your things and we can head home."

"Okay." She says smiling and being put on the ground and running for the front door.

"I thought I heard a car pull up." Carolyn says walking around the corner with Cooper on her hip. "Look Coopie."

"Mumma!" He smiles and kicks his legs to be let down on the ground.

He runs towards Meredith and crashes into her. She picks him up and kisses his cheek. "Hey baby boy. I missed you a lot."

"I missed you too Mumma."

"Hey Cooper." George says grabbing his hand.

"Hi George." He says waving and then yawning.

"He hasn't had his nap today. His been too busy with me."

"Well how about I get you home and you can watch some Thomas and sleep?" She asks him.

He nods his head and smiles.

"Mummy, I got everything." Kaylee says coming to the front yard.

"Great work sweetie."

"Hang on, I have to give you something Mer. Can you wait for a few minutes?"

"Of course."

Carolyn disappears back into the house and Meredith straps Cooper into his car seat and gets Kaylee to get in her booster seat. Meredith stands at Cooper's door and hands him his bottle.

Carolyn walks back out towards the car with a tin of biscuits she had made and a letter.

"This letter was addressed here. I don't know why but it's for you. It only got here today. They must have gotten the address mixed up." She says. "Anyway I better let you get home and get him into bed."

Meredith moves from the car door and takes the tin and letter into her arms. Carolyn kisses and says goodbye to the kids and George and Meredith. They wave as they pull out of the drive and she heads to George's house. Cooper was out after driving down two blocks. She pulled up outside George's house.

"Thank you for the lift. I appreciated it."

"No worries George. Anytime." She says smiling.

"I better get inside and get some sleep. I have a double tomorrow."

"Oh yuck."

"Ya for me." He says throwing his fist in the air. "Anyway I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye George."

"Bye George." Kaylee says.

"See you later sweetie. Keep practicing your riding as well. Your mum says you're getting real good."

"I am." She says smiling.

George smiles and bids farewell. Meredith waits until he is inside the door and gives her a small wave before driving off towards home. She caught glimpse of Kaylee in the rear view and see her eyes closed. She smiled and knew that they had been busy in the past week from late nights and parties. She pulled into the driveway and checked the kids one last time as she cut the engine to see if they woke. They stayed asleep and she reached for the letter that was addressed to her. She tore the white envelope and opened the letter. The scrawl was familiar but she couldn't recognise who it would be.

_Meredith, _

_I don't know if you will get this, I realised that I addressed it to the wrong home but that was the only address I could remember and I heard you moved houses so my best bet was sending it to Carolyn's. Anyway I received a job offer here in Seattle to start in the New Year. I decided I would take it so I could move back here to Seattle and be with family. Bri deserves to be with family as well and not strangers in Florida. She will love being back here with my family and her cousins. I thought I would write to you and let you know that I was coming back so you could prepare with the fact that I would be back here in your life. Working with you and Derek. I thought it would be more appreciated in the long run especially when I am going to ask you this question. It's going to see like its crossing a line but hey everyone does that. So I was wondering if you could send me some houses in the area and some info on the schools in the area. I know I lived here but a lot has changed in the last 3 years. I would ask my parents to find me a house but they are away until mid-January and I know that they would offer to live with them. So my contact details have been attached. I would love some info on schools because I want Bri going to a great school. I want her to have the best education. So the best and safest houses that are family friendly would be great. If I don't hear from you I know that you don't want anything to do with me and that's fair enough. A little help for an old friend would be great. _

_Thanks again Meredith._

_Saxon._

She bit her lip and didn't know what to make of this situation. She could help him and be a nice person or leave him to do it all on his own when he already has a full schedule.

She decided she would think about it for the time being. A day or two is what she needed to decide.

…

"Now Kay you sure you want to take one of your training wheels off today?" Derek asks her.

The sun was beaming creating a beautiful day for Kaylee to learn with one of her training wheels still attached.

"Yes Daddy. I have been ready since the day I was born." She says.

"Well let's go then." He says laughing.

Meredith was sitting down on the drive with Cooper. She was watching him while Derek did the boy stuff and detached one of the training wheels.

"Put your helmet on Kay." He tells her.

She bends down and picks up her pink helmet and clips it under her neck. She stands impatiently watching Derek detach the wheel.

"Okay let's see how good you are." He says standing up.

Kaylee walks her bike to the end of the drive and climbs on. Derek follows behind her and Meredith falls behind Derek's steps pulling Cooper's bike down to the drive as well. Cooper trailed behind with his helmet on his head and stood beside Meredith.

"You ready Kay?" Derek asks her.

"Yes Daddy." She says smiling.

"Okay well hang on one second Kay." She says. "I want to get a photo of you. And of course Coopie."

She stood in front of the two bikes and snapped a photo of the kids on their bikes.

"Come on let's go riding." Derek says clapping his hands together.

Kaylee begins to ride ahead of the pack and Derek gives Cooper a little push for him to start riding. Meredith starts walking to keep a close eye on Kaylee.

"Watch out Mummy." Derek says to her to inform her of Cooper coming up behind her.

She looks behind to see Cooper riding past her and she steps out of the way and waits for Derek.

The past week had been tense for the two of them. Since the kiss became knowledge to her she was pissed. She was pissed off but she remembered what George told her. What Derek does, whatever mistakes he makes he doesn't mean them. It usually means that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was hurt but it wasn't his fault. It was but it wasn't. And holding a grudge was something she didn't want to have.

Derek slid his fingers between hers and grasped her hand. She looked at him and he smiled at her. She smiled back and then looked ahead towards the kids.

"She's growing up so quickly." He says.

"I know. I wish she wasn't. All I can remember is holding her as a newborn the moment after she was born. Just as a baby and now I look at her and she's 6 years old and she's riding her bike and nearly has her training wheels off. Where does time go?"

"I really don't know Mer. I don't know. It flies because we are having great fun. It's what happens. She'll be moving out of home before we know it." He says.

"Don't say that because then I feel that I will miss so much time. That the next 12 years will fly by and I won't remember any of them."

"You will because we will make the most of every day. We will live our lives and be happy."

She smiled and they continued spending time with their family.

"Mer you sure you're alright?" He asks her later that night when they were climbing into bed.

"Yeah I'm fine. It's just been a few big weeks." She says.

"I know it has." He says. "Christmas and the new year and trying to spend time with the kids is hard but we try and trying is the best thing we can do."

"Try." She mouths to herself.

…

"You're home?" Derek says the next week as Meredith, Steph, Kaylee, Sam and Zoe walk through the door.

"You know how exciting school shopping is." Steph says smiling. "It's the beginning of the new school year."

"I know and my baby girl is going into 1st grade." Derek says pulling her up onto his lap.

"And I'm going to be riding without training wheels from now on." She says.

"Of course you are baby girl." Meredith says.

"Can you take them off now Daddy?"

"Sure sweetie." He says standing up. "Go and get your bike and helmet and I'll meet you outside."

Kaylee leaves with Sam.

"You go ahead and get her set up." Meredith says.

"Sure thing." He says going to kiss her lips but she turns her face and he places a kiss on her cheek.

They stood looking at each other awkwardly for a second and then Derek left with Dan following behind him.

Meredith moved to the fridge to take the milk out and Steph waited until she heard the front door close before asking her.

"What was that all about?"

"Nothing." She says as she makes the two of them a cup of tea.

"Meredith that was an awkward moment. He went to kiss you and you turned her lips away and he got your cheek. That kiss usually happens when something has happened. What has happened?"

She avoids eye contact as she pours the milk and stirs the sugar in the cup.

"What has happened in the last month that I don't know about?" She says. "Yes Dan the kids and I took off to California for two weeks but what haven't you told me."

Meredith picks the cups up and carries them towards Steph.

"You didn't have a fight did you?" She asks and Meredith doesn't answer. "Oh… why?"

Meredith bit her lip and thought how she was going to tell her what had happened.

"Okay, just in the beginning of the month Cooper's tantrums were becoming unbearable. Day and night he would have them and it would always be just before we had to leave for work. Derek and I had been having a lot of late nights at work and had been having busy days. We decided on trying for another baby and all that. Anyway at work one day we turned up after having a small argument in the morning about the dishwasher not being put on and Cooper's tantrum we turn up at work and an accident had happened in the ambulance bay with two ambulances crashing into each other. I had to work on the trap passengers and it's was hard to watch one of them die and trying to rescue the other while they were hanging upside down. I didn't see Derek until that afternoon after they had been rescued and we fell into bed with each other. I was done for the day and went and got the kids and was heading home when I ran into George and he asked about my day because he saw me crying, I told him its just been a bad day and then he says I'm surprised your in a good mood after Derek kissing Addison. I thought you would have been pissed. My husband kissed his ex-fiancé. He didn't tell me, George told me."

"Oh know." She says.

"So I left work pissed got the kids into bed and cried until he came home and we got into a fight. I asked him what really happened and he told me. He told me that the toll of loosing patients the night before, the ambulance crash and the argument in the morning got him riled up. He told me that Addison came to let him know about the surgeries being cleared and he went to leave, he bumped into her and they kissed for a short moment. He pulled away telling her it was not meant to happen. Then we get a call telling us that Ella was born. I asked him what happened after the phone call and he said he didn't want to ruin the moment. I got mad yelled some more and then his pager sounded and he left."

"Wow, what happened after that?"

"He came back home during the night and I was asleep. I woke to find him still dressed in his clothes he left in. He was holding my hand. I then woke again the next morning to him and Kaylee gone. They had gone for a ride to the park. I spent my morning with Cooper before going to work. All throughout my shift Addison was looking at me guilty and I was sick and tired of it. I got home late with Cooper and Derek made him a bottle and I changed him. I went off for a shower and got into bed and Derek said if he didn't want me in this room then he would go and sleep on the lounge but I told him not to be silly. This was his bed to. He apologised and told me that that day just was crap. He was really sorry. Don't get up me but I forgave him. A day after I was told what happened I forgave him. Only because I was being selfish…"

"Because you wanted a baby."

"Yeah…"

"I really don't know.. How are the two of you now?"

"We are alright. Not the best. Just I don't know."

"You love him so much Meredith. You both have flaws and these flaws make you stronger. Okay this is true _We all have tragedy in our lives. It's the substance of life. You have to make mistakes. You learn from mistakes you don't learn from success, you don't learn from getting a degree, you learn from buggering up. _The two of you have been backwards and forwards arguing and fighting over boys and girls and stupid little things. Its life. Stuffing up makes the relationship grow. Sometimes you can never get past some things but the love you two have for each other is pure and it's rare that you found a Derek. Keep him because you love him so much. And love hurts sometimes but love brings the two of you together at the end of the night to share a home, to share your children, share your love and sharing those special intimate moments. That is what the two of your live for and it should be what you live like for the next 50 years or more. You'll be together forever."

She smiled at Steph. "Thank you."

"No worries. Now let's go and see your daughter ride her bike without any training wheels." Steph says standing up.

She smiled at Steph and followed her out the front doors. The triplets were sound asleep and Zoe and Cooper were out the front.

"Just in time ladies. Miss Kaylee is ready." Dan says.

Meredith smiled and rushed to the end of the drive. Derek was holding her up on the bike and she was holding her handle bars tightly, trying not to move and loose her balance.

"Now Kay, I'll help you go as far as you want. I'll hold you up until you feel ready. You ready?"

"Yes Daddy."

"Okay let's ride your big girl bike Kaylee." Derek says.

Meredith's insides went all gooey, her children were growing up. She watched as Derek held Kaylee up and got her used to the fact that she would start riding with no safety net. They made two trips up and down the footpath before they went again and this time Derek knew with confidence that she was ready. He held her and got her peddling fast and he ran behind her before he let her go and ride on her own.

She started off shaky and you could see the fear come across her body but that fear was soon forgotten and she rode like a pro. She turned around and came back down towards everyone, smiling and cheering because she rode without her training wheels and didn't fall off.

"Go Kaylee!"

"I did it! I did it!" She exclaims. "I rode without my training wheels!"

"I'm so proud of you baby girl." Meredith says leaning down and kissing her cheek. She had filmed this purposely so Kaylee could watch it. And Meredith could watch it again to smile like she was smiling right now. "You're growing up beautiful girl."

"I know Mummy." She says smiling.

"Good job Kay." Derek says kissing her cheek. "Go on keep riding."

Kaylee goes off and rides more.

"Look at her." Steph says. "No longer the little two month old baby I met 6 years ago who would just smile or sleep."

"I know. She's riding her bike with no training wheels. She is a big sister. She's healthy and she's happy." Derek says.

"When can I get mine off Mummy?" Sam asks.

"Soon buddy." She says. "You're so close though."

"Very close." Dan tells him. "Don't worry mate."

"I'm not. Can I get on my bike?"

"Of course mate." Dan says and goes and helps Sam get his bike from the car.

Meredith stands and watches Kaylee. Derek sits himself on the grass and watches her and Steph went to check on the triplets. Zoe and Cooper were sitting playing with toy cars.

Sam started riding and Dan went inside to help Steph with the kids. So Meredith went and sat down beside Derek and they watched the kids ride and play. They were being kids and not caring about the bad things in the world. They were only caring about having fun and being carefree. Something both Meredith and Derek want to be. They always wanted to be younger and not have all this baggage from fights, exes and grown up dramas. Dramas which they never really thought about until they were teenagers and experiencing breakups and loads of school work.

She didn't see things in black and white like he did but Derek being Derek changed her and the way she saw the world. Kaylee and Cooper changed her to believe and see the world differently and she was grateful for that but she let her issues get in the way and would always thing of the worst possible outcomes straight away. This she blamed to abandonment issues and daddy issues. She just didn't want this to happen to the kids, she knew Derek never would but she always fear she was too far damaged he wouldn't want to stay with her. She feared that but she was being stupid.

But then she remembered what Steph told her earlier in the kitchen and she had to tell him.

"We all have tragedy in our lives. It's the substance of life. You have to make mistakes. You learn from mistakes, you don't learn from success, you don't learn from getting a degree, you learn from buggering up." She says aloud to him.

He turns to her and places his hand on her knee and smiles at her. "You learn from buggering up." He says smiling. "I'm so sorry."

"I know you are. I'm sorry to."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about."

"I do, I'm not perfect either Derek."

"No one is." He says smiling and leaning in and kissing her temple.

Kaylee comes down the footpath with tears in her eyes, blood is seeping from her knees and her elbows grazed.

"Oh Kaylee." Derek says smiling. "That was your first fall my dear. It was bound to happen."

"Come on sweetie let me clean you up." Meredith tells her grabbing her hand.

She turns back to Derek and smiles.

_You learn from buggering up._

**Sorry in the delay, I've just been handed my 6th assessment task for this term and haven't had the time to sit down and update. Thanks to those reviews for the last chapter.**

And let me say that their perfectness is not over yet. A lot more is to come up for them and it won't be very pretty but this chapter might I say was very fluffy and Kaylee growing up makes me smile at how far she and her parents have come.

Next update I'll aim to be up for Tuesday. So happy reading and reviewing.


	4. Momentary Freak Out

"Kaylee." She says. "Come on baby girl time for school. First day of year 1." She says opening up Kaylee's curtains and taking her uniform out from the cupboard and laying it out on the bed.

Kaylee climbed out of bed and hugged Meredith.

"Morning Mummy."

"Morning sweetie." She says kissing the top of her head. "You get dressed and I'll make you some breakfast."

"Ok Mummy."

Meredith left Kaylee's room and went to Cooper's room. She found him awake and sitting on the floor playing with his trains.

"Come on mister. Breakfast." She tells him.

He gets up off the ground and grasps Meredith's hand. They head downstairs. Derek had been at work since 3 this morning. He had a huge surgery to prepare for. So she was taking Kaylee to school after she saw everyone at the hospital.

She was dreading today. An old face was back in town. An old face Derek wouldn't like. She just hoped he would not see this person today.

Kaylee sat up at the table and Meredith put her breakfast in front of her.

"You ready for today?"

"I think so mummy. I get to see all my friends again."

"That's a good thing isn't it?"

"Yeah it is." She says.

Meredith kneels beside her. "Hey sweetie look at me." Kaylee looks down at her. "Don't be worried about today. You will be fine. Why are you so worried?"

"Because Sam might not be in my class."

"Oh sweetie. Don't worry if he isn't. You two will still be able to see each other in playground. So don't be worried about that. You have plenty of other friends so you will be fine Kay. I assure you." She smiles at Kaylee and then kisses her cheek.

"Thank you mummy." Kaylee says smiling.

"No problem sweetie. I am here to make sure that you don't worry about anything. You be a kid. You and Sam have spent 6 years together. So not being in each other's class won't matter. You are the best of friends and not spending class time together will not affect your friendship."

"Okay mummy. Thank you. No worries baby girl. Now eat up. We have to get going soon."

Meredith packed Kaylee's bag for school and Cooper's crèche bag. She dressed Cooper and put shoes on his feet while Kaylee went and brushed her teeth. Meredith made herself a coffee and was ready to go.

"I'm ready mummy."

"Do you have your cardigan?"

"Nope."

"Go grab it. It may be cold by the time this afternoon comes around this afternoon."

She runs off upstairs and Meredith looks down at Cooper.

"3 more years mister and you're going off to school."

He smiles up at her. "I'm not going to school. I play with my trains."

"You have to go to school Coopie."

"Can I think about it?"

"I suppose you can. You have 3 years to think about it."

Kaylee makes her way back down the stairs. "I'm ready mummy."

"Okay, let's go."

They arrived at the hospital. Her hands full with bags and her children's hands.

"Mummy, up?" Cooper asks.

"Okay. Kaylee can you hold this for a second."

She lifts Cooper up and takes her coffee from Kaylee. She grasps Kaylee's hand and they walk into the hospital lobby.

"Seems like you have your hands full." She hears.

She turns around and is met with the eyes that she hurt over three years ago.

"Saxon. Hi." She says smiling.

"It's good to see you Meredith."

"You too Saxon. Where's Brianna?"

"My sister is dropping her off. I knew I had paperwork and things to do. So she is going to drop her off and I will meet her at school to see her into her class."

"Okay then. I have a baby to get to the crèche and patients to round on. So I'll see you around Saxon."

He smiled at her and she turned with the kids.

"Meredith?"

"Yeah?"

He stares at her for a moment. "Where is human resources?"

"The basement."

"Thank you."

Kaylee presses the button for the elevator and then looks up at Meredith.

"Mummy?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"Was that the man who used to stay at our house when daddy was with Addison?"

"It was sweetie."

"Are you alright mummy?" She asks.

Even though she was 6, Kaylee knew when her mother was upset and when things were bugging her.

"I am fine Kaylee. It's just your growing up. Cooper's growing up. Everyone is growing up and changing." She says. "He has just brought back a lot of memories from when you were younger."

"Well mummy do you want to see Daddy?"

"I suppose we better go and see him before Coopie goes to the crèche."

The elevator doors open and they climb into the elevator.

"Morning guys."

"Morning daddy." Kaylee says hugging him.

He picks her up into his arms. He kisses Cooper and then Meredith.

"You ready for school today Kay?"

"Yeah I am daddy." She says. "I had a momentary freak out but I am fine."

"Where do you pick up these words from?" He asks with a smile and a laugh.

Even Meredith is laughing. "It's such a big word for a little person."

"I just pick things up from mummy and Cristina."

Derek looks at Meredith with a smirk. "You need to spend less time with Cristina."

Derek's pager sounds. "I was hoping to go with you to the crèche but I have to go." He says. "I will try and catch you before you go to school."

The doors open and Addison is standing there.

"Oh, morning everyone."

"Bye." Derek says kissing Meredith's cheek.

"Morning." She says. "Come on kids."

They dropped Cooper off at the crèche and came back downstairs to the resident's locker room.

"Okay you know the drill sweetie."

"Sit here and try not to make too much of a noise." She says sitting down on the bench.

Meredith changes into her scrubs and Cristina comes bursting into the room.

"Do you know who is back in the hospital? I mean back in Seattle."

"Yeah I do."

"Wait you're not somewhat freaked about it. Like how Derek is going to react."

"I've already seen him this morning. I knew."

"Wait you knew he was coming back?"

She doesn't say anything and turns back to her locker.

"Meredith."

"He wrote to me at the end of last year. We've been in contact. He said he got a job offer here and was looking for a house and a school. He wanted to know where the best school was."

"Have you told him?"

"No."

"Mer."

"Sorry. It just, I didn't want to bring it up alright. Anyway I have rounds to get to." She says. "I'll talk to you about it later." She says. "Come on Kay. Rounds."

She walks down to the intern locker room. Expecting her interns to be there. 3 out of her 5 interns were there.

"Where's the other two?"

"They aren't here yet."

"So I give them a later morning and they don't show up. Typical." She says.

The two try to sneak past her.

"You two are late! Rounds started 2 minutes ago and you turn up right now! If I give you a later start you shouldn't take that as an invite to not be here until after 7! You should be here at 5! Catching up on paperwork, charting! Doing things to better yourself and learning and studying on new techniques! You should be here to have a better advantage on yourself! I had family commitments this morning! So I gave you a later start but you still should be here at 5 every morning! I try to be but sometimes I have other personal things! So tomorrow morning we are going to meet here at 4 in the morning and start rounds to make up for the time you were not here!" She yells.

They all grunt at her.

"Hey don't grunt because I will make you meet here at 4 am for a month." She says. "Good. Now you have one minute to dress and meet me out at the nurses' station."

She takes Kaylee's hand and they go and stand at the nurses' station.

"Mummy is a meanie." Kaylee says smirking.

"Hey you're lucky you aren't my intern Kaylee." She says smiling at Kaylee.

"Me too. You should put them on scut mummy."

"If they are late tomorrow I will."

Meredith has her charts on the desk waiting. The 5 interns power walk to Meredith.

"Let's go."

They rounded on patients and she assigned them to cases.

"Okay it's time to go to school. Do you want to walk?"

"Yes please."

They grabbed Kaylee's bag and said goodbye to Derek. They walked to school.

"12 more years left of school now."

"Wow mummy."

"But time will fade away so quickly, you will be a senior and in your last year of schooling."

"Like Amelia."

"Yes Amelia is in her last year. Jackson is going to med school and Jasmine is training to be a paediatrician. You'll be off to Uni sooner than later Kaylee."

"Mummy. I know I beg you and ask you all the time. Will we get a new baby brother or sister soon?"

"You will. I can assure you that."

A wide smile came to Kaylee.

"How soon?"

"A year."

"That's too long mummy."

"The time will come around quickly."

"Ok." She sighs.

"You have a hard life don't you?"

"I do."

They crossed the road and walked into the school grounds. School kids and parents hung around and hugged and kissed their kids goodbye.

"Okay sweetie. This is as far as I am going today. It's called growing up. You don't need me to hold your hand into the classroom." She tells Kaylee.

"Steps to growing up?"

"Steps to growing up. So there is some of your friends over there. You go and be with them and talk about your holidays and what class you want to be in." She tells her. "Give me a hug and a kiss."

Kaylee hugs her mother and gives her a kiss.

"Look there's Sam." She tells her.

"Kaylee." Sam says.

"Ok. Bye Mummy."

"Bye Kaylee. I'll see you this afternoon."

"Meredith."

"Hello Steph."

"God they are growing up aren't they."

"I know." Meredith says smiling.

"I thought I saw Saxon earlier. Am I hallucinating?"

"You're not."

"How's Derek with this all?"

"I haven't seen him. He hasn't asked either." She tells Steph.

"Oh, Ok." Steph says. "We need to catch up for coffee Mer."

"I know. Just message me. I'm free on the weekend. If you want to bring the kids around."

"I will see. I think we have plans on Saturday. Maybe Sunday."

"The kids would like that a lot."

"So I'll message you. I have to get to work."

"You're working?"

"Yeah 4 hours a day. 3 days a week."

"Is Zoe at preschool?"

"Yes. First day next week. Triplets are staying with my parents and are starting day care."

"I'll see you around Steph. I have to get back to my interns before they kill someone."

Meredith walks back to hospital. She was bombarded by her interns asking her questions. She answered them all and sent them off. She leant up against the nurses' station when she heard a voice.

"Tough day?"

She turns and sees Saxon there.

"Interns."

He laughs. "How Kaylee go?"

"She went in well. Brianna?"

"Bri went in fine. She was a little nervous about a new school and making new friends. But her teacher was lovely and I mentioned to her that she knew Sam and Kaylee. If she had any trouble then to call me."

"She'll be fine. Kaylee likes going out of her way to make people feel better and making friends. Kaylee might be a little unsure at who she is at first but once she realises then the two will be good friends."

"Thank you Meredith. Or should I say Dr Shepherd."

"It's Dr Grey. I've changed my name to Grey Shepherd but around here I'm Dr Grey. We already have a Shepherd."

"Ok. Well I'm Dr Clarke."

"Nice to meet you Dr Clarke." They say shaking hands. "I have to get going though."

"I'm walking to the school to get Brianna this afternoon. Do you want to join me?"

She stops for a moment and thinks. It could be bad or it could be good. "Sure Saxon."

"So in the lobby? Quarter to 3?"

"Sounds good."

"I'll see you then Dr Grey."

"Dr Clarke."

Parting ways she goes to check in on her interns.

"Dr Grey?" She hears as she is reading over a chart.

"Yes?" She answers looking at George.

"Is Saxon back?"

"Yes Dr O'Malley."

"Are you alright?"

She closes the chart she was reading. "I'm fine."

"Does Derek know?"

"I don't know."

"Ok."

Meredith looks up at sees Saxon and Derek. She felt her stomach do flip flops. She turned in the other direction to go and retrieve lab results.

"Saxon?"

"Derek."

"What are you doing around here?"

"I have a new job around here."

"Really? Where did you transfer from?"

"Mass Gen."

"So you left Mass Gen for here?"

"I have family here. We were a bit lonely there. So Brianna and I have transferred."

"Have you seen Dr Grey today?"

"I actually did this morning when I arrived. She pointed me in the direction of Human Resources." He says. "Your kids have grown up."

"They have."

"The toddler. How old is he now?"

"Cooper?"

"Is that his name?"

"Cooper is 2 and a half."

"Well your kids are gorgeous."

"Thank you Saxon. Or should I say Dr Clarke. It's nice seeing you."

"You to Dr Shepherd."

Derek was a little pissed. First Addison and now Saxon. Saxon and Meredith though weren't exclusive. So he shouldn't care. But he did. It hurt him inside. He had a surgery to attend to so he didn't have a chance to see Meredith.

…

"So has McDreamy seen McEx yet?"

"Yes. I saw them talking with each other earlier."

"So how did Derek look? Pissed off. Happy?"

"He looked alright. He didn't look angry."

"Well he is going to this afternoon." Cristina says.

"I can't wait to see his face when you tell him."

"Tell him what?" Izzie asks.

"Nothing."

"Meredith knew he was coming. She's known for a month."

"Meredith!"

"Cristina. They didn't need to know."

"Well I knew and I had to tell them."

"You're not getting my sparkle pager now." Meredith says.

"You're not even using the sparkle pager to the full potential."

"I am. I scrubbed in on the surgery yesterday. I have been using it. Today is just my day away from trauma. Its first day back at school."

"You're soft." Cristina says. "Give me the sparkle pager."

"No way. Not after you trashed me for being a mother."

"I didn't trash you. I just said you are soft."

"I'm a mother. I'm not soft."

"You are. You don't deserve the sparkle pager." Cristina says grabbing the pager.

"Cristina give it back." Meredith says fighting back for it.

"It's mine. You said I could have it."

"I never said that."

"You did so."

"I won it."

"It's my sparkle pager." Cristina says.

"Meredith." She hears and the two stop fighting. She looks up to see Derek.

"I thought you had a surgery?"

"Patient coded."

"I'm sorry."

"Can I have a word with you?"

"Sure."

She leaves the table and follows Derek down to an on call room. This becoming a tradition.

"We're animals." She says as she is pushed up against the door.

"We aren't animals. We are trying for a baby."

"We have been trying for a month Derek."

"And it could take a while. Just be patient."

…

"Mummy." Kaylee says running to Meredith.

"Hey baby girl." Meredith says. "How was today?"

"Today was good. Sam is in my class and Brianna. I thought I remembered her and then she said that we spent our first few years together."

"See I told you. You would be fine." She says. "Come on let's go back to the hospital. We're walking with Bri and Saxon."

Together the four of them walked to the hospital.

"So how long have you and Derek been married?"

"3 years in March."

"Time flies."

"It really does." She says. "Have you found anyone?"

"Being a doctor and being a single dad makes it even harder."

"Well you are a great guy. You will find someone."

He doesn't say anything.

"Is Bri's mum around?"

"I haven't seen her since Bri was born."

"So she's still in and out of rehab?"

"I think so. I don't really care."

"Well you will care if she comes looking and asking to be Bri's mother."

"She didn't care one bit about Bri. I had to keep her from using while she was pregnant. She didn't want her. So I kept her on a watch in a rehab house for those 9 months. Then Bri was born and I left with Bri. She was not stable with her mental status."

"Well Bri is a beautiful girl. Some lady will fall in love with her." She says. "I certainly did."

When they arrived outside of the hospital Saxon stopped her.

"What is it?"

"Meredith these past 3 years. I couldn't move on. All I could think about was you. If I went on dates I would always mention you and my time in Seattle. They got very disinterested in my pathetic love life and past." He says. "You Meredith were the best thing that ever happened to me. I think about you day and night. That moment you knocked on my door and told me you were pregnant, I kind of wish it was me who got you pregnant. We weren't exclusive but he had three great years. We were a happy couple and we went on vacations with each other and studied with each other. The girls grew up with each other. All I could think about was a life we could have."

"You and me. Our two girls growing up as sisters. Expecting another baby. Hopefully a little boy. We would get married and buy a house and grow old together. We would have a happy life and become surgeons. We would have a family and be in love." He says. "We would be happy together. Rather than the way Derek made you feel. I would love you every day Meredith."

She felt her eyes well. "Derek and I are married. We are in love and we are happy. I love him so much and I loved him for those years we were together. Even if I cried every night I still loved him. We had a daughter together. We spent our high school years together and apart. We were having another child. We got married. You moved away. We grew up. We weren't living in some sort of a fantasy. We wouldn't be happy together Saxon because I would cry every night because Derek wasn't here beside me." She says. "I'm glad to see you again and see you are healthy and alive. We can be friends but you have to remember that I am married to Derek. Our daughters can be friends. You need to move on from me because I have a family and you need one to."

He bowed his head. "I wish you weren't."

"I'll see you around Saxon." She says. "Come on Kay, let's go and see daddy."

She grasped Kaylee's hand. She turned and looked at Saxon as they left. He looked heart broken.

"Mummy can Brianna come over one weekend."

"I suppose she can. We will have to organise it." She says.

"They are my girls."

"Daddy."

"Hey baby girl. How was school?"

"It was so good daddy. I don't know why I had my momentary freak out." She says.

Meredith and Derek just laugh.

"Oh Kaylee you are funny." He says. "I'm off now. I'll take the kids home."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I am."

"Ok. Well I'll be home at 6."

"Ok." He kisses her. "See you soon."

She finishes up for the day and makes sure she drops by the locker room.

"Tomorrow morning. You all are to be here by 4 am. Dressed and ready. If you are not. The late ones will be on Scut and I will make sure you get all my rectal exams and every other case you all hate. I will make your final few months as an intern hell. So don't be late or you will all cop it. Go home, all of you."

She leaves them and goes and changes.

"So you gonna tell Derek?" Cristina asks.

"I don't know."

"All the trouble you two have been having you should. You don't want this to cause another fight."

"Alright. I will. I'll see you tomorrow Cristina."

She walks through the hospital and passes Saxon.

"Goodnight Dr Grey."

"Goodnight Dr Clarke."

She continues walking and drives home. Home was the best place to be. No drama from the hospital was here. It was just her husband and her two kids. When she opens the door she hears laughter carrying through the house.

"What is going on in here?" She asks.

She sees Derek tickling the kids and messing around with them.

"Mummy. Help."

"What is daddy doing?"

"He's being daddy." Kaylee says and continues laughing.

"Mumma." Cooper says giggling.

Derek keeps giggling them and Meredith stands back and watches. She finds herself laughing with the kids. Her home was perfect. Her kids were perfect. She couldn't complain.

"You both got yourself into this mess. You will have to find a way out of it."

"Well lucky for both of you I have dinner to finish off." He tells them. "You're safe for now."

They had a perfect family dinner and a perfect evening by reading to the kids and talking. Cooper went down first and then Kaylee went down. They were in bed and winding down.

"I have to be at the hospital by 4 tomorrow. My interns were late today so I said be here at 4 to make up for the time they weren't here. I let them come in for 7 and they turn up after 7."

"They are interns. They are late and they don't know any better."

"Except for George. He is my best intern."

"He is the best intern."

"I feel sorry for him."

"He failed so that's how it goes."

"I know."

"Saxon being back is weird."

"It is." She says. She felt bad for lying. "Derek."

"Yes Mer."

"I knew."

"About what?"

"Saxon."

"What do you mean?"

"He has been in contact with me for the past month. He wanted to know what school the best schools around town and houses close to the hospital. He has been in contact with me."

"You knew. Meredith. Why would you tell him? He has no reason to be back here but for you."

"He has family here."

"And an agenda for you."

"I did not say the same thing about Addison."

"Because you were freakin' hyped up on morphine."

"Derek even after I did not say anything. You can't be mad at me. She is your ex-fiancé . It's worse."

"It is not. You have been in contact with him. I haven't with Addison." He says. "You lied to me. I saw the two of you walking as well."

"We ran into each other."

"Sure you did." He says. "You should have stopped him from coming back here because he has an agenda for you. He has never gotten over you Meredith."

"Well Addison hasn't either."

He gets up from the bed and storms out of the room slamming the door behind him and Meredith sinks down into the bed and feels the tears falling from her eyes. What has happened?

**Sorry for the angst and the drama. People I know aren't happy with this at the moment and they don't find I'm using the true essence of the couple but its total fanfiction. It's made up, it's my ideas and my stories. Some might not agree with the direction that I am taking but believe me no one's life is perfect. People make mistakes and people's relationships are never perfect. For the two of them It's more of bad timing and bad luck for the two of them. **

**Things are going to get better but better will take some time because they have so many things causing bumps in the road that it won't be smooth sailing until the bumps smooth out and problems lessen. The two will be rewarded with a beautiful gift at the very end. **

**Next chapter will be a traumatic incident for the two of them as one of the kids ends up in a life-threatening situation.**

**I'll update as soon as I can. Reviews would be great as well.**


	5. We Are All Fighters

It had been five days since Derek stormed out of their bedroom. He had barely set foot into the room. Only to retrieve clothes. He had been so pissed off at her he could barely look at her.

She didn't know how they could have gone from happy married to couple to not being able to sleep in the same bed and fighting over the stupid little things. Maybe it was the stress from working and raising two young kids. Maybe they were due for a fight. They had kept their fighting down to a minimum in the past 12 months.

Every couple fought but it seemed they were fighting more regularly. She just couldn't put her finger on it why now. Why when they were trying for another baby. Why after a very quiet year. Why after their life had changed. And why were their ex's back in the state when they left before. She just couldn't answer that when she seemed to have most of the answers.

Her thoughts though were broken. Cooper made his way into the bedroom.

"Mumma."

"Hey baby boy. What are you up to?"

"I woke up."

"Did you have a nice sleep?"

"Yes Mumma." He says. He looks though to the empty side of the bed. "Dada?"

"He's at work. He is working the whole weekend."

"No Dada then?"

"No Dada. We might go and see him for dinner."

"Alright mummy. Breakfast?"

"Sure mister." She says. "What would you like?"

"Toast."

"Let's go then." She says picking him up and swinging him onto her hip.

She made him a bottle and his breakfast. He sat and ate and chatted away to his mum.

"Work?"

"I'm not working this weekend Coopie. I get to spend it with you and Kay."

"Can we play trains?"

"I suppose we can."

"I love you mummy."

"I love you too Coopie."

Kaylee pads into the kitchen. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"I went to you bedroom and you weren't in there mummy."

"Well Coopie beat you up today."

"I can see that." She says sitting down at the table. "Where's Daddy?"

"At work."

"Oh ok." She says.

"What would you like for breakfast?"

"Cheerio's." She says. "What time is Bri coming over?"

"At 12."

"So we have a few hours?"

"Yeah we do. Plenty of time to clean your room up."

Kaylee smirks. "It's not that messy."

"I beg to differ." She says smiling at her. "I'll help you. It will only take 10 minutes."

"Ok mummy. What else has to be done?"

"Washing. Vacuuming. The dishwasher needs to be packed. A few things."

"Alright. I think we can do it."

Meredith sits the bowl in front of Kaylee. "I'm pretty sure we can sweetie."

"Mumma. I'm done." Cooper announces.

"Alright." She takes him from the highchair and sets him down.

She cleans down the highchair and tidies up.

"You're bother is very messy at eating."

"That's why we keep Peanut inside mummy. So she can eat all his crumbs."

"She is going to get big and fat."

"That's when you take her for a walk."

"Peanut." She calls.

The Labrador comes barging into the kitchen and nearly knocking everything over in her path.

"Peanut. Settle." Meredith says to her.

Peanut wags her tail about.

"Here girl." Meredith says clicking to the floor around Cooper's highchair.

Peanut eats the scraps from the floor then goes and sits beside Kaylee begging.

"Mummy?"

"Yeah, Kay?"

"Is daddy upset because Saxon is back in town?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"Because he was off this weekend and then he said that he was working after you told him that Bri was coming over. And he has been a bit different than usual and he hasn't been sleeping in your bed."

Meredith was stunned at her daughter asking. She knew something was going on between Derek and her.

"Well your father and I have quite busy with work. It's made us tense and stress. And other grown up things have happened that you don't need to worry about."

"Mummy, I will worry because you two are my parents and I don't like seeing you both sad."

"Well sweetie we will work it out. Don't you worry one bit." She tells her. "I tell you so many times. Let mummy and daddy work this out. You be a kid and worry about school and the toy you want to play with."

"You tell me this so many times."

"I know because before you know it you will be an adult and you will not be a child anymore. Life is simpler when you are a kid. I assure you so much, to be a kid and enjoy your childhood as a kid because life gets messier and messier and more complicated. When you reach high school everything changes and you will get frustrated and faced with things you wish you weren't faced with. I had to do a lot of growing up very quickly Kay. I looked after my siblings and then I had a baby. So I want you to have a great childhood because you will be coming home with a broken heart one day."

"You like giving me life lessons." She says smiling cheekily.

"And you like giving me cheek." She says smiling at her. "Go on. I'll tidy up in here and you can get dressed and start in your bedroom. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper."

"Got it." She says running off.

"Mumma. I gotta use the potty."

"Okay, you know the drill mister. Up to the potty." She says holding his hand as she takes him upstairs.

They had decided on toilet training Cooper. If they were planning on a new baby. They would be tied up with the baby and would not toilet train him. The warmer weather was a heads up. He moved to the potty like a champ though. He was more interested in that then his diapers. The crèche had been helping him as well. He would tell them when he needed to go and he would go.

"Good boy." She praises him. "Here, remember to wash your hands." She tells him.

"I'm a big boy Mumma."

"You really are Coopie." She says kissing his cheek. "A very big boy."

She takes him downstairs and she tidies up the kitchen and goes and helps Kaylee in her room before doing the washing. Stripping the beds and cleaning bathrooms and bedrooms. She had not had the time to do all this without interruptions in while. She was always chasing after a toddler and had Kaylee asking questions or she would be working. So it felt good to clean.

"Mummy what do you need me to do?"

"Do you want to vacuum for me?"

"Okay." She says excitedly.

"You can calm down. We have an hour until Bri gets here."

"I'm just excited. I want to show her how I ride with no training wheels. I told my friends about not having any training wheels and they didn't believe me."

"They didn't?"

"No. And I tried to convince them but it didn't work. So if I show Bri then she can tell everyone that I don't have training wheels anymore. Then they'll believe me."

"They're just jealous because you are the first one to get them off."

Kaylee smiles and she begins vacuuming. Meredith puts a load of washing on the line and then puts another load on.

"Kay, I'm just showering. I shouldn't be too long." She says.

"Okay mummy."

She goes upstairs and showers. She still had half an hour until Saxon and Bri got here.

"Mummy. Someone is at the door." She says.

"Alright." She says. She wraps a robe around her and goes downstairs.

She sees who is at the door. She should have dressed.

"Hi."

"Sorry we were early."

"No that's fine."

She stood in front of him awkwardly. She felt naked and exposed. She though had a robe covering her body. The fact that Saxon had seen her naked before made her feel even more naked and made her cheeks redden.

"I'll watch the kids. You go and dress." He says.

"Okay. I'll be back down soon."

She dressed as quickly as she could. She though was feeling embarrassed. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and headed downstairs.

"Mummy can we get on our bikes?"

"Well if Saxon is fine with that?"

"Saxon, can we go riding?"

"Sure girls. Bri I'll get your bike down from the truck."

"Kay put your shoes on and get your helmet."

She runs off to get her shoes and helmet.

"Coopie do you want to ride your bike?" She asks.

"No Mumma."

"Well you can come outside with me then."

"Trains?"

"Sure mister."

She put shoes on his feet and a hat. She took the girls outside and they got on their bikes.

"Be careful girls. Don't go past the corners." She says to them.

"See Bri, I told you I didn't have training wheels." Kaylee says as they start riding.

"You can go Sax. I can watch them."

"It's fine. I'll stick around for a while if you don't mind."

"I don't mind. I have no other plans."

"Okay." She says.

"Let's sit. We can watch the girls and Cooper and save our legs."

They sit at the end of the driveway in the shade. Cooper too interested in his trains.

"They surely grow up quickly don't they?" He says.

"I know. I remember when Kaylee was just 6 months old. She was crawling after Bri as she started to learn how to walk. All the times the girls just slept beside each other peacefully not making a sound."

"They were great friends."

"They really were." She says.

A silence falls between them.

"Are you and Derek alright?"

"Yeah, it's just a rough patch at the moment."

"He gives me the cold shoulder at work."

"He wasn't too please that I had been in contact with you."

"Well Addison is at the hospital."

"I know. It's just the day she turned up I had to get my appendixes out and he didn't care. But then an incident happened and we got to this stage. It's just been getting worse since then."

"I shouldn't be here then if it's putting a strain on your relationship."

"Saxon, the girls are friends. I can't tell my daughter who she can be friends with and who she can't be. They have been friends since they were little. He should understand. Yes, we two have history but that shouldn't affect our relationship."

"But it is."

"Derek just needs to grow up. I got over Addison being here. He should get over you being here."

Saxon grasps Meredith's hand and smiles at her.

"You two will work it out."

"Mumma." Cooper says.

"What are you doing baby boy?"

A high pitched scream turns their attention down the street.

"Daddy!"

Meredith and Saxon get up as fast as they can. The adrenaline is pumping through Meredith's body.

"Daddy! She's hurt!" Bri yells.

As they reach the girls, the scene is heartbreaking. Kaylee on the ground crying and a dog standing over her body. Meredith's heart breaks a little more when she sees what is happening to her baby girl. The dog is attacking Kaylee.

Saxon pulls the dog off Kaylee and is bitten on the arm.

Meredith falls to the ground beside Kaylee. Beside her bike. Beside the blood that was on the ground. She pulled Kaylee to her chest and held her.

"Mummy."

"Hey, it's alright baby girl. Mummy's here." She tells her daughter. Kaylee's face was bleeding profusely. She held Kaylee to her chest and just rocked her body. "It's going to be alright baby girl. I promise you."

"Bri, what happened?" Saxon asks her daughter.

"We were riding and the doggie got out of the yard. It chased us and Kaylee lost her balance. She fell pretty badly on her arm daddy. Then the doggie started biting her face daddy." Bri says upset.

"Hey sweetie it's alright. It's going to be alright."

A crowd of people had gathered around.

"Mummy, I don't want Coopie to see me." Kaylee says.

"Cooper." Meredith says.

She turns to Saxon.

"Cooper." Is all she says.

"I've got him." Saxon says. "An ambulance is on its way." He informs her.

"See baby girl. You are going to be fine." She says. "You'll be fine."

"Daddy?"

"He'll meet us at the hospital." She tells her.

With the sounding sirens approaching.

"Our dog. He isn't like that. He would never hurt anybody like that. He is a good dog. So calm and gentle." The owners say approaching Meredith.

"He never hurt anybody! Well he did. Look at what he did. My 6 year old has been mauled. She was chased and mauled because your dog got out." Meredith screams. "My daughter is lying in a pool of blood and all you can say is, he isn't like that. Well look at the damage he done." She says hysterical.

"Meredith." Saxon says. "Don't worry about it. Just calm down. Be calm for Kaylee." He whispers to her.

"She's my daughter Saxon. She was mauled. She is not ok. Everything is not ok."

He looks at her with sympathy. "I know."

The ambulance was waved down by the neighbours.

"Meredith, they're here to take Kaylee." Saxon tells her.

"We'll see Daddy soon Kay."

"Hello Ma'am." The paramedic says. "Can we get in there and check your daughter."

Meredith looks up with tears in her eyes. She lets go of Kaylee's body.

"Can you tell me your name sweetie?"

"Kaylee."

"Hi Kaylee. I'm Pete. We're going to get your on the gurney and into the ambulance. You'll feel better in no time."

Meredith stood back watching as her daughter was put onto a gurney. Saxon stood beside her. Meredith didn't notice the blood that was staining her clothing. She didn't feel the tears falling down her face.

"Mumma." Cooper cries.

She turns to Cooper and takes him from Saxon.

"Hey baby boy." She says kissing his cheek.

She watches them stabilise Kaylee on the gurney.

"Ma'am we are going to take your daughter now. Are you joining us?"

"Yeah I am."

"I can take Cooper." Saxon offers.

"I didn't even notice your arm Sax."

"I'm fine Mer."

"I'll take him."

"I will meet you there. I'll lock up the house for you and meet you there."

"Thank you Saxon." She says following the paramedic to the ambulance. She climbs into the back of the rig and takes a seat. The doors close and the siren sounds and they leave the crowd of her neighbours who had gathered in the street. They turned out of the street and away.

"Can we just get some details?"

"Kaylee Shepherd. 6 years old."

"And just date of birth, parents, emergency contact, address."

Meredith lists of the details they need. She holds Kaylee's hand as they drive to the hospital. Cooper was snuggled into Meredith. Holding a fistful of her shirt in his fist.

"Ma'am is there anyone we need to call?"

"I'll take care of it."

Meredith takes out her phone and dials Derek's number.

"_Hello?"_

"Derek, there's been an accident." She says emotional.

"_What happened?"_

"Kaylee. She was riding her bike. She fell off and was mauled."

"_Oh god." He says. "How is she?"_

"We're on our way to the hospital. Just meet us in the ambulance bay."

"_Ok Mer." He says._

She hangs up and kisses Cooper's forehead and squeezes Kaylee's hand.

"ENT 5 minutes."

The ambulance pulls into the bay. The doors open and Meredith climbs down. She is met with a worried Derek and a team of doctors.

"Kaylee Shepherd. 6 year old, female. Fell off her bike and was mauled. A suspected broken arm and deep facial and body lacerations. Trauma to her right ear. And severe puncture wound in her abdomen."

Derek pulled Meredith into his arms and she started crying.

"It's alright Mer." He tells her. "Calm down for Kaylee." He tells her.

He takes her hand and they follow the gurney into the ER. As they stand outside her trauma room he takes Cooper from her and holds her.

"Look at the blood on your clothing."

"I'm fine." She says wiping the fallen tears from her cheeks.

They watch as the doctors stabilise Kaylee. Meredith couldn't tell where Kaylee had been bitten. There was blood everywhere.

"What happened Mer?" He asks.

"The girls were riding their bikes. We were sitting down watching them. Cooper called out and we turned to see what he was up to. Bri screamed and we discovered what was wrong. We ran down and saw the dog mauling her. Saxon pulled the dog off and I held Kaylee."

"So what happened to her? How did she fall off?"

"Bri says they were being chased and Kaylee lost her balance and fell off onto her arm and the dog started mauling her."

The breath caught in Derek's throat. His body stiffened.

"I turned away for a second and she was on the ground. Derek I'm a terrible mother.

"You are not a terrible mother. These things happen." He tells her.

She turns around to face him and he embraces her.

"She will be fine Mer. She is a fighter. No matter what happens to her she gets through it. She will have battle scars to show to the world." He says placing a kiss to her temple.

"Meredith. Derek."

They turn and see Richard standing there.

"How is she?" Derek asks.

"Her arm is broken. So Callie is going to set a cast on her arm. We are taking her up for surgery. We found some bleeding that needs to be repaired in surgery. A severe puncture wound in her stomach. And her right ear needs to be sutured. The lobe. Then I am having the best. I am having the plastic surgeon and some of our 5th years and attending's suturing her. I don't want interns doing a crappy job and leaving my granddaughter with nasty scars."

"Can we see her before you take her up?" Meredith asks.

"Of course but only for a couple of minutes."

"Thank you."

They walk into the trauma room and the doctors look up at them.

"Guys let's clear the room." Bailey says to the doctors and they leave the room, standing around outside.

Derek and Meredith go to her bedside and look down at their baby girl.

"Hey baby girl."

"Mummy. Daddy. Am I going to be okay?"

"You are going to surgery but it isn't for anything too big."

"Will you be at my beside when I wake up?" She asks.

"Of course we will be. We love you so much baby girl."

"I tried to keep my balance on the bike daddy."

"Hey we don't need to worry about that now Kay. You rest up." He says to her. "You don't worry one bit about what happened."

"OK, daddy."

"We love you baby girl. We love you so much. We will see you after your surgery."

She nods her head.

Meredith and Derek kiss her and leave the room. Meredith taking in the way her daughter was. He face bloodied. Blood on her neck, her ears. Scars and wounds were exposed and she was in a bad shape. Her fingers were nearly severed. Her arms bleeding. Her face covered in blood. She had bleeding in her belly from a puncture wound. She was in such bad shape.

The doctors replace their position and take her up to surgery. They watch as she is wheeled away and Meredith cries even harder. Derek pulls her into his arms and embraces his wife and son.

"She is a fighter. We are all fighters." He says.

She was convinced that he meant that all the crap their marriage had been through they would get through it.

"Yeah we are."

**I'm just going to leave it there.**


	6. I Am A Warrior

"Here I bought you coffee." Derek says.

Meredith looks up at Derek. It had been a few hours since Kaylee's surgery. She was resting and was being sedated. The pain she would start to feel would be horrific. Her body was sutured and bandaged. Carolyn had stopped by after she heard. She was horrified. She took Cooper to watch for the next few nights.

When they wheeled Kaylee to surgery Saxon showed up. His arm he realised had to be sutured and he had to be given a tetanus shot. Derek thanked him for pulling the dog off Kaylee and shook his hand and hugged him. If it wasn't for Saxon his baby girl could be in worse shape. Saxon soon left announcing he would be back later with Bri who wasn't doing so well and was hysterical in in shock.

Derek got Meredith scrubs to change into because her clothes were stained with dried blood.

Kaylee's blood.

"She looks so helpless Derek. She looks too small to be in a hospital bed, sedated and bandaged."

He takes a seat next to her and places a hand on her thigh. "I know Mer. She shouldn't be here."

She then felt somewhat guilty.

"That dog should have been watched by its owners better."

"I know Mer." He says.

They both turn their attention to Kaylee. She had nearly 70 stitches to her body. Mostly on her face and neck but stictches on her right arm, right ear, left leg and belly.

"This reminds me of when Jackson had been in that accident. He was wrapped up like a mummy." Derek says.

_Jackson is lying in recovery when Meredith walks in and sees Jackson wrapped up like a mummy. He has bandages and plaster on every inch of his body. It is a heart breaking scene for Meredith. Nobody should have this happen to them. He is still asleep but has been told that he will be just fine. Meredith pulls a chair up next to his bed and takes his hand in hers. She kisses it and tears are forming in her eyes. She then feels his body stirring. She stands up and sees her brothers green eyes open up. She runs her hand over his forehead pushing his hair back and she places a kiss on his forehead._

"_Hey sweetie how are you feeling?"_

"_I'm really sore and tired."_

"_I know. You got a fair hit you know. You look like a mummy." Meredith says laughing. "I'm sorry I shouldn't be laughing but it is kinda funny."_

A smile came to her face. She was remembering 7 years ago when her sweet 6 year old was still growing inside of her belly, growing into her limbs and skin and growing bigger every day and developing.

"What's on your mind?"

"Jackson's accident." She says. "It's weird to think that I was pregnant with Kaylee then. It's been that long since his accident."

"I know. Remember we had that huge fight the night before his accident?"

"Yeah I do. We tend to fight a lot Derek."

"We fight when times get tough. We fight when things get scary. Things have gotten quite scary for us."

She looks up at him and then back down at Kaylee who was stirring.

"Mummy." She cries.

Meredith and Derek stand at her side. She was still in a groggy state grabbing her hand.

"Hey baby girl. How are you feeling?"

"What happened?"

"Don't you remember?"

She shakes her head but tears fall from her face.

"Derek, she is in pain."

"It hurts mummy! It hurts a lot!"

"We'll get the nurse in here." He says running out of the room.

"I know. I know it does. But you have to be brave. You are braver than you think you are. This happened to you but you made it through."

"Sing me a song mummy." She cries.

"What song?"

"Our lullaby."

"Alright but how about we wait for daddy. He likes singing the lullaby as well." She says giving Kaylee a reassuring smile.

"The nurse is going to come in and take a look." Derek says entering the room.

Meredith looks at him. "Derek, we are going to sing the lullaby song to Kaylee."

"We haven't heard this in a while." He says. "Ready?"

Meredith nods her head and Kaylee nods hers as well.

"How's my luck. But somehow. I'm with you. Let's leave now. Let's leave them. And their point of view. My favourite place is me and you. I wake up in darkest night. Watch you breathe in shadow light. A perfect world lies next to me. And I don't need to sleep to dream. I just hope I am good enough to keep you. Morning sun warms our skin. Distant sounds. The day begins. Soon their worlds will come calling for us. But this is space they cannot touch. I just hope I am good enough to keep you." Derek and Meredith sing to her softly.

The lyrics to the song they had sung a million times. Every time seemed to have a different meaning. The meaning right now was more than her daughters' condition. It was the way her and Derek were. The way their relationship was headed. She looked at him and thought, _What is going to happened from this moment_.

Those thoughts were interrupted. The nurse entered and gave Kaylee more pain relief. Then another knock came at the door.

"The police are here to interview you Mer." Cristina says.

"Alright. Where are they?"

"Down in the conference room."

"Mummy, don't go."

"I'm not going anywhere." She tells Kaylee. "Tell them I will be there in 10 minutes."

Cristina leaves the room. Meredith sits on the bed with Kaylee. Derek sits on the other side. They hold her hand and watch her. She was sedated again and would be sleepy and would be asleep in a few minutes. She was in a lot of pain. Meredith just wanted her to rest and feel pain free for as long as possible. It's distressing as a parent to see your children in a whole lot of pain. It was the worse feeling seeing your child bandaged and stitched up because they were a chew toy for a dog.

All the crap that had seemed to happen in the past month was stupid. Looking at Kaylee made them both forget everything. Everything was clearer when they looked at their children. They knew what they needed to do to protect them. Just the protection wasn't good enough for Kaylee today.

"Sleep baby girl. That is the best thing you can do." Derek tells her.

Kaylee's body succumbs to the sedatives and she falls asleep with her little chest rising and falling in a rhythmic sync.

"OK. I have to go and speak to the police now."

"I'm coming with you Mer."

"You don't have too."

"I do. You're my wife. I need to hold your hand."

"I want you to watch Kaylee."

"She's asleep. She won't know that we have gone." He says. "Come on." He holds out his hand to her.

She grasps his hand and he holds her hand and guides her down to the conference room.

Two policemen were sitting there drinking coffee. A bundle of paper in front of them. Derek clears his throat.

"Mr and Mrs Shepherd. Take a seat."

They sit down opposite to the policemen. Meredith takes a deep breath and Derek squeezes her hand to reassure her everything would be fine.

"Okay. We just need a statement from you at what happened to you daughter."

She looks at Derek and Derek nods his head to push her to start talking.

"Well Kaylee and her friend Bri were riding their bikes. Bri's father and I sat on the edge of the driveway watching them ride by and we were watching my 2 and a half year old. He was not interested in riding; he wanted to play with his trains. Saxon, Bri's father, the two of us were talking and watching the girls. They were fine." She says. "Cooper, my son, he called out to me and we both turned to see what he was up too. Then we heard cries and Bri screaming. We ran down and noticed Kaylee on the ground. A dog was over her body. Chewing her like a chew toy."

"So you don't know what happened for her to fall to the ground?"

"We found out from Bri that they were riding their bikes, the dog got out and started chasing the girls, Kaylee doesn't have training wheels on her bike anymore. She fell to the ground after losing her balance. She fell on her arm, breaking it, and then the dog started attacking her."

"So what happened after you found Kaylee on the ground?"

"Saxon pulled the dog off from her. The dog latched onto him. But he got the dog locked in a yard and I held Kaylee in my arms and I talked to her until the ambulance came. The neighbour though came running out to us and said that the dog wasn't like that. He wouldn't hurt anyone like that. He was calm and gentle."

"Did you react in anyway?"

"I got hysterical. I mean who wouldn't if their child was lying in a pool of blood after being mauled and the owner said that it never done it before. I yelled, telling them to look at my daughter after the damage the dog had done. I told them to look at the damage that had happened. I got really hysterical and overwhelmed."

"Like any mother would." The policeman said. "Well we interviewed the owner. The dog is a dangerous breed and in this state it is illegal to have one. If one is owned they are to be registered and locked in a cage. Concrete flooring. A cage that they can't get out. The owners have none of that. We have taken the dog into custody and it will be destroyed. The owners are being fined a hefty sum of cash."

"Accidents happen. You can't always be watching your children. When you turn your back for one second then that's when accidents happen. We have been there many times with my kids. You try to do everything but it never works." The second officer says. "So don't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

Meredith turned to Derek and he smiled at her.

"You two are free to go."

"You don't want to speak with Kaylee?"

"She has had enough trauma to deal with. She needs her rest."

"Thank you."

They nodded their heads as they left the room. Meredith and Derek sat there.

"Come on, you need to lie down Mer." Derek says.

"Derek. Kaylee."

"She will be fine. Just even if you rest for 10 minutes. Please."

"Fine."

He took her down to one of the nearest on call rooms and shut the door and they laid down on one of the beds. In a silence. Neither couldn't work out if it was an uncomfortable or a natural silence.

Derek's hand was wrapped across her stomach. It had been 6 weeks since they started trying and no luck yet.

"I'm not pregnant." She whispers to him.

She could feel the disappointment shudder through his body.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." He says. "It just means we have to keep trying." He kisses her neck. She wanted to make love to him but she couldn't gain the strength to do it.

"Derek. I'm exhausted. I'm really exhausted." She cries. "I just want to lie here."

"That's ok."

Snuggled into each other she listens to his heart beating inside his chest. It was a soothing sound. A soothing sound that she has listened to so many times. It's like knowing the tune of a song. She found herself succumbing to sleep

She woke when she felt Derek move beside her. It was a lot darker in the room.

"What time is it?"

"9 o'clock."

"We have to go and see Kaylee. It's been 5 hours."

She rushes down to Kaylee's room. In those 5 hours she had been asleep with Derek the room was starting to fill with flowers, balloons and cards. Kaylee was asleep but must have been awake when visitors came through. Izzie was in the corner of the room charting.

"There you guys are." She says.

"How… Is she alright?"

"She woke up a couple of times. Cristina, Alex, George and I have been sitting in and watching her. She asked for you guys, we came to get you but you were asleep. We told her that the two of you were resting and she said that that was alright. The nurse gave her a little more pain relief and she's been asleep for 2 hours and should be out for the rest of the night."

"Thank you Izzie."

"No problem guys." She says gathering her stuff up. "I'm heading home. I recommend that both of you do the same thing and come back in the morning."

"Bye Iz."

Izzie leaves the two of them.

"Let's go home." Derek says grabbing her hand. "We need to shower and sleep."

…

Six days had passed since her accident. Her hospital room was a rainbow of colours. Balloons, flowers and presents were across her room.

"Am I going home today Mummy?" She asks with a hopeful smile on her face.

To be honest the past five days had been hectic and scary. Kaylee was worse on Sunday and her health was bad. She took a turn for the worse and coded, but was stabilised. The bleeding in her stomach returned and she had to go back into surgery. She also came down with an infection. It was the scariest thing for Meredith and Derek. Their daughter nearly coding. Meredith cried when Kaylee's eyes opened up and reassured her mother that she was fine. She was steadily getting better and today she was sitting up in bed and looked well.

"Well Dr Bailey is going to come by and see how you are this morning. If you pass her exams then you are going to be heading home."

"I want to go home Mummy. I want to go to school."

"You'll have to wait to go back to school. For at least another two weeks."

"Mummy, that's too long."

"I know baby girl, but we want you healthy before you go back to school." She says. "And you have to be honest with how you are feeling. If you feel unwell, then tell us."

"Ok Mummy." She says smiling.

"How's our patient this morning?" Derek asks walking into her room.

The two of them decided that Meredith would have a week off from work and then Derek would have the last week.

Their relationship as well had gotten better and stronger.

_He drove her home. Cooper was with Carolyn and they had the house to themselves. He ran her a bath to let her wind down and clean her body from the blood that was still on her body._

"_Derek!"_

"_Yes?" He asks as he enters the bathroom._

"_Join me."_

"_You sure?"_

_She nodded her head and he climbed in behind her._

"_You have blood on your neck still." He says wiping it off._

"_Thank you." She says, leaning up against his chest._

"_You feeling alright?"_

"_Yeah I am. Just today… a lot has happened."_

"_I know. None of it was your fault though."_

"_I know."_

"_It happens."_

"_I know."_

"_We all do it."_

"_I know." She says smirking._

"_What's so funny?"_

"_Nothing." _

_He places a kiss on her jawline._

"_You know, we have the house to ourselves." He says. "We could make use of it. Only if you're up to it?"_

_She moved away from his body and stood up in the bathtub, letting the water drip from her body. She left the bathroom and went and laid down on the bed, waiting for Derek._

_Derek got up as fast as he could and fell onto Meredith._

"_I have missed you."_

"_I know."_

"I'm good daddy. I want to go home and go to school."

"Well your class has told you to take as much time as you can to recover. They want you healthy Kay."

"I know Daddy." She says. "I won't mind going home though."

"Well Dr Bailey said she would be on her way up as soon as she could. We could be waiting a while."

"Ok." She sighs.

"Are you in any pain?"

"I feel a lot better. I need to pee though."

"Ok. I'll help you down." Meredith says.

She lifts Kaylee to the ground and helps her to the bathroom. She had bandages mostly on the top half of her body. Though on her left leg she had a gaping wound. Some of her sutures would heal but she would have scars to remind her of what happened that day.

"I'm finished!" She calls out.

"She's very lady like." Derek says smirking.

Meredith helps her back into bed and settles her into her bed.

"Is Coopie at the crèche?"

"Yeah he is. I thought he would have so much more fun being there than hanging around here."

"You're very smart Mummy." She says.

"Hey, what about me?"

"And you as well daddy. You too are super smart. I want to be super smart and save people's lives."

"Hey you will someday. You are quite smart now anyway. You just need to keep practicing and practicing. You should still try even if you know the answers."

"Well I will."

"Just don't wish your life away just yet." Derek tells her. "I have to go and check on my patient. I will go and chase up Bailey and be back."

"Bring food back Daddy."

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes Daddy."

"She does not have my appetite. I assure you that one." He says. "The two of you eat us out of the house." He says. "What would Kaylee like?"

"Ice cream and chocolate pudding."

"It's too early for ice cream."

"It's never too early for ice cream." She answers back.

"Oh Kaylee, you are cheeky. I'll be back with your pudding and ice cream."

"Thank you daddy." She says smiling after him, as he leaves.

"Well you certainly do have my appetite." Meredith says smiling at her.

"Knock, knock." Someone says at the door.

"Bri."

"Hi Kaylee. Are you up for visitors?"

"Yes I am. Come in."

Saxon follows behind Bri and helps her up onto the bed. Saxon takes a seat beside Meredith.

"Is it alright, us being here?"

"It is."

"We all miss you at school Kaylee." Bri says.

"I know you do. I got the cards and things from them all."

"I wanted to come and visit you earlier but I have been staying with Aunty Missy because Daddy has had to work a lot."

"Well I'm glad you came by today. I am going home today."

"You might be." Meredith adds in.

"I might be. But I will be."

"When will you be back at school?"

"Not for a couple of weeks."

"Oh, so my friend won't be there with me?"

"Sam is at school. He'll look after you."

A silence comes across the girls. Bri was upset.

"Kaylee I'm really upset what happened on Saturday. I'm very sad because you ended up sick at the hospital."

"Bri, don't be sad for me. I have battle wounds. All it means is that I am a warrior. These battle wounds will remind me of what happened but will remind me that I am ok because I am ok."

"Are you sure?"

"More than sure." She says smiling.

"Well I have to get going, Aunt Missy is taking me ice skating."

"Can you tell everyone at school that I miss them."

"OK. I will also tell them that you have battle wounds and you're a warrior."

"Nothing will bring me down." Kaylee says smiling.

"Bye Kaylee."

"Bye Bri. Thank you for coming and seeing me."

Saxon stands up and helps her down from the bed.

"Bye Meredith. See you later Kaylee."

"Bye Saxon."

It wasn't until the afternoon when Bailey came to the room.

"Miss Kaylee. I need to check your incisions and sutures and if I think they are fine you are out of here."

"I hope they have healed well Dr Bailey."

"Me too." She says.

She examines Kaylee's body and suture lines.

"Well Kaylee you have healed very well and that infection in your body disappeared very quickly."

"Mummy says children are resilient. Whatever that means."

"Well they truly are. You are good to go home Kaylee."

"Yes."

"But I have a few rules I want you to follow."

"What are they?"

"No wrestling with your little brother. No running. No ballet. I don't want you taking showers or baths. You're going to be sponge bathed by your mother and your father. They will need to keep checking your sutures and reapplying dressings and putting this special cream on them. You will come back to me next Monday for a check-up and then again on Friday. If you feel unwell tell your mother or your father. Describe your pain from 0-10. If you are in pain of 10, 9, 8 or 7, you come straight back to the hospital. You hear me?"

"Yes Dr Bailey."

"Well I will take your mummy to go and sign some paperwork and you are good to go. Remember what I told you?"

"Yes Dr Bailey."

"Good girl." She says smiling.

"I'll be back Kaylee." Meredith tells her and leaves the room with Bailey.

"Here you go her discharge forms."

"It's weird to sign one of these. I mean we sign them for our patients but you never think as a Doctor you will have to sign these as a patient, or for your child."

"It's tough. I was in this position with Tuck."

"How's he doing?"

"A lot better."

"That's good."

"Now I have a bag of meds for you to take home for her. Some days she will be in a lot of pain. Other days she will be fine. So painkillers and the suture cream and bandages and dressings for her. So once a day, make it before she goes to bed, sponge her down, be careful of her sutures and then apply the cream and then bandage and dress. You will know when her sutures are pulling and when they are not healing. Come straight back in here if you can see they are not healing. I want her well."

"Ok. Thank you Dr Bailey."

"My pleasure. Now take that girl of yours home."

Meredith went and helped her change into clothes to go home in. She left her while she went upstairs and got Cooper and came back downstairs. Derek met them at the room.

"Ready to go home Princess?"

"Yes Daddy."

"Well you get to ride in the wheelchair." He says picking her up and putting her down in the chair.

"Is it because I'm too heavy to carry?"

"No because it's a precaution we have to carry out at the hospital, for patients being discharged." He tells her. "And because you're starting to get too big to carry."

"I knew it daddy." She says smiling.

Derek had already made a trip to the car and took all the presents down there.

"You ready now?" Kaylee asks.

"We are ready to go princess." Meredith says. "Let's go home."

Meredith holds Cooper's hand and the four leave the hospital together.

"Thank you for everything." Derek says thanking the nurses.

"Bye Kaylee. We will see you already. Hopefully in your school uniform."

"Bye." She waves.

They travel to the elevator and go down to the lobby.

"Meredith. Derek." They hear.

They turn and see Richard approaching.

"I was going to come and see my granddaughter before she left." He says and kneels in front of her.

"Hi Poppy."

"Now I have a few rules of my own. When you get home, make sure Peanut gives you a big kiss. Make sure Mummy and Daddy cook you your favourite dinner and they feed you ice cream. Don't give them a hard time though. Watch movies all day and do the work your teacher has sent home. Rest well and heal so you can go back to school and get your school friends to sign your cast. I will come and visit you when I get a chance." He says. "Oh and one more thing." He tells her pulling out a lollipop.

"Thank you Poppy."

"And one for you too, Cooper." He says handing one to him. "I will see you around."

He kisses Kaylee, Cooper and Meredith goodbye. And they continue to travel to the car.

"Now what would Kaylee like for dinner?" He asks.

"I wouldn't mind pasta."

"What pasta?"

"The creamy one."

"The creamy pasta it is." Derek says.

He lifts her into the car and Meredith buckles Cooper in. They drive home and get the kids settled with dinner and into their pyjamas. They are tucked into bed and the two of them head downstairs and cuddle on the lounge.

"We were so close to losing her."

"I know but we haven't. She is fine. She is a warrior."

"I don't think we would have survived very well if she didn't make it."

"I know. But we have to look to the positives. She made it out alive."

**Miss Kaylee is fine and well and she will be healthy with just her battle scars.**

**I'll try and update as soon as I have a free moment. I have 5 assessments left for this term and then I have 6 weeks holidays which will be good to have a break before starting my last 9 months of school. **

**So expect lots of updates and maybe a new story.**


	7. I Did Everything Derek

Kaylee had been home for a week. Meredith had stayed home with her and Cooper every day. Making up for the time that they had lost and the time that they could have lost together. Kaylee was a lot stronger and her suture lines were healing. She was healing. That's all that mattered.

Every night Meredith watched Kaylee sleeping. She watched her chest rise and fall because they could have lost their daughter. Their little girl. It was a struggle and it was haunting that they could've been burying her. In a coffin, made for a child. A tiny, tiny coffin. Cooper could have lost his big sister.

But every moment her chest rose and fell again it made her realise that she was fine. It was one health scare.

Derek and she had been better as well. He was sleeping beside her every night, tangled limbs in the bed sheets tight across their bodies.

"Mummy, I'm going to have a scar on my belly like yours."

"Well yours is going to be bigger than mine." She says. "It will shrink though when you get older."

"Will yours shrink?"

"I won't get any bigger than I already am."

"I mean, if you have a little baby in there. Will it shrink?"

"It may. My belly will stretch though."

"But it has to stretch so you can fit a baby in there."

"You are too smart for you age."

"Well you and Daddy tell me grown up things, you used me to study. I just remember a lot of things."

"Well I do remember using you as our study baby."

"Just think Mummy, no more school for you."

"I know. I just have to work every day and keep up with new surgery techniques. It's kind of like school but I get paid for it." She says.

"Well Mummy, my teacher told us she is having a baby. She is having two actually. I tell her a lot of things that I know."

"Well how do you know she is having twins?"

"Because the fifth day back she told us. She said that she won't be our teacher for the full year because she is going to go on baby leave so she can look after her twins. Like you did when you had Cooper. Just you had a couple of weeks off. Will my teacher only have a couple of weeks off?"

"Well the babies will be born in about 6 months. She'll most likely have the rest of the year off to look after them."

"Will she come back?"

"She will. Most likely not until next year. Twins are a lot more to look after than one baby."

"I know. Nancy had twins."

"You weren't even old enough to remember her being pregnant. You were only 7 months old when the twins were born."

"Well Aunt Steph. She had triplets and to be honest they are a lot of work Mummy. Sam tells me that."

"All kids have their moments. You had very terrible tantrums when you were about 2. You would scream the house down. You would scream when I wanted to leave the house and drop you off at Nana's. When we would go shopping and you wanted a lolly and I said no, you would scream and scream. You used to scream when I would say no or wanted to go somewhere. Everywhere I went people would look at me and frown and give me dirty looks. A teenage mother who lets her kid scream."

"I'm sorry Mummy."

"Hey don't apologise. All kids go through their terrible twos. Look at Cooper. If they had kids then they would know how hard it is some days with toddlers."

"Mummy, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Do you sometimes wish you never had me?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you were young and you had school to study for and a life to become a doctor. You didn't get to travel. You didn't get to do anything because as soon as you finished high school you had me to look after."

"Kaylee, in all honesty, you kept me grounded. You kept me from going to the bar and drinking and partying and doing other things most of my friends did. I had this baby girl to look after. My sole responsibility was to look after you and make sure you were safe. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was distracted and I was pacing myself to be inspired. The moment the plus sign appeared on the test I knew this was it. I was going to push myself through high school, graduate and become a doctor. I had my own child, who was healthy but being a doctor would make me save other people's lives. I wanted to pay back to the community that raised and looked after me."

"So you are glad you had me?"

"Of course I am. Your daddy and I needed you to make sure of what we wanted in life. You made that decision very clear when we found out. You were that light at the end of the tunnel." She tells her. "Cooper was as well."

"But didn't you ever want to travel?"

"I did but I have all the time in the world to travel."

"Can I come?"

"I will take you and Cooper and if you have any other siblings them as well. But I am not going to travel with a 6 week old baby."

"That wouldn't be very fun."

"Well wait until they are about 3 or 4 and we can go and travel the world. Where do you want to go?"

"Back to Australia. Maybe Italy so we can eat pasta and pizza. Paris, to see the Eiffel tower. Egypt to see the pyramids. I want to see everything in the world. I want to go on safari."

"Oh safari sounds fun." She says.

"I want to ride an elephant."

"Well how about right now, you write down everything you want to see and do. A bucket list. And we can go through the bucket list together and add more things. We can show dad today and we can make a plan for our future travel plans."

"I like that idea."

"I'll get you a pad of paper and a pen. Cooper can help you."

"Can you get me your laptop and an atlas as well? Oh and the globe?"

"I will." She says. "Coopie come here."

"Yeah Mumma."

"Come and sit up here with Kaylee. You two are going to write down a list of where you want to go in the world. In a big plane."

"No a big train Mumma." He says as she picks him up.

"Well you can add that to the list." She tells him, kissing his cheek and sitting him down beside Kaylee.

Meredith collects the atlas, laptop, globe and the pad of paper and a pen.

"Make the writing neat Kaylee."

"I'll try my hardest. I broke my writing hand remember."

"Sorry sweetie I forgot about that." She says. "How about you type it?"

"Ok. Let's try typing."

"Ok, you let me know if you are in any pain Kaylee. I'm going to do some washing and cleaning up."

"Cooper look at the globe, where do you want to go?" Kaylee asks him.

Meredith went upstairs and collected all the dirty washing. She left the hamper at the top of the stairs and went and stripped the beds and took all the towels from the bathrooms to replace them with new clean ones. She carried the hamper downstairs and past the living room.

"Mummy?"

"Yeah baby girl."

"What about bungee jumping in New Zealand?"

"Well I would go. Don't know what your father would say."

"I'll put it on the list anyway." She says smiling.

"I bungee jump." Cooper says pointing to himself.

"Do you just?"

"Yes Mumma."

"Well we will have to see."

"Hang on, one more thing. Skiing?"

"Skiing. Yes."

She smiles again and Meredith continues on to the laundry.

"Hey Peanut. What you doing girlie?" She says to the dog. "Come on and see Kaylee."

She leads Peanut to the living room and she goes and lies down on the mat on the floor.

Meredith loads the washing machine first with sheets. She continues on cleaning upstairs, in the bathrooms and bedrooms and vacuums. Each time she passed the living room Kaylee would call her in to ask a question. She was really getting into this task. She started to fold some clothing that had been washed the day before and sorted them into piles and listened to Kaylee's questions again and again. She loaded the washing machine again with the towels and went and hung the sheets to dry outside. She made cookies for the kids and then made lunch for them. She got Kaylee to put everything aside so she could eat her food.

"Mummy, I am actually very excited to go travelling around the world."

"I can tell."

"Can we go soon?"

"Not soon. This takes a while to plan you know. If the trip is going to be this big it needs a lot of time to plan. Besides Dad and I are quite busy at the moment with work. And don't you want all your siblings coming with us."

"Yeah I think that is a good idea actually. Because then they will get jealous that they didn't get to go away with us."

"We need to save some money as well."

"Well if you let me get a job then I can start saving."

"You are too young for a job. But when you get better how about you start doing some jobs around the house for some pocket money? But we put the pocket money in your bank account?"

"So I work for the money, but I don't get it?"

"No you don't get it."

"Then I save my money for our huge vacation?"

"Yes."

"Ok Mummy." She says. "But do you have an account made up for me?"

"Yes, for you and Cooper. We put money in there every week. 15 dollars from my pay and 20 from your dad's goes into your account each week. We are setting up at fund for you, so when you want a car or to buy something you have the money."

"That is a smart idea. Does Coopie have one?"

"Yes he does."

"We get 35 dollars in our accounts a week?"

"Yeah you do. How'd you work that out?"

"I took the five away from 15. Ten plus 20 equals 30. Then I added the 5. So it equals 35."

"It surely does. You are getting very good at your maths."

"I'm just a smart girl."

"I know. Here do you want a cookie before you go and work on your list?"

"Yes please."

"Well they just came out of the oven so they are nice and warm."

"Yummy." She says.

"Here you go Coopie."

Meredith cleaned the kitchen and paid bills. Then went back to the laundry and removed the towels and went and hung them out. She then sorted through the clothing in the hamper. Checking pockets for tissues and money and toys. When she found a pair of Derek's jeans she found an unopened letter in the pocket. She didn't want to snoop, but she didn't want to throw it out if it was an important document. So she opened it and saw that it was a handwritten note.

_I am truly sorry at what happened to Kaylee. You never think these things would happen but they do. They happen when you least expect it. She is a brilliant girl. So smart and beautiful. I would have been honoured to have her as my stepdaughter. I would be honoured to raise her as my daughter. Just think, if you never got Meredith pregnant the two of us would be married and have our own family without Meredith. She would be with Saxon and we could do her for negligence towards Kaylee and get full custody of her. She would be unfit to parent and would never have custody of her child again. We would have children and bring siblings to her. Our kids will be beautiful._

_I still can't stop thinking about the time we were together. The weekends Kaylee would be over she would come into the bedroom of a Sunday morning. Press her cold nose to yours and tell you to wake up. She would giggle and smile over everything and we would go for a walk to the park. With her in her stroller and her hands clasped together as she took in the sights of the passing world. You would chase her around the park, swoop her into your arms and hold her high in the air and bring her back down to the ground. You would sit down on the grass and her arms would come around your neck and she would say 'Got you' and place a sloping kiss on your cheek. Those times together were beautiful._

_Then all I can remember is the time when we would lay in each other's arms at night. When you would come home from seeing Kaylee. We would make love and hold each other. When I dreamt at night I would think about our future. Our kids. How you would do exactly the same thing to them as you do to Kaylee. They would have your blue eyes and curly hair. They would jump in our bed of a morning and wake us up. They would fall asleep in our bed of a night time and climb into bed when they were scared. We would protect them with everything we have because they were all that mattered._

_What happened to Kaylee wouldn't have happened. She would have been watched carefully. As her mother I would not watch her. I wouldn't be too busy talking to my ex-boyfriend to not be paying attention to her. I would never let her play with an exes kid. It would be too tempting. I don't know how you let her do that. You know her past and what she did when we were together. She would drink her nights away and sleep with random men. She was not fit to be a mother. Especially at 18. She should have kept her knees shut and this never would have happened._

_All in all, Derek I miss you. I came back to Seattle to send a knife through your marriage. I see that I did. That kiss we shared, I loved every moment of it. It reminded me of old times. Just remember, I am here if she isn't. I will mother your children and be your wife. She is not fit enough to be their mother. She's too fragile. They need a stable mother._

_Just remember, nothing will happen to our children because we would have each other and never be distracted. No exes. Together forever._

_Derek I will always love you._

Meredith was furious. That woman was a devil. She pocketed the letter. She had tears fall down her face. Past things were being pulled back into their marriage. Things they didn't need. She was furious. Beyond furious. The two of them were getting over the spanner that Addison put into their relationship. She knew it wasn't Derek's fault. It was Addison. Her blood was boiling.

She loaded the machine again and went and found things to bang and clang. To relieve the stress that had come to her body.

"Mummy. Come and see my list."

She pulled herself together for Kaylee and Cooper. She went and sat down beside them and read Kaylee's list.

"Ok, read to me where you want to go?"

"Well first on the trip will be New York, to visit everyone. From then on we would travel to the countries closets and then travel around them all before going to the next country and the next country."

"Would we go to every country in the world?"

"Yes. But not some of the ones were wars are being held. We would travel to safe countries. Maybe to Eastern Africa were you and Daddy can lend a hand to the sick people? What do they call that again?"

"Doctors Without Borders."

"Yeah you and Daddy could do that."

"Well in some countries like that, there are terrible illnesses. We as a family would have to be careful."

"Well it would be nice to repay back to the community and maybe save a life."

"It would be."

"I want to travel to every place in the world Mummy."

"Me too."

"As a family though. No one can work and pull out of the trip we go as a family. Nobody gets left behind."

"No one will."

…

That night Derek was expected home at 11. The kids had been bathed and were put into bed. She read the letter over and over again. It made her cry each time she read that she would be an unfit mother. She was not an unfit mother. She raised her siblings since she was 6. She had a daughter at 18. She finished school and med school and was now a doctor nothing about an unfit mother was ringing any bells.

The front door opens and closes. She hears his footsteps on the floorboards as he approaches the staircase where she sat as a huddled mess.

"Mer, what's wrong? He asks. He comes and sits beside her. "Come on. You can tell me. I don't like seeing you crying." He says. "Come on tell me what's wrong." He says trying to comfort her. He tries to pull her into an embrace but she pushes him away.

"No." She says angry, pushing him away.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Um something to do with your ex-fiancé and a letter I found." She says holding up the tear stained letter.

"That was from Addison? I found the letter in my locker and I never opened it. I didn't know who it was from."

"It was from Addison. It was from Addison." She says waving the letter in her hand.

He looked at the pain that had pushed Meredith into a state of sadness and aggression. He was mad that she read the letter and opened it but he didn't care. The letter was most likely stupid and she was doing laundry. He wished that he read it and disposed of it or let her wash it and let the ink run down the letter and morph into an abstract mess of black or blue ink.

"I don't know what she wrote. I don't want to know what she wrote but you're crying Mer. I want to know why you are crying. Can I read the letter?"

She doesn't say anything and hands it over to him and wipes her nose with her sleeve.

Derek went and sat down on the edge of the step and Meredith paced in front of him.

"I have every right to be mad and upset."

"I know Mer. Sit down." He tells her. She sits beside him on the step and watches him read the letter. Head down in the note. She waited and watched as he took in everything. She didn't know how he was going to react. She didn't know what he was going to say or do.

He closed the letter and felt anger rise. He didn't know who he was angrier at. Addison, Meredith or Himself. Addison for writing such a stupid letter confessing her love like a lovesick 15 year old girl. Meredith for reading this lovesick letter or for himself for all the wrongs he had made and this wrong that was about to happen he was going to regret later on especially when he knew an argument was about to happen. He should have kept his mouth shut but he couldn't. He had to express his feelings even if it made him the bad guy again. The big bad guy who cheated on his wife 5 weeks earlier.

"You had no right to read my own personal things." He says quietly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have but I did. I don't know why Derek."

"You don't know why? Who the hell are you?" He says. Those words were a punch to her heart. The monster had arisen.

"I am your wife. I have every right in the world to know what you are doing. I need to know if you are cheating on me. Or if problems arise. We took a vow Derek."

"Yeah we took a vow. A vow to love each other even when we hate each other. We promised we would be honest with one another. We promised a lot of things and a lot of these have been broken."

"How on earth have they been broken?"

"You have not been honest with me at all."

"Well you weren't honest with me. You went and kissed Addison. I had to find out from George. I didn't find out from my _honest_ husband."

"You forgave me for that!"

"I only forgave you for that because I want another child. I was ovulating and we want a child."

"I don't even know if I want a child with you after you told me that." He says. "You lied about your feelings for me. You lied about everything!"

"I didn't lie!"

"OK. Then tell me what happened last week. Kaylee's accident."

"I told you everything! We sat, we talked. Cooper called us and we turned and looked at him. That's when the accident happened!" She pleads.

"Meredith you were too busy with your ex-boyfriend. You weren't watching our kids!"

"I was watching our kids! I have watched our kids every moment of every day. When you were busy setting up house, I watched Kaylee and my brother and sister. I studied and I went to med school. I did everything right!"

"I was there!"

"You were never there! You came home of a night time to tuck her in and then you would have her every second weekend. I rode out every temper tantrum. I changed every nappy. I did the 2 o'clock feedings. I soothed her tears. I did everything Derek and you were with Addison!"

"I always was there for Kaylee!"

"You never where. You never wanted Kaylee at 18."

"I did too. I was there every step of the way. She made me see what I wanted in the future. I wanted a family."

"Yet you didn't have me as your family. You had Addison."

"You weren't ready!"

"We're going to come back to that? I was ready. I was so ready it so freaking scary. I wanted to settle down with you and our baby girl but you jumped the next girl you saw and you were set for the rest of your life. Maybe I am an unfit mother!"

"The way you are acting, yeah you are!"

"I can't believe you said that. You are such a jerk sometimes Derek!"

"Well Meredith you aren't all that perfect either. Each chance you got to ship your daughter off to me you would be drinking until you couldn't stand and sleeping with men in bar toilets. That's not a very motherly thing to do!" He says in anger.

"Well it's a little late now! You married me!" She yells in anger. "You married a whore!"

A slamming door upstairs sounds. It was Kaylee. They looked up the stairs and then at each other. Tears come to Meredith's eyes and she starts crying and falls to the step. Derek walks away to the kitchen and slams the door shut behind him.

**I'm just going to leave it at that. I'll have an update soon.**


	8. Dreams

"_You were never there! You came home of a night time to tuck her in and then you would have her every second weekend. I rode out every temper tantrum. I changed every nappy. I did the 2 o'clock feedings. I soothed her tears. I did everything Derek and you were with Addison!"_

Kaylee woke to the sounds of the fighting that were carrying throughout the house. She didn't understand why they were fighting. Her parents were having trouble before her accident but now they forgave each other and were happy.

"_I always was there for Kaylee!"_

"_You never where. You never wanted Kaylee at 18."_

"_I did too. I was there every step of the way. She made me see what I wanted in the future. I wanted a family."_

"_Yet you didn't have me as your family. You had Addison."_

"_We're going to come back to that? I was ready. I was so ready it so freaking scary. I wanted to settle down with you and our baby girl but you jumped the next girl you saw and you were set for the rest of your life. Maybe I am an unfit mother!"_

Well that's what she thought. She crawled from her bed and went to her bedroom door and opened it and the harsh words were louder and more hurtful with the door open.

"_The way you are acting, yeah you are!"_

"_I can't believe you said that. You are such a jerk sometimes Derek!"_

"_Well Meredith you aren't all that perfect either. Each chance you got to ship your daughter off to me you would be drinking until you couldn't stand and sleeping with men in bar toilets. That's not a very motherly thing to do!" He says in anger._

"_Well it's a little late now! You married me!" She yells in anger. "You married a whore!"_

The words were hurting her and making her angry. She wanted them to stop and be happy. She felt unsafe and scared and she did what she could to stop their yelling. She slammed her bedroom door shut and that's when their yelling stopped. She sank down against the door and waited and listened.

The kitchen door slammed shut and she could hear her mother's sobs sounding from the bottom of the staircase.

The fighting was about her and when she was young. She felt like she didn't belong and it was her fault that they were fighting. So she cried. The hurt in her heart was too much and she cried the pain away as her mother cried and her fathered brooded and drank his anger away.

She wondered about her brother and if he woke to the yelling and the fighting and the slamming of doors but then she realised that he slept through everything but she wanted to make sure he was alright and to tell him that everything was fine.

She picked herself up off the ground and quietly opened her door and crept down to Cooper's room. She caught sight of her mother in a huddled mess on the steps crying and she wanted to go down and hug her mother to make sure everything was alright but she needed to check on Cooper.

She walked into his room quietly and saw her brother sprawled across the mattress with one of his legs dangling over the side. A thumb in his mouth and the blankets kicked to the bottom of the bed. He was sound asleep and she felt better. So she crawled across his floor to the side of his bed and peaked at him sleeping soundly.

"Things are scary Coopie. Things are sad. Things are just sucky but these things can become wonderful and beautiful when you realise your wrongs and apologise. I can't apologise for what is bound to happen but I can be there to distract you and be the big sister. If Mummy and Daddy aren't loving each other at this moment, remember that I love you and I always will. I'll keep you safe little brother for many years to come." She whispers to him and kisses his cheek and pulls the covers back over his body and brings his leg back onto the mattress. "I love you Coopie."

She crawls back across the floor and back down to her bedroom. She crawls into her bed and pulls the covers over her body and stares are the roof where a mobile hung. A mobile with family pictures and butterflies. Family pictures from those special moments they have shared as a family from first birthdays, to weddings, to just family shots. Pink and purple butterflies that she imagined were happy and didn't have to hear hurtful words. She wished she was a butterfly.

But then she remembered. She was a warrior.

She laid there and waited and waited until she heard movement again from her but tears got the better of her.

…

Meredith pulled herself up off the step and climbed the stairs. She felt terrible that Kaylee had heard what she said and they broke their rule about fighting in front of their children and this time Kaylee heard. She didn't know how much she heard but she knew that she heard most of it. She had to make sure Kaylee was fine because she felt terrible. She came to the hallway to go into Kaylee's room but noticed that she was not in her room. So she went to her own bedroom to see if she was in there but she caught Kaylee crawl into Cooper's room and crawl to his side of the bed.

She stood outside Cooper's room and listened to Kaylee.

"_Things are scary Coopie. Things are sad. Things are just sucky but these things can become wonderful and beautiful when you realise your wrongs and apologise. I can't apologise for what is bound to happen but I can be there to distract you and be the big sister. If Mummy and Daddy aren't loving each other at this moment, remember that I love you and I always will. I'll keep you safe little brother for many years to come… I love you Coopie."_

Meredith quickly ducked into the spare room so Kaylee didn't spy her and waited until Kaylee was in her own room.

Meredith's heart ached at what Kaylee told Cooper. She felt like a monster. She felt terrible. She walked into Cooper's room and sat on the bed and felt a lone tear fall from her eye as she kissed the top of his head and held his hand.

"Daddy and I really do love you little man. Whatever happens we will be there for you and your sister. You really do have a great big sister she will never let you down Cooper. She'll protect you from the bad things in life when your daddy and I can't. I love you Cooper." She says kissing his forehead again and leaving his room.

She decided to go and talk to Kaylee and tell her that everything that was said down there wasn't true. She wanted to comfort her daughter especially since the pain and trauma she had gone through. She wanted to make sure Kaylee knew that she was always wanted and not feel like a mistake. She was 6 years old but she understood things that were beyond her maturity.

Meredith left Cooper and went to Kaylee's room. She admired the letters spelling out Kaylee's name on the door and the picture that hung on the door. A picture from the day Kaylee was born. She was nestled in Derek's arms asleep. Derek and Meredith were just looking down at their newborn girl and not at the camera. It was their first portrait as a family and their new beginnings.

She opened the door and looked straight at the bed that was tucked in the corner of the room and at Kaylee who she knew was not asleep as her eyes were pressed shut together tightly. She walked inside the room and went and lay down beside Kaylee on the bed and looked up at the mobile that hung above her bed with the pictures and butterflies.

She didn't say a thing or do a thing. She though felt eyes on her. She knew Kaylee was awake and staring at her not knowing what to ask or say.

She though felt a small hand on top of hers and Meredith turned her hand and grasped Kaylee's hand and they both looked up at the mobile not saying a thing until Meredith knew what to tell Kaylee.

"That day you were born was beautiful Kaylee. Even if we were young and unprepared you still were delivered safely and you were healthy. You my girl were never a mistake. The love we have for you will carry with us for years to come. That love we have for you came the moment we found out we were having a baby. The moments we saw you on the screen and the moments I felt you move inside my tummy and when your daddy talked to you inside of my belly and felt you kick. The love just grew and grew. Its endless this love we have for you and you need to know that your daddy really loves you through everything he has done and through everything I have done. We are humans and we make mistakes. I didn't mean what I said to daddy and he didn't mean what he said to me we just got caught up in hurtful things to say to each other. We really do love each other we have just hit a roadblock and we don't know how to get around it." She tells Kaylee. "We are stuck in a hurtful place and it may take a while to recover from that."

Meredith just lay there and waited for a response from Kaylee. She looked over at Kaylee who was still staring at the pictures but had tears falling from her eyes.

"I love that picture on my door Mummy. You can see the love in Daddy's eyes for me." She says. "And in your eyes."

"Yes you can." Meredith says smiling. "The love will never disappear."

She didn't say anything and looked at the mobile for a few more minutes before she turns her head and looks at Meredith. Meredith squeezes her hand and leans down and kisses her forehead.

"Will you get through this?" She asks with questioning eyes.

"We will. It may take a while but we will. Your daddy loves me too much. Even if he yells and he fights with me he doesn't mean it. His mouth catches him before he thinks. We haven't had any drama for four years and in a space of 6 weeks we have had so many things happen to us and it just keeps getting worse and worse. Your accident has been the worst thing that has happened to us and it's caused a lot of stress. You…"

"Almost died." She says finishing off what her mother was going to say.

"We could have lost you Kaylee and we were too caught up in our pathetic drama and fighting to prevent that." She says with more tears falling from her eyes. "Kaylee, at this point in time if you weren't revived, I wouldn't be lying down beside you. You would not be present in this household and I would be grieving a terrible loss of you. Your father would not be the same and Cooper would notice you were missing but he wouldn't understand. It would be terrible if we lost you at such a young age and I know that your father and I wouldn't recover from it and Cooper would be stuck in the middle with no love and attention and he wouldn't have his big sister here anymore to comfort him. It would be devastating."

Kaylee grasps her mother's hand. "It's okay Mummy. I'm here. I didn't die. I am right here beside you and I will forever live for another 100 years. I'm a warrior. I'm Daddy and your little warrior."

Meredith burst into tears again and embraced Kaylee as she cried.

"I'm sorry for making you cry Mummy." She says against her mother's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Meredith cries some more as she tries to speak. "I'm sorry for everything Kaylee. I'm a terrible mother. I should have been watching you better." She says sobbing. "I should have done better."

"You don't need to apologise to me Mummy." Kaylee says.

…

_Your father would not be the same and Cooper would notice you were missing but he wouldn't understand. It would be terrible if we lost you at such a young age and I know that your father and I wouldn't recover from it and Cooper would be stuck in the middle with no love and attention and he wouldn't have his big sister here anymore to comfort him. It would be devastating."_

"_It's okay Mummy. I'm here. I didn't die. I am right here beside you and I will forever live for another 100 years. I'm a warrior. I'm Daddy and your little warrior."_

"_I'm sorry for making you cry Mummy….I'm so sorry."_

"_I'm sorry for everything Kaylee. I'm a terrible mother. I should have been watching you better… I should have done better."_

"_You don't need to apologise to me Mummy." _

Derek found himself stuck outside his daughter room listening to the crying and the talking. He was headed upstairs when he saw Meredith stop outside his daughters' room and then open the door before walking inside. He followed the hall to Kaylee's room and went and sat outside the room with his head up against the wall listening to Meredith comforting their daughter. He felt terrible the moment he heard the door slam shut in the middle of their argument. He never meant to snap at Meredith for reading the letter and he did and now everything was like this again and his children were caught in the middle of it all again.

He listened to their crying and comforting of each other but his heart ached when he heard Meredith tell Kaylee that their family would not be functioning if she wasn't here. It would be true. Their little girl would be gone and they would be left with all these broken pieces to pick up. His heart was just aching and he felt his eyes water as Meredith blamed herself for everything.

He stood up and wiped his eyes needing to be the strong one and walked into Kaylee's room where Meredith was embracing Kaylee and crying and apologising for being a bad mother.

"You are not a bad Mummy." Kaylee says.

"Kaylee's right." Derek says kneeling down at the edge of the bed. "You're the best mother in the whole wide world."

He waits and realises that Meredith's body shuddered when he spoke. He knew he shouldn't have interrupted them but he need to make Meredith realise that it was true nothing was her fault. Kaylee peaked up from her mother's shoulder but Meredith stayed where she was. He sat up on the bed and looked at her.

"I'm the one who is to blame." He says placing a hand on her back. "I don't think before I speak and I accuse the wrong things on to people when it's not necessary."

Meredith sat up and faced Derek. Derek noticed her tear-stained faced and red eyes. She looked exhausted and she was a mess. Crying had taken a toll on her so badly.

He didn't have to do anything and Meredith snaked her arms around his neck and embraced him. Derek wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her tight to his body.

"It wasn't your fault." He whispers in her ear.

"But I know that if it happened you would blame me for it."

"I wouldn't I promise. It would be a tragedy and yes I may have blamed you but that's because I couldn't find anyone else to blame." He says and rubs circles on her back.

Kaylee snaked her way into their embrace and was held in her parent's arms in a warm and safe embrace like their first family picture from when she was born. Just it was 6 years later and she was much bigger.

They embraced for a good few minutes, mainly comforting Meredith who was crying an awful lot. Once her tears stopped falling they let go of each other and lay down together in Kaylee's bed and they held her and read a story to her until they all fell asleep.

…

Kaylee woke to having her mother beside her. She didn't know what was real and what was fake. She sneaks out from her bed and goes down to her parents room and sees the bed is still made. She goes to the spare room where her father had been spending some nights and seen that bed was made up.

But they apologised to each other and fell asleep with Kaylee in their arms. She snuck downstairs and saw her father sprawled across the lounge. She went close to his body and realised that he was passed out.

She had dreamt everything. She had fallen asleep from looking at the mobile with her mother beside her after they spoke about the love their family had for each other and they didn't speak about how she almost died. They didn't speak about all of those things that she dreamt and she wished that they did because it was a happier alternative rather than having a mother with reddened eyes and a father passed out on the couch. She saw what time it was and realised that it was only early and both parents weren't expected at work today but she knew that her father would disappear to go to work because being under this roof today would be full of tension and he would be angry.

He would much rather be at work carrying for patients and cutting into them then seeing my mother pleading for apologies and forgiveness.

Kaylee seemed to understand her parent's feelings, not deep down to the core but just enough to know that both parents were hurt. Things happen and they were hurt not with each other but themselves for letting it get bad. Kaylee silently blamed herself for all of this and wished they could go back to the beginning of the year and for the fighting to never start.

She wished for love and happiness and the chance of having a baby brother or sister born. She wished for a lot of things.

She sat down on one of the armchairs and patted Sparrow who was curled up on the arm. Kaylee soon feel asleep again and wished and hoped.

…

Meredith woke to the bed empty. Kaylee was gone from the bed. Derek she knew had left the bed because he received a page. She woke to the pager sounding and him moving from the bed and kissing both of them.

Meredith watched and heard him leave the house with a small smile on her face. She just didn't hear him come back in. She checked the time and saw that it was just five thirty. She climbed from the bed and checked the rooms to see if Derek was back in. She checked on Cooper and saw him stirring.

"Morning Coopie." She says quietly.

He looks up and smiles at her and blinks the sleep from his eyes. She walked over to his bed and picked him up into her arms. She hugs him and then carries him downstairs. She grabs a bottle for him and goes back to the lounge room. She found Derek asleep on the lounge and Kaylee asleep in one of the armchairs.

"We have to be quiet because daddy and Kaylee are still sleeping." She tells Cooper.

He nods his sleepy head and begins to drink from his bottle. Meredith sits down at Derek's feet and holds Cooper as he drinks. Derek stirs on the lounge and notices Meredith and Cooper at his feet. He lifts himself up and scoots across to Meredith and Cooper.

"Morning." He whispers.

"Morning." She says smiling and then looking down at Cooper.

"Morning Coopie." He says and Cooper moves from Meredith to sit on his dad's lap and Derek hugs Cooper and kisses his forehead.

"Kaylee is going to think that it was all a dream." Meredith says. "She woke to you not beside her."

"I know. And then me asleep on the lounge." He says.

Meredith just looked at him. She didn't know what was going to happen. Last night what he told her made her feel like they were on the path to success but then she didn't know.

"Derek are we alright?"

He looks at her and grabs her hand. "I hope so."

"But the fight and everything else."

"They sucked, yes I know but we are strong. I just think that for their sakes we should be civil. We need time though to repair the damage and maybe stop trying for a baby until we repair that damage because we need a happy environment and not a hostile one."

"I know we do. We can't rush into things again because let's just say a lot of hurtful things have come up and we have said a lot of things that we didn't mean but just because we didn't mean them doesn't mean that it wasn't hurtful."

Derek wraps and arm around her shoulders and she lays her head on his shoulder. He kisses her temple.

"We will get back to where we were. I apologise for everything I said to you and everything bad I did. People may judge us forgiving each other but I think all that matters is our own judgement and love." He says. "And Meredith deep down from the bottom of my heart I am so sorry that I caused all of this. The kiss should never have happened. I mean it and that letter she had no right to say those things and I didn't mean to snap."

"I know you didn't." She says. "We just have baggage. I have father issues and all I have known to do is flight rather than fight."

"Hey, you fight. You are one feisty thing. When I first met you were flighty but now you are feisty. You have learned to protect those who you love and you don't run away from a fight. Look at us when we were yelling and fighting. You did that for the kids and for us. You did it because you want the best for us. You don't want the kids growing up in a household with no father."

"No I don't. I just don't want them to go through what I went through."

"And they won't. I promise." He says. "I promise the world for them and for you."

She doesn't say anything and just savours the moment of being in his arms. She listens to the purring cat, Cooper drinking and Derek's heartbeat.

"We just need time." She says.

He nods his head as they watch Kaylee wake up. She smiles and comes and climbs onto Meredith's lap.

"I thought it was all a dream." She says. "But I wasn't. It was real."

Meredith looks up at Derek with questioning eyes. Would this be real like Kaylee hoped?

**I apologise if there is any mistakes. I rushed through to get this up before my dance concert tonight. So I apologise for any mistakes. This chapter may be a little confusing but the two of them know that if they are ever going to get passed this then they need time and space.**

**I'll just leave it there. Reviews would be great and I'll try and update by the weekend.**


	9. Missed Turns & Dead Ends

Within those few days of promising each other that things would be better Meredith was back at work while Derek stayed at home caring for the kids. Kaylee was healing well and she was given the all clear to go back to ballet and start riding her bike again if she didn't outdo herself too much.

Derek called his mother for help and she recommended him go and see a therapist to talk things through with because drowning scotch and confining in Mark wasn't therapy. His mother put forward two options, a) see your children grow up in a happy family or b) see your kids every weekend and seeing them miserable and Meredith so miserable she barely functions anymore. He told his mother to promise not to tell Kathleen because then he would receive a visit from her asking how could he be so stupid.

He knew what he wanted. Dr. Wyatt had been called and an appointment had been made for this afternoon to go and see her. He needed a second opinion and second person to actually speak to. Mark gave him piece of advice that wasn't even relevant to this situation.

The two needed time and he knew that the whispers at the hospital were calling him McDreary Shepherd and other profanities because they were only hearing the one sided version of the story. He seemed like the bad guy. He knew he had treated Meredith badly and he was sincere for that. He got caught up by his tongue and never thought things through like he really should. He was a McAss and he really deserved sleeping in the spare room. For all he knew Meredith should have kicked him out to the kerb and let him fend for himself outside in the Seattle weather.

But Meredith was Meredith. Meredith was his wife and the mother of his children. He hit a rough patch and he blamed it all on her and put everything on her when she didn't deserve it. She deserved a loving husband and not one who was so caught up in his own problems that he took it out on her verbally. If he was aggressive then that is when he would have packed his own bags and left.

"Kay, you ready!" He calls out to her.

"I'll be down in a minute!"

Derek sat down on the step and pressed his hands together. This was for Kaylee, Cooper and Meredith.

"I'm ready Daddy." She says smiling at him with her pink leotard on, her pink tutu and her ballet stockings on all accompanying her purple cast.

"Come on then, we don't want to be late." He says with a smile.

He grasps her hand and he gets her into the car and heads to the studio.

"Now remember if you are feeling tired or sore then sit out until you feel better. Your teacher knows about your accident and she knows that you are slowly recovering."

"I know Daddy. Go at my own pace."

"I was just making sure you knew." He says as they head down to the car. He helps her up into her booster seat and does her seatbelt for her.

He climbs into his seat and starts driving.

"Are you okay Daddy?"

"Yes sweetie. It's just been a big month."

"I know. With my accident and all."

"The accident wasn't your fault sweetie. It's just life. It changes in an instant." He says.

"That is very true." She says.

He pulls up where the dance studio is and helps Kaylee down from the car. He grabs her dance bag and grasps her hand as they walk into the studio where her class was just about to begin.

"Here we go. I'll help you put your shoes on for you." He says.

She sits down on the bench and Derek helps her with her jiffies and taking her coat off.

"Now if your leg hurts, I want you to rest. If anything hurts I want you to rest."

"I know Daddy." She says smiling.

It had only been 2 and a half weeks after her accident and she had come a long way and after a consult with the doctors they said that it would be good for her to get back into her normal routine for her to heal. She's only young but these accidents can have a traumatic effect on children. So they decided getting back to ballet would be good and starting school the next week would be even better.

He kissed her forehead and smiled at her.

"You are beautiful Kaylee."

She smiles at him and then wraps her arms around his neck.

"Kaylee you're back?" A little girl asks.

She nods her head with a smile.

"Go on sweetie." He says. "Mummy is picking you up this afternoon. I have a few errands to run. I'll see you at home."

"Okay daddy." She says.

"Bye sweetie. I'll see you later. I love you."

"I love you too daddy." She says hugging him one last time.

She runs off and Derek watches her and smiles. He leaves the studio and gets into the car driving to the hospital and taking the back way up to Dr Wyatt. This was the last thing he wanted.

He was a few minutes early and went and sat down in one of the chairs outside her office. The door opened and he saw Meredith walk out.

"Mer." He says.

She looks down at Derek and softly smiles.

"Where you just in there?" He asks.

"Yeah your mother said it would be good for both of us to go in and speak to her. I think it's a waste of time but whatever." She says. "I'm off. I'll go and get Coopie and then Kaylee and head home."

"Okay. I'll see you at home then." He says and watches her walk down the hallway.

"Derek." He hears.

He stands up and follows Dr Wyatt into her office and takes a deep breath and remembers who he is doing this for.

He notices the fish tank and feels tranquil just from seeing the fish swimming around the tank. He takes a seat and takes a look around her office while she takes a couple of notes.

"Derek, let's start off with why you are here?"

He looks at her for a moment before looking down at his hands. "My marriage is in turmoil."

"What has led to these issues?"

"So many things." He says. He was quite unsure about opening up to her so quickly but he knew he had to be honest to get help.

"Like what? Work, family troubles, friends or is it stress related?"

"It's a bit of everything." He says and she nods her head.

"Well let's talk about your family?"

"Right, I am married to Meredith and we have two children."

"How old are they?"

"My daughter Kaylee is 6 and my son, Cooper is 2."

"How long have you been married to Meredith?"

"3 years it will be in March."

"And is it right that you two became parents at 18?"

"Yes. Our last year of high school. Meredith had Kaylee on her 18th birthday."

"So you two are young parents?"

"Yeah we are."

"Did you ever think that you would have had a child so young?"

"No, it was always going to be after high school and after med school and after we were settled into our jobs."

"Did you always think that you and Meredith would end up together?"

"I did. When I met her at 14 I knew I would be spending the rest of my life together."

"So you two are high school sweethearts?"

"I would like to say that but Meredith would hate to be labelled as one of those couples. We weren't together for the first 3 years of Kaylee's life."

"And why was that?"

"When Mer found out she was pregnant we were together. Before the pregnancy we had had an on-off relationship because her mother always managed to weave her magic and cause hell for Mer and it would always be me who was the problem and Mer didn't want it to be like that. She didn't want to wake every morning and then feel guilty every time she saw me. She didn't want me to have to deal with her mother, even though I could face her. When we found out we were having a baby together we thought it was the right thing to be together. I mean we were in that place where the love is so beautiful and raw and we were going to be bringing a new life into the world. So we got back into a relationship."

"But what broke the two of you up?"

"A stupid fight. I mean at the time we were about 3 months into the pregnancy and things hadn't gone so well with her mother who kicked her out of the house along with her two siblings. So they ended up at my house staying with my two sisters, my mother and I. Her mother just didn't want anything to do with Meredith and kicked her out. So she was at the time a bit displaced and she was craving that love and attention from her mother even though she was as caring as a steak knife. I mean everyone needs a mother in their life even if they make you cry every night."

"Do you think this led to the two of you breaking up?"

"Yes and no. She had had so much disappointment in her life and she felt unloved. She had a father walk out on her when she was 5. Her mother was rarely home and later remarried. I mean don't get me wrong, Richard has been a great father to her but Meredith was always the last one that they every worried about and when they did have something to say to her it was never nice it was always 'why didn't you do this' and 'why didn't you have your sister asleep'. Her mother had two more kids and from the time Meredith was 6 she was caring for her brother, putting him first and that then led to her becoming the last one worried about and that's when she was told she wasn't good enough. Meredith put on a brave face and continued to look after her little brother even though she was barely old enough to care for herself. She sacrificed a lot of things to be there for Jackson. Then when Meredith was 12 her sister, Charlie was born and that begun Meredith being called useless and pretty much was ignored unless her mother was arguing with her over her grades from school."

"She didn't understand that Meredith cared for her two siblings and yet attended school. She didn't understand that Meredith was a child and instead of going to her friend's house and growing up she was a permanent nanny. Meredith was neglected but she made sure Charlie and Jackson were getting everything. Mer really sacrificed a lot for her brother and sister and her mother never saw it. All she saw was her A minus or the small flaws or the mistakes she made never the beautiful things she did like actually getting an A plus or cleaning the whole house and having dinner made and having her siblings in bed asleep. So when Ellis found out that her daughter was pregnant and had somewhat disgraced the whole family boy was she ready to disown her daughter. I remember the day Meredith was shot at from one of the girls in our grade because the day before this girl had exposed Mer being pregnant and that led to the whole school being vandalised about lies regarding Mer. Lies about Charlie being Mer's daughter and Mer having slept with 6 different guys she didn't know who the father was and that she slept with a teacher at the school."

"That's quite harsh."

"Tell me about it. Kids I suppose can be quite cruel and this girl was. When Mer found out who it was she made the irrational decision to yell at her in the playground and told her to 'jump in front of a bus'. She wasn't thinking and I don't blame her, she was upset, she had been humiliated, she had found out she was having a baby and she was still a baby herself and she was scared. Like anyone would be. The next day we arrive at school, Meredith had a strange feeling that something was going to happen and I told her not to be silly and found a note from the girl, it was a suicide note or something. We were told to go and find her because no one had seen her. Meredith had gone to the bathroom with Izzie and they found the girl in there and the two were held at gunpoint. They tried to reason with her and she was mad and she pulled the trigger as it was pointed at Mer. Izzie jumped in front of the bullet and the bullet went through Izzie and came and hit Mer in the ribs. The girl pulled the gun on herself and she was dead just like that. After going to the hospital and having the bullet taken out of her ribs her mother found out about Meredith being pregnant….

"_So I'm guessing that you got my daughter knocked up." Ellis says._

"_You don't have to guess."_

"_Well I'm glad that you got my daughter into trouble because I hate my daughter I wish she was the one who shot herself today." She yells causing the whole hospital to stop and look at her._

"_You should have not said that." Derek whispers._

"_I can say anything I want. She is my daughter and I can say stuff like this if I want. She is a slut and she deserved this."_

"_You are a horrible person. How could you say something like that about your daughter? It's just shameful and disrespectful."_

"_I will tell you what is disrespectful how you come into my house and look after my kids and say that if they could choose anyone to be their parents it would be you and how you go and get my daughter pregnant. That's disrespectful."_

"_Well I think that they are allowed to say that as you are never home to look after them as a mother. I think Meredith has been a better mother then you will ever be."_

"_Who do you think you are to say that I am a bad mother?"_

"_I am Derek Shepherd and I think that you are a bad mother who doesn't deserve to have 3 beautiful children."_

"_I want to see my daughter." She says through gritted teeth._

"_I'm sorry but I'm not allowing you to see her. If you come near her I will call child services and let them know that you are a bad mother." Ellis then pushes past Derek into Meredith's room._

"_What do you want?" Meredith asks._

"_I just want to know that I hope child services takes you away so I don't have to deal with you anymore. I am disowning you as my child so I am never going to be your mum. Good luck in finding a family who would want to deal with you and your washed up state."_

"_Then who is going to look after Charlie and Jackson?"_

"_I don't know. I'm guessing child services will have to deal with that when they come."_

"That was quite rough." Dr Wyatt says. "Her own mother calling her a slut."

"Her mother was quite rough." Derek says. "She was later diagnosed with Alzheimer's that year so I think that the last few years she was sick and didn't know what she was doing." He says. "Anyway I remember that after about a month of living with me we had a doctor's appointment."

"Was this the fight?"

"Yeah it was. I woke her up that morning and she seemed like she had a lot on her mind. She was in that state where she just wanted to avoid things like getting out of bed. She was really peeved and I wanted to know what was wrong but she didn't say. We went to the hospital for the appointment and we saw Kaylee for the first time and listened to her heartbeat. It was so beautiful. The doctor gave us the all clear and then we headed home and we had a little fight in the car over food and her needing to eat and she accused me of Mummy tracker her and said she will eat when she is hungry. We got home and my mother saw that Meredith was upset and then got up me telling me that she is pregnant and her hormones are all over the place and to try and not upset her. I snapped at my mother and she got up me for snapping and I said I needed some space and to get out of the house. I went to my friend's house and he asked what was wrong and I told him and he said exactly what my mother said. She is pregnant and has had a rough month and to let her do things at her own pace. I said I just wanted a healthy baby and he said that the baby will be healthy no matter what. He later told me that he was having a party cause his parents were out of town and it was the typical thing for him to do. I helped him set up and then the party started. I knew that Mer was coming with Cristina and I wanted to see her quite badly and apologise. The party was underway and I was putting ice in the cooler and I felt someone tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw her standing there so I pulled her into my arms. It was a little tense since we had fought earlier in the day and we hadn't seen each other. She said she was only staying for a little while and I gave her a drink and I kissed her and she then left."

"What happened next?"

"Someone came up to me and asked if I could get them a beer. I handed the girl a beer and we started talking. I had had a few drinks by this point but I knew what I was doing and I regretted it later. I was pissed and confused and in a daze. The two of us started flirting for a little while. I mean a little playful flirting was all I wanted it to mean and not lead to my stupid actions. Time passed like crazy and there we were by the pool kissing one another. I don't know why I was doing that and I assumed Mer wouldn't see me even though I knew she would have found out later on. I heard someone say 'oh my god' and I recognised it to be Meredith. I pushed the girl away and then chased after Mer. I caught up to her out the front and I wanted to apologise and explain myself. She said she didn't want to hear it and then I had 20 seconds. I partially told her what had happened and then she shut me off before saying goodbye but I grabbed hold of her and she asked me if I told the girl that I was involved or that my girlfriend was having a baby and I told her I didn't. She was disgusted in me and said that the thing we had was done and she left me. I went back inside and explained myself to the girl and apologised. She went to kiss my cheek goodbye but got my lips and I left and got home and my mother asked me what I had done wrong. And I knew that deep down my mother was angry at me for hurting Mer. She was disgusted in my behaviour and I told her I didn't want to talk about it. I went to Meredith's sister's room and found her there asleep. I removed her shoes and jewellery and she woke up and I told her to go back to sleep and she told me she was scared and I admitted to myself I was as well."

"What were you scared about?"

"I had a million scenarios running through my mind, like I would never see my child or Meredith. I knew at that point that we had to fight for our relationship. I went into a state of fear."

"You were young and fear never seems to worry young people but when you have something you need to protect and love you are fearful all the time."

"I spent that whole night worrying. I didn't sleep at all. I just sat on her bed with my head in my hands crying and worrying. She came down that morning and sat beside me and she asked if I meant to hurt her and I said I didn't. I was just pissed and wanted to take my mind off the fight. I told her that I didn't mean it and she stood up and said that she couldn't even look at me and was scared to think what might have happened if she wasn't there and that I would have gotten drunk and been taken advantage of. I told her that it wouldn't have happened because I love her so much. And she told me that all she could do was think about me and that girl naked together and that something could have happened when she left and I told her that nothing did. And she didn't believe me. And I said she needed to trust me, which was a hard thing for her. She told me that she had trusted me ever since we met and that at this point there was a gut feeling to run away from me. She then told me that she always thought I would be the guy who would never cheat but then she said that since she knew I cheated if she trusted me again then I would go off and do something like that again if I got pissed off again. And I said that I wouldn't and she didn't believe me. I pleaded with her and she said that she couldn't face me and I told her not to walk away. She told me she couldn't breathe and felt like she was suffocating. I tried to make things better and I started placing kisses on her collarbone and she pushed me away telling me I couldn't kiss her to make her feel better and for her to forgive me. She got up and slammed the bathroom door shut behind her and locked herself in the bathroom and she started crying. I told her I was going for a walk for some space and time."

"Did you talk to each other about the fight?"

"We did but not until later on. Her brother was hit by a car on his bike. Hit and run. I was with him and he was in bad shape. They got him to the hospital and Meredith came down right away and told him how much she loved him. They had to take him to surgery and we sat in the waiting room together. She was upset so I sat with my arm around her holding her and she didn't move. We were given an update on his surgery and things were going well. I was interviewed by two constables and they said they would be back later to see Jackson. Meredith then got mad at me and said that I wasn't watching him and said how could she trust me with our baby. My mother came into the waiting room, sent our sisters down to the cafeteria and told us to keep quiet because it was a hospital not a place for our drama. She gave us a reality check that we were becoming parents to a tiny baby. We had responsibilities because this job is the hardest job in the world and that we need each other to raise the baby because it won't be easy. We had to talk through our problems and not fight about them. We had to think about our decisions that worked for us both. We told her why we were fighting and she told us that it was a bump in the road and Meredith said that how could she trust Derek for the rest of the pregnancy, even when the baby was here. He could be going out meeting girls and Ma said that I was a gentleman. I would much prefer to be home then out partying. It wasn't until the next morning when we had the chance to talk things through. She told me that she loved us being together and being in that bliss of love and happiness but she said that she was happy for us to not be together because she didn't want arguments to be happening especially since we were having a baby. She was thinking about the baby and I thought about the bigger picture and agreed with her. I mean we had our glances, we shared kisses and romantic gestures throughout the pregnancy and even after the baby was born and we were falling into bed with each other but Meredith said that she wanted us to be together but she needed time to be happy with Kaylee and go at her own pace and not rush into a relationship together again."

"And did you?"

"I gave her time and we done the parents thing together and had our ups and downs. I later went to med school and I met someone. I came home on day with Addison at my side telling Meredith that the two of us were dating. It was like I forgot about my promise to Mer and came home with another lady. Meredith at this point was holding Kaylee and she nearly dropped the baby because she was that shocked because I broke our promise. I disappointed her like I have continued to do so." He says. "I was so different before we found out we were having Kaylee. It was all about Meredith and my family. My father died as soon as we got back to our last year of school. He was shot dead right in front of me and my youngest sister. My daughter was conceived that night because I needed comfort and sex was a comfort thing between the two of us. It was like I was living like there was no tomorrow but I kept hurting Mer. And in my head I hear my father telling me over and over again how good Mer is for me and I try. I mean I try and make her happy. She has issues and I know and understand that. Even I have issues. I understand her a whole lot. I just don't understand myself and I don't understand why Mer keeps taking me back all these times I keep hurting her. I just don't understand how this beautiful soul. This beautiful lady takes me back after everything I do to her. She should leave me on the kerb but she doesn't. She lets me inside of a night and near my kids even after I yell at her. I'm a monster and she lets me in. She should leave my pathetic arse behind and find someone who won't hurt her because I feel that I will." He says with tears in his eyes. "I love her so much and I disappoint her every day. I don't come home and tell her that I love her and appreciate what she did. She has sacrificed a whole lot for me to follow my dreams and I seem to not appreciate her like I used to. We were perfect and now I don't even know what we are. I don't even think there is a definition for our relationship."

Dr Wyatt looks at Derek, seeing his fragile state.

"Derek, you have ended up in tears after our first session. I didn't get a word out of Meredith. I know how difficult things are and can become. I'm going to help you because life is messy and desire and love, even if it's pure and raw can still burn people. You two have hit a dead end because you missed the next turn into the next phase of your lives and relationships because issues have come up. It happens and some people have hit a much worse dead end. We just need to assess the damage before we can get back on that road." She says.

Derek nods his head and a small smile comes to his face. "Thank you."

**I thought a view from Derek was much needed. A very sensitive view from Derek and honest recount from when they were 18 and about to have Kaylee. He has opened up and been honest. He needs a second opinion, even if it is a shrink to talk to. A stranger is much better to confined in then alcohol and your best mate.**

**I apologise for the delay. I'll try and update soon. Reviews would be great.**


	10. What Are You Fearful Of?

Derek snuck through the house a few days later. He had been awake since 3 that morning because all he could think about was his therapy sessions. It seemed to help him and he realised he needed to change after reviewing the beginning of his actions were just before Kaylee made an entrance. That time when his father died and when he was in his final year of school. He hated so many things that he did and he wished they could go back 6 years and he would rewrite his wrongs but he had learnt from his wrongs he just wanted to do them better.

And for himself he knew that when things were bad he would make a mistake by kissing someone. He would yell but not take a step back and see what was really going on and not walk the other way to actually ask how someone is or fight for what he loves.

Lately all he had been fighting for is nothing. He wasn't fighting for his love for Meredith and the kids. He was fighting her for her wrongs when he wasn't perfect either. He needed to make sure his life was perfect before he judged and he was taught to never judge before he walked a mile in their shoes and see what is actually going on. And he accepted Meredith for who she is because he loves how strong she is and all her flaws. She is a fighter and he realised that is why she is sticking around.

He needs Meredith in his life and he thinks it may be too late to have her in his life. He walked down towards the bedroom with a letter clutched in his hand and walked through the open door.

"What's up?" He hears.

"I didn't realise you would be awake." He says quietly.

"Couldn't sleep." She says sitting up.

He goes and sits down on her side of the bed. "Yeah same."

"I missed you tonight."

"I know. Me too." He says. "I just think for the time being we should not be in the same room because that is when we tend to fight."

"I know." She says.

"I'm sorry." He says.

"You don't have to be."

"Meredith, I do. I have to be sorry for a lot of things because I have made this mess and I should have told you right away about the kiss and not gotten made at you for not telling me about Saxon being in town and things. I am the one who needs to be sorry because I'm not grateful for what you have done for me. Ever. So first steps to amendment are me apologising. It may be too late but I won't you to know that I am never going to leave you."

"I know that."

"And I apologise for my verbal abuse. You don't deserve it. I just….

"Yell when things get scary. I know Derek. I've known you for nearly 11 years. Instead of fleeing you yell and scream and take it out on me. I deserve it."

"No you don't. You don't deserve anything I have done to you." He says. "If I ever hit you or physically abuse you I will never forgive myself. I won't ever be able to step towards you because I would be so ashamed in myself for what I have done and a woman should never be abused, verbally or physically. They do so much for us and we go by ungrateful. And I've been one of those ungrateful bastards."

"Derek you don't need to..."

"Mer, just listen to me for one moment." He says and she nods her head. "The minute Kaylee was born our lives changed and it changed for the good. Teen parents they say always have a tough time in handling those kind of situations and half the time they never make it. We didn't fight for what we had and just merely slipped away into the arms of others when we were in love with each other and I was not grateful for those times you sacrificed things. You sacrificed your childhood and friends. You sacrificed going to med school because you were caring for our daughter and I went off into the sunset not grateful for what you had done. You did everything for your family and I didn't come home and look after Kaylee for you to have a night to yourself. I didn't and I was pathetic. You should have slapped me and given me a reality check that this is my family and I need them. You should have and it would have pulled me in line. I know I've disappointed you and I've disappointed myself and my family. I don't want to disappoint anymore. I want us to be happy together and not always fighting and yelling. I want us to be who we used to be and from today it's what I'm going to try and do."

"Derek."

"Mer, it's going to happen. I want to set a good example to the kids so they know how to love when they are older." He says and hands her the letter. "Read this."

She opens the letter in her hands.

_Meredith,_

_Today, tomorrow and the next I am going to spend some time to myself to thinking. I'm just going to be off fishing and being in peace and quiet. Dr Wyatt says spending time alone for a few days is best for me. I will be back by Sunday afternoon and I am giving you the night off to spend with Cristina or whoever and you choose a weekend and I'll look after the kids while you spend it drinking or just being with Cristina. _

_I'm sorry for the late notice, I was going to tell you last night but you were already asleep and I didn't want to disturb you._

_I love you so much. I'll see you Sunday afternoon._

_Derek._

She looks up at him and nods her head. "I think it's a great idea." She says. "We get too caught up in life that we never take time to just think and be by ourselves. Go and enjoy your time."

"And if you need me. Call me. I don't care what it is for. If you just want to cry then cry to me. Or if you need to bitch and moan. Call me." He says. "I won't wake the kids. I'll see them and say goodbye. Could you just let them know?"

"Of course."

He looks at her for one moment and smiles before standing.

"Derek."

"Yeah?"

She crawls closer to him and kneels. She places her arms on his shoulders and just looks at him.

She leans in and kisses him and then pulls back. "I love you. I'm sorry to. I've made plenty of mistakes for us to get to this point as well. So it's just not you."

He smiles at her and wraps his arms around her waist and embraces her long and hard. "I know. I'm still going though."

They let go of each other and he kisses her forehead.

"I'll see you soon." She says.

"Bye. I'm sorry." He says and with that leaves the room.

She falls back on the mattress and stares at the ceiling. These three days were going to be hell.

…

"What's up with you this morning?" Cristina asks.

"Derek has gone fishing for the weekend."

"Why?"

"We both need space and Dr Wyatt suggested he spend time alone."

"Oh." She says. "Well if it's going to fix things than it's for the best."

"I know." She says smiling. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing."

"Come over then." She says. "I need to have a few drinks."

"What about the kids?"

"I'll get them to bed."

"Okay. I'll bring the tequila."

Meredith leaves the locker room and goes and stands outside the intern locker room waiting for them all who are taking their time.

"Rounds started a minute ago." She tells them before leaving the room to collect her charts.

…

Derek had been out on the water for a couple of hours. Sitting in his boat with his line in. He sat and waited. He really didn't know where to begin. He just knew that those thoughts would come to him and he would be able to figure them out.

…

"Are you okay Mummy?" Kaylee asks that evening.

"Yeah I am. I'm just looking forward to an evening of letting lose and having some girl time with Aunt Cristina." She says as she helps Kaylee into her pyjamas.

"You need some girl time." She says smiling at her.

"You feeling okay?" Meredith asks her.

"Yeah I am."

"No pain?"

"No pain." She says.

"Good." She says. "Come on you can come downstairs with me and I'll read to you."

Meredith picks Kaylee up and grabs a book from her shelf. Cristina was on her way and she wanted to spend time with Kaylee. Cooper was already fast asleep.

She carried Kaylee to the couch and sat down with Kaylee snuggled in beside her.

Meredith started reading to her and Cristina came in through the doors with her hands full.

"Hey." Meredith says. "I'm just reading to Kaylee before she goes to bed."

"That's fine." She says taking off her scarf and jacket.

Meredith finished off the rest of the chapter before closing the book. "I'll read more with you tomorrow."

"Okay Mummy." She says. "Can I sit down here with you two for a little while?"

"Of course Kay." Cristina says. "I want to spend time with my favourite girl."

"I'm your favourite girl?"

"Yes you are." She says. "You're beautiful."

Kaylee looks down at her hands and frowns. The two of them notice this and look at each other before they look back down to Kaylee.

"What is it?" Meredith asks her.

"I'm not beautiful." She says.

"Yes you are. Who says that you're not?"

"No has said it. It's just the scars that I have from the accident. They make me look ugly."

"Hey, don't you ever say that about yourself." Meredith says placing her hand under Kaylee's chin. "You are beautiful and scars don't make you ugly."

"Scars make you beautiful. They make you human." Cristina says to her.

"You've been through something and you've come out the other end of it with battle scars. They make you stronger. They are a reminder that you have survived something and you have."

"You are so beautiful Kaylee."

"We almost lost you. Your Daddy and I." She says. "The day after your accident we were in the hospital with you. They were hopeful for you and said you should be healthier the next day. Around lunchtime you were getting worse. You were coming down with a fever and just didn't look well. I went to the bathroom and came back out and you looked terrible. I watched you as you watched me before your eyes closed and you started coding. I thought we had lost you. I pressed the call button and started compressions of you before the code team entered and your father running in behind them. He wrapped his arms around me as they took over compressions and they had to shock you to get your heart beating again. It took them two times shocking you to get you stabilised and I felt like I was going to be sick. They informed us that you were bleeding internally again and had come down with an infection. They rushed you back into surgery and we sat waiting for hours to see you again. You finally came back to your room and we waited by your bedside. The moment you opened your eyes I cried. You reassured me you were fine and I was crying because I was so glad you were awake and well." Meredith tells her. "Every time I look at these scars it will remind me of what could have happened and tell me that I am so lucky that you are still here. It will be a constant reminder to tell people I love them before it's too late. Your scars are a sign of strength and love."

Kaylee looks at her mother and smiles.

"It's exactly what I see Kaylee. I see a warrior." Cristina says.

"I am a warrior." She says.

"Yes you are."

"I'm going off to bed to read for a bit."

"Okay. I'll come up and tuck you in." She says hugging Kaylee and then kissing her goodnight.

"Night Aunt Cris." She says hugging Cristina.

Cristina hugs Kaylee tightly and kisses her forehead. "We all love you Kaylee."

"I know." She says before leaving.

"You have a beautiful girl on your hands." Cristina says. "And I'm really going to be sad if you and Derek don't make it because you'll tear that girl to shreds if the two of you divorce."

"I know." She says. "Let me call Derek so I can tell him about Kaylee's fears and worries. He always makes her feel better."

"Girls strive for that attention off their fathers. They are daddy's little girls." Cristina says.

Meredith dials Derek's number and waits for him to answer. He doesn't answer and she feels shatter.

"He must be out of service." She says but the phone rings in her hands. "Hello?"

"_Sorry, I was just in the shower. What's up?"_

"Kaylee. She thinks her scars are making her ugly. We had to tell her what her scars really meant but I think she would like to talk to you." Meredith says.

"_Put her on." He says from the other end._

"Give us as sec." She says. She heads up the stairs to Kaylee's room and finds her curled up in bed looking at a photo album. "Daddy's on the phone. He wants to talk to you."

A smile grows on Kaylee's face and Meredith hands her the phone and sits down on the bed with her.

"Hi Daddy."

"_Are you getting ready for bed? It's a little passed your bedtime."_

"I know daddy but when we got home from the hospital I helped Mummy bathe Coopie because he was really tired and had come down with a fever. So I helped her bathe him and get him to bed. We ended up having a late dinner and shower. She just finished reading to me and then I just came up to bed."

"_Is Coopie okay?"_

"Yeah he is. Just a little sleepy." She says. "Daddy, can I ask you a question?"

"_Anything Kay."_

"Are my scars ugly?"

"_Kaylee, nothing about a scar is ugly. Your scars are beautiful. I have a scar from when I crashed my bike on my head. Mummy has scars on her body from surgery. Scars are a sign of survival. I see them as a survival symbol and to carry on those battle scars you need to be a strong girl and embrace them because someone might stop you in the street and ask you what happened and you should be able to tell them with tears falling. You should tell them that I survived something horrible and its made me who I am. I cherish life. I am a warrior and these scars are who I am."_

"But what if people say things about them?"

"_You just ignore them. You don't deserve people in your life who judge you because of something so small."_

"Thank you Daddy."

"_No worries Princess." He says. "Do you want to ask me anything else?"_

"No daddy." She says. "I love you daddy."

"_I love you to the moon and back." He says._

"Well I love you to Mars and back."

"_My love for you is the entire universe."_

"The entire universe. I love you that much as well Daddy."

"_Tell your Mummy that my love for her is the entire galaxy and back."_

"Daddy says he loves you the whole galaxy and back." Kaylee says.

Meredith smiles. "Tell him the same thing."

"Mummy loves you the same amount as well." She says.

"_I better let you go little one. Sweet dreams and remember what I have told you and what your mother has told you." He says. "You're beautiful."_

"I will daddy. I'll see you Sunday."

"_Bye baby girl."_

"Bye." She says handing the phone back to Meredith.

"Bye Derek."

"_Bye Meredith." He says before hanging up._

Meredith stands up and tucks Kaylee under her covers and kisses her forehead.

"I love you."

"I know Mommy."

Meredith leaves her room and shuts the light off.

…

Derek placed his phone down beside him and looked up at the ceiling. He sighed and rolled over, looking out the window.

He was missing everyone right at this moment. He was especially annoyed that he wasn't there to comfort Kaylee. He hated not being there to comfort the kids when they were upset. Especially now since Cooper had a fever and Kaylee didn't think she was beautiful. It broke his heart when Kaylee put herself down.

She didn't deserve the accident to happen to her but if was an obstacle and these obstacles happened.

"_What has happened in the last three months in your household?"_

"_We ended the year on a high note, hoping to conceive another baby but things didn't go to plan."_

"_What happened?"_

"_I kissed my ex-fiancé by accident. She approached me after a bad morning at home and stood in my way and I kissed her. I didn't mean for that to happen. Mer found out from one of her friends. Then her ex came to town with his daughter and she had helped him by lining up schools and houses. He ended up working at the hospital with us. We got into a huge fight. That weekend after he showed up Kaylee was in an accident."_

"_What happened?"_

"_She was riding her bike with her friend. She was chased by a dog and lost her balance and fell off breaking her arm and then she was mauled by this dog." He says and a silence fills the room. He looks at the fish tank and closes his eyes remembering every moment._

"_What were you feeling at that point?"_

"_I was working and Meredith called me. I wasn't in the mood to talk to her and then she told me that Kaylee had been in an accident and we were headed to the hospital. I followed the team of doctors down to the ambulance bay. The doctors in the bay were worried because I told them that Kaylee had been in an accident. The ambulance pulled up and the doors opened. I caught sight of Kaylee on the gurney and then Mer climbed down with Cooper in her arms. She was covered in blood. Kaylee's blood. I held her in my arms and told her to calm down for Kaylee and we followed them to the trauma room. Kaylee was in terrible shape. She was bleeding badly and they had to dope her with morphine because of how she was. I couldn't imagine the pain she was in. I asked Mer what happened and she told me. I held Cooper in my arms and comforted Mer at the same time. Richard came out and told us what was going to happen and what was wrong with her. We asked to see her before they took her too surgery and he let us but only for a few minutes. They cleared the room for us. We told her we love her and she asked if we would in her room when she woke. We told her we would be and then I remember her telling me that she tried to keep her balance on her bike. I didn't care at that point. We left her and waited for her surgery to be through."_

"_Were you scared?"_

"_I was. Any parent would be if their child was mauled. Children die from being mauled and I didn't want to have my child as one of those statistics. The moment I was scared was the next day when they had to hit her chest with the paddles. Twice. She coded and she almost died. I remember them hitting her chest with the paddles and them saying clear and watching as she chest rose and fell from the shock of the electricity going through her body. I watched her chest do it twice and it haunts my dreams. I close my eyes and I see the machines flatling and them not hitting her chest. I hear them calling time of death and covering her over with a blanket and turning to us saying they did everything they could. Then I wake up and go and stand in her doorway to make sure it was only a nightmare and not reality. But then I will have other dreams and Kaylee will be a ghost and asking why I didn't do everything I could and that I failed mummy and the family because I didn't do everything I could. I have constant nightmares because of the fear of losing a child."_

"_You have these nightmares because of something else."_

"_What?"_

"_These nightmares are fears and when you actually figure out why you have these nightmares with Kaylee in them you will understand what she means."_

"_What there is another meaning to these nightmares than a dying child?"_

"_Yes."_

Derek's eyes shot open wide and he sat up in the bed.

He wasn't fearful of losing a child to death. He was fearful of losing Meredith because he didn't try to fix things. He was fearful that he would lose her and she would leave with the kids and he would never see them again. He didn't want that to happen. He wanted to hold his kids and hold his wife and love and cherish them every day.

…

Meredith laid in her bed. It was 3 am that morning. Cooper was asleep on her chest and she rubbed his back to comfort him. Cristina was asleep beside her

She thought back to her sessions with Dr Wyatt and thought they were a waste of time because she felt she didn't need it. She though thought through her last session and the question that Dr Wyatt left her with to try and figure out the answer.

"_What are you fearful of? There is something behind the meaning of your thoughts and nightmares. The answer is right in front of you."_

"_I don't have any idea."_

"_You are smart. You will figure this out on your own."_

Meredith laid there annoyed and then sent a message.

_What are you fearful of?_

She didn't expect a reply until later on but she received one right away.

_Loss.  
What are you fearful of?_

_I don't know._

It was the truth she didn't know just yet. She kissed Cooper's head and rubbed his back again.

She then realised what she was fearful of.

_I don't want to end up like my parent's marriage. I don't want you to walk out on the children like my father did to me. I don't want to remarry and focus on my career rather than my children and turn out like my mother. I don't want to call my daughter a slut in front of my co-workers and then kick her out wishing for child services to take the baby away. I want to live my happily ever after with our piles of grandkids and sit beside you reminiscing the times we were young and silly and didn't fight for the things we love.  
My grandmother told me that when she was my age her and Pop were on the brink of separation. She had made the silly mistakes like we did and instead of getting angry they worked out their problems without it ending in a fight and excepted that that fight taught them a life lesson. If you don't fight for the ones you love they will walk out the door for you to never see them again. I don't want you to walk out the door because we didn't try. _

She closed her eyes for a moment and she felt her phone vibrate. She opened the message.

_My grandmother told me the same thing. You work your problems out and not walk out that door. You though are nothing like your mother. You're proving her wrong every single day. You are a mother who loves her children dearly and you don't yell and scream at them for being ordinary you celebrate their flaws and tell them that they are beautiful no matter what. You are nothing like your mother. Like at this moment you want to work on your mistakes when your mother didn't. I love you for who you are Meredith Grey. _

She felt a tear fall from her cheek and land on Cooper's head.

"I am nothing like my mother." She says to herself.


	11. I Failed The Kids

That Wednesday was Kaylee's third day back at school after her accident. With nerves rising through her body she played with the bracelet on her wrist to keep her nerves down.

The past month since her accident had sent her parents into a frenzy of fights and tension. The past week they had been fine but after her accident she remembers them being so tense and everything they did turned into a fight. All the little things turned into arguments that resulted in fights.

She remembers one morning waking and sitting at the table and watching as an argument unfolded.

"_You didn't put the plate in the dishwasher."_

"_I had to help Cooper, Derek."_

"_It would have only taken a second to put the plate in the dishwasher."_

"_Well Cooper needed me. My son comes before a stupid plate." She bites back. _

"_Well you didn't even put the plate in the dishwasher after."_

"_Derek it's just a plate, get over it."_

Or their fights would be over not hanging their jacket up on the hook or not being ready to go to work. They found themselves driving separately of a morning to avoid arguments but they still fought in front of the kids. Their rule of never fighting in front of them was broken.

Kaylee for nearly a month lay awake at night and listened to her mother's sobs. Her mother was lost and confused for the first two weeks after the accident. She knew that her parents weren't sleeping together in the same bed because of their fights. She realised and understood why they were fighting.

Their exes and the past. The past when Kaylee was just born and growing up.

She started to blame herself for being born and put on this earth. She was going back to school for the first time since her accident and was glad to be back. Though she had her arm still plastered and she had a scar on her jawline, her right cheek and on her right ear. They were the only visible things from her accident. The scars on her body were easily hidden. They were her battle wounds.

Before they left of a morning she stood in front of the mirror and reminded herself she was a warrior. She had to be strong. She survived. She would survive anything. Each morning though she looked at the travel bucket list. She printed it out and stuck it on her mirror.

_Nobody gets left behind_

She smiled but remembered all that happened in the past few weeks. She frowned and ripped the bucket list from the mirror. She tore it in half and tears fell from her face.

She wiped the tears from her face that had fallen. She picked up her school bag and went downstairs to go to school.

"Daddy is waiting for you out the front." Meredith asks her. "Kay, are you alright?"

"I'm fine Mummy."

"Well dad is meeting you down at the car. I'll see you later sweetie." She says kissing Kaylee goodbye. "Have a good day."

"Bye Mummy."

"Bye Kay."

Kaylee left the house and Meredith followed her and made sure she got in the car alright.

Meredith had Cooper on her hip as she waited for Derek to come by and take him and Kaylee.

"Are you going to be a good boy today?" She asks him.

"Yes Mumma."

"What are you going to do at the crèche?"

"Play and draw. Play with the trains especially."

"Well remember you have to share your toys Coopie."

"I know Mumma. But I like playing with the trains."

She smiles at him. She didn't know if Cooper knew what was going on between Derek and her. She hoped he didn't. She knew that Kaylee knew and it hurt her.

"There you are Coopie. Let's go big boy." Derek says standing in front of Meredith and holding his arms out for him.

"Mumma come?"

"Daddy is taking you today Coopie. I am starting work later today. I'll come and visit you for lunch. How does that sound?"

"Good Mumma."

"Bye Baby boy." She says kissing his cheek and handing him off to Derek.

"Bye Mumma." He says waving and blowing a kiss.

"Bye." Derek says to her.

"Bye Derek. I'll see you at work."

He went off and helped the kids into the car and drove off.

That was the first thing he said to her this morning. If they weren't fighting hello, goodnight and goodbye were the only words that came out of their mouths. They were barely communicating with each other.

But since they had both been seeing Dr Wyatt they were communicating better. She remembered the conversation early Saturday morning they had over their fears and it meant something to her. A very big something.

This morning was Meredith's morning off. Derek was taking the kids to school and she was spending the morning at home since she finished work at 3 that morning.

She had the house to herself. She had time to think. She had time to cry. But she didn't want to cry. Or think. She wanted to be distracted.

She showered. She felt somewhat dirty. The way Derek had been looking at her made her feel dirty. She didn't want to feel like that. She scrubbed her skin until it was red and raw. She washed her hair because she was always too busy to wash it. She shaved her legs and scrubbed her body over again. She wanted to gussy up her appearance because she had been slacking.

She dressed and went and done a quick clothes tidy up. She collected the clothes in the hamper. When she stopped in Kaylee's room she noticed that the bucket list was no longer on the mirror like it was before. It was ripped in half and on the floor.

She bent down and picked up the piece of paper. Joining to the two pieces back together. This was Kaylee's dream. She wanted this so badly and the constant fighting broke her dreams.

_Nobody gets left behind._

She felt like she let her children down. She felt terrible. So she went downstairs, reprinted another copy of the bucket list and stuck it on the fridge.

_Our dream vacation. Our family together. Nobody gets left behind._

She wrote that in big red letters and smiled. This was a goal.

She gathered her things and left for work. There was nothing else that needed to be done and work was more important.

She started work and rounded on patients and assigned her interns. It was when she was sitting down to get lunch when her phone rang. She immediately answered when she saw who was calling. A sense of panic overcoming her body.

"Hi, Meredith. This is Kaylee's teacher. I was wondering if you could pop in after school today. I know its late notice but I need to have a discussion with you and your husband."

"Is Kaylee alright?"

"Kaylee's fine. It's just something I want to talk to you in person about."

"Ok. We can be by at 3?"

"That's fine. I'll keep Kaylee here with me for the afternoon until you come for the meeting. She can help me put some work up."

"Ok. We will be by soon."

She forgot about her lunch and went to find Derek.

"Would you happen to know where Dr Shepherd is?" She asks at the nurses' station.

"He had a surgery, but he should be finishing up in the next 20 minutes."

"Thank you."

She goes down to the surgery floor and waits outside the OR Derek is in. Her head was racing. She didn't know what had happened with Kaylee for an urgent meeting. She waited for Derek and she saw him scrubbing out. She walked through to the scrub room.

"Derek."

He looks up at her and then back down at his hands.

"Kaylee's teacher just called me."

"What happened?"

"She wants to see both of us this afternoon. She rather discuss with us in person."

"So you don't know what is going on?"

"No Derek. I do not know what is going on. If I did I would tell you but I don't know."

"Well you seem to know everything else. I thought you might have known." He says.

She was taken aback by his tone.

"Derek we are not bringing our personal lives into the four walls of this hospital."

"Why not? We fight at home. We fight in front of the kids. What difference does it make to fight in front of our colleagues?"

"It makes a lot of difference Derek. We work with these people. They don't need to know our personal dramas."

"Well what are we doing right now?" He asks hitting the water off.

"Derek not here." She says through her teeth as a nurse in the OR looked at them.

"Well where then?"

"We aren't fighting in front of anyone. If we are to fight at least behind a closed door." She says.

He shakes his head and leaves the scrub room. She starts following him and then both their pagers sound.

"Meredith?" He asks as he sees her concerned face.

"Derek it's the crèche."

A look of panic goes across his face. And they both run down to the crèche.

"We were paged." She says to one of the workers.

"Come out to the meal room." She tells them.

In the meal room Cooper was sitting down with one of the workers with tears running down his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asks concerned.

"Cooper had an incident with one of the kids."

"What happened?"

"It involved trains. Cooper punched Dylan for playing with the trains."

"Cooper." Derek scolds.

Meredith felt ashamed. Cooper never was like this.

"What is going to happen?" Derek asks.

"Well we are not going to take him out of the crèche. It was a first time incident. We want the two of you to sit down and explain discipline to him."

"He is 2 and a half." Meredith says.

"Not too young to start teaching him discipline." She says.

"He knows what is right and wrong though."

"Obviously he doesn't." She says.

"Alright. We'll take him if you want." Derek says.

"That would be a good idea."

Derek takes his bag and Meredith carries him out from the crèche. They didn't say anything because in all honesty they didn't know what to say to each other.

"What are we going to do with him for the rest of the day?" He asks.

"I don't know." She says quietly.

"Mumma?" Cooper says with apologetic eyes.

"What is it baby boy?"

"I sorry."

"I know you are baby boy." She says kissing his forehead.

"I was stopping for lunch." He says. "We can maybe sit down and explain to him what he did was wrong."

She nodded her head and they found a table at the cafeteria. They ate in silence. In an awkward silence. The only sounds coming from the noises of chewing.

Derek looked at Meredith while she helped Cooper. He was wondering what she was feeling. How she honestly was after their time apart.

She looked up at him and met his eyes. They were locked in this look. Staring at one another. Trying to make out what exactly they were thinking. They were locked in this stare for what felt like hours but a slamming of a tray on the table brought them back to reality.

They looked at the occupied seat. It was Cristina.

"Hi." Meredith says turning to Cooper.

"Sorry for disturbing your time." She says. "Why's the boy here?"

"He punched a kid in the crèche. We had to take him from the crèche."

"Oh, your kids a bad ass. Why did he punch the kid?"

"The kid wanted to play with a train. Cooper didn't let him."

"You show Coopie. You show him whose boss."

"Cristina. Don't teach him bad habits. He might get kicked out from the crèche if it happens again."

"So what's the solution?"

"Teach him discipline."

"But he does know discipline."

"According to them he doesn't." She says.

"His 2 and a half. What do they expect? His toilet trained for god sakes. Some kids aren't toilet trained until they are going to school." Derek says.

"Its life." She says. "What else happened?"

"We have a meeting with Kaylee's teacher this afternoon."

"Both kids in trouble. God what have you two done?" She asks with a smirk on her face. But it soon disappears when she realises what she had said.

"I have a patient I need to check on." Derek says.

"I have paperwork to do." Meredith announces tidying up and then placing Cooper on her hip.

Derek takes the trays and disposes of the rubbish. Meredith takes Cooper and they leave Cristina alone.

"In the lobby. Quarter to three?"

"Quarter to three." She replies back.

…

She spent that time filling in charts and paperwork with Cooper on her lap. He knew he was in trouble but he slept in her arms after having his bottle. Meredith was though to distracted to think and write. She slammed the pen down and sat back in the chair.

"Tough day?"

"You could say that." She says to Saxon.

"Why is the boy here?"

"That's part of the reason why my day is tough."

"Say no more." He says. "Bri says Kaylee is back at school. How is she?"

"I think she's doing good. Considering. She's a little conscious about what others would say about her scars."

"Well tell her they are beautiful."

"We have, over and over again. I just think she is still healing. We've been busy for these last three months and its just going to take a while I think."

"It always does." He says. "I'll see you around. Hopefully your day turns out well."

"Me too." She says.

…

"Thank you both for coming in. I know it's hard to get away from work. Both being surgeons and all." Mrs Green says sitting down at her desk.

Kaylee and Cooper were in the next room playing with the toys.

"No problems." Derek says. "What are we here for?"

"Ok. I know Kaylee has had a rough month. With her accident. It's a parent's worse nightmare a dog attack. Especially when you are becoming a parent." She says resting her hands on her small bump. "So I know that she has had a rough few weeks. I know that she almost died. I know everything that happened. I have had nightmares thinking about it. Kaylee is a gorgeous girl and I wish it didn't happen to her. But she has been here a three days and her behaviour has changed."

"What do you mean?" Derek asks.

"She is usually so attentive in class. She gets along with everyone in the playground. She is this sweet and innocent girl who is friendly and doesn't have problems with anyone but since she got back I have had kids come back after recess and lunch crying because Kaylee wasn't letting them in to play games. I have had the teachers on duty comment about her behaviour. I am just shocked at what has happened and why exactly she is acting this way. I know surgery can change someone's behaviour and I have a feeling that Kaylee is maybe feeling self-conscious about her scars. I don't know if anyone is saying something to her, she hasn't said but her behaviour is upsetting me. Such a bright and smart girl and she is not acting the way I know Kaylee does." She says.

"Oh." Is all Derek says.

Meredith didn't say anything. She felt ashamed.

"Has she said anything to you two?"

"She hasn't said anything to us." Derek says.

"What about at home. Has her routine changed, or your routine. Any family drama."

They both stayed quiet for a moment.

"Her routine is normal. Our routine is normal. Work has been the same as before. One parent is always home if the other isn't. She understands our work and how we have to sometimes work back. She knows all about that."

"So you don't see any reason why her behaviour has changed?"

"No." They both lie. Knowing exactly why it has changed.

"Ok. Well if the two of you could go home and talk to her about her behaviour because I don't like seeing her like this. She is one of my favourite kids to teach. She is always telling me stories and she really helps the kids in this class. She is a real asset and I would hate to see her lose all her friends."

"We know. I think it's a big thing, being attacked by a dog at her age and having these physical scars." Meredith adds in. "It's a big thing, surgery when you're a 6 year old."

"I know. You guys are so strong. Through everything. I mean it's so scary to think that you almost lost her. I can't imagine what the two of you have gone through."

"We will admit that during her recovery and after her accident it has been tense between both of us but we are fine now." Derek says.

"I admit that it is true. Relationships can get tense when dangerous things happen. Its life. You just have to get past it and stay strong. You have memories and things together and you have this beautiful love. You can't forget about that." She tells them. "Anyway I better let the two of you go. I will hope to see you both around."

"We will definitely talk to Kaylee about her behaviour." Derek says. "Thank you for letting us know. See you later."

He keeps the hand on the small of Meredith's back and they leave with the kids.

They head back to the hospital and changed heading home for the afternoon. They were exhausted from chasing after their children.

They made dinner and done baths and bedtime stories and tuck ins.

When they reached Kaylee's room they say the look of guilt on her face. She knew she was in trouble and she didn't want to be. She felt bad for what she did and she wanted to take it back.

"I know that I am in trouble." Kaylee says.

They sit down on her bed and grab a hold of her hand.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Derek asks her.

"Because the two of you aren't happy and I wanted to not burden you."

"Has anyone been saying things about you?" Meredith asks her.

"I don't think so. I just didn't want them to so I was mean to them so they wouldn't say anything back to me." She says.

"Kaylee you know better."

"I know." She says with tears falling down her cheeks.

"You have to tell us if people are saying things about you because we need to know what is going on. Bullying is acceptable anywhere and any type is bad. You know this. You came home and told us all about it you were anti-bullying and so passionate about stopping it happen." Derek says.

"Did you apologise to those girls?"

"No."

"Tomorrow you better apologise and say you are sorry. Maybe let them know how you are feeling."

"Your teacher really does care for you and it's her duty to keep you safe and happy. All teachers are there for you to keep you safe and make sure no dramas happen. Mrs Green was really disappointed in your behaviour because she really does love having you in her class. She loves how smart you are and how you help all the kids when they are stuck. She feels you are like a second teacher in the classroom and she believes you are a true asset. A helping hand goes a long way Kaylee and if you continue to do this you will benefit the classroom a whole lot."

"I like Mrs Green as well. I'll apologise to her as well." She says.

"Good work sweetie."

"I'm really sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to disappoint you."

"Hey, it's okay. Making mistakes is fine in this household as long as you learn why you made them and learn for next time. You learn every time you fall." Derek says.

"Believe me, you do. It helps you understand the world yourself better. Your strengths and weaknesses." She says. "Everyone has them. No one is perfect."

"I feel bad because I snapped at Bri on Monday." Kaylee says.

"What did you say?"

"That it was her fault that I fell. I didn't mean to say it. It just came out."

Derek and Meredith look at each other and then back down at Kaylee.

"You need to think before you speak. Bri is one of your friends and she won't be any more if you say those things."

"I know. I'm going to apologise to her as soon as I get to school in the morning."

"Good."

"You need your sleep Kaylee. Know that we love you very much." Meredith says kissing her head.

"I am really sorry."

"Don't be sorry to us. Be sorry to your friends tomorrow." Derek says. "Night baby girl."

They collapse on the lounge. Together they feel ashamed at themselves. Their fighting with each other has affected their children's behaviour. They were monsters.

The lighting flashed outside and the thunder boomed.

They shared a looked with each other and the power in the house blackout.

"Dammit." He says.

"I'll get the candles." She says.

"I'll check the fuse box."

They part ways and meet back on the lounge again. Candles were lighting the room. A softened glow on each of their faces.

"Derek we are monsters. We have not thought about the kids throughout our fighting." She says. "We broke the rule."

"I know." He says agreeing.

They turn and look at each other. His eyes pulling her in to admire him. He was pulled in by her beauty. One of the many things that he fell in love with.

This was one of the first times they had looked at each other. With love burning in their eyes. The way they look at each other when they aren't fighting. The way they look at each other when something beautiful happens like when their kids were born. Or just before they made love.

Derek's hand came to her face. He cupped her face and leant in and kissed her. She kissed him back and ran her hands through his hair.

Derek's hands roamed her body. He hadn't touched her in a long time. There was a fire building inside them. To touch each other wildly and have each other in their arms was what they had missed out on for a few months now. It was like they were forgiving each other forever they did.

She felt tears fall from her eyes and Derek pulled away from her and cupped her face in his hands.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"I feel like I failed the kids today. I didn't mean to but they were in trouble for things that we have influenced on them."

She buries her head in his shoulder and he rubs her back.

"I failed them. You didn't."

"Derek." She says. "You don't have to take the fall for this."

"I do because it is my fault. When I spent the weekend by myself I knew that I needed to think about my actions before I did anything. I know something's are hard to redo but if I could I would. I would do anything to change the things I have done but for now on I need to count to 5. Then you are fine. I haven't been counting to 5 because I'm too angry to do that. So I would skip the counting and yell. All those fights we had could have been avoided if I counted to 5."

"I haven't been counting to 5 either." She says smiling.

He lays backwards on the lounge and pulls her down with him. She lies between his legs with her head resting on his chest.

"Do you think we will get past this?"

"I hope we do." She says. "I know we will."

"It's our anniversary in 14 days."

"I know." She says. "3 years together."

He kisses her forehead and the two fall asleep in each other's arms.


	12. Anniversary Weekend

He woke in the spare room again. This was one of the nights he decided to come home. Some nights he couldn't bare walk through those doors because as a husband he was frightened at what would or could happen. He didn't even step into the bedroom because he didn't know what would happen. He only made a trip if he needed new clothes. He could barely look at her without hurt. That night they had the blackout, they almost reconciled. It was the night they were almost fine but guilt overcome themselves and they laid in each other's arms in an embrace of wondering. He was scared he would be served with divorce papers. Something he did not want to go through.

He was scared thinking that this could happen and they would put their children at risk and would no longer be husband and wife. She was the love of his life. He wanted to make things better but he was unsure at how to make everything better.

Meredith woke to an empty bed. She and Derek had not shared the bed in a long while. She was sacred every single moment that she would wake to find divorce papers on her pillow or come home after work to find them on the table. Derek barely came home. She didn't blame him. She wouldn't come home at night if she knew it would hurt her. She came home and looked after the kids because it kept her distracted. She put a brave face on to make them feel safe. She still cried at night because it was too hard and all she could imagine was the life that could happen if they don't apologise.

Kaylee knew what was happening more and more. She got closer to her mother's bedroom at night because the crying made her upset. She didn't like the sound of her mother's crying. She wanted to hold her mother at night and tell her that everything would be alright.

That morning Derek had gone to work. Kaylee slept in Meredith's bed last night because Kaylee had had a nightmare and wanted to be comforted. So she slept in her mothers' arms and her mother didn't cry at once during that night. She listened to her mothers' beating heart and felt comforted. All she needed was her daddy's arms around her. She wanted everything to go back to the way it was before.

"Morning Kay." She says kissing her. "We have to get up and go soon."

Kaylee stirs in her mother's arms and opens her eyes. "Morning Mummy."

"Let's get ready, shall we?"

"Ok Mummy."

They got their morning routine over and done with. She drove to the hospital walked the floors with full hands. Dropped her son off at the crèche and rounded with her interns with Kaylee at her side. She assigned cases and started on her case for the day. She took Kaylee to school and came back and started treating her patient.

"How are you and Meredith going?" Mark asks.

"We are fine."

"Derek, don't lie to me. I know you." Mark says.

"Mark just leave me alone." Derek says.

Mark looks around and pulls Derek into an empty room.

"You're not leaving until you tell me how the two of you are going." He says.

"Mark I have patients."

"So do I but I need to know how my best friend is feeling. You are no longer McDreamy around here they are calling you McDreary. Meredith and you are one of the most talked about couple. You two have been the most talked about since high school. Kids were aspiring to be like you and Meredith. They were always rooting for the two of you to be together. They were overjoyed when they heard the two of you were having a baby together. They saw a future for the two of you. They see the two of you dying in each other's arms." He says. "I see the two of you together until you are both old. You see the two of you together forever. So what the hell is stopping you from getting back with your wife?"

Derek looks at him and then back down at the floor. Tears are welling in his eyes.

"Derek, come on man. You can tell me."

"I want to forgive her. I want to say I'm sorry for all the pain I caused her and kiss her and hold her. I want to have another child with her. We were planning to try for a baby this year. We have been trying for 2 months and nothing yet. We have our 3rd wedding anniversary soon. I want to be back with her more than anything in the world. I love her so much. It hurts. I want to be back in her arms again and hold her but I am so scared to walk through the front door some days because I am scared that there will be divorce papers there. So much has happened to us I am scared we won't be able to find a way back to one another. I love her so much Mark."

"I know you do." He says placing a hand on his shoulder.

Mark sat with Derek and comforted his friend.

"I think that you and Meredith need to get away for a few days. You two need time to yell and fight and reconnect. To be a family. To be in love again. You need a break from work, from your exes from your kids. It will do the kids well not hearing the two of you fight and not acting like a family. This is for your marriage and your family, Derek. Book a weekend away for your anniversary. Spend time getting massages and getting drunk. You two have been so stressed with everything its time to take a break and take a look at what you really want."

"I want my wife and family to stay together."

"Well that is what you and Meredith have to work towards. Your family. Who knows you could get extremely drunk and conceive your child. You two seem to do that well." He says.

Derek smiled and remembered all those times.

"_Derek, have you showered yet?" She asks. He doesn't reply to her so she becomes concerned and decides to open the door. She opens it to reveal Derek sitting in the bathtub with a bottle of tequila in his hands. "Um where did you get that?" She asks pointing to it._

"_Do you want a drink? I have plenty." He says to her. _

_She walks over to him and set herself next to him in the bath. She reaches for the bottle and takes a sip from it. She hands the bottle back to him and he takes a huge swig. Meredith takes the bottle from him then pours it down the drain. He tries grabbing it but Meredith holds him back. He isn't happy with her and starts sulking._

"_Derek seriously. This is not what I told you to do. I want you to have a shower then sleep." She tells him._

"_But I need to drink." He says._

"_No you don't. You need to shower and sleep so I don't get killed for my room smelling like tequila and that your mum doesn't shoot you when she sees you." She says. _

"_Fine." He says._

_She gets out of the bath and helps him out. He starts undressing and she turns the shower on. She closes the door and Derek showers. Meredith changes into her pyjamas and turns all the lights off downstairs. She walks back up to her room and lies down on her bed and falls asleep._

_Derek emerges in ten minutes later. He sees Meredith sleeping so he climbs into bed next to her. He just watches her sleep. He then leans in and kissing the back of her neck. Meredith stirs. He places more kisses along her collar bone and works his way up to her neck then to her lips. Meredith turns around and faces him as he places another kiss on her lips._

"_Derek what are you doing." She says between kisses._

"_I'm drowning my sorrows." He says kissing her collar bone._

"_Not like this." She says even though she is enjoying it._

"_Why not?" He asks stoping and looking at her._

"_Because it is wrong and we're not together and it is not the right thing to do." She tells him. _

_His face then drops. She hates seeing him like this and he wasn't before when he was kissing her. So she decides that she will let him kiss her to feel better. She wraps an arm around his waist._

"_Ok. Do whatever." She tells him._

_He then kisses her again and deepens it with his tongue searching for entry into her mouth. She allows it and they keeping kissing. Derek shifts positions so he is lying onto of her. She runs her hands up and down his body while he kisses her collar bone. She throws her head back into the pillows. The two of them are then naked and sharing a moment she has wanted for so long._

He thinks about that night when the conceived Kaylee. He was the drunk one that time. The next time both of them were too drunk to recall anything.

"_You're too drunk to drive." He says as he stumbles out behind her._

"_Well so are you." Meredith says._

"_Split a cab?"_

"_Sure."_

_In the cab both of them can't keep their hands off of each other. The dress that Meredith was wearing gave Derek easy access to feel her up. They kissed each other hungrily and Derek felt her up._

_Derek paid for the cab and they both stumbled inside the house and straight upstairs to her bedroom._

"_I've missed this so much Mer." He slurs._

"_Me too. We should have sex all the time." She says giggling._

_Derek shut the door behind them and had her pinned up against the door._

"_I'm gonna sex you up so bad-ly Mer."_

"_Well you better get started. You don't keep a girl waiting."_

That night was still fuzzy to him. He remembers some of the night but they were obviously too drunk to tell that he was engaged.

"I'm on my break. I'm going to go and make a few calls." He says. "Thank you Mark."

"No worries Derek." He says. "I will always be here for you."

Derek found a computer and looked at different bed and breakfast places. He found one perfect place in wine country with a spa and sauna and tours of the vineyards. He made accommodation for the next weekend. Friday to Monday. Hopefully this would get the two of them rekindled.

He swapped shifts around for him and Meredith. He rang his mother but realised she was going away the same weekend.

He went to Richard's office and knocked on the door.

"Come in."

"Hi Richard."

"Derek. What's up?"

"Well it's mine and Meredith's anniversary in a couple of weeks. I have a weekend booked for both of us. I figured work out for us two but I need a babysitter for the weekend. And my mother isn't home."

"Derek, I'll be more than happy to watch them. I barely get to spend time with them so bring them around."

"Thank you so much. You don't realise how much we both need this weekend away." He says.

"I know Derek. Get back to me next week with some more details."

"I shall."

…

The next week Meredith woke. It was not to her kids but her phone ringing. She looked at what time it was and grabbed her phone reading the message.

_You're up. Read the note for my details. Derek._

She was confused. She found the note on the bedside table and read his scrawl.

_No work for the weekend. No kids for the weekend. Everything has been organised except for you. Happy early 3__rd__ anniversary. We need time together to talk and fight. We are leaving the house at 12. Be ready. I want to spend a weekend with you Meredith with no interruptions. Derek._

She looked at the time. She had 30 minutes to get ready. She was unsure at where they were going. All she could know is that he was taking her to the woods to kill her.

_I realise you are most likely freaking out. Just pack some clothes for four days away. Your swimmers as well also some warm clothes but some nice dressy clothes. We are going to wine country._

It reassured her thoughts. He didn't want to kill her. So she packed what she knew she would need and got ready herself.

Derek had packed his bag before she got home from work last night. This morning he went off and bought a present to give her for their anniversary. He had Kaylee ready to go to school and went and dropped Cooper at the crèche and let them know what was going on and that their uncle or grandfather would be collecting him. Everything was organised.

He sat in the car counting down the final moments until it was 12 o'clock and their weekend away would start. His fingers tapping away at the steering wheel. He was unsure at how she would react. He was unsure if this would help their relationship. He was really hoping it would. He had bought a bottle of tequila as well just for her.

When it was 12 o'clock he climbed from the car and walked into the house. His heart beating a million miles an hour.

It was just on 12 when she heard Derek's voice. He was always prompt and never late for anything.

"Meredith, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah I am."

"Ok." He says.

He reaches for her bag and he locks up the house behind her and they headed off.

"You're not really using the wine country thing as a push to get me in your car."

"Meredith, open the glove box."

She opened the glove box and found the details at where they were going.

"See wine country. A bed and breakfast. It is for our anniversary. Happy anniversary Meredith."

A small smile formed but she hid it.

"The kids are staying with Richard and the kids for the weekend. They are going to come by and feed Peanut and Sparrow. Our shifts at work have been covered and we will be home Monday afternoon. Just don't think I am taking you to kill you because we had a fight. It should be you killing me," He says. "I want to feel the love again. I want to feel like a family. I want to feel like we are a married couple. You are the love of my life Mer and I don't want our marriage to end because of a tense few months. I want to feel the heat and romance and the love again."

She didn't say anything. But what he was saying was true. She wanted everything that he was saying. She just couldn't say anything back to him because she needed to think a bit.

The car trip was silent. Derek was getting frustrated with her for not saying anything. So he had music playing. The music that the two of them loved. The songs they danced at their wedding to. The songs they danced at their school proms to and the songs that they listened to growing up to as teenagers. The cheesy love songs that they sang to each other and all the other songs they mucked around with when they were together. It brought memories swarming back and she smiled as she looked out the window at the passing world.

After nearly three hours in the car he pulled up in the car park at the bed and breakfast. Grabbed both of their bags and carried them inside.

"Hi I have a reservation under Shepherd."

The receptionist looks at her computer screen and then looks back up.

"Shepherd, checking in today and leaving Monday the 19th of March?"

"Yes."

"Ok, can I just get your credit card details and I shall get your room key." She says.

Meredith stood beside him a hand on his arm. Just so she felt protected.

"You two will be in room 12. More details about dinner, breakfast and other things are in your information books in your room. Enjoy your stay." She says with a bright smile.

Derek hands Meredith the key to their room and they head up to their room.

Derek opens the door and lets her walk in first. She is blown away at how beautiful the room is. It was only a bed and breakfast but it was beautiful. A king size bed. Views of the vineyards and the small town. A fire was in their room and the bathroom was fitted with a huge bathtub. It wasn't anything modern. It was a romantic place something that they needed.

When she turned back to Derek he was standing there with the bags at his feet. They stood in an awkward stance and looking at each other awkwardly.

"Do you want to get a late lunch and go for a walk?" He asks.

She nods her head and they leave the room together. She was holding his arm again as he lead her through the streets of the small town to a café. They ordered lunch and ate lunch in silence.

She had the camera in her bag and as they walked the town she took photographs of where they were. To remember where exactly they came for their anniversary and to capture the beautiful, old town.

They spent a couple of hours walking around the town when they came back to their room. They had bought some supplies from a small corner shop and a bottle of wine.

"I'm going to call home. Just to check on the kids."

She made a quick call on the balcony. Derek lit the fire and laid a blanket out in front of the fire. He lay there and waited for Meredith.

"They are fine. They quite like the idea of staying with Poppy and Uncle Jackson and Aunt Charlie and Aunt Jasmine. They want to stay there more because they are getting spoilt. Going to the movies and bowling tomorrow and going for ice cream tonight."

Derek smiles at her and she comes and sits down beside Derek with a fair space between the two of them.

They sat in a quiet silence. Just watching the fire burn with a million things racing through their minds.

The silence was killing him. He was getting angrier as the silence continued.

"I took you on a trip for our honeymoon and you have not said one word. You haven't thanked me you haven't said anything besides the kids at what food you want. You were silent in the car and now you are silent. We are sitting here. A weekend alone. No kids no work and all we are doing is sitting here in silence." He says angry.

The two stay silent for a few moments. He had counted to ten in his mind and it calmed him down to speak to her again.

"I am not going to spend a weekend away in silence especially our anniversary. We should be spending it in loving embraces, spending it loving each other and celebrating the fact that we have gotten this fair in our marriage, through the hard and the god times and talking about the next 50 years together." He says. "That's what I was hoping to do. Not staying here in silence."

She looked at him and then to the fire then back to his blue eyes pleading for reassurance.

"I need a drink before we start talking."

**Thoughts would be great. They really are on the road to mending and they will discuss, cry and apologise for the pain and hurt they have suffered.**


	13. I'm Finding It Hard To Believe

Derek felt bad for snapping at her. He sat on the blanket and watched as she grabbed the bottle of wine, opened it and then fell down beside him taking a huge swig from the bottle. She handed the bottle to Derek and he took a huge swig from the bottle.

The continued to drink from the bottle. There was nothing left to drink from the bottle. They just sat on the blanket, in front of the roaring fire. They just lay and stared at each other.

There was two little words that they both had to say to each other but they couldn't get the words out.

"I did buy a bottle of tequila for you." He tells her.

"I think I am fine at the moment." She says. "I need a shower though."

He watches as she stands up and watches as she walks the floor to the bathroom. She closes the door behind her and leaves Derek's eyes at the door. He stood up and opened his bag he had packed. He pulled out the bottle of tequila and Meredith's anniversary present.

He was hoping this weekend would be lucky between them two. Tomorrow, he knows it is cliché but it was St. Patrick's Day. He was hoping luck was on his side and the two of them get through a beautiful weekend of love.

He changed from his clothes and into his pyjamas. He then collected Meredith's clothes.

The water soon turned off. He took her clothes and followed the same steps she took earlier. He opened the door slowly. The steam in the room escaped the bathroom and he saw her standing at the basin, naked. He walked up behind her and placed her clothes on the basin. He took a moment and then placed his hands on her hips and kissed her neck. Then looked at the mirror and caught her reflection.

Meredith climbed out of the shower and stood in front of the basin. She didn't know why she was doing this exactly. In the shower she was thinking in her head what she was going to say to him. She wanted this trip to be good. She wanted it to spark a new step in their relationship. She wanted to make love to Derek. She wanted to be held by him. She wanted him.

She heard the door to the bathroom open and heard footsteps. She saw his hand reach around her and place her pyjamas down on the basin. She looked in the mirror and she felt his hands come to her hips and a kiss placed on the back of her neck. She saw his face in the mirror and he met her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Meredith. For everything that has happened. Especially with Addison. All the times I've been mad and upset and disappointed you and made you feel upset. Especially when I brought Addison home that day and you were so shocked. I was an idiot and I never gave you the time. I'm so sorry." He whispers placing a kiss underneath her collarbone.

She fell into his touch and a small smile came to her face. She turned around and they were face to face. Their lips inches from each other.

"I'm sorry too Derek. I forgive you for everything you have done and I apologise for the things I have done. I love you so much." She whispers before closing the space between them. She met his lips softly.

The kiss was long and hard. It deepened from a soft kiss to a passionate kiss. It is what they had both been waiting for. They pulled apart for a moment and he pulled her into his body and he held his wife.

"I love you Meredith." He says kissing the top of her head. "And I'm sorry. I'll be sorry until I die. I mean it."

She looked up at him and kissed him again. He led her out of the bathroom and onto the blanket that had been laid out on the floor in the fire. He held her in his arms and they looked at each other. A look of reassurance.

"I have missed you so much." He says.

"Me too. Not being with you sent me into an overdrive of wanting you. Every moment you left I wished I had kissed you. Every moment you were at home I had wished I climbed into bed beside you and we made love. I wished so badly. I should have fought harder but we are both stubborn and if one tiny thing gets in the way then we can't be in the same room as each other." She says smiling.

"I know. We acted terrible."

"I think you need to hit rock bottom to realise the pain and guilt that has happened. You then realise that it's time to make amends and fix the things before it's too late."

"I think we hit rock bottom a long while ago it just took us a while to realise that we had hit it." He says.

She smiled and he kissed her lips again.

"Before we get into the good stuff I have a present for you." He says.

"I didn't get you one."

"Hey I don't want one." He says placing a finger on her lips. "I needed to get you something."

He stood up and grabbed the neatly wrapped present and sat down on the floor beside her.

"Here."

She smiled as she took it from him and then opened it.

"Derek it is beautiful." She says taking the necklace out from the box. "It's gorgeous. I wish I got you something."

"Your gift to me is to enjoy our weekend away and to be happy. That's all I want."

"And a lot of sex." She says smirking.

"Yes and a lot of sex." He says smiling. "Let me put it on you."

He takes the silver necklace, with a diamond heart and clasps it to her neck. She takes it and holds it smiling.

"This is more than a gift. For us it is the thing we can remember when we are 100 years old, the thing that was there when we moved on and forgot about the fighting. The sign of our love for one another. The sign that we really are meant for each other." He says smiling at her.

"Even if you didn't get me anything I would not have cared. We would take a pamphlet home and remember that this place is where we rekindled and forgot about our stupid fighting and we were a couple again. We brought the love back to our relationship." She says holding the heart in between her hands.

Derek kissed her. "Do we want to make this night special?"

"It could be our lucky weekend." She adds. "It's St. Patrick's day tomorrow."

"I know it is. The luck of the Irish." He smirks and winks at her.

She giggles and kisses him again. Placing a hand on his chest. "Make love to me Derek. Let's get lucky." She whispers against his lips.

…

The next morning she woke to Derek waking her up. He had ordered a room serviced breakfast.

"I have breakfast waiting." He whispers. He pushes the fallen hair away from her face and kisses her cheek. "You need to get your energy back."

She looks up at him with a smile and kisses him lips. "Good morning. My favourite way to wake up, you know?"

"I know. I'm your husband and breakfast in bed is the best thing in the world for you."

"Well so is sex." She says smirking. "Just like the first time you woke me up. Haven't been woken up like that in a long time. I say more wake ups like that."

They sit down at the small table and begin to eat.

"God, you were a maniac in bed last night." He says. "You just had this energy to come out and you never stopped."

"It's called a couple of months Derek. It's my sex overdrive. It hasn't been met like it usually is." She says. "Sexual frustration."

"I know. I think we should make a deal."

"What sort of deal?"

"Well we can't go more than 3 days without sex. Unless one of us is away, but you know phone sex makes up for that." He says. "But sex is what is best between us. That's how we communicate."

"3 days. Ok. That is a good enough deal. Just if I am pregnant again and really tired and whale like there should be exceptions."

"Well we will have those exceptions for when you are actually pregnant but for the time being you aren't and we are going to spend this whole weekend naked and having multiple orgasms. Making up for what we missed out on." He says.

"Well can we go out drinking tonight for a little while to celebrate St. Patrick's Day? Cause at the pub down the road they have an Irish theme tonight and we should see how the locals celebrate this day."

"Of course we can. We just have to have a lot of sex before we go out to make up for the couple of hours we will miss out on." He says.

"Deal." She says.

The whole night before she kept the necklace around her neck. Derek insisted she wear it because she looked beautiful with it on. They had rested for only short amounts of time during their sex-a-pade last night and this morning they slept in for a few hours before Derek woke her up with an unexpected wake up before they went again and then fell asleep and he woke her up for breakfast.

They showered together and then fell back into bed with each other. They didn't stop for lunch, they just kept going. New positions, new styles, new techniques. Meredith knew she was going to be walking funny tonight.

"I'm not going to be able to walk properly, you know." She says breathless.

"Well I'll just piggy back you then or carry your bridal style."

She just giggles and smiles. They look at each other again and share a long and lingering gaze.

"Thank you for this weekend. It's only been a day but its' been great." She says.

"Anything for you Mer." He says kissing her again. "Even if it means keeping the people either side of us up, I don't care because I am with you."

They had a lazy afternoon and then got dressed to go down to the Irish pub. They walk hand in hand and enter the pub.

"Welcome to Paddy's pub. Happy St. Patrick's day. We are hoping you are here to enjoy good grub and drink a lot." A man at the door says. "We have a hat for you sir and a necklace for you my lady."

They looked around the pub and it was already buzzing with people wearing different items of clothing. People in hats. People in vests, ladies wearing red wigs and green everywhere.

"First drink is on the house tonight. Are you to looking to eat tonight?"

"Yes. We are starving." Meredith says and catches Derek's smirk.

"Very hungry." He agrees.

"Well here is a menu. Order now if you want and then sit back. We have a great line up tonight. So sit back and enjoy the hospitality."

"We shall." Derek says.

"Thank you."

They find a table and sit down reading the menus.

"What do you want to eat Mer?"

"A hamburger please but can we get drinks first and order later?"

"Sure. I'll be back."

She smiles as he leaves the table. People were drinking from pint glasses and they seemed to lose themselves and not care how ridiculous they looked in some of their costumes. She smiled and looked around the pub. It reminded her of Joe's a lot. She found a blackboard with tonight's line up. Karaoke was starting in twenty minutes. Then a band was playing, it was a special guest band. So no one was sure at who exactly was playing. Derek came back with drinks and sat down.

"Karaoke is going to start soon." She tells him.

"Explains the number of people at the bar buying drinks." He says smiling.

"Are you two interested in singing karaoke tonight?" A lady asks.

They look at each other and smile.

"No its fine. We'll just sit back and watch." Meredith says.

"I don't have much of a voice to sing."

"Come on, its St. Patrick's Day. It's a tradition for everyone to sing karaoke and laugh and have a good time with green dyed beers and other green foods. You two have to get up and have fun and let loose. No one cares how bad and how good people are."

Derek nods his head and smiles at Meredith.

"Okay fine."

"Well we have a set list here. Just write down your names and the song and bring it up to the table."

They flick through the song list.

"Why did you say yes?" Derek asks.

"Because she said it's a tradition and it's about letting loose and we need to let loose and have some fun embarrassing ourselves." She says smiling. "Oh this one Derek."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's one of our favourite songs we sang together as teenagers."

"Ok. Fine." He says smiling at her. "I don't remember the lyrics though."

"There's a reason why it's called karaoke." She says getting up and leaving the table. She sits back down. "Just skull that drink Derek and get yourself another one and you will be fine for when we start singing."

He kisses her and skulls his beer before going back for another. He sits back down and the karaoke starts. They wait until they are called up.

"Next we have Meredith and Derek."

"That's us. Come on." She says.

He leads her across the floor and up onto the stage. People were spread out everywhere in the pub and they take their microphones and look at the screen. The music starts playing the lyrics come up onto the screen.

_Baby you're all that I want.  
When you're lying here in my arms,  
I'm finding it hard to believe  
We're in heaven.  
And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart.  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven._

The whole time throughout the song they looked at each other. Smiling and not taking their eyes off one another. When they finished singing Derek kissed her long and hard as the audience clapped.

"I love you Meredith Grey Shepherd."

She smiles at him and he leads her down from the stage to their seats.

"I'm going to go and order us some dinner Mer."

Derek left and she sat and watched the other people sing in the karaoke. He came back and sat down beside her.

"We thought that you two were great up there." Another couple says approaching them at their table and taking a seat.

"Why thank you."

"Are you two professionals?"

"No. Not professionals just two people looking at letting loose and having a great weekend." Meredith says laughing.

"Really, you would have had me fooled."

"That's probably the booze." She says. "No, we are both doctors."

"Well that's great. Are you two here for your honeymoon?"

"Actually our anniversary. 3 years next weekend." Derek says.

"Are you planning on kids?" The woman asks.

They looked at each other and smile.

"We are planning on more."

"You already have kids?"

"Yeah we do. Two actually. A girl who is 6 and our son who is 2."

"Well you two seem happy. A happy family and a happy marriage." The man says.

They look at each other and nod their heads knowing that they are married. Marriage is real and yes the honeymoon period may be over but they know that a lot of happy times and fun times are to come. Some very grown up times and some very hard times.

"Are you two married?"

"Yeah we are. Have been for 10 years. We got married St. Patrick's day 10 years ago. We come here every anniversary because we had our honeymoon here and we fell in love with this place. St. Patrick day celebrations carry on over the weekend. And if it's on during the week then they have it Saturday night so people come to party and they have a special guest band come and play each year. It's really great."

"Sounds amazing. Do you two have any kids?"

"We have 3. An 8, 6 and 4 year old."

"That's great." They both say smiling.

"Anyway we better let you both enjoy your night. Nice meeting you."

They smile as the couple leave. Their food is placed in front of them and they begin to eat.

"This is a great place." Meredith says.

"You can feel the love that is in the air around this town."

They finish their meal and call home. Kaylee chatted away about her day and how she missed her mummy and daddy. She asked what they exactly got up to and they said they walked around town, went on a wine tour and now they are at a pub celebrating St. Patrick's Day with the town. They then assure her that there will no longer be any more fighting at home. They say goodnight to her and hang up.

"Do you want to dance my lady?"

"There's no music and you don't dance in public."

"I slow dance with the woman I love." He says.

"Of course I would." She says smiling.

Derek smiles back at her and it is that smile that she remembers from the first day they met. That first day when they spent a whole English lesson getting to know each other and soon becoming best friends. The smile that was on his mouth when he told her how much he liked her and asked her to be his girlfriend and when he told her that he loved her. That smile from all those surprises he gave her during their teenage years like after their first sexual encounter or to when he surprised her with that lost bracelet. The smile when he first saw Kaylee on the screen. The grainy black and white image. Then to when he felt the kicking and when he saw Kaylee after she was just born. It was this smile that she loved on him and a smile she would forever hope to see time and time again.

When he finally held his children and when he got to kiss their tiny heads and hear their cries. When they held his finger for the first time and when they first smiled and laughed. When they first crawled and walked and talked and reached every milestone. This smile was something she loved and she had a feeling she would see this smile of joy and love and happiness after their weekend away.

Well she hoped she would.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, that conducts our karaoke for the hour. We will continue it again after our guest band performs." A lady says. "We always have our crowd favourites and our crowd losers. I would like to announce our crowd favourites and Meredith and Derek Shepherd."

They look at each other and walk up onto the stage.

"Each competition we have we always have a winner. You two were a crowd favourite. Enjoy your little St. Paddy's trophy and free drinks at the bar." She says.

"Thank you." Meredith says. They leave the stage and look at each other with a smile.

"Now each year we have a guest band or singing here to perform. Last year we had The Lumineers perform for us." She says. "Tonight though I would like to inform you we have a singer. A male singer. I would like you to put your hands together for Mat Kearney."

Meredith turns to Derek and smiles before kissing Derek.

Kearney comes onto the stage with his band.

"Hello everyone. Hopefully everyone is having a great St. Patrick's day. I am surely enjoying the environment in this room. I will also confess that I stood at the back of the room and listened to the karaoke. Let me say that we have some great singers upon us in this room and some not so great." He says smiling. "Now I would like to get the night started. Have a great night. Drink a lot and dance a lot. Ships in the night."

"What are the chances of this happening?" She says.

"One in a million." He says smiling at her. "But I have my one in a million right here with me. So it was just luck."

He holds her in his arms and they sway side to side to the music. Not in beat but just holding each other is all that counts.

"Now for this next one I have a shout out. To Meredith, my love. Happy 3 years. This weekend will mean a lifetime to us. You're all I need. I love you. Derek."

Meredith looked at him with a smile on her face.

_Here it comes it's all blowing in tonight  
I woke up this morning to a blood red sky_

"How did you get him to dedicate this song to me?"

"Well when I went to the bathroom earlier I ran into him. I dropped my wallet on the ground and he picked it up and looked at the image of Kaylee, you and I on our wedding night. He commented on how beautiful you were and Kaylee as well and he told me he was singing tonight. I mentioned that we danced to this song on our wedding night and he said he would do a shout out for me."

"Really. That is so sweet."

"Anything for you Mer."

They swayed to the music. Bringing back memories from their wedding night.

"There's no baby bump in our way now." She says.

"No baby bump. Anyway you looked beautiful that night. The most beautiful bride I have ever seen."

They spend the night dancing and when Kearney stops singing they start karaoke up again during his break. He comes over to Derek and Meredith.

"This must be Meredith." He says.

"Thank you so much for that shout out. My husband does these things very sneakily to be romantic and spontaneous and dreamy."

"Well he is a special guy." He says. "Are you two from around here?"

"Seattle."

"That's a beautiful place."

"We both have a thing for ferry boats." Meredith says.

"Who wouldn't? They are great." He says. "Do you two want a drink?"

"Sure."

He buys them a round and they sit and talk. Never in a million years would Meredith imagine talking to him.

"Our little girl loves the song All I Need." Meredith says.

"Is she the one in your wallet?"

"Yes but she was three then. She is now 6." Meredith says. "Here is a more updated family photo." She says taking her phone out and showing him a photo that was taken at Christmas time. That's our son Cooper. He will be 3 at the end of June."

"Are you two planning on any more children?"

"We're working on it. Just playing it by year." He says smirking at Meredith.

"Well let's raise our glasses to love and family."

"Cheers!"

…

The next morning they both woke to a slightly sore head. They were doing shot after shot with Kearney and the rest of the pub. They stumbled in the door just before 2 and made up for lost time. They done their famous drunk sex act.

"Morning beautiful."

"Morning." She replies.

"What a great night."

"It really was great." She says smiling.

"We had our famous drunken sex act." He says pushing her hair away from her face and kissing her.

"I know we did." She says smiling but the smile soon fades.

"What's wrong?"

"Derek what if karma has gotten to us. You know the whole teenage pregnancy thing then the adulterous sex we had and got pregnant."

"Meredith you have carried two kids to term. There is nothing wrong. We have been stressed and I believe that a baby knows when to conceive and the last few months has been a hostile environment. So we haven't conceived a baby but we are still young and healthy. There shouldn't be any problems."

"You promise?"

"I promise a whole lot Mer. We just need to keep going at in. Let's say by Cooper's 3rd birthday, if we have not conceived a baby, we will go and see a fertility specialist and have the tests done just in case."

"Ok. So 3 and a half months of baby trying?"

"Exactly. It's a win/win situation." He says smiling.

She lays there and smiles. "What do you think we are going to have next?"

"A girl." He says. "We have that pattern happening. Girl, boy, girl, boy."

"Kaylee wants a little sister."

"Of course she would. She has a brother. She needs a sister. She has one of each."

"I can just picture us in 10 years Derek. We will have Kaylee, Cooper and hopefully two other kids."

"We will be turning 35." He says. I'm going to feel so old. 4 kids at 35. Kaylee will be 16."

"And dating."

"No way will she be dating. I don't want her having a baby at 18."

"Derek, we will drill it in her head from the time she starts going through puberty. Even though I might not mind being a grandma at 36." She says smiling.

"We can have a TV show based on us Mer. Youngest grandparents."

"I think we would lose on that one." She says smiling.

"Well we would just enjoy our family."

She looks at him for a long while.

"What?"

"You have to be honest with me. What would you do if Kaylee came home when she was 17 and she told us she was pregnant?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I honestly… I don't know. I never knew what my father's reaction was to us. I guess I would be upset that she done the same thing we did. I would never call Kaylee a mistake. I just wish she wouldn't go down that path. But I wouldn't mind because I would becoming a grandfather." He says. "But maybe not for another 20 years."

Meredith smiles at him and leans in and kisses him. "We are going to live a wonderful life Derek. Hopefully with lots of grandkids running around and our house on the land. You with your salt and pepper hair. Chief of Surgery. We are going to have a great life Derek and I hope to die in your arms when we are 100 years old." She says.

"I would want to die at the same time as you because if the love of my life dies I would not be able to live a single day without you Mer."

"What if Alzheimer's gets me first?"

"It never will." He says kissing her nose. "We are going to live an illness free life."

She smiles at him. "Thank you for this weekend Derek."

"It's my pleasure Mer."

**There it is. Their reunion and road to recovery. Some may not agree on this but it's MerDer. Life wouldn't be great without MerDer.**

**Next update will be 6 weeks later and a lot of moving on has happened and they are in pure bliss and by the end they will excited at what will come.**

**Reviews would be great and I shall try and update soon and much to my dismay I go back to school next Wednesday so updates may not be very regular but I will try my best.**


	14. Liberty- Here's To Us

6 weeks had passed since their weekend away together. It was nearing another end of residency and it always seemed to be the busiest time of year.

Since their weekend away the kids were happier at home again since there was no more fighting and they were all a family again after making amends and starting new promises towards each other. Kaylee had also again started begging for a new brother or sister.

"_Mummy when can I get a new one?" She had seemed to ask every day._

"_Soon sweetie. Just calm down alright. It will happen sooner than later." She tells her smiling. "Then you would be wishing you never got another one." _

"_No Mummy. I will not want another one. I won't be like I was with Cooper and want you to send him back. I will not want that to happen."_

"_You know a baby is a lot of work?"_

"_I do."_

"_For Mummy and Daddy it is."_

"_I know. I will help you out more Mummy this time around. I was too small when Cooper was a baby to help you. But now I can make sandwiches and I know how to change nappies and I know how to feed a baby and I can help entertain the baby and I can do this…"_

"_Kaylee. Kaylee. Take a breath sweetie." She says laughing. "You can help me all you like. Just don't get jealous like you did with Cooper."_

"_I won't Mummy. I promise." She says hugging Meredith's waist. "It's weird to think Mummy that a baby can grow in that space in your stomach."_

"_It's a miracle more like it." She say smiling at her. "Come on. We can talk about this later."_

It was also a whole lot better between her and Derek. They slept beside each other every night and they were more affectionate and didn't fight in front of the kids like they had before. They really took it one step at a time to repairing and it had seemed that issues had been resolved. Especially after a trip together to Dr Wyatt to discuss things as a couple and what will happen from here. They both though divorce would be the next step but you need to fight for things before calling out on the easy option. The day they got home from their weekend away they both went and waited for Kaylee after school.

"_She's going to be so surprised to see us." Derek says squeezing her hand. "I'm so happy we are better." He tells her kissing her lips._

"_Me too."_

_The school bell rang and the kids pilled out from the building. They saw Kaylee rush with Sam down the stairs and look out for who was picking her up. She stood in one spot on the ground and waited._

"_She can't see us." She says._

"_Kaylee Sofia Shepherd!" He calls out._

"_Mummy! Daddy!" _

_She turns in their direction and runs towards them with a smile on her face and her bag bouncing on her back. Derek lifts her into the air and brings her back down hugging her._

"_Hey baby girl."_

"_I missed you so much Mummy and Daddy."_

"_We missed you too Kay." Meredith says kissing her cheek._

"_Do we want to talk to her here?" Derek asks her._

_A look of concern comes to Kaylee._

"_What do you want to talk to me about? You two aren't going to live with each other anymore are you?"_

"_Kay, it's something good." Derek assures her._

_They sit down together on the seat. Kaylee In between them both._

"_This weekend Kaylee, we celebrated our 3__rd__ wedding anniversary. We are not getting a divorce. We needed time together to talk through everything and find what was missing. We are never going to divorce Kaylee. We love each other so much. We love you and Coopie so much. That we are never going to ruin what we have." Derek says to her._

"_We are going to live happily ever after Kaylee. With family and love."_

_A smile came to Kaylee's face._

"_Nobody gets left behind." She says._

"_Exactly." They say placing a kiss each on her cheek._

"_Let's go home shall we?" Derek suggests._

"_And get Coopie." Kaylee adds._

Addison also announced she received another job offer in LA.

"_The wicked witch is dead?" Cristina announces to the locker room one morning. It was a week after Meredith and Derek's weekend away._

"_What?" Meredith asks. "Hahn's dead?"_

"_No not Hahn. Addison. She handed in her letter of resignation last night and she's taken off."_

"_Where to?"_

"_I heard she was drawn back to New York." Izzie says._

"_No way. She wormed her way through the program there. She's gone South to the Sun. She's getting her name out there."_

"_I don't blame her do you?" Meredith says._

"_You're defending the woman who made your life hell for 3 years and then the woman who threw a spanner into your relationship."_

"_We are all Doctors. We all know how great it is to get our names out there."_

"_Well you already have your name out there." Alex says. "Thanks to your mother."_

_Meredith just smiles to herself. "The Wicked Witch has gone."_

"_We just have to get rid the other one and this hospital will be a better place." Cristina says climbing over the bench. "We just need a fairy to grant us a new cardio god and I will be fine."_

And at the weekend they received a guest visit from Alice and Brad. With a quiet family dinner being held at Carolyn's.

"_Brad and I have some news." She says. "We are engaged." She says throwing her left hand out._

"_Oh my god." _

"_Since when?"_

"_Last weekend."_

"_Oh this is great."_

"_Thank god you're not pregnant." Derek says with a relieved smile._

_Meredith slaps his arm playfully. "Derek."_

"_It's true."_

"_Ignore your brother Alice." She says. "Any plans on a wedding yet?"_

"_After med school. I'm taking a year off and then have a honeymoon and spend time as a couple before doing an internship."_

"_Sounds great. We will support you through everything."_

"_Do I get to be flower girl?" Kaylee asks._

"_Of course."_

"_Yes!" She cheers. "I have to wear a pink dress Ally."_

"_We'll see Kay-bear."_

…

Meredith walked through the halls of the hospital. A smile wide on her face. A smile that nobody could wipe from her face. A smile that she would be sharing with Derek later tonight. A smile that would change them for the good and hopefully be a special something.

Kaylee had been just dropped off at school and she was heading down to the pit.

She put a gown on and went to the ambulance bay.

"What do we have?" She asks Derek.

He smiles at her and Meredith smiles back at him. The past 5 weeks had been a little weird for her and Derek. Just they were scared if they said one thing then world war 3 would start again but she knew that tonight would be one of their best nights they had had together since they had known each other.

"Um not sure." He says.

"Ok." She says smiling.

A few of the interns came and joined them.

"Are you still on call tonight?" She asks her.

"No. I swapped it with Mark. So we will have our night." He says smiling. "What exactly have you planned?"

"It's a surprise."

"I hate that you're so happy."

"Well I'm in a great mood."

"Can you let me in on why?"

"Not at this moment." She says.

"Ok. I guess I will have to wait until tonight."

"I guess you will." She says smiling at him.

They are greeted with the roar of the ambulance.

"Rick Nelson, 44 year old. Trauma after crashing his motorbike. Obvious head trauma along with broken bones and suspected spinal damage as well."

"How long has he been out for?" Meredith asks.

"For about 20 minutes."

"Alright call for a MRI. Page Nelson and Ortho." Derek says.

"Are we running this by ourselves?" Meredith asks as they rush the gurney inside.

"Well some of it." He says flashing her a smile.

"Nelson is in surgery. He says to get an MRI and CT done and he will send another attending down." A nurse says.

"That's alright." He says. "Ok, we assess, get portable X-ray's and take him up to the MRI and CT. You all know the drill."

"Unequal breath sounds on the left side DR Shepherd." Meredith says.

"Alright, call someone from cardio."

"Dr Shepherd, there is a trauma with some of the attending's pulled from the floor. You will have to make do with what you have." The nurse says.

He nods his head. "Alright. We need these x-rays, Now!"

Everyone moved around and got the patient assessed and ready for transportation.

"Alright. Dr Grey and I will take the patient up. We will have these scans ready and you better be prepared to be paged as soon as we know what is wrong." He says. "Dr Grey let's go."

They leave the trauma room and rush the patient up to the MRI. Meredith knew what was coming and she had to disappear before Derek noticed.

"Derek, I'll be back."

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm perfect. I just left something in my locker."

"Alright. I'll meet you back here."

Derek watched as she ran off. Waiting for the results.

"Anything yet?" She asks as she returns.

"Not yet." He tells her as she takes a seat. He turns to look at her again and smiles.

"What?"

"Give me a clue."

"No clues."

"You're a kill joy."

"Well I hope you like my surprise for you."

"I hope I do as well." He says. "But on the other hand your all glowing and very happy. I hope it has to do with tonight."

"It does."

He smiles and turns back to the screen.

"You're boobs are bigger." He whispers, smirking.

"Of course you would point that out." She says. "But they aren't."

"I beg to differ."

"Doc, the images."

The images from the scan show how emergent the case really is.

"Cancel the CT. We need to get him into surgery right now. Page someone from general, cardio, ortho, neuro and plastics." He says. "He needs surgery right now."

"Right away." She says leaving for the nurses' station. "We have an emergent case. We are going to need someone from general, cardio, ortho, neuro and plastics right away."

"Sure thing Dr Grey."

She waits at the desk as Cristina comes by. "What do you have?"

"A guy who came off his motorbike. Has practically cracked his skull in half, damaged his spinal cord and has internal problems. He is in bad shape."

"Well I have cement boy. A boy in casted in cement."

"Really?"

"Yeah it was a dare from his friends. Don't ask."

"Alright I won't."

"Dr Grey they have answered your page. They will meet you in the viewing room."

"Thank you." She says. "I better be off."

Derek is already looking at the scans.

"They're on their way." She says.

"Good. The longer he is in this state the less chance he has of waking up."

"You paged?" Webber says.

"Take a look." Meredith says. "A motorbike rider. He has neuro problems but on top of that internal bleeding among other things."

Richard studies the films. "We have most of the staff of the cement boy."

"Well I had anyone from any available specialty to come." She tells him.

"Ok, call for them to prep an OR. This guy needs surgery right now."

Surgery was prepped and they had doctors from everywhere. She was going to be Richard's right hand and assist him while Derek was with the other Neuro attending assisting.

During the whole surgery she kept glancing at Derek. Every once in a while he would glance at her and she could tell he was smiling beneath his mask.

This was torture. She wanted to blurt it out right now but she took a deep breath and focussed on the surgery. Just a few more hours she told herself. A few more hours and he would know.

…

"I'm staying back to do post ops. I won't be very long. Two hours tops. Get the kids and I will meet you at home." He tells her after their 7 hour surgery.

"You sure. I can stay back and help."

"You deserve to go home Mer. You were late home last night so go and spend some time with Kaylee and Cooper."

"Ok. I'll see you at home." She says.

He kisses her goodbye and she turns and leaves.

"So have you told him?" Cristina asks

"I'm waiting to tell him at home but I want a special way to tell him."

"You didn't get a special surprise when you found out. Why does he deserve special?"

"Because after everything that has happened in the past 4 months. We need special."

"Well how about you drop the kids off at Carolyn's and do dinner and dirty sex."

"We need something more than just dinner." She says. "I'll figure something out. I'll see you Monday." She tells Cristina.

"What you're off for the weekend?"

"Yep, I had the weekend last week." She tells her.

"Ring me when he finds out. I want to see the bitch baby tears." She says.

Meredith shakes her head and smiles. She gets both the kids from the crèche and drives to Carolyn's. Meredith apologised for the late notice but Carolyn welcomed both kids with open arms and they went off to be spoiled.

She though needed them at Carolyn's because she needed the perfect way to tell Derek her big news. She had no idea how she was going to tell him. She drove the road home and stopped at the side of the road when she saw teenagers in the park with candles. A memorial for a friend. She climbed from her car and kept her distance but watched the kids. One at a time they would stand in front of the gathered people and say their favourite memory or a word about their fallen friend before they would place the candle in front of the memorial. Once all the kids spoke together they said the name of their friend.

"Jesse. This candlelight holds our memories of you. This candlelight will never last but that doesn't mean our thoughts and memories of you will never be forgotten. You are in a better place now." A girl says.

One at a time they blow out the candlelight and stand in front of the memorial and watch the air above them.

Meredith had gotten an idea. She got into her car and drove to a cheap dollar store and bought the stock of candles and holders. She left a note on the door at home for Derek to see and she drove out to the land with the candles and house plans.

Derek had finished up at work and came home to find a note on the door. He was supposed to be finished nearly two hours ago but had to stay back.

_Meet me at our favourite place in the world. M x_

He got in his car and drove to the land. Going across the ferry and then drove to the land. He walked into the hut.

"Meredith!" He called out but wasn't given an answer. He sat down on the bed and flickering light caught his attention. He stood at the window and saw a figure pacing.

He walked down the hill to where their dream house was going to be built. He saw her holding her phone and a small piece of paper. He knew she was ranting.

"Meredith..." Derek says approaching the glowing light and Meredith pacing backwards and forwards.

"Stupid, corny, idiotic, I can't believe I did this. Stupid, loser, son of a ... I could be at home instead of ... oh."

"Meredith...!" He calls out again.

She turns and faces him realisation comes to her and then a small frown comes to her face.

"Where have you been? I've been waiting and waiting for you! I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, corny thing. And you don't show up. I was tell you that, over here is where our family is going to eat and this is the living room, and over there is where our kids will play. Kaylee, Cooper and the other kids. I had this whole thing about I was gonna build us a house, but I don't build houses because I'm a surgeon. And now I'm here feeling like a lame arse loser. I am feeling nauseous. And now it's all ruined because you took so long to come home!"

Derek was unsure at what she had said. He had to replay it in his mind at what she had just said. He didn't think that it was true. He walked over the row of candles and towards her.

"It's the kitchen? Living room - a little small. The view's much better from here. And that's where the kids are going to play? Where's our bedroom?"

"I'm still mad at you but I can't be mad at you. This is our house. The house you, Kaylee, Cooper, the unborn child and I are going to live in. I wanna trust you because you're going to be a daddy again but I don't know if I do. So I'm gonna try, we're gonna try. Because I believe that we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart and I wanna be…." She says but is broken by him kissing her.

Their kiss was beautiful. They had been fine the past couple of weeks but it had seemed to seal the deal.

They broke apart, smiling at each other.

"So how do you like the idea of being a daddy again?"

His smile grew wider. "Amazed. Excited. I don't know. Too many words."

"Well take a look for yourself and see how many more words come to your mind." She says showing him the ultrasound of their growing foetus.

He took it in his hands and looked at the grainy picture of their baby. Well their foetus but he could already see the baby being born and hear the baby's cries. It was his baby. The baby him and Meredith made with love.

"The OB, well Cristina says it is our St. Patrick's Day baby." She says.

"The luck of the Irish, hey?" He says smirking but not taking his eyes away from the ultrasound.

She smiles at him again and he kisses her lips.

"I wasn't going to tell her but she found one of my pregnancy sticks and I had to fess up." She tells him. "I'm sorry."

"I don't care." He says. "Do we have a due date yet?"

"We have an approximation for late December but when we go to the OB and we can find out when we are expecting our baby."

He smiles again.

"What?"

"Our baby." Before leaning down and kissing her again. When they pulled away he looked at the candle house. "You did this by yourself?"

"Sure did."

"Why?"

"Through everything we have been through, we need a special thing for just us. I needed a special way to tell you about the baby." She says. "Each time a candle burns out Derek that is our way of forgetting and moving on from the bad things that have happened in our past. Each time a candle burns out the bad things in our life will be forgotten and we can move on to a clean beginning, of us, Kaylee, Cooper and preparing for our new child. This is for us."

"You amaze me so much. We are definitely extraordinary together than ordinary apart." He says resting a hand on her stomach. There was no visible baby bump but the feeling of their baby inside made her flutter inside. Her heart raced a million miles an hour and she felt everything was better and would stay this way.

Together they sat down in the middle of what their house could be but for now in the middle of their candle house. This was there future mapped out in front of them.

She was in his arms and they were in a silence but the silence was just admiring the scenery.

"How long have you known about the baby?"

"A couple of days."

"You kept it well from me."

"Yeah I hadn't been very nauseous. Just missed my period and my boobs were blown up, sort of my last pregnancy symptoms. So you wouldn't have been able to tell." She says. "I'm sorry you weren't there to find out with me."

"I don't care Mer." He says. "We're having a baby. Not seeing the plus sign on a stick doesn't matter because the bigger picture is the baby we will have. We're having another baby."

She smiled and they watched as each of the candles burnt out.

It had been hours sitting in the mapped out house but they sat and waited for the last candle to burn out. Even with their clothing dampening from the damp ground.

"Here's to us." She says.

"To our next Peanut and future." He says.

Together they blow out the candle, leaving them in complete darkness to share a kiss for future days. Derek's hand never leaving her stomach.


	15. Curious Creatures

Another 6 weeks had passed. And it had been a very quiet 6 weeks for them. They had spent those couple of weeks working and had their first appointment with the OB and saw their baby together for the first time. Their 3rd child was growing very healthily and fast.

Their baby was due the 22nd of December and the estimated conception to be the weekend they went away for their honeymoon. Together as each day passed they were counting down the days until the baby would be born preparing for it to either be early like Kaylee, late or on time like Cooper nearly was.

Today was the 12th week of her pregnancy. But also was the triplet's 2nd birthday and Zach's 2nd birthday as well.

She couldn't seem to comprehend how time had gone so quickly. It was 2 years ago now these 4 babies made their way into the world and now they were 2 years old. She didn't get to see Zach grow up like she had seen the other kids grow up but she knew he would be doing fine and reaching the next milestones. Nancy was constantly keeping them updated with his growth and him reaching his milestones nearly every day and would send a text to let them know that they were doing fine.

But they got to see their godchildren grow up. Alyssa, Bowen and Carly. The three of them talked more than Derek did. They were nearly running as fast as their older siblings and had their favourite things, from colours, to food and to toys. Meredith was proud to be their godparent because they were the happiest triplets and didn't mind spending time with each other. They were happiest when they were together growing and learning off of each other but it was a competition between the three of them always. Making Meredith laugh. When Derek and she would see them they would race each other to Meredith and try to be the first one to be picked up and carried. They would compete for love and attention but Dan and Steph dished it out equally to the three and they would forget their games

Derek stirred beside her and looked at the alarm clock before lying back down beside her.

"Why aren't you asleep?" He asks.

"Because I feel great."

"You do? No morning sickness?" He asks sitting up.

"No morning sickness."

"So do you think I can kiss you without you pulling away and running for the toilet?" He asks.

"Try me."

He leans into her lips and kisses her. He deepens the kiss and finds that she doesn't move away.

"Don't stop." She moans against his lips.

A smirk come to his lips and he continues kissing her. His hands roaming her body. He had barely been able to touch her because her morning sickness had gotten her body before he got to it. So it had been a long 6 weeks of throwing up, morning, day and night. She had barely stomached anything and was feeling lethargic, spending a few days home from work but now she felt energised and ready to make love to her husband.

A small sounding knock came at the door and they pulled apart.

"It's Coopie." She says.

"I'll get him." He says.

She watches as he walks to the closed door and opens it.

"Dada."

"Hey big boy." He says picking him up. "Good morning."

"Mumma up?"

"I sure am." She says.

A smile comes across his face and he urges Derek to move to her.

"Morning Coopie." She says smiling and taking him from Derek and kissing him.

"Morning Mumma."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Very well Mumma."

"You didn't annoy Kaylee did you?"

"No Mumma." He says smiling. "Mumma and Dada happy?"

"We're very happy Cooper." Derek tells her.

"What about you?"

"I'm very happy as well."

"Well would my big boy like some breakfast?" Meredith asks.

"Pancakes?"

"Well because you are very happy, yes." Derek tells him.

"Choc chip?"

"Yes boy."

He clapped his hands together and bounced on Meredith's stomach.

Derek watched to see if she would move for the bathroom but she didn't. She was feeling better. He believed her.

"Well since you two are feeling great let's go and make breakfast. Do you want to be my helper Cooper?"

"I sure do." He says smiling cheekily.

"You are cheeky mister."

"No Mumma. I assure you."

"Well is my little man turning 3 soon?"

"Maybe Mumma. I'm gonna see how I feel about growing up and I will decide."

Meredith and Derek laughed at him before smiling.

"Are you laughing at me?"

"No Coopie." Derek says. "Come on. Let's go."

"Is Mumma coming?"

"Yeah I'm right behind you." She says.

She sat down and read the paper as Cooper and Derek cooked breakfast.

"I didn't tell you about Richard's reaction did I?" She says.

"No. You were asleep by the time I got home last night."

"I'm sorry. I've been exhausted. Being sick and not eating very much."

"I suppose I can let it slide." He says. "So what did he say?"

"You should have seen the smile on his face Derek."

_She walked up to Richard's office. She knocked on the open door and saw Richard's head down in some paperwork._

"_Come in." He says not rising his head._

_She walks into the office and stops. "Oh, I'll come back later." She says._

_His head shoots up when he realises who it is. "Nonsense. Take a seat."_

_She smiles but shuts the door before taking a seat._

"_You closed the door? Is this personal?"_

"_Yeah it is." She says smiling. "But it's not bad personal, its good personal."_

_He leant back in his chair and took his glasses off and laid them on the table, resting his hands on his stomach. "Go on."_

"_Well I'm hoping you are going to be excited cause I surely am. We surely are." She says fumbling around in her lab coat pocket. "I just need to find it." She says. "Here we go."_

_She holds the ultrasound underneath the table before she shows him._

"_Well this is great news for everyone. I'm really stoked. Derek and I are." She says. "How do you feel about becoming a grandfather again?" She asks sliding the recent ultrasound picture near him._

_Richard looks up at her and has a shocked smile on his face._

_Baby Shepherd_

_10 weeks – due 22__nd__ of December_

"_You are having another baby?"_

"_Derek and I are." She says smiling. "We are 12 weeks in tomorrow." _

_Richard stands up and goes and hugs her. He squeezes her and lifts her off the ground before placing her back down and kissing her cheek._

"_Is that why you have had those few days off?"_

"_Yeah, I had no energy to lift my head off the pillow. My morning sickness has been dreadful and I couldn't stomach anything. I was a mess."_

"_Well congratulations. I now know why you shut the door." He says with a smile._

"_Well you are the first person to know, besides Cristina and the OB."_

"_So you haven't told anyone else?"_

"_Nope. We wanted to let you know and be one the first. Derek told me to tell you without him because you knew something would be wrong if both of us came in here and shut the door."_

"_Well I feel very honoured to be the first to know."_

"_Can you trust you to keep our secret for a few more weeks?"_

"_Of course you can. I can just put a hold on the paper work for a couple of weeks." He says looking at the ultrasound again. _

"_You're excited aren't you?"_

"_You wouldn't believe it. My 3__rd__ grandchild. They are not my biological ones but I still love them so much. This time I get to watch you throughout your full pregnancy."_

"_You surely do. Anyway, I have rounds to get to. I will come by later with Derek to organise everything."_

"_Ok Meredith." He says handing her back the ultrasound picture._

_She leaves for the door._

"_Meredith?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Congratulations. You are going to be a mother again."_

"So you think we should tell Steph and Dan today?" She asks.

"Yeah we should. Steph told you about the triplets straight away, when she had that feeling. She told you at 7 weeks and you are now 12 weeks. The two of you are great friends and have been there for one another so she deserves this." He says smiling at her.

"You're right. I shall tell her today."

"Well we will be there before and after so you will have plenty of chances." He tells her. "Anyway eat up. You have to regain your strength and take your vitamins."

She smiled. He was caring for her so much. He had sat at her side and held her hair when she was hunched over the toilet. He wiped her forehead with a damp cloth. Made her drink water and take her vitamins and called into work for her when she couldn't lift her head off the pillow and had his mother drop in and check on her when he couldn't. She loved when he was like that. Sometimes she got too annoyed but at the end of the day she didn't mind because she was cared about and had someone to share things with.

He placed the prenatal vitamins in front of her and she took them and kissed him before he sat Cooper in his high chair and left him to eat by himself.

Kaylee came in and sat at the table. With a huge smile on her face.

"Morning Kaylee."

"Morning." She says. "You look better this morning mummy."

"Thanks Kay." She says smiling at her.

They had decided not to tell the kids just yet. They were going to wait a few more weeks before letting them know. Maybe hoping for the bump to appear slightly and to see if Kaylee could actually pick up on the signs.

"Mummy what are prenatal vitamins?" She asks reading the vitamin bottle.

Meredith looks to Derek and then back to Kaylee.

"Just tablets for Mummy to take. To make me feel better."

"Well are they making you feel better?" She asks.

Meredith looks at her. She wanted to tell Kaylee so badly that she would be a big sister but the later they told her the less she would bug them about asking when the baby would be here.

"Yes they are. I just have to keep taking them and I will feel a lot more better. Every day for a few more months."

"Ok Mummy. As long as you feel better that's all that matters." She says smiling and biting into her pancake.

Meredith and Derek share a look as he sits down at the table. He smiles at her and she smiles back.

"Mummy you do though look a lot more happier and it looks like you are glowing like an angel."

"Thanks Kay."

"No worries mummy. You look beautiful." She says.

"Well so do you Kaylee. You are the most beautiful girl in the world." Meredith says resting her hands on Kaylee's cheeks.

"I know Mummy. Even if people say I'm not I don't let them get to me and I say I'm a fighter with battle scars."

"Exactly." She says smiling at her and placing a hand on her cheek. "Eat up missy. We have to call Nancy and then get over to Steph and Dan's for the triplets birthday."

"The babies are growing up aren't they mummy?"

"They sure are. Just like you and Coopie are."

"It's Coopie's birthday in a couple of weeks then daddy's?"

"That's right baby girl."

"Then mine and yours in 3 and a half months?"

"Yes baby girl."

She smiles brightly. "Will I have a baby brother or sister soon?"

"Maybe sweetie." Meredith says. Catching Derek smiling from the corner of her eye.

"You say that a lot mummy."

"I know. You can't rush a baby."

"I think they take too long to grow. They should be born sooner rather than later."

"But it gives the parents time to organise nurseries and buy baby things and prepare work for time off and give notice to everyone else. You have to be prepared for a baby with the bare essentials and some stuff costs a lot of money."

"But you and Daddy reuse don't you?"

"Yeah we do sweetie. We reused the cot and the furniture and toys and other things."

"Will you reuse that stuff the next baby?"

"We will." She tells her. "Now go and clean your teeth and we will call Nancy."

Kaylee runs off and Meredith and Derek smile at each other.

"Told you." Meredith says.

"What?"

"That she would be persistent with questions." She says.

…

"Mer. Der." The triplets say in unison running into the hallway.

Meredith and Derek prepare themselves for the race. It had usually been Alyssa or Bowen winning but today Carly made her way to Meredith first followed by Alyssa.

"Hey guys. Look how big you all are." Meredith says bending down to the ground and kissed them both on the cheek. "Happy birthday."

"Happy birthday kids." Derek says kissing them.

The triplets gather around them and are wanted to be picked up. Derek takes the girls and Meredith takes Bowen into the kitchen.

"Hey, there you two. Who won today?" Steph asks.

"Carly did." Meredith says.

"You outrun your siblings did you Carly?" She asks her.

"Yes Mumma."

"Well the two of them have been waiting very patiently for you all to come over. They have been waiting in the hallway for you." Dan says entering the room. "Hey guys."

"Hi Dan." Meredith says kissing his cheek.

"Now I have to get the three of you upstairs and dressed." Dan says.

"I'll do it." Meredith says.

"You sure?"

"Of course I am." She says. "Steph, leave the stuff to the men. You're helping me."

She looks at Meredith and then to Derek. She wipes her hands on the dishcloth and then takes the two girls and follows Meredith up to the nursery.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah everything is fine." She says smiling.

"What's up Mer? You seem bright and shiny."

"Well remember mine and Derek's anniversary away?"

"Of course I do. I don't want to imagine what you two got up to behind closed doors, but I know that you made up."

"Well it's been 12 weeks since our make-up weekend, and you know how terrible us two are with alcohol…." She says rambling.

"Are you pregnant Mer?" Steph asks cutting her off.

"Yes."

"Oh my god!" She says in sheer delight.

"Mumma, inside voice." Ally says placing a finger to her lip.

"Sorry Ally but Aunt Mer has big news, I don't have to use my inside voice." She tells her. "I'm so proud of you."

"So yeah. We are 12 weeks along today."

"Do you two want to know what your having?"

"We don't want to know. As long as the baby is healthy, that's all that matters to us."

"So when is this one due?"

"December 22nd. The OB told us."

"But babies never come on their right date now do they?"

"Nope. Look at Kaylee 3 weeks early."

"Mine were early."

"They were triplets. They are allowed to be." Meredith says.

"I'm so happy." Steph says.

"Can you keep it on the down low though for a few more weeks? We aren't going to start telling them for a little while to come and we aren't going to tell the kids until I'm showing. The later we tell Kaylee the less annoyed I am going to get with her questions."

"Hey they are kids. They are curious things." Steph says. "But of course I can keep it a secret."

"Thank you." She says hugging Steph.

"You're going to have a December baby. You may have a Christmas present."

"Hey if its earlier or late then I will be fine with counting it as my present for that year."

They had dressed the triplets in their birthday outfits and left the nursery and headed downstairs passing Sam's room. He had the door shut which was weird.

"Sam, what do you have down there?" Kaylee asks him as they played with the action figures.

The two of them had gone up to his room to play away from the triplets and from Zoe and Cooper.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"Well do you have what I have?" Kaylee asks.

"I don't know." He says standing up and unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down to his ankles and showing Kaylee.

"I definitely don't have that." She says with wide eyes.

"Then what do you have?" He asks.

"I don't want to show you." She says.

"But I'm your girlfriend shouldn't I know?"

"I suppose." She says standing up.

Kaylee lifts her dress up and pulls down her tights just as Steph and Meredith walk in.

"Sam, Kaylee what are you two…." She says but stops.

Meredith looks into the room and sees what Kaylee is doing with her tights pulled down and Sam's jeans down around his ankles.

"Sam. Kaylee. What's going on?" Meredith asks.

The two look at them like a dog hiding its favourite bone. Holding a secret.

Meredith and Steph didn't know what to say. They were only 6 years old. Curiosity got the better of them most definitely.

"Come on you two. Let's have a talk." Steph says.

The triplets had gone downstairs and Meredith and Steph had Kaylee and Sam on the bed seated.

"What were the two of you doing?" Meredith asks.

"Well Mummy. I wanted to know what Sam had down there. He doesn't have what I have. I needed to know cause Sam is my boyfriend."

Meredith looked to Steph and smirked.

"Really? So you two were showing each other what you had?" Steph asks.

Both kids nod their heads.

"And Sam definitely doesn't have what I have, Mummy." Kaylee says shaking her head with those wide eyes.

The two adults laugh at what Kaylee had just said.

"Of course Sam doesn't. He's a boy and you're a girl." Steph says.

"Then what do we have?"

"Well Sam has a penis. All boys have them." Meredith says.

"What about Daddy. He isn't a boy. He's a man?" Kaylee asks.

Meredith's cheeks flushed a little. Having a sex Ed lesson with two 6 year olds was not what she wanted.

"All males. Boys and men have penis's Kaylee. Cooper has on. Daddy has one."

"Bowen and Sam have them. Every man and boy has them."

"Oh." Kaylee says.

"But what does Kaylee have?" Sam asks.

"She has a vagina." Steph tells him.

"Really?" He asks nodding his head like a teenage boy does when he sees a girl naked for the first time.

"Yes. All girls and women have them." Steph tells him.

"So do you mummy?" Kaylee asks.

"Yes I do. Steph does. Zoe does. Ally and Carly do as well."

"So I have a vagina?" Kaylee asks.

"And I have a penis?" Sam asks.

"Yes." Both of the answer.

They nod their heads understanding now.

"Now we have to get downstairs and get ready." Steph says standing up.

"We want both of you keeping your clothes on around each other."

"Especially when you are both teenagers."

"Why?" They both ask curiously.

"We will tell you why later." Meredith tells them. "You're a little too young to understand just yet."

Meredith and Steph leave the room and laugh.

"God I wouldn't think we would have caught them showing each other their genitalia at 6 years old. I would have thought them to be at least 16." Steph says.

"Me too." Meredith says laughing as they enter the kitchen.

"What are you two laughing about?" Derek asks.

"You wouldn't believe what Sam and Kaylee were just doing."

"Kaylee finally convinced him to play with the Barbie dolls?" Dan asks.

"I wish." Meredith says smiling. "They were curious about their genitalia and we caught them showing each other."

"What?"

"Yeah our kids are curious. And because they are boyfriend and girlfriend they showed each other their genitalia." Steph says.

"At 6 years old?" Derek asks.

"Yep. We told them to keep their clothes on especially when they were teenagers." Steph says. "God, I thought it would have been at 16 we would catch doing more than showing each other…"

The four adults looked between each other and laughed a little.

"What a champ." Dan says shaking his head with laughter.

"Mer, like I said kids are curious little beings."

"I know. Curiosity killed the cat though."

"Oh well all kids are like this." She says smiling.

Meredith looks at Derek. "Did you tell him?"

"I didn't know you were telling Steph so I didn't."

"Tell me what?"

Meredith and Derek look at each other and smile. "We're having another baby."

"Oh my god. Congrats you two." He says hugging both of them.

"Thank you. We are having a Christmas Baby. 22nd of December."

"That is great." He says.

"We are both so happy for you." Steph says as Dan wraps and arm around her shoulder.

"We are happy too." Derek says smiling and placing a hand on her stomach.

Meredith covers his hand and looks up at him and smiles up at him before he leans down and kisses her lips.

"I love you." She says.

"I love you too." He says. "Let's just hope if this is another girl she isn't a flasher at 6 years old." He jokes.

The four of them break into a fit of laughter and Meredith hits his chest playfully.

"Sam and Kaylee are soul mates Derek. They have spent all their time together in the playpen and time without their diapers on. They will spend the rest of their lives together showing each other their 'things' and we will accept it."

"If not we have something to embarrass her with when she turns 21."

"She will then claim that you ruined her life." Steph adds.

"She never will." He says kissing her again. "She loves her daddy too much."

**Thoughts? **

**I've just gotten back to school and in my final 8 months so my updating is going to be all over the place. I apologise in advance already. So I've decided on just focusing on this story for a little while and maybe reposting 'From here the past looked brighter' another time. After I finish year 12 and my HSC but I will definitely continue with this one.**

**Next chapter will hopefully be up in the coming week and reviews would really be great.**


	16. Sharing News

Derek's hand was protecting Meredith's baby bump. It had been 2 weeks passing since the triplet's birthday. Today though was Cooper's birthday. His 3rd birthday.

She woke and placed her hands over Derek's. They had now reached the 15th week mark and her belly was now a very noticeable bump. She was hiding it underneath loose clothing for a little while longer so no one seemed to notice. Derek noticed it after she had showered of a morning and was getting dressed or when she rested her hands on her stomach and he could see the bulge of the round bump forming. He had to pull down her maternity clothing from the attic because her normal jeans were becoming a pain in the morning for when she tried to put them on.

When she was pregnant with Kaylee she cried when her clothes weren't fitting. When she was pregnant with Cooper she wasn't too happy about her normal clothes not fitting. But now she was happy and more accepting. Their baby was growing and it needed Meredith to not be the size she has been since she was 14 years old. The size she has returned to after two healthy pregnancies.

She turned around to face him and smiled. He kissed her and then lifted the sweat shirt she was wearing and looked at her belly before placing a kiss just above her belly button. Were the bump was most noticeable.

"I think your belly has grown overnight." He says.

"I think it has as well." She says smiling and sitting up. "15 weeks."

"I know. Another 26 to go." He says.

"Well if the baby is like Kaylee and wants to make an early entrance it could be 23 weeks. Making the baby a late November baby or an early December baby."

"Hmm. I like a December baby. We will have now have a Summer, Winter and Spring baby."

"We have season babies."

"Next one is to be born in the fall and we will have a nickname for them." He says smiling.

"Well we have a lot to do and time is escaping us." She says.

"Wanna start breakfast and then we can get the house cleaned?"

"Sounds like a good plan. We will clean then open his presents."

…

The kids had slept for another 2 hours. Giving Meredith and Derek plenty of time to clean and get ready for the party tonight with 14 kids under the age of 7 running around. And the crowd of adult of family and friends here to celebrate Cooper's 3rd birthday.

Kaylee and Cooper came down the stairs together as Meredith and Derek hung up decorations.

Meredith felt arms wrap around her legs. She didn't know who it was. She looked over her shoulder and saw both Kaylee and Cooper with their arms wrapped around her.

"Morning." She says to them both.

"Morning mummy." Kaylee says.

"Happy birthday Coopie."

"Thank you Mumma."

"Where's my good morning kiss?" She asks.

"You're too high up Mummy."

"Oh sorry." She says. She picks Kaylee up first and hugs her and kisses her before placing her back down and picking up Cooper and giving him three big kisses and hugging him tightly.

"Mumma." He says giggling and kicking his legs as she tickled him.

"I'm just kissing the birthday boy." She says and blows a raspberry on his neck causing him to laugh even more. "Here say hi to daddy." She says passing him over to Derek.

"Hi Dada."

"Happy birthday big boy." He says kissing him.

"Is everyone coming today Mummy?" Kaylee asks.

"Sure are."

"Are we going to finally get to meet Ella?"

"Yes we are."

Kaylee smiles widely.

"I think the next baby born needs to be a girl to even out the numbers." She says. "The boys are catching up slowly."

"I know. There's Braden, Conner and Zach."

"That's three boys Mummy. There is only Caitlin, Claire, Lacey and Ella."

"Well we you can't always choose can you? You get what you're given." She tells Kaylee.

"How about some breakfast?" Derek asks changing the topic so Kaylee didn't go on about getting a sibling again.

They had both decided that they would tell the kids tonight and show them proof with her belly and the ultrasound. It was little more noticeable and they would be able to handle it and understand that this was real. Cooper may not understand as much as Kaylee but he would have an idea that a new member would be joining the family.

"Does Coopie get to open his presents?" Kaylee asks.

"He sure does." Derek says. "But after breakfast."

"Did you spoil him?"

"We always do." Meredith says. "Just like we spoil you Kaylee."

"And how Daddy spoils you?"

"You are damn right." Derek says smirking.

"Daddy, you aren't supposed to say that word."

"Sorry sweetie." He says. "I didn't mean to say it."

"Just don't repeat it." Meredith clears up.

"I won't." She says smiling.

Derek and Meredith look at each other smiling.

"Do you want to tell them now?" He asks whispering.

"I suppose it won't hurt." She says.

She grabs her handbag and comes and sits down at the table.

"Now kids, we have some special news to tell you two." Derek says taking a seat beside Meredith.

"How well can you two keep this a secret?" She asks.

"I can keep a secret very well Mummy." Kaylee says excited at the fact that she gets to keep a secret.

"Good." Derek answers. "Cause this one is a very big one."

"Do you two know how you have been asking for a baby brother or sister?"

Kaylee nods her head.

"Well what would you say that you will be getting one?" Derek asks.

"I would be over the moon." Kaylee says. "I want another brother or sister."

"Well you two are getting one."

"Really Mummy?"

"Really."

"Are you sure you're not tricking?" Kaylee asks.

Meredith just laughs to herself. "Kaylee I am very certain. Do you want some proof?"

"Yes Mummy."

"OK, well here is the picture of the baby." She says showing Kaylee the ultrasound.

"Baby Shepherd. 10 weeks. Due - 22nd of December 2017." She reads out loud. "Hmm, do you have anything else to prove it?"

Meredith looks to Derek and smiles. She then stands up and goes to Kaylee's side and lifts up her shirt and stands side on to Kaylee.

"Well it's a little hard to tell but you can start to see a bump growing." Meredith says running her hand over her stomach.

Kaylee stands up and places her hand on Meredith's stomach and Meredith runs her hand down the small bump and then looks at Kaylee.

"Babies are supposed to kick, I don't feel it kicking."

"They take a while to start kicking Kay. You won't be able to feel it for a little while."

She looks at Meredith and then to Derek again and then sits down.

"Any more proof?" She asks with a smirk.

"Well do you know those tablets I've been taking?" Kaylee nods her head. "They are for the baby. Prenatal care is for babies. Like at the hospital they have the prenatal care for babies before they are born and while the mummy is pregnant. I am reading the baby books again to remind me of what is going to happen. Your daddy went out and bought a baby gift. He did that when he found out I was pregnant with you and Cooper. I have also…"

"It's ok Mummy. I believe you. I just wanted to see you try and convince me. I could feel your bump and I noticed you being sick and having no energy like Nancy was and Kathleen and you were when you were having Coopie." She says. "I'm going to have a sibling?" She asks.

"You sure are. In about 6 months." She says smiling at Kaylee.

"So how far along are you now Mummy?"

"15 weeks Kay."

"So how many more weeks to go?"

"26."

"That's too long mummy." She says.

"I know but time will pass very quickly. You will have a new brother and sister in no time." She tells her.

"I hope it's a sister."

"You are going to have to wait and see. We all are."

Kaylee's smile never left her face.

"Coopie do you know that you are going to have a brother or sister soon." Derek asks him.

"Baby?"

"Yeah a baby. A brother or sister."

"But I'm the baby."

"I know but now you get to be a big brother. How does that sound?"

"Alright. Do I have to share my toys?"

"Not for a while."

"OK. I like it. Is the new baby here?"

"No not yet. You will still have a while to be the baby." Meredith tells him kneeling beside him and kissing his cheek.

A smile came to him face and he looked at Meredith and down to her stomach and then kissed her back.

"So do you think you can keep that a secret Kay?" Derek asks.

"I think I can."

"It will only be until tonight. We just want to tell everyone together."

"That's ok Mummy. I can keep it a secret. Only if you keep what Sam and I did a secret."

Meredith smiled remembering the triplets birthday with Sam and Kaylee showing each other their anatomy wondering why they didn't have the same things as each other.

"I sure can." She says smiling. "I pinkie promise."

…

The opened Cooper's presents and had the house cleaned and food cooking for this afternoon.

Derek had Meredith taking a break for a while. She was sitting down on the lounge and her hands rested on her stomach as she wrote a note of what still had to be done. He wanted her resting as much as possible before this afternoon when there would be 16 kids running around and plenty of adults.

"Mummy, do you think the baby can hear in there?" Kaylee asks bring Meredith's attention away from the note.

"I do and they can. Why don't you try talking to the baby?" She suggests.

"What do I say?" Kaylee asks standing up from the ground.

"Just whatever you want. Make sure you tell the baby who you are."

Kaylee came and sat beside Meredith and Meredith lifted her shirt up and Kaylee placed her hands on either side of her small bump and placed her head near Meredith's belly button.

"Hi Baby. I'm Kaylee Sofia Shepherd. I am going to be your big sister when you come into the world. I am really hoping that you are a girl so I have a sister. I already have a brother, his name is Cooper. You'll like him a whole lot." She says. "So please be kind to our Mummy. She is doing a special thing and keeping you safe. I can't wait to meet you Baby." She says before placing a kiss on her stomach.

"That was sweet Kaylee." She says. "I'm sure the baby is very excited to meet you."

"Mummy I was going to put the date on my calendar. So I can mark off the days."

"Well that is a good idea. We can do it on the calendar in the kitchen as well."

"I think that that is a good idea Mummy. Can we do it now?"

"Of course we can."

Together they marked the date on the calendar nice and bright. BABY 3 DUE.

"I also think we should call the baby something rather than baby. Like how you and daddy used to call Coopie and Me Peanut."

"Well what do you suggest?"

"Peanut." She says. "Keep it going."

"Well that is a brilliant idea Kaylee." Derek tells her.

"Thank you Daddy."

"Just remember we are keeping it a secret for today. You have to hold your excitement."

"I know. I will do it as best I can."

"That's a girl."

…

The afternoon was drawing to an end and the house was buzzing with activity from family and friends. Ella was finally being passed around the Seattle family who hadn't met her yet.

Meredith was carrying Ella around and feeling great and wishing secretly that the baby would be hear already to hold and carry.

"Kath, I am in love with Ella very much." Meredith says as tickles the baby's chubby cheeks.

"Well you could have another one on the way if you wanted. I'm not stopping you and Derek." She says.

"I know you aren't." She says smiling back at her. "Nobody is."

She was being careful not to drop too many obvious hints to everyone but she was dropping subtle ones. She knew from carrying Ella that her shirt would define the bump a little more. She placed Ella in the high chair so she could be fed by Kathleen. Meredith went upstairs to the bathroom and when she came back out she ran into Jackson and Charlie.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Derek said we should come and speak to you. He said it's something exciting."

Meredith realised why Derek sent them up here.

"OK, take a seat you two."

They sat down on the bed and she sat in between them and rested both her hands on her stomach.

"Derek and I are having another baby."

"Really?"

"Yeah we are. You'll have a niece or nephew in December, just in time for Christmas."

"That's great Mer." Jackson says.

Both of them wrap their arms around Meredith and she holds them closely, squeezing them tight like she used to.

"Is that why Dad has been really happy lately?"

"I say so. We only told him 2 weeks ago."

"How far along are you?"

"About 15 weeks."

"I'm so excited. Girl or boy?" Charlie asks.

"Everyone is going to have to find out when we find out."

"So you're doing another secret sex thing?"

"Yeah I am." She says. "It's fun not knowing."

"Well you have one of each now. So it could go either way. Do you have any suspicions?"

"I don't know just yet. I can't tell yet. It's a 50/50 chance so I don't mind."

"A girl would be nice." Charlie says.

"Of course you would say that." Jackson says rolling his eyes.

"Well a girl would be nice. That's all I said. I just thought cause we got a girl then a boy. So a girl would be good."

Meredith smiles. "Whatever it is all it needs to be is healthy and that's all that matter."

"I agree."

"Now we have a three year old party to control. Can you two keep this a secret for a little while?"

"Of course we can."

"Thank you." She says kissing both of their temples before they head downstairs.

"Mumma, there you are." Cooper says running to her.

"Hey mister." She says picking him up. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to see you." He says smiling. "I missed you."

"Well you are just too sweet Coopie. Come on we are going to play some games."

"Will you sit with me?"

"Of course little man. Just let me get a drink, ok?"

"Ok." He says smiling at her.

"Here you go Mer. A glass of red." Nancy says handing her the glass.

"It's alright Nancy. I'm feeling a little dehydrated. I'm going to get some water. Besides I've gotta be responsible if something happens."

"You're passing alcohol over water?"

"Sure am." She says smiling.

"You've changed Mer." She calls after her.

The afternoon they entertain the kids with games and fun and presents.

Everyone was there and they knew that today would be the day to tell everyone. They were just going to wait until just before they cut the cake before they let everyone know about the impending arrival of baby Shepherd.

Derek had been smiling at her whenever they passed each other.

"God Grey and Shepherd are doing those eyes they make with each other. The eyes they always made to each other when they were in high school. The eyes they made before the teachers caught them out and embarrassed them." Callie says.

"They seem happy though." Arizona adds in.

"Too happy."

"I think it's great that they are happy. They aren't fighting. They are being a couple. They are being a family. The family they should be." Izzie says.

"Hey I know that this seems ridiculous, but does she look like she is really glowing. I mean she looks great." Callie says. "We have seen her this way before. Looking bright and shiny."

"You don't think she is…"

"No." Izzie says. "She would have mentioned something."

"Well since we got here she has been leaving a hand on her stomach. She looks like she has a bump as well. The no alcohol, really glowing and just very happy. Even Derek is really happy looking. We've seen them act like this before."

"I suppose we have. Well we will find out no matter what."

They talked as they watched Meredith with the kids. They took a moment to look at her before they left for food and alcohol.

They had everyone standing around Cooper and his birthday cake. Cooper excited over the fact that he has a cake in front of him.

"Everyone, before we light the candles. We have an announcement." Derek says looking at Meredith grinning.

Meredith looks at him and then to everyone else who was standing around waiting. She ran her hand over Kaylee's hair and smiled. "Well, we are having another baby." She announces as she rests a hand on her stomach.

They watch everyone's reactions change and smiles come across everyone's faces with their hands coming together and clapping.

"Congratulations." Is said from everyone at the same time.

Derek and Meredith look to each other and smile before Derek lights the cake for Cooper.

"Ready Coopie?"

"Yes Dada."

Everyone sings around them and Cooper blows out his 3 candles. Derek helps him cut into the cake and he looks to everyone and smiles.

"Happy birthday little one." Meredith whispers in his ear.

"Just think you'll be four next year." Derek says to him. "And you'll have another brother or sister."

He kisses his mum and dad and Carolyn takes the cake to cut up for everyone. Cooper was in Derek's arms as everyone swarmed them to congratulate them.

"We were having this discussion earlier." Izzie says. "We didn't think it would be true."

"Well we are 15 weeks in. So it's very true."

"You're already 15 weeks?"

"Yeah I am."

"You're having a December baby?" Izzie asks.

"22nd of December, Peanut is due."

"We are so happy for the two of you. After the shit of a year you deserve a happy end to the year." Kathleen says hugging Meredith and Derek. "Congrats guys."

"So was this the anniversary make up sex?" Mark asks.

"Mark." Callie says slapping him.

"Well you are all doctors. You can figure that out on your own." Derek says.

"Cake everyone." Carolyn announces entering the living room.

That shut everyone up as they took their cake and started to eat and mingle.

Meredith and Derek walked back into the kitchen, following Carolyn.

"So?" Derek asks.

"Congratulations. I am very excited for my 10 grandchild." She says taking them both into her arms. "I knew though."

"No you didn't Ma."

"I did." She says. "A mother always knows and when you had me making those check-ups on Meredith I knew that it just wasn't a stomach bug, it was morning sickness and I saw the ultrasound picture. I just kept it to myself and basked in the glory that I was going to have another grandchild."

"Ma, we were going to tell you but we wanted to tell everyone together and at a special time." Derek says.

"To be honest, Richard, Cristina, the OB and Steph and Dan knew before everyone else. We only told the kids this morning and I only just told Charlie and Jackson an hour ago. We would have told you…."

"I don't care Meredith. I knew and this is my 10th grandchild we are talking about. This is the tenth time a child will come into our family. I didn't mind you not telling me because the two of you have been extremely busy and you needed this secret kept to yourself. I understand. I did that with all my kids. Never told anyone until I started showing."

"So you're not mad?" Derek asks.

"Mad? No way. I am so happy. Another grandchild to spend money on." She says smiling and hugging them again. "But I deserve some details from you two in person."

"Well 22nd of December."

"So no Christmas dinner at your house?"

"Not this year." Derek says.

"We are about 15 weeks in. That weekend away was the conception day we are thinking."

"So are you thinking you will have an early arrival, on time or late?"

"We've had a baby 3 weeks earlier. A baby a few days off arrival. So we are thinking, well more hoping a baby born on time. A Christmas present either way."

"Well I think you couldn't ask for a better present." She says smiling. "Now go and catch up with everyone. I'll clean up in here."

"You don't have too."

"I do. You need rest and I want to help you out. Besides I talk to the girls on the phone nearly every day. I know what goes on in their lives so go and catch up. I'll be fine."

"Thanks Ma." Derek says kissing her temple.

They walk back out to the living room and take a seat listening and exchanging stories that they had seemed to miss out on doing. Derek rested a hand on her stomach, rubbing small circles as they talked to everyone.

As people talked, Meredith listened and rested her hand bellow her stomach. She knew she felt a small flutter from inside. She smiled and closed her eyes basking in the feeling of her child and then opened them. She looked at Derek and smiled and then at everyone in front of her. She couldn't ask for a better group of people to share her news with.

"I love you." Derek whispers in her ear.

**More of a fluffy chapter but I think it was some special to the family and friends. **

**I decided on a quick update as I had a spare minute. Hopefully I'll have a few more spare moments as I go on during the year.**

**Next chapter is based on season 5, episode 1 and 2. So hopefully that will be up soon.**


	17. Saving Grace

"Mer, are you alright?" Derek asks walking into the locker room to find her seated in front of her cubby still not changed into her scrubs.

"What?" She says. "Yeah I'm fine." She says. "Just thinking."

"About what?" He asks sitting down beside her.

"How today is going to go when people see my bump."

"Today will be fine Mer. They won't say anything." He says. "Besides, it's a beautiful bump."

"You promise?"

"I promise." He says kissing her temple. "Come on you have to get ready."

She stands and changes. "I had that dream again last night."

"You did?"

"Yeah I did. I don't know why I keep having these dreams."

"Well just don't worry about them. It will never come true Mer."

"You promise?"

"I promise." He says. "I'll see you around."

He kisses her and leaves the room.

"Back up. You're sucking up all of my oxygen."

"I'm trying to see." Derek says.

"Here, hit the refresh…." Izzie says.

"I am hitting the refresh…!" She says. "Ok, all of you, back up. Stop hovering, stop speculating. The rankings will go up when they go up. We have no control when they are posted. When it is up. I will say it is up! Until then, shut up, back up! Leave me alone so I can…."

"It's up!"

Everyone squirms to look at the computer.

"Number on, Hopkins. Number two, Mayo. Three, Cleveland Clinic."

"What?"

"Number four, Mass Gen."

"What? We moved down to five."

"No. We are not five."

Number 12. Was on their minds.

"Hey, sorry I was late. I was just helping…." Danny says.

"No talking unless it's medical." Cristina says.

"So I keep having the dream. The Derek is dead dream."

"Know who does residencies at number 12 hospitals? And I am not a loser. Go get the charts."

"So the dream is about me being afraid of the house of candles, then the new baby. And I'm afraid of not having that happy ending that Kaylee thinks we will have."

"I have a PhD in biochem. I am a double doctor. Double doctors should not do residencies at second rate hospitals."

"So do you think this will happen?"

"I could transfer. Cleveland Clinic has a huge cardio programme."

"We're still in the top 20. Pretty good."

"Pretty good is not enough. I want to be great. Greatness."

"Greatness. Which is why I am going to not worry about the dream and live my so called happy ending. I mean we have messed up. Time and time again. With everything, from the fights and the George thing." She says "So I'm just going to do it. Live on with our happy ending. We are having another baby. So this feels like the right time. You think it's the right thing?"

Their pagers sound and they look down at them.

"Bailey's paging."

"It's humiliating." Derek says. "Number 12."

"You're on the best up and coming doctors in Neuro." He says. "Are you going to say anything about me?"

"You're one of the best in our class?"

"Nice. Really nice."

"Don't force me to praise you."

Addison walks passed them, she wasn't gone just yet. Her last few days in Seattle.

"Hey, Addison."

She turns to Mark. "Hello, Dr Sloan."

"She took it so well in the beginning, hoping we could be civilised. Since she is going soon."

"Civilised is out. It's gone. It's a trail of fairy dust. Now she's got delayed rage."

"Delayed rage?"

"She was being big before. Putting on a brave face. She's had time to think. Now she hates your guts. You won't be able to apologise to her anymore. She's gone, no way of apologising now and making things better."

"Well it's been four years since. She should be over it by now."

"Yeah some girls hold that as a grudge." Mark says. "Good luck with that. Oh and congrats on the baby."

"Stop shivering, it's embarrassing." Bailey says as they stand in the snow covered ambulance bay.

"I didn't realise we would be outside." Izzie complains. Alex covers her with a blanket. "I'm okay. You don't have to do that. What about Mer? She's the one carrying a new life."

"Bundle up. You're turning blue."

"Dr Bailey, it is kinda cold. I am kinda cold me and my…"

"Someone will come."

"No one is coming."

"Maybe old people with broken hips we can fix."

"Stop talking. We are Seattle Grace hospital. Rankings or no rankings, we are going to stand outside. At the ready. On Alert. And give the best care available to every patient that arrives at our door. We may no longer be ranked the best but I'm the best. You are my residents. Which means you're the best. It's a matter of pride, people."

"What are we doing?" Cristina asks.

"We're waiting."

"For?"

"A miracle." Meredith says,

"Someone will come."

"You know that Mercy West is getting traumas first…"

"Someone will come."

"So we're here in the hopes that someone is severely injured? Wishing and praying that someone is so hurt, so near death, that the ambulance has to bring 'em here cause we're closer that Mercy West."

"Yep."

"Wow you and God are cool with that? Making a pregnant person stand in the ambulance bay in the snow. For making us stand in the cold waiting for someone so dead to come here?"

Bailey just looks at her.

"Damn it. I forgot about God." She says. "All right, let's just go on back inside…."

Tyres screeching turns their attention back to the ambulance bay.

"Hey, Watch out!" Bailey yells after them.

A limo comes to a stop and they run towards the car.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asks the girl driving.

"I drove a limousine on ice! All by myself! Ten blocks!"

Meredith takes her into the ER. Holding her making sure she is alright.

"What happened?"

"What happened is I got us to the hospital in one piece."

"Please sit still. We need a wheelchair over here."

"We're not the patients... What's his name? Benny…Billy."

"Billy?"

"Our limo driver. He flew through the windshield."

They sat in the ER with the three ladies. Cleaning and dressing their wounds. And listening to their life stories.

"You know this is what we get for being number 12." Cristina says. "A bunch of women in ball gowns and a half-dead limo driver."

"Those women are amazing tried to save his life. That's who I want to be."

"An aging princess?"

"They've been with the same men for years and they're happy. They did it. I am going to continue to do it. Baby number 3." She says pointing to her stomach.

"Mer…"

"Hey. Who paged me?" Derek asks.

"Bailey and Izzie. But you should see Bailey first cause she has the limo driver." She says. "Do you think we are going to get a happy ending?"

"What?"

"I mean with no drama. Just us and the kids? Cause fairy tales are kinda crap but you know how Kaylee is all for them. I mean we are having another baby. Are we getting our happy ending?

"Of course we are. It doesn't have to be Disney perfect but we are getting one."

"So we're leaning into the wind?"

"I don't even know what that means." He says.

They reach trauma 1 and they just call time of death.

"Limo driver. Traumatic injuries. Never regained a pulse. Tell them not to book an OR." Richard says as he passes Meredith and Derek in a pissed off mood.

Meredith left Derek to go and tend to her patient before ducking off to get fill those cravings and rest her feet. Derek had come back and found her again and they sat together while he charted.

"You really do look good in those scrubs." He says.

"Well people have stared but they tried to do that I'm not staring stare. If that makes sense?"

"Yes. It does." He says and sighs.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He says shrugging.

"Derek?" She says urging him to go on.

"Just the fact that you continue to have those dreams and we are a number 12 hospital and the fact… delayed rage."

"Delayed rage?"

"Yeah, Addison."

"Oh…" She says unable to comment.

"She's leaving soon and I am thankful its just I feel that she is going to do something to make her entrance memorable and I feel as if it will humiliate myself."

"Derek." She says placing her hands on his cheeks and smiling. "Don't think like that." She says. "Baby number 3." She says and places his hands on her stomach.

"Baby number 3." He says and grins. "Hey you owe me birthday sex."

"It's not your birthday until after midnight."

"Well we have time to spare. We can get an early start on this birthday sex…" He says but is cut off by her pager.

"Sorry, Bailey is paging." She says standing up and grabbing her coat from the chair. "No birthday sex until your actual birthday."

"But."

"No buts." She says. "It's how the rule goes. Besides you made use of my crazy hormones this morning when we had that late start." She says. "I'll see your round."

She leaves Derek with a kiss on the lips before heading down to the pit where the husbands of the female patients had been wheeled in.

"He has a pen in his throat!"

"Michael! Oh, god, Michael! Are you… Is that a pen in his throat? Does he have a ballpoint pen in his throat?" Anna screams.

"You have to wait outside. Let the doctor's work." George says.

"They have to be careful. Michael's been under stress and the last thing he needs…"

"Grey! Can you handle this woman?" Richard asks.

"We're going to take you to your husband, around the corner."

"Sweetheart, I'm here. Michael, I'm here." Anna says as Meredith leads her from the room.

"This is not her husband?"

"Nope.

"Phil? Oh, my god. What happened?"

"The Limo hit a patch of ice. Next thing I know, we're all upside down and we're rolling and… Anna, I can't feel my legs."

"Oh, my God. Oh, Phil, I'm so sorry."

"Ok, get her out. I gotta get a consult from Nelson."

Meredith leads her down to the waiting room and sits beside her comforting her while caressing her belly.

"I know it's overwhelming, but Phil couldn't be in better hands."

"It's not just Phil. It's also Michael. But you already knew that." Anna says looking at her.

Meredith sinks down to the chair beside Anna. "I didn't know for sure…"

"It's pathetic, isn't it? A married woman cheats on her best friend with her husband. You can't go much lower than that."

"These things happen."

"I ran into him at the mall. We had lunch, and then a week later we had another lunch. And, here we are, eight months later. And Sarabeth has no idea. When you…. When you spend your life with someone and you have kids together you think it'll always be this amazing and wonderful. You think that you'll always feel that kind of love. And I do. I do love Phil. I just…"

"Just what?"

"Well, little pieces of you get chipped away. By another person. And then you shave little pieces of yourself away. So that you'll fit together. And one day you look up and you don't even know who you are." She says. "I better get back to my husband. He'll be wondering where I am."

"Ok."

"Hey, how's Betty's husband?"

"I'm scrubbing in on him now. Nelson did what he could, but the Chief and Hahn are working. He's an ugly mess."

"Sarabeth's husband may need another surgery once Nelson and Derek's done." She says. "These poor women."

"Anna, the one with the cuts, is married to the guy on Nelson's table. And she is sleeping with Sarabeth's husband. The one Bell is working on."

"Kidding?"

"No, don't tell Betty."

"She wouldn't remember if I did."

"That happens? Married 40 years, then become a big, fat, lying cheater? If 40 years doesn't make you committed, what does? What's the point? What if we have this happy ending…."

"I'll give you 100 bucks if you talk about something else. I'll offer to babysit your unborn child if you shut up." Cristina says.

"It's not about the years, it's about the man. Derek's a good man."

"I'm out of here."

"There are a lot of good men." She says. "Alex. He's a changed man. We're friends and his changed. He's opening up to me."

"So if you think in 40 years, you move in get married, you'd feel dead inside? Enough to cheat on him?"

"Wow."

…

"Addison…" Derek says. "Please look at me. If you're going to behave like this. That's not professional. I don't want your final few days to be like this."

She turns and looks at him. "There's no good way of saying this." She says. "I am still in love with you." She says. Waiting for Derek's reacting. "Ha, Gotcha."

"This is your idea of a joke?"

"Oh, please, you deserve it. Who do you think you are? 'If you're going to act like this, I can't be around you'."

"I am glad to see the back of you."

"You should leave this town."

"I can't. I am doing my residency here. I have a family. I'm having another baby."

"You should have thought of that while we were together and repeatedly assuring me that you were over your baby Mumma." She says walking away. "I'll see you around Dr Shepherd. I'm not leaving."

"He is my husband Cristina. We have been together forever. I love him. He is the father to my kids. He talks and not just a lot. He's chatty freaking Cathy."

"Not right now."

"You know what is going to happen after we have the 3rd baby. We'll have three kids. And he will want to move to his house on the land and then been begging me for another child and then we will fight again and be on the verge of separation. But then we will have another drunken weekend away and conceive another child. I will then have 4 kids. Then we'll accidently conceive another baby and probably another and I'll have 6 children with their perfect hair. 6 chatty kids. We'll live in the wilderness. Then I'll start sleeping with your husband." She says. "I've gotta tell him I change my mind. I don't want a happily ever after. I want just a lifetime with no ever after."

"Meredith!" Cristina yells.

"What?" She says as Cristina looks at her. "Why are you making that face?"

"Shut up! Just shut up about Derek. Shut up about how happy you are being pregnant and all. Shut up about your life. Just shut up. Because I have been there and I have heard it all before. You guys have been this way for 10 years. On and off. Now you are on so just shut up because you too have to all. I almost killed a man in surgery today. Ok, you wanna know what I think? You really wanna know? You and Derek will work. Nothing bad will happen. You have two frickin' kids and you two are having another one in 5 months. We know how the story ends. You are dreaming of Dead Derek because you two are together and you don't want to lose your perfect life."

"Cristina…"

"No. this 'happily ever after'? Exists for you two. So please, please, please, go and bug someone else with your perfect family life. Not me. Because I can't listen to it anymore. I am not married with children. I am not you Meredith Grey."

"I.."

"No!"

"Ok."

"No!"

"I…"

"That's it, that's it. I'm done." She says walking passed her and slipping over. "Ouch."

"I'm not going to say you deserved that, but you deserved that."

"Thanks. Help me… Help me up."

A crackling noise is heard above as an icicle breaks from the roof and falls down and impales Cristina.

"Don't move. I'm going to go and get some help."

…

"Put her on a monitor, order a portable chest. Gonna cut your top."

"It's between my ninth and tenth intercostal spaces. No hemo or pneumothorax, vitals are stable. Pull it."

"I wouldn't."

"Mind your business."

"Who is this guy?"

"Get this thing out of me. I already screwed up in front of the chief. I messed up a suture and now he's looking at me like I am number 12. Mer, please, no one gets to see me like this. OK?"

"Yang! What the hell happened? Get her on a monitor." Richard says walking into the trauma room. "And order a portable chest.."

"I did."

"Check her respiratory funct…"

"I did. See?" She says. "Breath sounds. Clear and equal."

"You be quiet. What would you advise as course of treatment?"

"We leave it in until we get the chest X-ray and CT back."

"I'm fine."

"What about infection? This is melting dirty roof water in her body."

"Pull it out!"

"Leave it. You get stabbed in the chest, lucky enough to be still breathing. Leave it."

"Take it out."

"Leave it. In the meantime, since you know so much, teach your interns to treat you. This is a good opportunity to get back to the basics."

"I need to check on Vincent Kenner."

"Grey, Kenner is your responsibility now. Bear in mind he is my patient and I am not about to lose another trauma case today. Keep that man alive."

…

"Are you alright?" Mark asks Derek.

"Yeah its fine."

"You were stabbed in the hand by Addison, in front of everyone." He says. "Do you want me to look at it?"

"Mer is going to."

"She is a 3rd year. I'm a 4th. My sutures are complex."

"Well Meredith gives me sex. Especially when I'm wounded. And especially since her hormones are all over the place. Pregnancy sex is great."

"I didn't need to know that." Mark calls after him.

"Can I ask you a question?" Meredith asks Cristina.

"That's unfair. I'm impaled."

"Did you mean what you said about me and Derek? I know that I am all warm and gooey. Especially since I am having another baby. I would be sick as well. But you said what you said cause you were mad, right? Not because you meant it?"

"Just take my X-ray and… It doesn't matter what I say."

"Of course it matters what you say! Of course it matters." She says leaving the room.

…

"Anna. Are you feeling Ok?"

"Her world is about to fall apart and she has no idea. It's all my fault. What should I do? I know I'm a terrible person, but what should I do?"

"She should hear it from you. You're her best friend. Even if it's the most terrible thing in the world…. You should tell her." Meredith says to her before leaving her alone to meet Derek.

"You want to hear how I cut my hand?" Derek asks. "It's a good story."

"I am not sure if we should believe we will have a happy ending."

"Ok. Fine."

"Fine? What does that mean?"

"It means that I know you."

"So you believe I would fall for this crap in the first place?"

"I believe you believe it. Look, we don't need to believe in this fairy tale crap because what we have is all we need. We are together and have kids. We have a family and I think we already have a happy ending."

"Hey, I built the house of candles. It's unprecedented in the _Meredith chronicles_."

"Fine. Let's have a happily ever after."

"Fine."

"Unless you just want to skip this part and say we already have the happy ending and just have kid after kid?" He smirks. "Ha, gotcha. Want to know where I learnt that. Goes with the story of how I cut my hand."

…

Meredith stood in the room listening to Anna and Sarabeth. Anna breaking the news to Sarabeth about everything from Michael losing his job to Anna and Michael sleeping with each other. Until Vincent coded.

"He's stable." Richard says to Derek.

"You let some solider off the street talk you into something that could've killed a man."

"He deserved the chance."

"You have no way of knowing if it helped or hurt."

"He deserved a chance. He deserved the best, the most this hospital could give him. I've let a lot of things slide over the past few years. I've been… soft."

"This is not about you being soft. I think it's the fact that Ellis is dead. That I'm working with Meredith. She's having another baby. The fact that my step-daughter is here with me."

"Chief…" Meredith says. "Vincent Kenner. We have him 31 units of blood, fresh frozen plasma, multiple litres of LR…. We did everything we knew how to do, we couldn't bring him back."

"You don't know how to do anything. None of you. You're just finished your 2nd year and now you have just started your 3rd year of residency and you walk around here like it's your God-given right to be here. Well it is not, Dr Grey, I assure you. You are here because I allow it. You are here to do what I say. And the one thing I asked you to do… You can't even save…"

"Richard!" Derek says. "We can't save everybody."

Meredith felt tears prang to her eyes and hot tears roll down her cheeks. Her hand coming and resting on her stomach to somewhat protect her child.

"We should try harder." He says. "We should try harder." He repeats again walking off.

…

"I'm sorry about the hand." Addison says.

"These things happen."

"To me they don't. Or they didn't before you existed to me. Before you existed, I was good. Every doctor at my last hospital wanted me. Then I move here and I am now known as the crazy girl out of _Fatal Attraction _who goes around stabbing surgeons and stabbing my ex-fiancé."

"Sorry. I'm so… I'm sorry."

"I am leaving for LA. I am leaving tomorrow morning to work there. Again. Very sorry about your hand. And everything I have put you through."

…

"What's going on?" Meredith asks, joining, Bailey, Callie and Derek.

"Phillip can wiggle his toes."

"Say it." Bailey says.

"Don't make me say it."

"Please? Say it. Say it for me. Even though its technically not true yet."

"We made a man walk." Derek says.

"We made a man walk." Bailey repeats.

"We made a man walk!" Callie says laughing and walking away.

Derek and Meredith watch as Anna enters he husbands room. The smiles on Anna and Phillip's faces.

Derek smiles at Meredith and kisses her cheek before rubbing her tummy.

"Let's go home Mer." He says grabbing her hand.

…

"Listen up people!" Richard calls out the next morning. "Listen up." He says slamming the door shut.

Everyone turns around and gives Richard their attention.

"We used to be the best surgical program in the West. An upstart program that no one ever heard of that blew everyone out of the water. And then, overnight, we got old, entrenched and sloppy just like everyone else. We've been resting on our laurels. You have all been falling. Falling to take initiative, falling to ask the tough questions. Falling to practice your skills. Falling to give opportunity to practice skills. And I let it happen. So you have not failed, we have failed. Well, it stops. And it stops now. People sliding over general surgery as though they'll never see anything, but a heart or a brain through the course of their careers. As though blood from the heart doesn't make its way through the whole body. Or the nerves don't travel past the brain stem. It's shoddy teaching, and it makes for shoddy surgeons. We've failed." He says.

"Get it? We all have. And it stops now. The surgical training protocol is officially changing, people. The bar has been raised. Consider yourself on notice."

**This was another filler but events from season 5 will coincide with the current storyline very heavily with some details being skipped over for next time but some of the most important moments will be explored to the couple as they grow even more.**

**I apologise for the boringness at this point but I shall have more action and drama and more happy family times later.**

**I'll try and update soon, considering by schedule and such.**


	18. Aren't I Beautiful Already?

"What are you doing in here?" Meredith asks walking into the study.

"I am looking over our house plans."

"But we have a house."

"Yeah but we are having another baby. We need more room."

"Derek we have plenty of room. Why do you want to start building the house now?"

"Well I want a new house for when the new baby comes. They could spend all their time growing up at the woods instead of here." He says. "We planned this. We can hand in our final house plans."

"I don't know. I have to think about it." She says. "I like my house."

"I like it too. But we need a bigger house to make bigger memories. Come on. It's going to be great." He says standing up and kissing her cheek.

"So Derek wants to build our dream house and move out before this one is born." She says placing her hand on her stomach.

"So that was your plan."

"Yeah but I am 17 weeks pregnant. We are not going to have enough time to have our plans officially drawn up, get money together, pick a builder and things and build a house before I am due. That's ridiculous."

"Do whatever you want." She says disinterested.

"Listen up, everyone." Richard says. "Listen up!" He says from the stairs. "We're busy people, so I'm going to try and be brief." He says. "I am implementing a new teaching protocol here at Seattle Grace. Some of these rules are new, and some are old and are going to be newly enforced."

"Jack O'Donnell. Scheduled for an abdominal aortic aneurysm repair. His last CT show calcification. So I ordered a CT angio to determine if it had worsened or remained stable."

"Nice catch, Yang. You can take him down after rounds."

"Dr Karev will take over. Dr Yang, you're done here. Thank you." Richard says.

"_The practice interferes with the development of a fully-rounded surgical education. No more."_

"Barry Patmore, 63. Has been experiencing chronic headaches for the past seven years. Has been treated with narcotics, anti-seizure medications, antidepressants, and anti-psychotic medications with no success."

"How severe is the pain today, Mr Patmore, scale of one to ten?" Nelson asks.

"Eight. It's always an eight."

"Which is why Mr Patmore's last consult suggested a bilateral cingulotomy."

"A frontal lobotomy for a headache?"

"Too loud. Please. Could you do something for the buzzing? Do we need all these machines?"

"Mr Paltmore has been experiencing intense pain all day every day for seven years."

"But a cingulotomy could cause seizures, cognitive defects, behavioural changes."

"Which is why we are going to explore every possible option before resorting to such radical surgery."

"More tests?"

"Yes."

"Dr Yang, you'll be assisting Dr Nelson today."

"_Personal relationships, personal loyalties and personal favourites will no longer be a factor in our training programme. Attending's, you will spread your wealth and knowledge equally among all residents. In addition, we'll refocus our attention on patient communication and bedside manner. For some of us, this means learning the lost art of humanity and compassion. For others, this means learning how to treat patients without becoming emotionally involved with them."_

"Shelley Boden, 30, stage four colon cancer with liver mets. Shelley has been through extensive chemo and radiation. According to the CT, a liver resection could be curative."

"Will be curative. Will."

"Do you have any other questions for us?"

"What happens if you find more cancer than you expect?"

"No, Jen. A, that's not gonna happen. And B, Izzie's already answered all of your questions three times."

"Izzie's not the main surgeon."

"Izzie's awesome. We love Izzie."

"This is Dr Grey. She'll prep you for surgery and answer any questions you have."

"Izzie's not staying?"

"_This is a surgical programme. Psychiatry is on the fifth floor. Let's not confuse the two. In addition, residents, your interns reflect on you. If they fail, you fail. If they succeed, you succeed. Attending's that goes for residents as well. Teach and learn with enthusiasm. We are surgeons. We cut out malignancies. Let's start at home."_

"How long will the operation be?"

"At least a couple of hours."

"You think it could be longer?"

"Well if there are complications or the mets are more extensive."

"They won't be, Jen." Shelley says. "Just call mum and dad, tell them two hours."

Jen leaves the room annoyed and Meredith watches the girl leave before turning back to Shelley.

"Since I got cancer, my sister's only capable of talking about cancer, which is so much worse than the cancer. So I know I don't know you, but spill."

"Spill what?" Meredith asks confused.

"Anything. I'm begging you, before she comes back and asks you to describe my liver cell by cell. Please?"

"So do you want to hear about my stupid boss or my stupid husband?"

"Husband! Definitely the husband."

Meredith smiles and goes and sits down on the bed beside Shelley.

"Ok as you can see I'm having another baby. This is our 3rd baby. We have a big enough house with enough room but he wants to build a house on his land in the wilderness and he wants to build a house and move in before the next baby is born. I mean we have 23 weeks to go and he wants to have our plans finalised and approved and break ground and everything before I go into labour. He wants to move before I have the baby and I don't think I will be able to cope with moving when I am almost about to pop." She says.

They wheel Shelley from the room. "The house we are in now, I grew up in. My two other kids love the house and it's close to work if we need to be there and his mother's or my brother."

"Ok, when I am no longer Cancer Girl and I can go out and meet a hot doctor who rocks my world and wants to build me my dream house, I might forego work nearby and the close babysitter."

Meredith giggles and looks up noticing her somewhat dreamy husband.

"Oh heads up, twelve o'clock." Meredith says.

"Just so you know. Cristina thinks it's a good idea to build the house. Talk to her." He says passing Meredith.

"Dude, you failed to mention the hair."

"Yeah, yeah the hair. It's one of the many things that makes me happy."

"You can see the remaining tumours identified here."

"Her liver looks so healthy."

"That's the beauty of general surgery. See badness surrounded by goodness. Cut out the badness, all's right with the world. It's just you and the scalpel, one on one, _mano a mano." _She says before meeting Meredith's eyes. "Ok, this is me teaching with enthusiasm." She says before her brows move together. "Oh, no."

"Hey." Shelley says waking up. "How'd it go?"

"Hi, Shelley. We found that the mets were much more extensive than the CT detected, and the main tumour actually extended in and around the major blood vessel behind the liver."

"We're going to start a new round of chemo, that's all. I already have a call in to your oncologist." She says with her phone ringing. "That's him. I'll be right back."

"We can manage your pain. I'm sorry we don't have better news." Bailey says leaving the room.

"So did you decide what to do about your dream house?" Shelley asks fighting back the tears.

"I'm so sorry, Shelley." Meredith says apologising knowing that her crazy hormones have gotten her.

"Come on. So how good is the hot husband in bed?"

Meredith giggles and wipes away the tears that have fallen. "Well what does my baby bump tell you? Or that fact that I already have two other children with him?" She says smirking.

"So you told Derek we should build the dream house?" Meredith says sitting down beside Cristina.

"No. No. I… I said I would want it. Me. Not you. I only said it cause he wouldn't stop talking."

"So you don't think we should build the house? I think that I should because it's the next step in our happily ever after."

"What would your OB say about this?"

"It's not her choice to whether we should move or not."

"I know but as a doctor what would you tell your patient?"

"I don't want to think as a doctor. Cause we are happy. There's no need for doctor talk."

"Can I sit here?" Danny asks sitting down at the table. "George… George how'd it go?"

"There's a water problem. Now the medical facts are falling out of my ear onto the floor."

"Eat this, it's brain food."

"My dude with the aneurysm? Fell in the water, smacked his head, got stuck in a CT."

"My patient's dying. I hate it when I like them and they're dying. Especially since I have this whole new lease on life and I am being injected with all these happiness for bringing this child into the world. It sucks."

"Our guy's been living in pain at a constant eight the last seven years because of an inflamed nerve in his nose."

"I wish I had an inflamed nerve."

"There is no way that guy's been living at an eight. He's a wimp. His eight? My three. I can take pain."

"You can't talk to my husband for 10 minutes. You haven't been in childbirth, twice. Once for 18 hours."

"There's pain and then there's torture. I can take pain. Test me."

Alex stands up and slaps her on the arm.

"Nothing."

"Impressive."

"Shut up! You barely touched her." Alex slaps George who lets out a yelp. "Why?"

Then reaches over to Meredith. "I wouldn't. I'll go all crazy on you. I have pregnant lady hormones all inside of me." Alex doesn't care and slaps her. "No. No." She says laughing.

"Knock it off! Stop it!" George says.

"How did you diagnose that nerve? Because I have never heard of that condition." Cristina asks.

"I remembered an article from the British journal of ENT. It was issue 47, page 19, from 1964." She says. "I have a photographic memory. Just like my cousin Lexie."

"Dude. Danipedia."

…

"Hey. Hey. So apparently there's some kind of leak." Izzie says running to the elevator. "The Chief wants me to move the pre-op patients to the clinic. So who's free to help me…?" She says. Alex leans over and slaps her. "Ouch. What the hell?"

"Not a high pain threshold?"

"You know what? I don't want to live with you anymore Alex."

"Whatever. You would miss me too much."

"No you would miss me too much. The food and the cleaning. You just bring the filth to the house. So grow up or move out. I would prefer chocolate cake rather than an STD."

Meredith giggles as the doors open. A gushing sound comes to them.

"Water! Water! Water!" Cristina yells. "Get out. Get out."

Alex helps the girls out one by one. He holds Meredith's hand and makes sure she doesn't fall.

"Where is that coming from?"

"Get the Chief."

"Let's keep going."

Together the four leave with soaking pants and shoes. They all help each other from the flooding hallways to the locker room to change and inform the Chief of the foregoing problem.

"Derek you need to be careful. You can't put all this stress on Meredith." Cristina says. "You can't put me in the middle of your relationship." She says.

"What?"

"Meredith and you are happily married. You have Kaylee and Cooper and you two are going to bring another child into the world in less than 6 months. You can't put the stress on her. Building a house you can do. But trying to get one done in 23 weeks is insane. She will go into premature labour if you keep hassling her. She will want to ness before the next one is born and she can't ness if you two are moving houses. It's insane." She says. "The dream house can be built after the baby is born. When you have plenty of time to build it with no worries about having it done before the baby is born."

She turns to leave but stops.

"Would you rather a healthy baby and wife or an unhealthy child and a new home?" She says.

"Cristina!"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." He says smiling.

"You're not a doctor." Shelley screams just as Meredith walks in.

Her sisters phone rings and she leaves the room.

"Did you have me paged?"

"Yes, because I'm dying and you can't let me die without knowing what you decided."

Meredith closes the door and comes and sits on the bed beside her patient. Her hand rest on her stomach.

"You look very serious. Oh, my God, are you going to break up with him? No fair! I'm dying and you're casting all that hotness in the wind. No fair." She says getting emotional. "No fair." She says starting to cry. "It's no fair."

Meredith grasps her hand as she breaks down. She hated these moments in life. She really liked the patient and the patient had to die. She hated how good people got handed the worst news then the bad people in the world who got the great news and the good ending and continued to do crappy things and still get away with the good news card.

The world was a horrible place sometimes. Young people dying of diseases. It made the world a horrible place.

She arrived home. Derek was outside with the kids on the chair swing. Cooper asleep in Derek's arms.

"Hey." She says smiling and placing her handbag down on the ground.

"Hello Mummy." Kaylee says.

"Hey baby girl." She says smiling even more. "What are you doing out here?" She asks as she takes a seat.

"We are just looking at the street and admiring the place." Derek says smiling at her.

"We won't get views like this at the land Mummy." Kaylee says.

"No we won't Kay." She says. "We will though get views of the whole of Seattle. There will be nothing quite like those views. The peace and quiet. The flickering lights from the city and the ferry boats. Just us."

"And Peanut." Kaylee adds in.

"And Peanut." She says dropping her hand to her stomach again and smiling.

"Daddy when are we going to move out to the land?" Kaylee asks.

"Well not until the new baby is born. A year or so after." He says looking at Meredith.

"Why not now?"

"Because there will be too much stress for Mummy. We want a healthy baby don't we?"

"Yes."

"Well we will break ground after the baby is born and a while after that." He says. "I don't mind living here. It's a family home. There are memories here."

"What type of memories?" Kaylee asks.

Derek looks to Meredith and they lock eyes.

"The first time your daddy came over and the first time we kissed right on this swing. We watched Charlie take her first steps. The first time your daddy told me he loved me." She says and she smiles remembering that day.

_10 years ago_

"_Derek my mother is going to be home very soon." Meredith tells him. "I mean really soon. She'll chuck a fit if she sees you here."_

_A 14 year old Derek just smiles at her. His black locks neatly styled and a stray piece of hair had fallen from his styled hair. His jeans were hanging off his hips and his red t-shirt was hugging his chest._

_Derek and her had been together for a few months now and Derek always came home with her after school to help her with homework and to hang out with her. _

"_Derek. I mean you have to go."_

_Derek just sat there and smiled at Meredith again. He thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life. With a beautiful smile and personality. Meredith's hair was wild around her face. She had her short-shorts on. Her denim ones. She had the smallest size possible on but they still were baggy around her hips. She had a white singlet on. Derek the whole time he was with her checked her out. From her chest to her arse. He was allowed to because she was his and he was hers. She was flustered as well which made her even cuter._

"_Meredith, just relax." He says taking her hand in between his and pulling her down onto the stairs. "Now breathe."_

_She takes in a deep breath, closing her eyes. She opens them and looks at Derek. His beautiful blue eyes sparkling at her. A small smile on his face._

"_Meredith, I don't care about your mother. She yells at me but I don't care. I would face her everyday just to spend a minute more with you. I would stand up to her every day to spend one more minute with you." He says smiling. "Your mother doesn't scare me. No one scares me. Your family doesn't scare me because I can just picture us in 20 years' time. We will be married. With a beautiful house and beautiful kids. Your family will become mine one day." He says smiling. "I want to spend a minute more with you every day because I love you Meredith." He says._

"_You love me?"_

"_I love you so much that I would do anything to make you happy and see that beautiful smile on your face." He says placing a hand on her cheek and kissing her softly. "I love you and I'm not afraid to say it. I'm not afraid of anything."_

"_I love you too Derek Christopher Shepherd._

"We have so many memories here. We want to keep adding them."

"But Daddy, we will make new memories at the new house."

"I know we will Kay. But we already have memories at the land. We have memories everywhere."

"What memories from the land?"

"Well the most important one. You." Meredith says.

"Me?"

"Yes silly. When I had you at the land. That is one of the best memories. Every time we go out there I am faced with that day. It replays in my mind, over and over again." She says.

"Well we still will make memories at the new house if that's why you don't want to leave because of the memories from this house."

"That isn't the reason at all Kay. We love this house and we want to move out to the land. We just want to wait until the new baby comes before we even start building." Derek tells her.

"I'm so confused." Kaylee sighs placing her hands on her cheeks.

Derek and Meredith just giggle at her.

"Do you all want to feel something?" She asks.

"Yeah." Kaylee says.

"So I don't know if you will be able to feel it but we will see." She says smiling. "The baby has been fluttering and kicking inside me all day and at this moment the baby is fluttering a lot because it can hear your voices. So just put her hand her." She says pointing. "And see if you can feel it?"

Kaylee and Derek's hand go to her bump. They keep it there.

"I was hoping today would be the day you could feel it but I think Peanut is being a little shy at the moment." She says smiling.

They sit for a few minutes with their hand on her bump just waiting for a feeling of movement.

"Wow, I felt that." Kaylee says as she smiles even more. "That was a big kick Mummy."

"I know. It's like they want to hurt me or something, I think the baby is trying to show who's boss." Meredith tells her. She looks at Derek. "Can you feel anything?" She asks.

"I sure can. We may have another soccer player." He says smiling at her. Meredith smiles even more remembering all the times before when he would feel her belly and was so determined that they would be either having a boy or a soccer player. "But its bedtime for Kaylee."

"But Daddy, it's nice out here."

"I know sweetie. But we have another early day tomorrow. My princess needs her beauty sleep."

"But Daddy, aren't I beautiful already?" She asks.

Meredith looked at Kaylee and could see the faint scars on her face from the attack nearly 7 months ago. The attack that almost took the life of their girl. These scars were a constant reminder of that day but that reminder was a better outcome then what could have been. Kaylee forgot less and less about the scars and she had accepted them as her battle wounds and battle wounds were the right word for them.

"You are beautiful Kaylee. One of the most beautiful girls in the world." He tells her smiling. "Along with Mummy and you, I like when the two of you are resting because then I know I will wake up in the morning and my beautiful girls will be even more beautiful than the day before. You need your beauty rest to get beautiful by the day."

"You're right Daddy." She says smiling. "Will you and Mummy read to me tonight?"

"Of course we will." Meredith says. "Come on then."

Derek goes ahead and carries Cooper up to his room. Meredith gets Kaylee into bed and they start reading to her until she is finally asleep and they tuck her in, kiss her goodnight and wish her sweet dreams.

The two go down to their bedroom and change their clothes and cuddle in together in the bed with Derek's hand resting on her stomach.

"Derek. Is it true?"

"What?"

"You don't want to move yet?"

"It's true. Cristina made me realise that the timing isn't right."

"Cristina did?"

"Yeah she did. But it's true. You will want to nest and settle down before the baby comes; not moving across town and running around like a mad woman."

"Derek, next time you ambush my friends and try to get them on your side I will hurt you."

"Ok."

"OK?"

"We will build the house. When we are ready and not so stressed out. We will talk about this again. But for now I am happy staying here because this is our home. We are having another baby."

She smiles at him.

"So do you still love me?" She asks.

"Meredith…" He says smiling and kissing her cheek. "I will never stop loving you. You and your crazy pregnant hormones. You and your crazy sex drive." He says smirking at her.

"Well because you made me go crazy today I think I deserve a back rub and maybe even a foot rub." She says.

"Well only if a screaming orgasm is given in return."


	19. Proving Them Wrong

"Mumma wake up." Cooper says 3 weeks later.

She rolls over and sees Cooper lying in between her and Derek.

"Hey Coopie. What are you doing up?" She mumbles.

"I'm hungry Mumma."

"I am too. Come on. I'll make you some breakfast." She says kissing his forehead. She pushes the covers off of her body and stands up and dresses for work while Cooper happily sits there talking to her.

She picks Cooper up after dressing and carries him down the stairs into the kitchen.

"The baby?" He asks placing his hand on top of her bump.

"Yeah it's the baby. Your little brother or sister."

"Brother." He says.

"You want a brother?"

"Yeah I do." He says.

"You're just going to have to wait and see aren't you now." She says smiling. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Cereal."

"Cereal it is."

She sits him in his booster seat and makes him his breakfast and his bottle. She sits down beside him drinking her tea and eating her breakfast.

"You're staying home with Daddy today."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Daddy has the day off. Mummy has to go to work."

"Kaylee?"

"Kaylee will be going to school."

"Will you be home early?"

"I should be." She says smiling at him.

Derek comes down the stairs with Kaylee.

"Morning Kaylee."

"Morning Mummy." She says. "How's Peanut?"

"Peanut is good."

Kaylee runs over and places her hands on her mother's bump and kisses it.

"Is she kicking today?"

"I think Peanut is still asleep?"

"Does the baby sleep inside of you?"

"Yeah it does. They need rest as well. They can't be awake all the time."

"So it gives you a rest?"

"Yeah it does."

"That's good." She says smiling.

"Anyway. I'm off to work. Daddy is taking you to school today Kay. I'll be home hopefully not too late."

"Ok Mummy. Have a nice day. Don't work too hard."

She kisses both of the kids and then goes to Derek.

"Have a nice day at work." He says kissing her.

"I will try."

"Do you have Anatomy Jane?" He asks smiling.

"She's in my bag."

"I'll see you later." He says kissing her once more and then her bump.

"Bye Kids."

"Bye Mummy."

Last night Derek and her were bringing down some of the things from the attic. Mainly baby clothes and other newborn things that they put up there after Cooper had outgrown the things months after he was born. Meredith was starting to nest and she wanted to have the baby things washed and ready to go into the nursery. She had found Anatomy Jane last night as well and decided she would take it to show Cristina. Even though the two of them had been friends since they were kids Meredith always hid her wanting it to be a special thing.

She arrived at work and ran into Cristina.

"Hey look what I found last night." She says taking the doll from her bag. "My mum bought it for me when I was five, which was a super creep gift for a five-year-old, but I still liked it. I mean I wouldn't buy Kaylee a toy like this."

"Run!" Cristina says. She grabs Meredith's arm and pulls her down the corridor and behind a wall.

"Ok, what as that all about?" She asks puffed.

"I just saw Owen. Major Owen Hunt. The guy who pulled the icicle from my chest."

"I thought he was in Iraq."

"Well he was. Now he's here, in my hospital."

"Ok, so?"

"So… So we kissed. Or he kissed me. It was stupid, it was nothing. Stupid nothing."

"But you don't think he thinks it was a stupid nothing."

"He obviously likes me, he's back. What's he doing here?"

"You don't think he quit the military for you? That'd be severely stalkery, but very romantic."

"I'm not getting involved with another attending." She says. "Coast clear?"

Meredith and her shuffle down the wall and she peaks around taking a look. She holds her thumb up and they leave.

"Can you next time warn me about running. I mean. I am halfway through my pregnancy and you have me running through the hallways. I'm not in a very good state to be running."

"Oh you'll be fine. It will get you ready for you post baby body."

She just smiles as they walk through the locker room and hear Danny walking off after an argument with George.

"I don't reject you George." Meredith tells him.

"Ok, two things. You all have a skills lab this morning. It is mandatory. Don't you think about trying to get out. Second, one of you will not have to go to the mandatory skills lab because you will be assisting me in my efforts to remove an inoperable tumour from a 10-year-old girl."

"I'll do it." George says."

"No, you won't. You have a hundred delinquent charts. You will do those after the lab."

"Slacker."

"How can you operate on an inoperable tumour?"

"Karev is also out."

"What did I say?"

"You doubted me."

"I don't doubt you Dr Bailey."

"Yang is out too."

"Why?"

"You weren't supportive of a fellow resident who couldn't get his paperwork under control. What is that Grey? Is that Anatomy Jane?"

"Yes."

"With the 24 removable organs and the optional parts to stimulate pregnancy?"

"Yes. Does that mean I'm out too?"

"No, that means you're in."

"Yes!"

"Not fair."

"Next time you'll know to bring in an ugly doll." Bailey says leaving.

…

"Tori Begler, age 10. Tori has an abdominal leiomyosarcoma. The tumour is wrapped around her celiac artery, her splenic artery and her left gastric artery. It is considered unresectable."

"Did you understand a word of that, Tori?"

"Not really." She says smiling.

"Grey."

Meredith moves forward to sit down beside Tori.

"This is Anatomy Jane."

"She's kinda funny-looking."

"Exactly what my daughter said. She is funny-looking, but helpful. So the tumour… is way down here in your belly. It's hard to get at because it's underneath all these organs."

"Hard but not impossible, right?"

"We're going to try everything we can."

"Everything you can should include your cardiothoracic gal. Dr Stewart at Seattle Pres said that vasculature is the problem, and you stole the best cardiovascular surgeon he's ever had. If she's not on Tori's team we're leaving, going to San Francisco." The Grandmother says. "Fudge? It's homemade."

"Let's guide the catheter into the celiac axis."

"Turning on the fluoro."

"What? Excuse me a sec." She says moving to the viewing window. "Hello, you can't be in here."

"That's my Uncle Pat and Aunt Jean. They like to make sure I don't get lonely."

"She's not lonely. Dr Grey and I are very entertaining." She says. "Ok. Fine. They have to stay in there. There's radiation in here." She says moving back. "All right, let's inject dye."

Meredith felt her stomach drop. This little girl had barely lived and she could die because of this tumour wrapped around 5 of her major blood vessels.

"Is everything OK?"

"It's fine."

"Three other hospitals have sent them away. And if we were smart, we would do the same thing." Hahn says.

"What is the matter with you?"

"We can try and cut around the stomach."

"No. the only way to do that is to take it out."

"They've done ex-vivo autotransplants."

"With livers and kidneys."

"Why don't we take out the stomach and kidneys?"

"That would be great if you wanted to kill her. We're talking about two completely different blood supplies here. Not a good idea, Grey." She says tapping her pen on the table. "Who are those people?"

"That's Tori's dad, Randy, and his brother, Pat, and Pat's wife, Jean and Tori's brother David..."

"Why are they staring at us?"

"I don't think they are staring at us Chief. I think they're just waiting, seeing if we have any news."

"Look, try and come up with something before I get back."

"Close the blinds, Grey."

"Any luck?" Richard asks walking back into the room.

"What do you think? Look I know you want to be number one, but we can't take in every charity case that comes along. It is a huge waste of resources."

"It's your call, Dr Bailey." He says. "Grey, put that away. This isn't playtime."

"I'm not playing, I'm thinking. What if we took out each of the organs where the tumour interferes with the blood supply?"

"By the time you clamp off the aorta you risk damaging the other organs."

"Even if you take them out one by one?"

"You don't have the time Grey."

"What about if we made the time?" He says. "Dr Bailey, let's throw some stuff up on the board."

"So you want to take out all of her abdominal organs."

"Intestines, stomach, everything?"

"All at once?"

"That's right."

"We'll put the organs on ice while we dissect out the tumour, then reconnect the vessels using synthetic grafts and put the organs back in."

"Why didn't Graham or Fleisher over at Lake Washington suggest this? They're a couple of smarties."

"Probably because it's never been done before."

"It is extremely risky. There are a number of things that could go wrong."

"I don't know, Randy. Maybe we should try more chemo."

"With all due respect, Mrs Begler, I don't think there's time for that."

"Is it going to save her life?"

"It's your best shot. Your only shot."

"Then do it."

"Ok."

"I have a question." Meredith asks walking into the scrub room after prepping Tori for surgery. "Why aren't we taking out the kidney since the left renal artery is involved?"

"Because we can remove the tumour without doing that, so why bother?"

"I have another questions."

"Yes?"

"Why can't you look at me?"

"What?"

"You can't look at me. You haven't been able to look at me all day."

"I think your imagining things."

"Oh, I don't think I am. But, hey, if you say so."

"I do. I say so. Instead of worrying whether or not I'm looking at you, maybe you should concentrate on saving a 10-year-old girl that we're about to eviscerate." He snaps.

"Grey, why do we dissect down in the quadrants?"

"So we can get a good look at the vessels to make sure we have enough for reconstruction."

"Very good."

"Suction right in here, please."

"Tori's dad is on the phone. OR desk wants to know if they can put him through."

"No."

"He's pretty insistent."

"I'm pretty busy."

"If you could hold this up a little bit higher, Dr Grey. I want to make sure to avoid… that!"

"Let's get some clamps."

"Another clamp, please."

"Right there."

"Let's hang another bag of blood."

"Better hope the aorta's not that friable. Otherwise all the blood in the world won't save this girl."

"Dr Bailey?"

"Moving the organs on three. Ready? One… Two… Three." The four of them move the organs from the body to the ice.

"I'll need medium and large vessel loops to dissect out the tumour."

"Mr Begler wants to talk to you about his daughter."

"I'm pretty busy."

"I already told him that."

"Tell him again."

"I told him 18 times."

"Chief you need to go talk to them." She says. He turns around and looks at him. "Hey you did put me in charge."

"I'll be back." He says.

…

"Dr Bailey, can you dissect down anymore?"

"There's nothing to dissect. There's barely any artery left."

"What about if we extend the Gore-Tex graft?"

"What's left is too friable."

"So we can't reconnect the organs to the vessels?"

"Not at this moment. No."

"But if we can't reconnect the organs, they won't reperfuse and they'll die."

"Yes, they will."

"Too late for a transplant?"

"Well, we'd have to find six good organs in about eight hours."

"It's too late for a transplant."

"And a gold star for Grey."

"We could try to put more Gore-Tex."

"Put even more synthetic material in?"

"What about a saphenous vein graft?"

"She's getting acidotic. That has to be pre-planned."

"What's your idea?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're good at shooting down every idea we come up with. What's yours?"

"It was my idea not to do this in the first place, Dr Bailey."

"Yeah, and you made that very clear every chance you got."

"Shut up! I don't care who had what idea when. Get over yourselves. Shut up and talk to each other."

"What about using human umbilical vein? Ready to go, already heparinised."

"Ok, I like it. Erica, what do you think?"

"It could work."

"It's Dr Bailey's call, if she wants to do it."

"I do."

"Ok, in that case, let's do it."

"We've got some blood pooling in the lower quadrant. Anybody see where it's coming from?"

"Here. The graft. Satinsky clamps."

"And four-0 Prolene."

"Waiting, Dr Bailey." He says. "We're still waiting, Dr Bailey."

"Ok, release clamps."

"No pulsation."

"Come on. Come on." She says. "Reperfusion complete!"

"Everyone, hell of a job."

…

"You paged?" Meredith asks walking into a conference room where Richard was seated.

His words from earlier still rung in her ears and she felt terrible. She didn't know how to react or even to think.

"Yeah. How's Tori?"

"She's good, stable."

They stand there in a silence.

"You weren't imagining things. You used to run around here with that doll all the time. Took her everywhere. The cafeteria, the OR gallery. Tori's got a whole army. You didn't have anyone. Except for me. Seeing Anatomy Jane reminded me of how much I was to blame for that. You're a living reminder of every failure in my life. That's not your fault. It's my fault. I was there but I wasn't. And if I thought 'I'm sorry' would hold any meaning for you at all, I'd say it. I'd say it a thousand times a day." He says.

She smiles at him and he hands come across her bump.

"Also, just you being pregnant and carrying Anatomy Jane around, it reminds me of just how little you were and how much you have grown up. 20 years it has been since you got that doll. You're mother bought you that doll for your birthday and 20 years later you have 2 beautiful kids and another one on the way. You are proving your mother wrong every day. You love your kids and you are not making her mistakes. You're proving everyone wrong. You're becoming a great surgeon while being a great mother." He says. "I am so sorry."

She wiped the tear that was falling down her cheek and she smiled again.

"Thank you."

"Go home to your family Meredith. Sleep. Relax. Prepare for the new baby."

…

She walked by Tori's room on her way out and stood and watched the family swarm around the little girl. The girl who has an army. She had her bag and was ready to leave. She just wanted to check in once more before she went to her family.

"Dr Grey." She calls out.

Meredith steps inside the room and smiles at the family.

"How are you feeling Tori?" She asks.

"A lot better Dr Grey."

"That is great Tori."

"I wanted to thank you for being here for me." She says. "And for saving my life."

"It's my job."

"I know it is. But thank you. I will have a lifetime because of you."

"Well thank Anatomy Jane." Meredith says smiling.

"Would you like some fudge Dr Grey?"

"No thank you. I am going home to my husband and kids and a home cooked meal. Thank you for the offer. I will see you tomorrow Tori."

"Dr Grey, before you leave. What's your kids names?" She asks.

"Kaylee and Cooper."

"What about the baby in your stomach?"

"This baby doesn't have a name yet. It will in about 20 weeks." She says smiling.

"One more thing before you go? How old are your kids?"

"Kaylee is 6. She will be 7 in October and Cooper just turned 3 about a month ago."

Tori smiled.

"I better be getting home to them. Sleep well Tori and rest up. You will want to get out of here as soon as possible so you can go and run around and be a kid again."

Tori smiled at her. "Bye Dr Grey."

"Goodnight Tori."

Meredith left the hospital and drove home. She knew the kids would be in bed. It made her sad when she missed seeing the kids go to bed. She got out from the car and headed inside taking her coat off and hanging it up. Then putting her bag down. She headed upstairs to Cooper's room and kissed his head and tucked him in. She then went to Kaylee's room and kissed and tucked her in.

She went back downstairs and took her meal from the fridge and went and heated it up.

"You're home?" Derek says walking into the kitchen.

"Yeah I am."

"How was your day?" He asks.

"Long."

"What happened?"

"We removed an inoperable tumour from a ten year old from the help of Anatomy Jane. Dr Bailey and Hahn bickered in the OR. Richard couldn't look at me."

"What?" Derek asks sitting down.

"Bringing Anatomy Jane today brought up a lot of the past. He told me that he was a living in failure because of him failing to be there. He was the one who was there but he wasn't. He said he would say sorry a thousand times a day to make it all better."

"Anything else explain why he was like that?"

"Me being pregnant again and carrying around Anatomy Jane, reminded him of my mother. Its been 20 years. He watched me carry the doll around every day at the hospital and would have seen me play with it when he moved in. It's been nearly 20 years since I got her off my mother and now how I am a mother with two kids and another on the way. He told me I am proving my mother wrong. I am rewriting her mistakes and being a mother and a surgeon. I am becoming a great surgeon and being a great mother at the same time."

"It's true." Derek says smiling.

"The little girl today, she had an army of family looking out for her. I had no one Derek."

"Well now you do. The kids have an army of people there for them."

"I know but your childhood and mine were so different. If you fell over on the pavement and scraped your knee your mother would clean it and kiss it better. I had to pull myself off the ground and clean it and dress it because my mother was never there. If I broke my arm she would not be there for me and blame me for being clumsy. Or when I got shot, she blamed me for it. She wasn't there. Your family was."

"Well Meredith I am here for you now. I always will be." He says kissing her hand and smiling at her. "When you finish that, I have something I want to show you."

"You do?"

"Yeah I do."

She finished her dinner and before Derek took her up to the nursery she went and found the note that she pledged to herself 7 years ago when she found out she was having Kaylee. The note she pledged that she would be different to her mother. Tucked away in the study was the box from her pregnancy with Kaylee and those little notes she made and she found that note she wrote the moment her mother kicked her from the house and vowed that she would never see her again.

_You have no right in telling me what I can do. You have not been around the last 17 years to notice what goes on and how hard we fight to go by day to day when you never show your face. You don't know the sacrifices I have made to care for your 'children' and to make sure they are fed and happy. You then feel you have the right to judge me when you find I am expecting a child. I was planning on not telling you until I was further along. Hell, you would have not noticed I was pregnant and had given birth until my child was 12 years old. You are naïve to the fact that so much had happened in those few days when I conceived my child. The man who was a second father to me was shot and killed for no reason other than wanting a watch. Michael Shepherd died the night before his first grandchild was born at the young age of 45. My child was conceived that night because a piece of me was taken away and Derek needed comfort. I will never apologise for the fact that I was there for my friend when he needed me the most. I will never apologise for filling that lost soul with my child._

_No one is going to get me down after today. You have given me the challenge to live and raise my child on my own with no support from you or the lack of support. My child will be loved, well fed, happy and healthy. My baby will have both of it's parents caring for it and it will never feel alone. Alone like I have felt the moment my father walked out and you decided that your job was more important. My baby is mine and I will never let he or she down. A week ago I saw my life change. The moment I heard the beating heart and the saw how small and precious this baby was I knew that I could do it. Derek feels it as well. This baby is already so loved and will be loved until Derek and I pass from this earth. I am putting in 110 per cent to give everything to my little child. Our child will grow up amazing. That is my promise to everyone who has doubted me and will continue to doubt me. Whoever says I can't, just watch me. In 20 years I'll have a beautiful family, a beautiful house and a beautiful husband and I'll be an attending. I'll give 110 per cent to everything that I do and still manage to be home and show my children how much I love them. _

_I am pledging from today that you will never put me down. I am who I am. I made mistakes but mum, I do not regret this one at all. It's a baby with toes and fingers. It will grow into its body and will eventually have fully functioning limbs, will kick me so hard I will have belly burn, make me crave crazy foods, need to pee constantly and have me in a painful labour and that's only the next 8 months. My baby is going to come first even if it's at 1 am in the morning. I'll nurse it and tell it how much I love it. How beautiful it is and how lucky I am to have such a beautiful being. I am so grateful and so lucky. I will give all my heart to my child. Derek will give all his heart to the baby as well and we will be happy. A word you never understood. _

_You can't change or break me. I am rewriting your history and I fight for the things I love. I will not turn out like you. _

Derek had come and read the note from over her shoulder and then hugged her long and hard.

"You did prove her wrong and you still are." He tells her and kisses her cheek. "This letter is so true but you can't dwell on this. You wrote this 7 years ago when you were mad and upset at everything. This is just a reminder of the things you changed and will continue to hit out of the ball park every single day. You have raised Kaylee happy and healthy. Coopie is 3 years old now and we are welcoming another baby in 20 weeks. We are proving everyone wrong whoever doubted us and in 10 years' time we'll be laughing in their faces."

"I just feel bad because I wrote this about my mother and now she is dead."

"You can't predict the future Mer." He says. "It is unpredictable and ever changing. You never knew that when you wrote this she would die from Alzheimer's." He reminds her. "I do have something to show you that will cheer you up."

Derek took her hand led her upstairs to the nursery. He covered her eyes as they walked into the nursery.

"Well I wanted to help you out and be a good husband. So since I had my day off I did this. I sense you would have had a day that was hard to explain and full of hard emotions." He removes his hands from her eyes and shows her the newly painted nursery.

"Ok. It isn't much. Just I painted over the previous nursery walls with white. I remember you telling me your plan for the nursery and you had your sketches and things like that. So I found them and dream them up onto the wall. I wanted to surprise you and have it done but I knew you would want to be there to help me. So I left it for both of us to do."

She smiled. The walls were still to have colour to them but the white was their blank canvas. Their canvas for design.

She ran her hands over the sketch on the wall and smiled.

"I think I am going to like this nursery." She says smiling. "I think just the hot air balloon is going to be my favourite thing. A sense of how high and far we have come since the moment the stick turned blue with Kaylee 7 years ago. This balloon is a symbol for our rising above when times get tough."

"I agree." He says standing behind her and wrapping his arms across her belly. "We can start painting later."

"I want to paint now." She says with a smile on her face as she eyes the tins of paint.

"You're not tired?"

"Not at all."

"Ok, let's get started then." He says.

He hands her a paint brush and they start painting the nursery for their third baby and the constant reminder that those people who doubted them were idiots because of how great they had made it.

**I thought I'd be kind and update before my half yearly's starting Monday. I'll hopefully have an update next week but if not most likely after my exams are done and my levels of stress have fallen. **

**Thoughts would be great and I'll try and update as soon as I have a free chance.**


	20. Tell Me The Stories

Derek was snuggled up behind Meredith. Basking in the last few minutes before they had to get up and start the day. The two of them had been having restless sleeps because Cristina was at their house all hours of the night and would be on the phone to Meredith most of the time. Derek was pissed off because he was barely sleeping and Meredith was pregnant and was barely resting. He wanted Meredith resting because he wanted her healthy. He wanted her well for the day at work when she would be on her feet all day.

A knock came at the door and it wasn't Kaylee or Cooper's knock it was a Cristina knock.

"You up?"

"No." Derek says.

"Yes."

She comes and sits beside Meredith in the bed, handing her a coffee and she began telling them about Hahn and her sudden disappearance. _The Wicked Witch is dead._

Derek left them to start breakfast for the family while they discussed the lack of Hahn and their thoughts and ideas on why she left.

He walks downstairs and hears a knocking at the door and a blonde, young lady standing at the door. A lady he faintly remembers from photographs and Skype sessions she has had with Meredith.

"Hi."

"Hi. Is Grey home?"

"Yes."

She pushed past Derek and into the house. "Death! Come on, where are you, Death?"

Derek stood there wondering what had just happened and shrugged his shoulders and left to make himself some coffee considering Cristina hadn't brought him one.

"What is that noise?" Cristina asks.

"Death!" is heard as the door opens.

"Die!" Meredith says with a smile on her face as one of her friends comes running into the bedroom and jumping onto the bed hugging Meredith. "Oh, my god, its been…"

"Forever."

"You look like…"

"Death." They both say laughing.

"That did not look like Derek in those pyjamas. Then wow."

"Right?"

"Hey." Cristina says. She felt all the jealousy coming back to her.

"Hi." Sadie says before turning back to Meredith and laughing.

"I was glad to see the back of her head." Cristina says. "She was a bad influence to Mer. They had the plans to backpack, remember? Before med school. The woman all but kicked me out of the bed."

"That's terrible." Derek says.

"And Death? Meredith's name is not Death, it's Mer. She used to hate being called Death."

"I really feel for you."

"She has all but disappeared and we haven't heard from her in forever. How good of a friend can Mer and Sadie be?"

"Good enough to kick both of us out of bed." Derek says pouring coffee. "Welcome to my world."

"Mummy, what's all this noise about?" Kaylee asks rubbing her eyes and walking into the bedroom.

"Nothing baby girl." Meredith says. "Come up here. I have someone I would like you to meet in person." She says patting the side of the bed.

Kaylee climbs up onto the bed beside Meredith and realises that there is a stranger in the room. She hugged Meredith's stomach, rested her head on Meredith's belly and looked at the stranger unsure.

"Kay, you remember Sadie? Remember we had that phone call with her?"

Kaylee, still half asleep looked at her for a moment unsure and then a look of recognition came to her face.

"Hi." She says softly.

"You are more beautiful in real life." Sadie says running a hand over Kaylee's cheek.

"Thank you." She says slightly blushing.

"You take after both parents a lot. Especially your daddy. But also you mummy."

"I have daddy's hair and eye colour. But I have mummy's nose and lips."

"You certainly do."

"Coopie is the same, his eyes though have green in them and he was bald when he was born." Kaylee says smiling.

"Unlike you with the head of hair." Meredith says running her hand over Kaylee's head. "Daddy's making breakfast downstairs. Why don't you go and get Coopie up and go and eat."

"Ok Mummy." She says. "Morning Peanut." Kaylee says kissing Meredith's baby bump and leaving the room.

"So you're having another baby? Thanks for telling me."

"Well I've been busy you know."

"It would have just taken an email to tell me."

"Well I was going to surprise you. I mean I didn't expect you to show up on my doorstep."

"Well I wanted to surprise you a well."

"I have to get to work. So why don't you come."

"I was after a job anyway." Sadie says.

…

"So your pre-Cristina, Cristina is here? I still don't know why she calls you death."

"Well the adventure and the stories are better left untold."

"She was here for a year and I still don't know what you got up too."

Meredith just smirks at him and takes a bite of her apple.

"Pedia's julienning her little arms. Still no word on what made H hitch a ride with the flying monkeys." Cristina says walking away.

"Translate that for me."

"Danny may be a secret cutter and there's still no word on why Hahn quit."

"That true about Danny?"

"I don't know."

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing."

"Mer, you can't do nothing she's your cousin."

"And?"

"And your family."

"I'm not understanding."

"Danny is your family." He says. "Forget it."

"Derek we have other important things to worry about." She says as he walks off. "We have to see Kaylee's teacher at lunch today."

"Wow." Is all she says when she walks into the trauma room sighting the trauma for the day.

"Check his popliteal pulse."

"I'm getting nothing."

"Cause his knee's over here."

"They think he was sleeping in the Dumpster and they started crushing the trash?"

"That's a bad day."

"I'm here. What did I miss?"

"It's your first day. Stand back and shut up." Cristina says. "Breath sounds are clear and equal. Both sides. Unbelievable."

"So no punctured lung. We need a portable X-ray and an ultrasound."

"Someone page us?" Bell says walking into the trauma room with Nelson. Sloan and Derek following behind.

"You did? That's a first."

"So is this. I've seen guys cut in half, amputations, eviscerations, but I've never seen anything like this." He says. "I wondered if you could help."

"Of course."

"His femur is in pieces. Stuck in his torso. No way am I saving this leg."

"Looks like the impaled piece is lodged under his clavicle."

"C-spine looks clear. Without a CT, hard to be sure."

"Why can't we get a CT scan?"

"The way he's impaled, no clear reading."

"There is such thing as a stupid question." Cristina says. "Move."

"Guys. We have a very limited window. With vitals like these in a few hours…"

"His body won't be able to withstand surgery."

"Good thing his unconscious."

"We can't do anything till we dislodge the femur from his clavicle."

"Okay let's un-impale him. Yang, Grey, New kid, hold his shoulders. Brace hard."

"I'll hold his C-spine."

"I got his torso."

"I need to guide his posterior hip dislocation."

"Second that leg is out be ready to assert pressure, stop bleeding."

"Better than working on corpses, huh?"

"On the count of three. One… Two…. Three."

All together they pull and try to un-impale him.

"His femur is not moving."

"Press down on the clavicle while I pull."

"Ok, almost there. Almost there. Steady. Just a little bit further. Sloan, I need you to rotate his knee to my right."

Before they know it the patient is wide awake, screaming a blood curdling scream.

"Push ten of morphine now!"

"Stop! Stop!"

The patient screams as they un-impale him.

The patient lies their and explains his story to everyone and refuses anything surgical to happen to him. The doctors leave to try and figure out a way to fix the patients broken body and Meredith left to go and throw up after the nauseating sight.

…

"The right femur is toast but if I put some pins here, and maybe a plate here… I mean, there are some viable bone fragments. Not starting from nothing. What do you think?"

"I think it's wild."

"She wasn't talking to you."

"It's her first day. Could you not…"

"She needs to know her place."

"I think it's a lot of hardware. What the guy needs is a whole new leg."

"Maybe I can do that. Yeah, it's kind of a puzzle. I just need to figure out what equipment I need and how to pull it off."

"Like Lincoln Logs."

"A little more high-tech than that."

"It's exactly like Lincoln logs. I need you guys to grab every piece of titanium we've got."

"I hit the titanium mother lode." Meredith says pushing up cart up to a desk that Derek was standing at.

"Hi." Danny says placing a chart down and leaving.

"Hi." Derek replies just giving the Meredith the go and talk to Danny look.

"Oh, come on, really?" She says. Derek just stares at her until she leaves. "Hey, Danny. How are you?"

"Is everything going ok?"

"Did somebody say something? Like I was doing something?"

"No, I am asking as a person who's sort of related to you if there's anything bothering you. This is not as a boss or resident or superior who keeps an eye on what I do?"

"No, I'm just a compassionate person. I'm just wondering if you're channelling your tragic pain into self-mutilation." She says. Danny just looks at her. "Are you a secret cutter?"

"No!"

"Little Grey, Torres is trying to set a world record for most titanium rods used in one patient. You in?" Mark says.

"Little Grey?" Meredith asks.

"Little Grey, Big Grey." He says pointing at each of them demonstrating who is who. "It's how I tell you two apart."

"Yeah, I'm in. I'll just be a minute."

…

"Are you going to tell me about Death and Die?" Derek asks as they walk towards the school.

"Nope, but I did talk to Danny for you. I need you to do something for me."

"What's that?"

"I need you tell Mark to keep his Little Sloan out of Little Grey."

"Is he hitting on you?"

"No! Not my little Grey, Danny's little Grey. I don't know what is going on with her but the last thing she needs is Sloan going all man-whore on her. So you need to tell him to step away from little Grey."

"Alright, I'll see what I can do."

"Little Grey, Derek. Little Grey." She says.

They walk into the school and go to Kaylee's classroom. All the kids were just about to go out for lunch. They waited outside the classroom for the class to be dismissed. The class came running from the room to go out to eat lunch.

"Mummy. Daddy." Kaylee says with a wide smile on her face.

"Hey baby girl." They say.

"What are you doing here?"

"We have a parent teacher interview with your teacher."

"Oh I remember now." She says smiling.

"Go eat your lunch. We'll see you later."

"Bye."

"Derek, Meredith come on in." Kaylee's teacher says. She was heavily pregnant and looked as though she was going to burst.

"You're feeling like I am." Meredith says smiling. "Just you are so much closer to you date then I am."

"Yeah, I've almost carried them to term. I didn't expect myself to still be at school up to this point. It's my last day today for the rest of the year." She says. "Kaylee is quite excited about having a new brother or sister. Every morning she comes in and tells me about what happened in the morning or the day before."

"Well she is excited. The first time she felt the baby kick she would put her hands on my stomach to feel the baby. She is very excited."

The teacher smiles at Meredith and Derek and pulls out a folder full of papers and marks.

"How'd you enjoy Kaylee's report?"

"We were very proud of her."

"I was as well. I mean she is the smartest girl in our class. After her accident we had those issues but she is perfect now. Very good. Is her behaviour different?"

"Well we realised why her behaviour was so bad…. Derek and I were having a bit of a tough time at home and she was blaming herself. We talked to her about it and she was fine when she found out we were fine. She was even more excited when we told her about the baby. She is growing up more and more each day and maturing because there is going to be a new baby in the house and the responsibility."

"Well I noticed that. When she came back from break she seemed a lot more grown up and she told me about the new baby. I could tell she has taken more responsibility for herself and others."

"How's her results coming along?"

"She is performing well. Her skip counting is amazing. I was talking to one of the teachers in the 3rd grade and she said that Kaylee is skip counting better than some of her kids. She's reading at a year 4 level. Her spelling is great and I have given her year 2 words to start on but she is proving them to be too easy so I am starting to introduce year 3 words. Her arts and crafts are great. Her sporting is great. Her work in units we have been working on is great and she's been proving great in those areas. She is one of the smartest girls I have taught. I have nothing too bad to say about her learning."

"She is proving to be very smart." Derek says. "She's been reading medical issues with me sometimes and she has started to read the paper. She likes going online and looking up things that she learnt in class or hears about on the TV and learning more about it. She is just improving so well."

"She really is. I am surprised that you haven't taught her sign language."

"Well she hasn't asked yet." Meredith says. "I'm certain she will learn one day."

The teacher just smiles. "I have not a bad word to say. I just want to know what you do?"

"We have just raised her like a normal girl. She is just really interested in things and she reads about them and remembers things easily. She asks questions. She comes on rounds with us at work and she must remember these things."

"Her talking and listen is great as well. She is a real good talker. All the kids are just engrossed in her stories. She is friendly to everyone as well so she is a real asset to the class. I could not have asked for a better girl."

"Is there anything you think we can help to improve her skills?"

"Just be there for her and support her. Quiz her on words from her homework. I will send her home with a book this afternoon. It is a 2nd grade book but it has all the things she will need to know for next year. Skip count with her some more and time her. Just keep influencing her to learn and succeed better. She knows so much now but she has a lifetime to learn." She says. "Just help her learn and encourage. That's all I have to say."

"We will."

"Oh and her story writing is excellent. I love reading her 10 page long weekend stories."

Derek and Meredith smile at each other. Derek grabs her hand and squeezes it.

"I better let the two of you go. I am sending home a note for the parents this afternoon. It shall be to let you know about the rest of the year and everything else, like what they will be learning. I will send that book home with Kaylee as well." She says. "It was a pleasure seeing you two. And thank you for the gift for the babies."

"You rest up and enjoy the babies."

"I will be sure to see the kids again. They will be more than happy to see me and the twins. You two have a safe pregnancy as well. I will be looking forward to pictures of the baby."

"We'll send Kaylee into school with pictures for you next year."

"Thank you."

Derek and Meredith leave the teacher. Meredith hugged her goodbye and thanked her for the year.

"We have a genius."

"I didn't think she was improving that much." She says. "I think she may be ready for med school."

"I think she could be as well. She still though has 11 years of schooling left before she considers med school."

"I know but she is going to do so well at school. She'll be headed towards an early graduation I think."

…

"I've never seen a reconstruction like this." Cristina says in the OR after they returned from the school.

"I've never done one like this. Here's hoping it works." She says. "I'm ready for the roc. How are you doing up there?"

"A lot of haemorrhaging and bleeding through the packing."

"Try the fibrin sealant."

"Good call. Thank you."

"How are you doing with that lac Little Grey?"

"Good, moving onto the next lac."

"Finished already? Let me see." He says. "Wow, Pulley stitches. Nicely done."

"Thank you Dr Sloan."

Meredith looks at Derek and he nods his head.

"Just thought I would stop in and see how everything's going."

"Well I'm still several hours away, but I may actually pull this off. Rebuilding a man's skeleton from scratch."

"And we just found out that Dr Grey here can out-pulley stitch Shepherd."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that."

"Excellent job, Dr Grey. And excellent teaching, Dr Yang."

"Sir?"

"Taking the time to teach your interns and they retaining that knowledge. I haven't made my decision yet on the solo surgery, but you keep teaching like that and you're my one to watch."

"Thank you Sir."

The sounding alarms of the patient crashing gets everyone moving to save his life.

"He's crashing. V-fib."

Start CPR. Push one of epi and charge the paddles to 360."

"Clear." Meredith calls out hitting his chest.

They all stand beside the table of the dead patient.

"Time of death, 14.22."

"I built his bones."

"You tried. We all tried."

"No, I didn't try, I did it. I did my part, I built his bones. I built his bones from scratch, and you, all of you, you were supposed to keep him alive. That is all you people had to do. You just had to… keep his body breathing. You just had to keep him safe and breathing and living until I made his bones. I made…. I made his bones. Until I made his bones. I made his bones." She says crying.

"Why don't you guys go ahead and I'll help Dr Torres clean up." Cristina says. "Go call the morgue."

"We've got it. Go."

"Everyone clear out."

…

"That Danny Grey sure knows how to wrap herself around a suture."

"Mark, Meredith has some concerns."

"That's not news."

"About Danny. Apparently Danny is fragile, and getting involved with a superior might make her more fragile."

"I was talking about her sutures."

"Keep Little Sloan out of Little Grey is my point."

"What?"

"Little Sloan does not enter little Grey. Are we clear?"

"Did you just say…?" He says. "Ok, that's just creepy… and inaccurate. Big Sloan." He says as Derek leaves.

Derek got Cooper from the crèche and went and found Meredith who had Kaylee. It was nearly 6 o'clock and Kaylee had been with Meredith since school had ended and was following Meredith around discussing her day while Meredith filled in charts and checked on patients.

"Hey Kaylee."

"Hey Daddy."

"Are you all ready to go home?" Derek asks.

"Yeah I am." Kaylee says.

"Okay let's go." He says taking his bag from his cubby in the locker room.

"Mumma." Cooper says smiling at her and holding his arms out. "Carry Mumma?"

"Okay Sweetie." She says. She bends down and picks Cooper up. She was starting to have trouble carrying Cooper with her growing bump. But he didn't seem to care. He was still with his mother. She kissed his forehead and they started to leave. "Sadie is going out for drinks. She'll be home later."

"We're taking in Strays?"

"Well she is my friend and she needed somewhere to stay." She says.

"Well don't complain when we don't have enough space for the new baby."

"I won't complain." She says smiling.

They arrive home and Derek starts dinner.

"Mummy I have something to give you. Ms Greene wanted me to give it to you." She says going through her school bag. "Here."

Kaylee hands Meredith the book and she realised what it is.

"Oh and a note. It was her last day today."

"We know."

"I am going to miss her."

"Well by the sounds of it she is going to miss you Kaylee." Meredith says. She takes the note and reads through it. "So you're going to have Mr Kelley for the rest of the year Kaylee and you will complete your study on the country for World Day and then end the year talking about the people in our community."

"I know Mummy. I read the note over and over again."

Meredith smiles. _She is exactly like Ellis. Just so much more brighter and bubbly. She was going to change the world._

"Well Kaylee how about while Daddy makes dinner, you do some skip counting for me."

"Okay. I done my 6's today, backwards and my 8's and 9's forwards to 100."

"How about I time you?" She says.

"Yes please."

Okay start with your 2's. Backwards from 30."

"30, 28,26,24,22…..2,0."

"12 seconds baby girl. You are doing great."

…

With the kids in bed asleep and Sadie getting settled in her room, Meredith and Derek sat in bed. Derek reading a magazine. Meredith reading her baby book. The two of them both in silence too engrossed in their reading. Meredith herself was slowly starting to feel the exhaustion from today and was ready for sleep.

"Tell me the stories." Derek says interrupting the stories.

"What stories?"

"The ones you won't let Sadie tell me."

"They're ancient history. Humiliating and ridiculous." She says. "So ridiculous they can just stay as unknown knowledge."

"Ridiculous is a grown man telling another grown man to stay out of a woman's little…"

"You did it?"

"Those exact words. I did it because…. It was nice to see you sticking up for your cousin. I did it for you. So now, you owe me…." He says kissing her lips. "A story."

"Ok, fine. But you can never tell anyone ever." She says.

"Just let me get a little more comfortable." He says smirking at her.

**I had a brief moment to spare. An update for all you guys. All I'm asking is for you guys to stick around. These are not my best pieces but I have more to share of this story. **

**Reviews and thoughts would be great so I don't feel like a lame ass loser.**

**I'll try and update as soon as I can and I've made the spontaneous decision to repost 'from here the past looks brighter' again. It will still be the same concept, just a little different with some things. **


	21. You Should Have Said That!

A couple of weeks had passed since Sadie's arrival. She was 24 weeks now and found herself not sleeping because of the possible solo surgery. She was on call 24/7 just for the first solo surgery. This night she was having a restless night from the baby being active and she decided that she would sit in the spare bathroom and read to not disturb Derek. Sadie had moved out deciding that Meredith wasn't a single doctor anymore. She was a married doctor with two children and another on the way. She wasn't how she had pictured, the partying woman anymore and she left to live with one of the other interns.

"What are you doing up dressed at three in the morning?" Derek asks walking into the bathroom. "I woke and you weren't there."

"Possible solo surgery." He says. "And the baby is really active and I just couldn't close my eyes and relax and sleep."

"That bad tonight?" He asks sitting down beside her.

"Yep." She says.

He rubs his eyes and then places his hands on her stomach and feels the active movements from the baby. The kicking and the moving.

"They're not happy tonight are they?" He says smiling and then notices her reading. "Do you usually read on the bathroom floor?"

"I didn't want to wake you and wanted to read my mother's journals some more."

"What adventures is she getting up to?"

"She's just left my father and Richard has just moved in."

"Do you enjoy reading these?"

"I do. I mean, she was so absent when I was growing up, she would never sit around and tell me stories about her growing ups and stuff. I mean I hated the woman nearly every day of my life for what she did but as I think of it now, if I wasn't her child, I would have liked her. She was funny. And intense. A lot like Cristina. I've only just put that together."

"Yeah. That's true. From what I've known about her." He says. "All about the work and work driven nature. Very much like Cristina. But I never saw your mother laugh or share an emotion rather than being angry at you."

Meredith just smiles at him. "Yeah she rarely laughed. The only memory I have of her laughing was just after Charlie was born and Richard was changing her diaper and Charlie peed in his mouth. Mom thought it was hilarious and we all stood around laughing at Charlie."

"That seems like a great time."

"It was."

"I actually do remember her laughing." Derek says. "When we went and visited them at Boston. Kaylee was just a little over 7 months old and had gotten the hang of crawling and babbling. Ellis had woken up early that morning lucid and Kaylee had woken as well. I woke up and headed downstairs and in Ellis' arms Kaylee was touching Ellis' face and blowing raspberries on Ellis' cheek and she was giggling at her granddaughter. I mean we were so accustomed to Kaylee's babbling and blowing raspberries that to her it was so new and funny. That's the only time I remember your mother laughing."

"I still wish she was around now and she wasn't sick. She died young Derek. She was only 47 years old when she died. She missed out on her grandchildren, winning another Harper Avery, eventually retiring and waiting for her time to come. I just wish she got to spend more time with all of us and actually see Charlie and Jackson graduate and go off to college and med school. She missed all this time with them."

"I know she did. My dad was the same age as well Mer and he left behind young children and missed out by seeing his grandson born by a day. Life is unfair but it always makes me better just thinking that they are watching over us and they are still experiencing their family life but from somewhere else. And besides we wouldn't have Kaylee and Cooper if they didn't pass."

"That's true. Our beautiful children."

"Come on let's go to bed." He says.

"What to sleep or to actually not sleep at all?" She says just as her pager sounds. "It's Cristina. There's a possible Appy."

"Mer…" He says. "What have I said?"

"I know, I know." She says standing up. "Just after the first solo and I'll be resting for this one."

The two of them leave the bathroom and Derek heads into the bedroom and Meredith down the hall but stops when she hears Cooper.

"Mummy! Daddy!" He screams.

She runs into his room and sees he is still asleep.

"Coopie. Hey it's Mummy." She says rubbing her hand down his back. His body was tossing from side to side. "Coopie wake up baby boy."

Derek comes running into the room. "Coopie, baby boy wake up."

Cooper stops thrashing around and soon wakes up with tears falling down his cheeks.

"It's alright Baby boy." Meredith says.

"Dada." He says crying.

"Go to Dada if you want." She says passing him to Derek. "I have to go Derek."

"You need to start resting Mer. You'll go into preterm labour."

"I will. Just after solo surgery is awarded."

He shakes his head.

"Bye." She says kissing his cheek.

"No more being on call." He says kissing her lips.

"No more." She says kissing him back.

He nurses Cooper and settles him.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

"Yes Dada."

"Well it's alright. How about we go and lie down in my room. I'll keep you safe?"

Cooper nods his head sleepily against Derek's chest.

"What are you all doing here?" Bailey asks as she sees her ex-interns standing around.

"He's mine."

"And she's sharing him with me."

"His mine. I'm on call." George says.

"Good morning Dr Bailey, you look nice."

"Brownnoser. I got here first. And the chief said I'm the one to watch."

"Oh, I get it. It's solo surgery time and you heard the past two years the Chief assigned an appendectomy. So you little mini-surgeons dragged your butts out of bed to pick up some final tips from the master. That's kind of cute. I can use two of you."

"But I'm on call!"

"I filled Meredith in."

"Jason Kron, 47, tenderness over McBurney's point."

"Karev, what do you know about Mr Kron?"

"I know he's a lucky man to have you as a surgeon."

"Arthur Soltanoff, 45, fell from the second-storey window. Stable vitals, fractures and lacerations with head trauma."

"Trauma one. Dr Bailey, I'm going to need one of your residents."

"Me! Mine. I'm in call!" George says.

"It's yours."

"Dr Bailey, we have a patient with severe abdominal pain. Can you spare a resident?"

"Grey and Yang, prep Mr Kron for surgery. Karev you never know, abdominal pain could become an appendectomy." Meredith and Cristina turn and head down to the patients room.

"Do we have to run?" Meredith asks.

"Well no but I want to prep the patient."

"Yeah but you aren't 24 weeks pregnant. I have something growing inside of me. A human life. And not running is something I don't need."

"Fine." She says. "You're soft."

"You say that all the time. I'm not soft I'm just tired I've barely slept in the past 3 weeks."

"Why?"

"Solo surgeries Cristina. Lots and lots of talk about solos."

"Well you can skip this one." She suggests.

"No way. I'm here now. I just need to wait until the first person is awarded and I can go back to sleeping and preparing for my child."

"Yeah that reminds me. When do you want a baby shower planned?"

"You're planning me a baby shower?"

"Well, no. Izzie is. I just have to get information from her."

"Whenever. Can we talk about this later?"

"Of course."

…

"Are you looking for something?" Meredith asks Sadie, Ryan and Danny.

"We were giving Sadie the tour. This is the OR board. And this is a patient. You're in good hands. Dr Grey is an excellent doctor."

"What's next on the tour?"

"Back to the skills lab?"

"Skills lab, great idea."

"I've got to stick with my allies." Sadie says following Danny.

…

"Dr Bailey, do you have to visualise the peritoneum?" Cristina asks.

"Depends. I've seen so many, usually just feel it."

"Did you split the muscle this was or that way?"

"This way. No, that… Hold it. That way. It's the kind of thing that becomes so natural, you don't even think about it after a while." She says then looks at Meredith and Cristina. "The two of you are thinking so hard, it makes me tired just looking at you."

"Yeah and I want to kind of throw up." Meredith says pursing her lips together to try and rid the nauseating feeling.

"You've gone soft." Cristina says.

"I haven't gone soft. My baby seems to not be enjoying the smell as much."

"You've gone soft."

"Yang, leave Grey alone." She says. "We all can't be perfect like you now can we?"

….

"None of my interns are answering pages. Did they go home….?"

"Hey, you! Where at the other morons?"

"I don't know. I was just getting candy and… I don't know."

"Clearly."

"I don't know. I don't know anything." She says walking passed them.

"Hey!" Cristina says. "Give me your chocolate. All of it. Give me that, too."

"Where are the stooges?" Alex asks.

"That moron is a moron, and the other morons are AWOL."

"I need an intern to page me if my guy agrees to crap."

"I wonder if they're in skills lab. Sadie said something about it."

"She's in the hospital?"

"Time in the skills lab is actually paying off for them my interns are still idiots but they're idiots that can put in an IV."

"No, they are just idiots." Cristina says walking away.

"So what's going on with Izzie?"

"I don't know what's wrong. I'm sick of people not talking to each other. I'm gonna go get my crap-chick some crap." Alex says walking away.

Meredith scrunches her nose and takes her pager and looks at it as it sounds.

"Meredith." Danny says. "Do you have a sec?"

Meredith follows Danny to outpatient.

"I think she's dying." Ryan says just as Cristina comes to the room.

"Her BP is dangerously low."

"We need to push two litres of LR."

"Should we call a code?"

"There is no code team in outpatient surgery in the middle of the night because this would be done by a surgeon in a regular OR."

"Page the Chief, get Bailey. Tell her there's an emergency. You're not to say anything else. Take that crazy look off you face." She says to Danny.

They countdown the moments until Bailey gets there. Feeling like forever.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Bailey asks.

"We were trying to take out her appendix."

"Whose foolish idea was that?"

"Mine."

"Where are we?"

"Found the artery in the meso-appendix. Apparently the stitches the interns did came off."

"Hand e a 3-0 silk. I need some more suction. How's her pressure?"

"74 systolic."

"She's really bleeding. I can't see."

"The stump isn't closed. She needs a cecectomy."

"I can't get to the appendiceal artery."

"You can. You almost had it."

"Here."

"Is your visualisation better?"

"I can't see anything!"

"Don't panic. Put that down. Feel down for the meso-appendix. Find the pulsation. Now follow it to the end."

"It feels…. I think I've got it."

"Good. Now, place your clamp."

"OK. That's right. Grey, tie if off while Yang holds the clamp in place."

"Stick-tie or ligature suture?"

"Whatever works. You have to do whatever feels right to you."

"Ligature suture."

…

Closing Sadie up she was taken to the ICU to recover. Cristina and Meredith went down to greet the Chief.

"This is nearly as worse as the LVAD wire." Cristina says.

"I know."

They waited and when they saw Richard approach they saw the pissed off look on his face. They walked towards him.

"Follow me." He says leading them to the conference room.

They stand before him waiting.

"I was sleeping. And sleep isn't easy for me to come by, but I was finally sleeping. Then I get a call."

"I can't believe it. I still can't believe it."

"Don't beat yourself up about it. I've seen a lot of maturity in you though, through this whole mess. You handled the crisis, you handled the surgery. You saved that girls life. And you called for help right away. There was a time you would have reached it at a different conclusion. You could have stuck to the code and saved your own. Tried to hide the mess. Sometimes protecting colleagues is solidarity, and sometimes it's just hubris. I'm glad to see you know the differences." He says.

"Chief… I can't let you two get into trouble for this." Danny says entering the room.

"Danny…"

"It's not right. People tried to stop me. Dr Yang told me to shut it down, but I didn't listen."

"You knew about this yesterday?" He asks Cristina before turning to Meredith. "Did you know?"

"No." She says.

"You knew."

"No!"

"You knew they were gonna cut her open? Danny just said that you knew!"

"Sutures. I knew they were doing sutures. I didn't think we need to say anything because I had shut it down."

"Apparently, you didn't. Cause it almost cost Danny her job, not to mention Sadie almost died!"

"You know what; Sadie did that to herself, and let's not pretend you have a relationship with the Chief. Let's not pretend you care."

"I care about my job! And I care about doing things right!"

"Who are you t lecture me on doing the right thing? Are you kidding me? You're not an attending or a 4th year resident. You may be married to one but it doesn't count."

"Is that what this is about? Derek. It's always gonna be about Derek?"

"Fine, it's not about Derek, it's about you and me and the fact that you didn't have my back in there."

"What would you have wanted me to say?"

"Anything. You should have said anything! You have a relationship with the Chief, you have his ear, you didn't say anything to defend me. Because this isn't just on me. I mean you stood there and watched him take me out of the running for solo surgery. You let me take the blame. We all had interns in that room. We all failed to supervise them. And if your friend died in there, if you and I hadn't saved her life, that would have been on all of us too. You should have said that." Cristina says walking away.

Meredith was stunned and shocked. Her best friend had just yelled at her. She placed her hands on her stomach and took a deep breath in and the exhaled.

"It's going to be ok."

She went off to find the others and they sat and waited for some guidance from Bailey.

"Why are you looking at me?"

"We were wondering…"

"The interns…"

"What are you going to say to them?"

"No. No. I am tired. I'm not saying anything to the interns. I raised my babies. You were my babies. Now you all are grown folks. This is on you. You raise you own babies."

"So we have to talk to them?"

"Your babies."

"What do we say?"

"Do you really need a speech from me? At this point? After time? If you do, you shouldn't be here. If you do, I haven't raised you right. And I know I raised you right. No. You don't get a speech from me. It's time to make your own speeches."

The four looked at one another and went and found their interns. Gathering them and taking them down to Sadie's room."

"Dr Grey, present."

"Sadie Harris, 25, three hours post appendectomy complicated by severe haemorrhaging."

"Death, what is this?"

"Dr Spalding."

"Vitals stable, antibiotic coverage. She should fully recovery within two weeks."

"And?"

"And we, your surgeons, made mistakes that compromised your care. Mistakes that reflect poorly on this hospital and that won't happen again."

"Effective immediately, every intern here is on probation. So much as sneeze, and you're done." Meredith says.

"None of you will see the inside of an OR until further notice."

"You've lost the Chief's respect, which believe me, is not an easy thing to get back."

"And speaking for myself, you've lost, my respect and you won't get that back."

"But he still respects Izzie Stevens."

"What did you say?"

"You seem to still respect Izzie Stevens and she killed a patient."

"She was trying to save a man's life. You almost killed for fun. It's different." He says. The interns attentions turns to the door and Alex follows, seeing Izzie there.

"You are all dismissed."

…

Meredith walked into Sadie's room later on.

"Ok, fine. The surgery was a bad idea."

"No, it was a terrible idea. Speaking as your boss, it was irresponsible and reckless idea that makes me question if you have what it takes to be a good doctor." She says taking off her lab coat.

"Death…"

"And as your friend…. What the hell is going on with you?" She asks sitting down beside her.

"I don't know."

"Sadie, you are one of my closest friends. Today, I don't even want to think what could have happened if we did not get there in time. I don't want to imagine what could have happened." She says. "I could have lost my best friend today. You didn't even consider what you did. You could have ruined your career Sadie."

She looks away from Meredith with tears running down her face.

"I'm going home. I'll be back later to check on you." She says. "Get some rest."

Meredith leaves Sadie's room. She had so many emotions running through her body she did not know how to feel. She changed and headed home. It was just after 6 in the morning and the city was starting to wake. She walked through the front door and headed upstairs to the bedroom. She opened the door and collapsed onto the bed beside Derek. Derek looked at her and then at Cooper, to not disturb him. Cooper was asleep in Meredith's side.

"You're home? How was work?" He asks. She looks at him and breaks down. "No please don't cry." He says placing a hand on her cheek. "Please don't cry Mer."

She continues to cry and he pulls her into his arms and holds her. Just comforting her. He had no idea what had happened to make her upset. He just wanted her to be alright.

Her body shook uncontrollably against him as her sobs took over her body. She was ten times more hormonal as well so she was unable to stop. He rubbed her back and held her until she was okay to talk again.

Nearly ten minutes passed and she was able to speak again.

"Ok, tell me what happened?" He says.

"Sadie nearly died."

"What?" He asks shocked.

"The interns were doing this secret suture thing. Something that has been going on for a while now. They had been sutured each other and doing central lines and giving each other epidurals. Sadie suggested they take out each other's appendix. So Sadie volunteered to have hers taken out. They went behind our backs. Went to outpatient surgery and performed the surgery. Her appendix was inflamed and that's when complications arose. She nearly bled out and died. They nearly killed each other for fun."

"Oh, god. What happened after that?"

"Well Bailey came and helped us after we were asked for help. Then Richard came, unimpressed that he was woken up and he congratulated us for getting help but then Danny came in and she blurted that Cristina knew."

"Oh…"

"She is out of the running for the first solo surgery. Our interns are on probation for probably the rest of their careers. Sadie is lying in a hospital bed and Cristina isn't talking to me anymore."

"She isn't? Why?"

"I didn't have her back in the room. I didn't know, so why should I?"

"Cristina is Cristina." He says. "I don't know. You must be tired Mer, you've been on call for the past month. You haven't been sleeping. You just came off a 14 hour shift and you went back again for nearly five hours. You need your rest."

"Derek I am fine." She says yawning.

"Mer, please? You are 24 weeks pregnant. I want you to slow down and sleep. You need rest and so does the baby. If you keep going you'll find yourself with preeclampsia and you may go into preterm labour. I don't want to see my baby in the NICU. I want to be able to take him or her home a few days after you have it. I don't want the baby to be born 6 weeks early and struggling to stay alive." He says. "It would cause more stress to you."

"I know."

"We have the 24th week scan today. You have the day off. You are going to lie in this bed and not move until we have to leave for the scan. You'll close your eyes and rest."

"Derek!"

"Meredith, I am being serious. If you move from this bed I will hurt you. And I am being serious."

"Fine." She says.

Derek climbed out from the bed and Meredith moved under the blankets. Derek sat beside her.

"Do you want anything?"

"Water please."

"Coming right up."

He came back into the room after fetching her water and she was fast asleep.

…

"24 weeks." Dr French, Meredith's OB says as Meredith sits up on to the exam table. "16 more to go. Time has seemed too flown."

"Oh it surely has." Meredith says smiling and placing a hand on her stomach. "I'm excited for the end of the 16 weeks so I can hold my baby."

Derek smiles beside Meredith. He had Cooper and Kaylee with him.

"I want to see my baby sibling Dr French." Kaylee says.

"She's more excited than me." Meredith says joking.

Dr French just laughs. "That's the way it usually is." She says. "Anyway, it's just the routine ultrasound again today, just to check if Baby Shepherd is doing good. Developing well and stuff like that. We'll look at the baby's lungs and heart and intestines today. We can pick up on any abnormalities as well." She says taking a seat. "I will ask the two of you again, are we going to find out the sex of the baby today or not?"

Meredith and Derek smile at each other.

"No knowing. We want a surprise. Just like Kaylee and Cooper were. We love the not knowing part because it's a sense of being impatient and guessing and choosing names and having a unisex nursery and things like that. It's one of the fun things about expecting."

"Well the first time you and Derek came to me in this office when you were 17 you said that you and him don't want to know the sex of the baby because not knowing was one of the best parts of expecting. You were only 6 weeks but you had everything set in order before we even looked and ran tests." She says. "But I done exactly the same thing when I had my kids and I loved that decision."

Derek squeezes Meredith's hand smiling.

"So are you ready to see your baby?"

"Yes!" Kaylee says.

Dr French starts laughing along with Meredith and Derek.

"I can't believe that 7 years ago she was the little girl inside growing inside of you. The little grainy, black and white picture of your first ultrasound has turned into this bright, bubbly and beautiful 6 year old."

"I'm nearly 7, Dr French."

"See what I mean. It's just beautiful seeing her this age when I took your first ultrasound." She says squirting the gel onto Meredith's stomach. "Let's begin."

She presses the wand onto her stomach and searches for the baby.

"I think it's a little shy today." She says.

"I've been recently poking at my belly where the baby is lying and I get little kicks back. I don't think it appreciates it a lot."

"Most of them don't."

Meredith looked at Kaylee for a second and saw how engrossed she was in the screen. Meredith smiled and turned back to the screen and watched as the baby rolled over.

"Well the baby looks very healthy at this stage." She says. "I'll let you listen to the heartbeat again. I know this is the 3rd pregnancy but it will be a lot stronger than your last visit."

"I can't believe how much it has grown since last visit." Derek says.

"Well it looks very healthy." She says. "And sounds very healthy and strong."

The whoosh sound of the beating heart was like music to her ears. She had been in this position for many times and listened to the heartbeat but it was still beautiful.

"Hey Kaylee, Cooper. That's your baby brother or sister up there." Derek says.

"Whatever it is, it is beautiful." Kaylee says smiling. "I'm going to be a proud sister no matter what."

"Kaylee that is beautiful." Meredith says.

"Thank you Mummy." She says.

"What do you think Coopie?"

"Baby?" He asks.

"Yep that's the baby up there."

Cooper looks at Meredith and Derek and smiles. "My baby."

After their visit they went out for dinner before dropping home. They put the kids to bed and then went and sat on the lounge downstairs looking at the ultrasound.

"I am so proud." He says.

"You already have two kids."

"I'm just a proud father. I will have three kids before we know it."

"I know."

"And I'm so proud of you."

"I'm only carrying the baby."

"You're doing the most beautiful thing in the world. You are sacrificing your body to grow a life. I know you are going to say that this is the 3rd baby but this is your 3rd baby you are bringing to life. The 3rd baby to give a life and have a chance to walk on this earth. You are sacrificing so many things for this human life. I admire women so much for this."

"It's nothing."

"It's something." He says kissing her lips. "It's a beautiful something."

She smiles and kisses him again. The kiss deepened and their bodies move up against each other.

Her hands rest on the back of his neck and his hands roam up and down her back.

They both pulled apart quickly, smiling at each other. Derek hands grasped at her stomach. Meredith placed her hands on top of his and smiled even more as the baby kicked.

"Ok, now we have our soccer player." He says smiling.

"Well you said that about Kaylee and Cooper."

"Well it could happen, in time, it could happen."

She just giggles at him.

"Come on, let's go to bed, carry on what we almost had here." Derek says.

"Are you abusing my very crazy sex hormones?"

"No, just the chance to see your boobs again…. And to make love to you." He says grinning.

"I knew it." She says. "But I'm not complaining."


	22. She's My Best Friend

Walking through the hospital of a morning was becoming draining for Meredith. The walk from the car to the locker room and the challenge of most mornings getting Cooper to the crèche and Kaylee to school was becoming a task and a half. Being at 26 weeks just put a whole other level of exhaustion and tiredness to the word pregnancy and working.

Kaylee was at Meredith's side as they walked through the hospital as Derek offered to take Cooper to the crèche.

"Mummy, you alright?"

"Yeah baby, I'm just exhausted. I really should have listened to your father all those times about slowly down." She says smiling down at Kaylee.

"Daddy's always right."

"Hey, I am as well."

"Well Daddy likes to think he is." Kaylee says snickering.

"That's my girl." She says as they walk into the locker room and Meredith receives a cold glare from Cristina.

Kaylee sat quietly on the bench while her mother changed into her scrubs and pull the cotton scrub shirt over her stretched belly. She felt the babies foot pressing the skin of her stomach and she smiled to herself knowing how real this was. The kicks, the moving and the stretching.

She sat down and pulled her shoes on as the rest of the residents pilled in and Derek made his way back to the room.

"Cooper wanted me to let you know that he is going to draw the baby a picture and he has decided that the baby is a boy and his name will be Coopie Shepherd."

"After himself?"

"Yep. I then reasoned and said that he can't have the same name so he then said that the name should just stay as bubba. Bubba Shepherd."

"Oh our boy is smart." Meredith says. "Why didn't you remind him that it will be James or Myles?"

"Because we didn't agree on those names. We went straight to girl names."

"Are you two bickering over baby names again?" Izzie asks placing her stuff in her cubby.

"We aren't bickering, we are just having a serious conversation over the name of our future child."

"That means they are bickering." Kaylee says as she looks up from her book.

"Hey Kaylee."

"Hi Izzie."

"Well I'm putting them on the list."

"Fine." He says. "Maybe we should have found out what we were having. It would have saved this whole fiasco over names and agreeing on ones that we like."

Meredith stood up and went and sat down at the table in the room and pulled out her list that she had started to carry around.

"Um do you know that they are choosing who does the solo surgery today." Alex says entering the room.

"What? It can't be today." Meredith says.

"It is and the interns are already on the mouth reading watch so we know who is getting solo surgery." He says. "The meeting had started about ten minutes ago with the attendings."

"Why would you do something like that?" Derek asks.

"That's genius." George says taking a seat at the table.

Kaylee had managed to settle herself on her mother's lap and continue to read her book.

"What are you reading Kaylee?" George asks.

"Charlotte's web." She says. "Oh, Mummy what about Charlotte for a girl?"

"It's too much like Charlie." Meredith says.

"And you want to know something Kay? Charlie suggested Charlotte when we were expecting you, so it's not the first time it's been thrown into the mix."

"I think I like Kaylee better."

"Me too."

"He said Karev." One of the interns says running into the locker room. Everyone looks up at him confused as why Alex would have been chosen.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"You sure he said 'Karev'?"

The intern stares blankly at them and then runs off.

"Stevens! He said Stevens!"

"Which is it, moron? Stevens or Karev?" Alex asks pissed.

"This is stupid. You guys are going to trust these imbeciles to tell you who is getting solo surgery?" Cristina asks.

"Is this hard for you, being banned from the solo surgery? It must be really hard." Izzie says.

"He may change his mind. He's been known to change." Meredith says.

"Please don't do that. Go ahead and will yourselves to be voted in. Use the secret."

"Grey!" Another intern says running in. "The Chief said Grey."

"What? This is bogus."

"You're just figuring that out?" Bailey says. "Steve is not a lip reader. None of the interns are lip readers. You just have to wait for the attending's to vote, just like we did when I won."

"You won your solo surgery?" Cristina asks.

"I'm gonna pretend you didn't feel the need to ask me that, Yang. Of course I won. I was good. I didn't cut LVAD wires or put my hand in bomb-y body cavities or have my interns operating on themselves. I was special. I was young gifted and black, and everyone knew it. The attending's knew it, the chief knew it. I didn't have to act like I could read lips. Just go about my work calmly, waiting for my name to get called."

"It's done!" Danny says running into the locker room.

"Whatever, Helen Keller."

"No. I'm serious. The chief sent me. They made their choice."

"Who is it?" George asks.

The 5 of the shift, moving in their seats.

"It's you." Danny says pointing.

…

With the third year residents gathering outside the conference room, Kaylee clutched onto Meredith's hand and they listened to the Chief explain the pickings and the choosing's.

"I am happy to announce that the first solo surgery will take place tonight. A below the-knee amputation, bone cancer…."

"No appy?" Meredith asks.

"Saw action, sweet."

"Choosing who gets the first solo surgery isn't just about who has been the best surgical skills or who's logged the most hours in the OR. It's about the highest form of trust. The trust to put a patient's life into one of our resident's hands. And for the first time that I can recall, every single attending picked the same person: Dr Yang. However, Dr Yang is out of the running. She is going to pick the winner instead. Dr Yang will post her decision on the OR board at 4.00pm. Also, since your interns are still banned from the OR, the winner will pick a fellow resident to scrub in with them. Good luck."

Meredith knew the moment Richard was gone the pressure would be placed on Cristina and the residents would ask and put in a good word about themselves and why they should be chosen. She decided she would leave and get Kaylee to school before having her input.

The skies were clear and blue was seen. It would be a nice day outside but inside the four walls of the hospital would bring the patients and the tragedy and today she felt as if death was near. Maybe being pregnant brought on this 6th sense and death was this sense.

She kissed and hugged Kaylee goodbye and set off back to the hospital. Her pager sounded the moment she walked through the doors of the ER and Sadie came running begging to know everything about Alex.

"I'm his intern. He seems cool enough at the house, his house. You know the one you kicked me out to. Whatever he's got going with the girl who masturbates all the time… I don't judge. Still, officially, I'm his intern, so what's the deal?"

"Sadie, I can't be your friend in here. I'm a resident, you're an intern. You are going to have to figure out how not to piss off Alex Karev yourself."

"Ok. I get it."

"Good."

"It wasn't my fault. I had to tell those guys where to meet us!"

"I said I'd do it that way you could drive! I'm telling mum and dad."

"I'll kill you!"

"You need to calm down." Owen says.

"Tell her!"

"Shut up!"

"What happened?"

"Sisters, 16 and 15, crashed their dad's car. And that's all we know since they won't stop screaming. We need your names. Now!"

"Don't tell her. Don't say a word."

"Her name is Holly Anderson. She was driving. And texting. While driving! Is there a police officer? I want to press charges."

"You suck up! Suck-up assface!"

"Hey. We need your number so we can call your parents."

"Here. I speed-dialled my dad."

"You are such a bitch!"

"No, you are!"

"Make it stop." Owen says to Alex.

"Shut up!" Alex says.

There was silent for a few moments before the tension of being sisters and fighting started again.

"You are dead when Mum and Dad show up. The doctors are just going to have to save you again."

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more!"

"I hate you both." Callie says.

The fighting and the arguing seemed familiar. Like all the times at the Shepherd's house with the girls growing up and the fights that here and Cristina had. The two were like sisters and their fights were so common that these girls fights brought back the memories.

"Ok, Emma, I have to check your X-rays, I think your leg is broken. You'll be off it for a while."

"No. No! I can't miss my Future Leaders of American conference! Holly!"

"Emma, I'm gonna be grounded till graduation."

Callie looked at Meredith and Meredith laughed to herself. She never fought like this with Charlie. She just thought that the girls were being overdramatic. But she then thought to herself. That maybe Kaylee will be like this with Cooper or the next baby. She just smiled. It was all about growing up and she hoped that their growing up would be different to her childhood and more similar to Derek's.

"I was going to D.C.! I've been waiting for this for a year! Mum and Dad spent two grand; they've now wasted two grand!" Emma says throwing an item off the trolley to Holly.

"You stupid baby!"

"Hey! I'm separating you two." Callie says pulling the curtain to separate them both.

"Page Nelson. She might have a basilar skull fracture. Get her up to CT now!"

"Where is she going?" Emma asks.

"Just to run a few tests."

"Good, get her out of here. Take her away! I hope you die!" She says.

Meredith and Callie look at her. Shocked at what she had just said.

"I've got a future leader outside. She needs a CT." Meredith says walking into the viewing room where Derek is with Alex and Nelson.

"Hey."

"I'm not mad at you. I know Richard asked you 4th years for input. I'm not made you didn't vote for me. It would have looked like you were playing favourites."

"You deserve it. Cristina knows, even if you two are fighting."

"You and Yang are fighting?" Alex asks laughing.

"We're not fighting. Fought. Past tense."

"How bad is it? Real bad?"

"She's crashing."

_Code blue, fourth floor. Code blue, fourth floor._

"She has brain matter in her blood. Let OR know we're coming."

"What happened to her? Holly? Holly!" She screams. "Holly! What did you do to my sister? Holly! Holly! What did you do to her?"

…

"Hey. So you know I deserve this." Meredith tells Cristina. "You know I'm the most qualified. But I don't want it to be a big awkward thing. I don't. So, just, you do what you have to do."

"Ok."

"Ok." She says slightly smiling and rubbing her belly. "I'll see you later."

Meredith walks down to Emma who's leg was being plastered.

"Almost done here Emma." Callie says.

"Holly's going to be alright. She's gonna be OK?"

"She got into surgery very quick." Meredith tells her. "That's good."

"Are my parents here?"

"They're coming. Your dad…"

"Holly's gonna be all right? She's not in, like… She won't die?"

"Emma, you didn't mean it."

"I said, 'I hope you die'." She says and Meredith pushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "That can't be the last thing she heard me say. It can't. Just don't let her die. Please."

Meredith looks at Emma.

"All right, I'll go to the OR and get an update for you. OK?"

"Ok."

…

"Out of the way."

"What happened?"

"Her brain's changing colour."

"She's haemorrhaging. 100 of mannitol."

"What did I do?" Alex asks. "Dr Nelson."

"There was nothing you could have done. She had a carotid dissection. Nothing we could have done."

"So we can't…"

"She had a massive CVA. The blood to her brain we cut off and cannot be restored. So even though Dr Nelson was able to fix the hole in her brain that allowed tissue to leak through the nose, the subsequent carotid dissection has caused loss of her cerebral function. You do understand that?"

"She's brain dead. I get it."

"She's only 16." Dr Dixon says. "That's good news. She'll be an excellent candidate for organ donation. Excellent candidate. Excellent organs. Young."

Meredith stood in the gallery watching and her heart broke into two. How could saying the accidental words, _'I hope you die' _actually lead to the death of your big sister and the tragedy that will come to the family.

She went down to Emma's room and explained to her about Holly before bringing her down to Holly's room where the parents were at Holly's bedside.

"She looks like she's sleeping. Can I touch her?"

"Yes, of course."

"Can she hear me?" She asks. "She can come out of it, right? The coma? People can do that?"

"No she can't. I'm very sorry for you loss. But tests confirm that, although your sister's bodily functions are fine, her brain is dead. She has no thoughts, no emotions, no senses. I'm Dr Dixon. I will be harvesting your sister's organs if your parents agree."

"Please, she's our baby. We need more time."

"I'm sorry for you loss. But her organs are young and vital. They could save many lives."

"Wake up, Holly. Wake up, come on, wake up."

"I'm very sorry for your loss, but your sister can't wake up. Her basic functions are gone. Her brain is dead. Her body is alive but, unfortunately, unfortunately, she is dead."

"Get out! You cannot have her. And you cannot take her."

"Dr Dixon, I think, I think they understand. I think you should go now, please."

"I have offended you, but we are running out of time."

"Get out! Holly, wake up! Wake up, Holly! Holly, wake up! Holly, wake up, please!"

…

Four o'clock came by and the residents stood by the OR board waiting to see who Cristina picked. They waited as she wrote on the board. _Karev, A._

"IS she kidding?" George asks.

"Congratulations." Meredith says.

"Whatever." He says walking away.

Meredith stood and looked at the board. She felt hurt and pain and felt realisation. She wanted to go and cry. Her stupid pregnancy hormones made everything worse than it was.

She wiped the tears that were falling down her face and went to Holly's room. Emma had not left her side. She was feeling for the poor girl.

"I never should have said it. I didn't mean it. I never should have said it."

"Tell her that." Meredith says to Emma. "Tell her the last thing you'd want her to hear. Because you have to believe if it were you in this bed and Holly was sitting with you, feeling bad, you would forgive her. Tell her." She says. "If it was one of my kids in this hospital bed I would tell them how much I love them. I would tell them the last thing that I would want them to know. I would do whatever to say goodbye."

"I'm sorry." Emma says crying. "I'm so sorry. I love you."

"She loved you, too. No matter what you said. No matter what happened between the two of you, she loved you. She loves you. She loves you." Meredith says.

Emma dropped Holly's hand as was comforted by her parents. Meredith left the room silently and went to go and find Derek. She found him standing in front of the surgical board.

"So you were right. Cristina and I are fighting."

"Go, talk to her."

"She's your best friend. It's important." He says.

"Derek?"

"They don't tell you when you become a doctor it's gonna be like this. They don't tell you that you…. Lose more patients than you save. Sixteen. I'm sick of the death."

"I'm sorry." She says but grabs his hand and places it on her stomach. "Derek, just remember, at the end of the day, after a very crappy work day, a day filled with death, illness and diseases, you get to come home to this." She says and places his hand on the baby's foot. "This is our baby and it makes up for all the crap that we face during the day. A baby trumps death so much Derek."

He smiles slightly and kisses her cheek. "I'll see you at home."

"Ok."

…

She went up to the gallery to watch Alex for the solo surgery. She was exhausted and hungry. Her feet were aching as well but she wouldn't miss this for the world. She grabbed a banana and a cup of tea and went and sat down beside Cristina.

"We're fighting, and I don't want to be. Let's just put this past us. What happened with the Chief and Interns, it doesn't matter. I know that's why you didn't choose me, why you made it personal. So let's just move on."

"You made it personal. This, right here, is you making it personal. You told me to do what I had to do. So I chose Alex. He's the most prepared. That's why I didn't choose you. Not because we're fighting. Because, unlike you, I can separate my personal life from my job. You made it personal." She says standing up. "None of you said anything. Those were all our interns. But I won this. They picked me. If I don't deserve this solo surgery that none of us do." She says leaving.

Meredith sighs and George comes and sits down beside her.

"I don't know if I'm more jealous of Alex or worried about Izzie." He says. "I think something's wrong with her, Mer."

"There's something wrong with all of us, George." She says. Her pager sounds and she sees who it is. "It's Alex."

She went down to the scrub room. "Hi. You paged?"

"I need you to scrub in with me."

"Where's Izzie?"

"I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out! I told her I love her. I told her I love her before the solo surgery. I can't believe that. She's not gonna show, and I'm freaking out."

"Stop. Stop freaking out. If you screw this up and kill this guy, I'm gonna be pissed. Then I'll know I should have won it. You have to kick ass in there, Alex. You have no choice."

"Big night, Karev. You ready?" Richard asks. "You ready?"

"He's ready." Izzie says walking into the scrub room.

Meredith smiles and then leaves him and goes and sits in her seat again in the crowded gallery and watch Alex pull off the surgery.

Meredith came home just before 9. She knew the kids would be in bed but she had to go and tell them she loved them. She went to Cooper first and kissed him before she sat by his side just watching him sleep.

His legs were tucked up to his chest, his thumb in his mouth and the blanket loose around the bottom of his body. She smiled at how he slept and she had a feeling. Her baby is sleeping like that right now. Thumb in its mouth. Legs tucked up to its chest.

She kissed Cooper one last time and pulled the blankets up to his neck and left his room. She walked down to Kaylee's room and went and kissed her forehead and watched her sleep.

Kaylee slept so much differently to Cooper. She slept on her belly with her body sprawled over the bed. Her left leg hung out of the bed and she was on a slight angle. Her hair looked like a mop and was everywhere, covering her pillow especially.

Meredith climbed into bed beside Kaylee and placed her hand on Kaylee's back and kissed her cheek.

"Mummy?" Kaylee says stiring.

"Hey baby girl. Go back to sleep." She tells her.

"Can you tell me a story, please?"

"I suppose. Will you be able to get up for school tomorrow?"

"Yes." She says smiling.

"Okay." Meredith pulls Kaylee closer to her body and Kaylee wraps her arms around her mother and hold hers and the baby close to her body. "What do you want to hear?"

"Anything."

"Okay." She says and begins to tell the story of two teenager sisters, a story very alike to the two screaming sisters that entered the ER today and only one of them made it home. She felt a life lesson was taught every day and these life lessons she shared with Kaylee.

"Be careful what you say to others because those words could be the last thing you say to someone. You could be mucking around and say something but you don't realise that those words could be the last thing you get to say to someone. You may never get to speak to them again and you will regret your words every single day for the rest of your life. The people you love, even if you fight between and on this day you hate each other you tell each other you love them. They may know it already but you want them to know rather than you live with this burden on not saying sorry or saying something hurtful."

"I love you Mummy."

"I love you too, Kaylee."

"Did that happened today Mummy?"

"Yeah it did baby girl." She says. "But I always say I love you to you and Cooper before I leave. If you two are asleep, I say it to you all the time. I tell Daddy that I love him as well. I say it more and more now because life can turn so suddenly. I could walk out this door one day and you could never see me again."

"Mummy, I don't believe that will happen. You are going to live until you are 113 with daddy and die in each other's arms. You're going to see you great, great grandkids. You'll see all of us grow up and you will never be in any danger."

"You spend too much time with your daddy." She tells her. "Anyway you have to get back to bed sweetie. I love you baby girl."

"I love you more Mummy." She says kissing Meredith and then the baby bump. "Can you just stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course I can."

Kaylee let's go of her mother and brings her hands close to her face with one resting on her mother's chest, close to her heart. Meredith rubs Kaylee's back slowly with soft circles and rests her eyes as well. Her lips pressed to Kaylee's temple.

"I love you." She mumbles against Kaylee's temple.

She lies beside Kaylee for a good half an hour before climbing up from the bed and watching Kaylee roll over and pull a nearby teddy closer to her body to make up for that missing comfort of her mother and her breathing evens out to let Meredith know that she is soundly asleep.

She tucks Kaylee in and kisses her temple before leaving the room but stopping in the doorway.

"I love you Kaylee."

She closes the door behind her and sneaks down to the bedroom where she finds Derek propped up in bed with a book.

"You tell good stories." He says smiling.

"You were listening?"

"I surely was." He says. "Come on, let's go and lie down. You deserve a foot message and I deserve details from today."

She crashes in the bed and Derek starts messaging her feet.

"So did you talk to Cristina?"

"Yeah I did."

"What'd you say?"

"I just asked her if we could stop fighting and move on. I said I knew why she didn't want to choose me and why she made it personal and I asked if we could move on."

"How'd that go?"

"Well, she said that I make it personal. Everything I was doing, by being beside her made it personal. She said she chose Alex because he was prepared more than I was. She accused me of not being able to separate my personal my life from my job. She then said that no one deserves that solo because we all had interns in that room."

"Tough day?"

"Yeah. I can't not separate my personal life from my work life." She says. "I am pregnant and I am married to you. We work in the same work space and I can't not be pregnant when I'm at work."

"Mer, stop worrying about it. She will come around. She is just angry with Richard. Just breathe and relax. You need to relax because we want a healthy baby Mer. I don't want a preemie to look after."

"I know. It's just, she is my best friend Derek."

"I know Mer. Just don't worry about it. I promise it will get better." He says smiling.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

She smiles at him and he kisses her lips.

"The baby is active tonight." She says against his lips.

Derek lifts Meredith's shirt from her belly and places both hands either side of her bump.

"Peanut. I love you baby. I am counting down the days so fast my head hurts. I want you to be healthy and stay inside Mummy until you are ready to come out. 40 weeks will be good because then you will get to spend you first Christmas at home when you are only a few days old. Please treat Mummy nicely for the remanding duration of the pregnancy, no nausea, no bad back pain, no preterm labour. 14 weeks to go Peanut. We can't wait to meet you." He says kissing her belly.

"I love you Derek."

"I love you more Meredith."


	23. We're Only Babies Raising A Baby

Derek jolted awake.

He looked at Meredith's side of the bed and saw that it was empty. He would have heard Meredith's pager sound. He looked at the alarm clock, it was just after midnight and it was the 1st of October. He laid there for a moment longer and then he heard the pots and pans downstairs banging and clanging.

Meredith's midnight cravings. He smiled to himself. Meredith was halfway through the 29th week. Each day when Meredith craved foods, when she complained about sore feet and a sore back, when she had nausea or when she threw up after the baby disliked the food she just had. Or when he felt the baby kick when he hugged Meredith or of a morning when he held her and rested his hands on her belly and felt the baby move brought him closer to becoming a dad again. To his 3rd baby being born. He had done this before but each pregnancy had been a different ride and he embraced it as much as Meredith was. He wasn't carrying the baby and he didn't get to go through the pain and joys of it but he got to watch his baby grow and see his wife glow, day after day.

Midnight cravings bought him back to all those times before when she was pregnant and he would wake and the two would talk over pancakes, ice cream or any other sugary treat and they would tell stories to each other, talk about where they think they would be in 20 years, when the baby would come; midnight, during the day, they guessed what the birth weight would be and if it would be a girl or a boy. This was the time they bonded because he had been arriving home late and she would be already tucked in bed asleep. They were like two teenage best friends, sitting up late at night and talking into the early hours of the night. It just reminded him of the times during her first pregnancy with Kaylee. They were only kids, they were so frightened but together they distracted each other from what could happen and would happen.

He climbed out of bed and walked down the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen. Meredith was standing over the stove cooking.

"Chocolate chip pancakes?" he asks smiling.

She turns her head to see him and smiles at him then turns back to the stove.

He came up behind her and placed his hands on her stomach, entwining her free hand between his two and placing a kiss on the back of her neck.

"Happy birthday." He whispers sending cold shivers down her spine.

"Thank you."

"You sit down. I'll cook."

"No, you go back up to bed."

"It's your birthday. You are up at 1 in the morning cooking pancakes because of your cravings. I want to help you out because that's what the father does. He feeds the cravings, even if they are full of sugar. He goes out at midnight to the store to buy weird cravings and he makes sure he doesn't piss her off and make her cry. That's his kid, she is carrying the child, and the father tends to everything else."

"But you have work tomorrow." She says as Derek sits her down at the table.

"I don't anymore. I asked Mark to round on my patients and I let Richard know that I was spending the day with you all. To be honest, I walked into his office opened my mouth and he gave me the day off."

"That's my father for you." She says smiling. "He seems more excited than us for the new baby. I am excited but his been boasting about the baby to people who visit the hospital and Patricia doesn't hear the end of it."

"Hey when we are older and expecting a grandchild I expect us to be the same. We will pull up a random in the street and tell them about this child they won't ever meet in life."

"Let's wait until we finish having kids before we talk about grandkids."

He smiles at her and then turns back to cook the remaining pancakes. He stacks the pancakes and he sticks a candle in the middle. He carries the plates and sits down.

"Derek." She says smiling. "That's so sweet."

"Hey you were either born at this time or you were giving you mother hell. You deserve a candle." He says lighting the candle. "Make a wish."

"But I don't have anything to wish for."

"Well wish for everything to stay the same."

She closes her eyes and blows out the candle before reopening them and smiling at Derek. "Are you going to help me eat these?"

"Well I suppose. I am though blaming you for a diabetic coma because of these midnight cravings."

She giggles before covering the pancakes in maple syrup and fruit. "See I have fruit to go with them. It's not all sugar."

"Mer, you know fruit has sugar in it?"

"Derek technically yes. But during pregnancy calories don't count."

"So does that mean my calories don't count?"

"Since when do you care about calories?"

"Never. I am a health nut."

"I know. I think at this point in time your muesli taste like cardboard and like concrete."

"How do you know what they taste like?"

"Do you want to get me started?" She asks. "I'm full of hormones. I could start crying."

"Fine. You think what you want. I'll think what I want."

She smiles at him and he leans in and kisses her. He was glad she was in a better mood. Especially after the last few days she has been on a case with the death row prisoner and he had made her life difficult and nearly destroyed her career. She wanted to show him compassion and go to his sentencing but she got to the gates of the prison and broke down. He held her and made sure nothing worried her at this point in time.

After their midnight snack the two of them sat on the couch, under a blanket, snuggling each other. He was doing something nice for her and at this point in time the baby was really active and Meredith couldn't sleep.

"What time do you think the baby will enter the world?" He asks.

"It'll enter a few minutes after midnight. 12:02."

"Really?"

"Yep. We've had two afternoon babies, it's time for a night baby." She says. "Boy or girl?"

"Hmm, this is the big question. The hospital has bets on the baby you know."

"Yeah, we're not supposed to but I overheard the nurses talking about it. The gender, the time of birth and date of birth, how big the baby will be and they are guessing the gestation, so if I will deliver 3 weeks early or 3 weeks late."

"That's the hospital for you." He says. "Hmm, I think a girl. She will be stubborn and be born just after Christmas, the 26th, 12:01am. She will be 7lbs 9 ounces and 4 days over."

"You think I'll deliver late?"

"Yeah. We've have a three week early baby, a baby due on time. It's time for the late baby."

"I was thinking the baby will be a boy. 10th of December, 12:02am. 7lbs 2 ounces, 2 weeks early."

"Interesting. You think it's a boy?"

"I do but I don't. I'm really unsure. Some people say they could separate the difference in symptoms when they were pregnant. Like a boy, they were always tired and craved certain foods and with the girl was very mellow but their belly was bigger when they were pregnant with the girl. But this pregnancy is a mix of both. I am not wanting to exercise but the kicks are really painful, like Cooper's. I was sick all into the end of the 3rd month like Cooper but I am nauseous like I was with Kaylee. I am experiencing different feelings all the time and some of the feelings were different between the two."

"Well they say not all pregnancies are the same."

"I know." She says smiling but the smile soon disappears.

"What's wrong?"

"I feel terrible for even thinking about it, or even bringing it up."

"What Mer?"

"When we found out about Kaylee, every morning I woke up and I always wondered if I made the wrong decision of keeping her and if the best thing would be to give her to a family who so desperately wanted a family rather than two teenage kids having a baby to raise. A family with a secure income to support a baby rather than two kids who hadn't finished school yet. Every day until I gave birth to her I thought about adoption. I seriously thought about giving our baby girl away. I am a terrible mother."

"Meredith, you were scared. You were 17. I wouldn't have been surprised if you didn't think about it. I don't think you are a terrible mother. You were young and scared. I would have done the same. Meredith, I thought about it as well all the time. I thought that she could have better all the time."

"But she did have better. She had us."

"I know but just think what could have happened if my mother wasn't supportive, if we didn't have a house or if we didn't have any money. I wouldn't want to raise a child in such conditions."

She smiled softly. "What do you think would have happened if we gave her up? Have you ever thought about that?"

"All the time."

…

_Waking up every day during the pregnancy brought mixed emotions and thoughts. They were both young and had some much to accomplish before they thought about children. But at this point in time they were 4 months off bringing their child into the world and together they were 17, still to finish school and go off into the world and live. _

_Since she found out she was pregnant she cried herself to sleep at night because she didn't know what to do. This morning she woke. It was school holidays and she was counting down the days until the baby was coming. It was just under four months. _

_She climbed out of bed and went into the house. It was just after 6 and Derek was up._

"_Morning Mer." He says as she enters the kitchen. "What's wrong?"_

_She comes and sits down beside him and starts crying. He pulls her into an embrace. He holds her until she calms down._

"_Derek."_

"_What's wrong Mer?"_

"_Can we go somewhere private to talk?"_

"_Sure. Come on to the granny flat." He takes her arm and leads her down to the granny flat. They were in their final days of living at Carolyn's before they were moving back to the house. He sat her down on the bed and sat in front of her, he looked at her. Not saying anything._

"_I, I don't know if…. We can raise the baby."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Every night, I go to bed and I cry because I think about the life that we are giving the baby and it won't be a good one. We are teenagers. I didn't imagine having children for at least another 10 years. I want this baby so much. I do. I know you do to but we are babies raising babies. We should give it to a couple who wants a child so badly. We have so much potential and so many more things to do but a baby will complicate these things. I know we were determined to do both but we can't Derek. We can't." She says breaking down again._

_He pulls her into his arms once more and rubs her back. He was pissed that she had brought this into the discussion especially after they were determined to raise the baby on their own. But he needed to be there for her because he loved her so much and he had to stand by her._

"_Are you sure Meredith?"_

_She looked at him for a long moment. She stared into his beautiful eyes and then nodded her head and sniffled. He pulled her down to his shoulder and let her cry some more._

"_Mer, I really was determined to raise Peanut. Ever since I found out. I wanted to paint the nursery, buy baby things, chose names and read the baby books. I was going to make it work. With school and med school. I was going to make it work. I want to have our Kaylee or our Cooper and watch it grow and take its first steps and say its first words. I want to send them off to school on their first day and measure their height on their doorway. I want to be a father Mer. I don't care if it's now or in 10 years I was embracing fatherhood now." He says._

_She looks at him upset. She knew he wanted to be a father. She knew so badly that he wanted this. _

"_But if you really want to do this. If you think giving the baby to a deserving and child-wanting couple then let's do it. It hurts me so much to agree. But seeing you happy is all I need Mer. It makes everything better especially when I am upset, your smiles and your laughter just brightens everyone's day. I want to see you happy. I know we have years to be parents again I just wish it was with this baby." He says placing his hands on her stomach and leaning down and placing a kiss on her stomach. He moves up to face her and he leans in and kisses her softly. They weren't a couple but she needed this. _

_She felt Derek's gesture and she kissed him back. She had been wanting this for so long. The love from Derek. She wanted to carry this further but she had to stop._

_She pulled away from him and he was a little confused._

"_I like the kissing Derek, but we have made a decision and we need to inform everyone about this decision."_

_The family was shocked and they looked between each other unsure at what they should do. No one moved or spoke. They were in shock. They looked heartbroken. Family was a big deal in this household, family was what made them strive and stand out. Family was so strong here it looked like it was falling apart. They were so excited for a new baby in the family and they had accepted the fact that Derek and Meredith were having a baby that it was tearing them apart._

_The case worker came to the house after lunch and she sat down with Derek and Meredith and asked questions. Her name was Gina. She discussed everything thoroughly and in depth. She gave plenty of information and plenty of guidance. _

_After a counselling session and the tick that they would be fit for this they looked through files after files of candidates. They were exhausted so many possible candidates and they had to choose a couple of files to before they met with the couple._

_After a meeting with a few parents they narrowed it down to one._

_The couple was from the Seattle area. They had no children and have wanted them since they were married but IVF failed and they were close to adopting but the couple pulled out at the last moment. The father was a successful businessman and she was a designer. Their names were Peter and Allison._

_They then met with Peter and Allison. Meredith and Derek knew straight away that this was the couple they wanted their child to be with. They wanted to have an open adoption with the birth parents and wanted the child to know why its parents had given the child up and to have a sense of who am I? Derek and Meredith asked their list of questions and they answered very openly and honestly. They just wanted to know Meredith and Derek._

"_We are both from Seattle. I have just turned 18 and Meredith will be 18 before the baby is born. My father died at the beginning of this year and Meredith's parents abandoned her and she has lived with me ever since she found out about the baby. Her siblings live with us as well. I have 4 sisters and no brothers."_

"_I have a younger brother and sister. Half siblings they are. I plan on doing some travelling before going to med school. Derek though is thinking of going straight to med school. We both love medicine and we both love the thought of what it can do to a person's body. We are just fascinated but medicine and illness."_

"_So you two have plans?"_

"_We surely do." Derek says smiling._

"_This is a personal question regarding the baby but have you thought of any names for the baby?" Allison asks. "Because we would like you to name the child because you have grown this child and have gotten to know the child so you will know if the baby is a Ben or a Beth."_

_Derek and Meredith look between each other and then to Peter and Allison._

"_Kaylee for a girl." Meredith says. "And Cooper for a boy."_

"_They are both beautiful names. We will like to raise a Kaylee or a Cooper."_

_Meredith smiled. She knew that she was doing the right thing. The baby would have better outcomes in a family that had finished school and worked for many years. They had a stable house and income._

_Their time was up with Peter and Allison and they stood up. Allison hugged them both goodbye and Meredith handed them a gift. The latest ultrasound picture._

_Within the final months mixed emotions came to both of them. It was guilt but it was joy all at the same time. They did have the option to keep the child after it was born but they weren't ready to be parents just yet. Peter and Allison called them to check in on them every one in a while. Meredith sent them recent ultrasound copies and they kept in touch._

_The family came around to the idea and they knew it was the right decision. Meredith and Derek wanted to travel and have a life before being tied down. They were going to travel the world and have stories to tell their baby._

_On the 1__st__ of October, after a morning of gift sharing Meredith wasn't feeling too well so she opted out of the day spa visit and they stayed at home and watched movies and they completed the scrap book they had started. It was something that could make the baby feel closer to them and have a sense of belonging. Allison and Peter had told them that they would always tell the baby about them and that Meredith and Derek should write journals and diaries from the day after the baby is born and send them to them as they decided to travel the world before going to med school._

_Just after 2pm that day she felt sharp pains go from the top of her belly to the bottom. She went to the bathroom to get a drink of water after her nap and then another pain ripped through her. _

"_Derek! The Baby is coming!"_

_She wondered where he went. She walked down the stairs and another contraction hit her. She found a note that Derek had gone for a walk with Charlie._

"_Jackson!" She calls out. "Jackson!"_

"_What is it Mer?" He asks casually walking to the kitchen._

"_The baby is coming. I need you to call Derek. I can't drive my…." She says before another contraction hits her. "Quick."_

_He dials Derek but he never answers. _

"_Okay, I'm not going to make it to the hospital. The baby is coming quickly. You're going to have to help me." She tells him._

_Jackson helps Meredith get comfortable and prepares himself for the baby's arrival. He had called for an ambulance and then he started delivering the baby just as Derek walked into the house with Charlie. He watched as the baby was born and as the baby sucked in its first breath of air and started crying._

_Their daughter was born. Their tiny baby girl. Their baby girl who is 3 weeks early._

_Mother and child are transferred to the hospital and checked over. The girl has healthy lungs and healthy heart. She is 7lbs and she is perfect._

_They had plans to not hold the baby after it was born but she being born at the house changed those plans. The baby though was tucked away in the nursery waiting. Derek sat beside her and held her as she cried. _

"_We don't have to do this." He whispers._

"_We have plans Derek." She whispers back. "And we have plenty of time to have a family."_

"_What you want a family with me?" He asks._

"_We make cute babies." She whispers smiling._

"_She's very cute." He says._

"_Gorgeous Derek."_

"_She looks like you."_

"_No she looks more like you."_

"_Her beauty is all you she just has dark hair like mine and blue eyes like me."_

"_She has the same birthday as me Derek."_

"_That just makes it even more special."_

_They had told Derek's mother about the baby and she was in the waiting room with Charlie and Jackson. Their friends would be told later. They needed to wait for Allison and Peter first before they spoke to anyone else._

_There was a knock on the door and they were met by Peter and Allison. _

"_Have you seen her yet?"_

"_Not yet. We were just getting home from LA. Sorry we didn't come sooner."_

"_She was a fast delivery." She says smiling._

_Gina had been by and she was just waiting for Allison and Peter to arrive. She came by again and took them down to the nursery. They told them they would be back. So he held her again as they waited. She cried even more._

"_Do you want to see her again?"_

_She nodded her head against his chest. He kissed her forehead and went down to find Gina._

_Carolyn had gone for a walk to the nursery just for another peak at her granddaughter. She saw Allison at the nursery and she was handed the baby and Carolyn knew she looked terrified. First time mothers were all like this._

_Meredith waited for Derek to come back and he did. Together they were waiting until Peter and Allison came back. So together they rested and waited. They were shaken awake and Charlie, Jackson, Gina, Carolyn, Peter, Allison and their baby girl were all in the room. Allison walked to Meredith and placed the baby in her arms. Derek started crying as they saw their baby again. _

"_Hey baby girl. We love you so much. We hope you grow up to realise why. We made you something so you know who your parents really are." She whispers to the baby as tears fall down her face. "You'll always be our Kaylee. You are now Allison and Peter's Kaylee. We are going to travel the world and collect stories to tell you as you grow up. We are going to do some many things as you stay here and grow. We love you Kaylee." She says kissing the baby's head._

_Derek takes her into his arms and whispers something quietly to her before him and Meredith kiss her one last time and they hand her back over._

"_Guys we have some presents for you." Allison says. "For doing this for us."_

"_We have gotten matching bracelets for you, Allison and Kaylee. You will grow up in a close relationship and we have inscribed on yours 'A creator of a beautiful life. Forever in our hearts'."_

_Allison hands her the bracelet and she clasps it around her wrist and kissing Meredith's cheek._

"_Derek we have a dog chain with exactly the same thing inscribed. We thought that after all the finalisations you could go and get her name inscribed on it and her birthdate."_

"_What is her full name if we may ask?" Meredith asks._

"_Kaylee Elizabeth Grant."_

_Meredith cried even more. Meredith told Allison about that. And Allison had asked what Meredith's middle name was. She wanted the girl to have a connection to Meredith. And if the baby was a boy they were going to name him Cooper Christopher Grant. They were honouring them._

"_We love it." Meredith says. "We have some gifts for you." _

_Derek laid the bag on the bed and he pulled out the scrapbook._

"_We created this because this is who we are. We want Kaylee to know who we are. We completed as much as we can but now we hand it over to you to complete." Derek says handing over the scrapbook. _

_They take it and flick through the pages that had been completed. It was a bio of both of the parents and then pictures of their childhood and their teenage years together. _

"_This is so Kaylee knows what she was made from and what her birth parents were like. We will send you postcards and pictures of us for you to complete." Meredith tells them. "We had an idea that on one page you do what Kaylee did at this time while what we did. It is just so she knows where exactly we are at this point. She can make a comparison."_

"_We also thought maybe you could send us pictures of her and we will do exactly the same. The focus is more her."_

"_Of course we will." Allison says. "This is a beautiful idea."_

"_We also have a picture of us that she can have maybe in her room, if you don't mind."_

"_We don't at all. We will place it near her cot."_

"_Also we have this giraffe and baby booties that we bought." Derek says handing it over._

"_I'm afraid it's time to go." Gina says._

_Meredith felt tears prang to her eyes as she heard that it was time to go._

"_We will call you guys and be in contact. Pictures are going to be sent to you two." Allison says. "We wrote a letter but it is for the two of you to read later. When you get home from the hospital."_

_They kissed Kaylee one last time and they left the room. Carolyn was in the corner of the room holding back the tears. Jackson and Charlie cried tears._

_After a couple of days in recovery Meredith and Derek left the hospital empty handed. They were having a few days alone to gather their thoughts and be together in silence. They arrived home to find flowers on the doorstep from their friends and their congratulations on how strong they were. They lay down on the bed upstairs and Derek held her once more. _

"_You were amazing Meredith."_

"_I honestly didn't think I would have survived that."_

"_Well we did. You should be so proud."_

_Meredith moved and went to find the card that they had written them. She sits back down beside Derek and they start reading._

_Dear Meredith and Derek_

_Kaylee is beautiful. We are so grateful for you two doing this. It is a big thing and you two are so strong. We want you two to have a great time being young adults and going to med school. We want you two to see the whole world and experience different cultures and lifestyles before you return to the working world and study hard for med school to become doctors. We brought you another gift, and we want you two to have it. No refund or exchanges because you gave us this human being. We have enclosed money for your trip around the world. You two plan on where you go but we want to fund most of the trip because of what you gave us. We also are sending a camera for you to use and capture some amazing shots of the world and send them to us. Peter and I did this when we were your age. We were only friends but we soon realised that we can't live without each other. From our trip we were inseparable and we told each other everything. This is your chance to be honest and cry and dance and yell and scream. We will arrange to see you two before you leave and we expect pictures._

_Sending love, Allison and Peter._

"_Holy shit." Derek says as he sees the cheque._

"_I know."_

_They waved goodbye to their family. They saw Kaylee when she was just 2 and a half months. She was gorgeous and they boarded a plane to eastern Asia where they were starting their year get away._

_They meet locals, they took billions of photographs. They sent postcards from everywhere and in India they floated candles down the river for good luck and they danced on the beach in Nepal for Kaylee._

_They had so many stories to tell Kaylee._

_And they did. Every time they saw her they told her a story. Even if she was only a toddler they talked to her and shared their stories._

_They did this 4 times every year. She was now their 7 year old and she knew that they were her mummy and daddy who gave life to someone else to raise for a better outcome in life. She loved how she had two mothers and two fathers._

…

"Wake up Mummy." Kaylee whispers to her. "Happy birthday."

"Happy birthday baby girl." Meredith says smiling at her.

…

**This was just a bit of a what if thing that I wanted to do as an instance of what could have happened if they never had Kaylee. Hopefully you enjoyed and a birthday celebration will continue next for the two birthday girls.**

**Reviews would be great as it just means updates are sooner.**


	24. There's More To This Story

After a morning of opening presents Meredith and Derek kept smiling at each other knowing what the fate of their lives could have been with no Kaylee running around chasing her brother and eventual unborn sibling. It would mean that they wouldn't have worked their arses off to finish med school and eventually get into the program at Seattle Grace. It meant a lot of things which Meredith really didn't want to imagine. At this time she was in a blissful state of being pregnant and having a blast with her family.

Kaylee was their heart and soul. She was the essence of the two of them. A part of them. She never would be able to go through with the task of giving up her child because in the long run she would be a complete mess. She would not be who she was today and her child would be a bottle of tequila.

She was grateful for the choices the two of them made because in the alternate world they wouldn't have their precious girl sitting on the floor opening her presents to celebrate her seventh birthday. She wouldn't be sharing the day with her mother either. It was a better reality this way and Meredith has loved every single minute of it, even if it meant sleepless nights, riding out temper tantrums and sometimes feeling so isolated and alone but she had survived that and even survived bringing up another child and she liked it even a whole lot more they were going to do it all over again starting hopefully in December.

She leant over and kissed Derek's cheek and smiled at him.

"Thank you." She says.

He just nods his head at her with a small smile on his face.

Cooper climbed up onto the lounge and settled himself onto his mothers' lap. She ran her hand over his locks and placed a kiss on the top of his head.

"I love you Coopie."

"I love you too." He says turning and grinning at her.

"What about me?" Kaylee asks getting up and walking towards the lounge with her baby doll in her arms.

"I love you too very much."

"More than Coopie?"

"The same as Coopie?"

"What about Peanut?" Kaylee asks climbing up onto the lounge to place her hands on her mother's stomach.

"I love Peanut the same as the two of you." She says resting her hands on her stomach.

"What about me?" Derek asks with a smirk.

"I think I love the kids more." She says winking at him.

"That's a bit unfair." He says pouting. "I did help in creating these three."

"I know. My heart can only hold so much love." She says smiling at him.

"Mummy you have to love Daddy a little more than us. You just have to." Kaylee says.

"I do love your daddy, a tremendous amount. My heart has so much room to hold the love and the love is for the four of you. My heart and soul. I love your daddy just that little bit more but you three are close behind." She tells the kids.

"That's okay Mummy. That's allowed to happen." Kaylee says. "It will be the same when Cooper, Peanut and I get older and marry and have our own families."

Meredith's heart clenched a little at those words.

Growing up.

Families of their own.

She really wished she knew where all their time went. It only felt like yesterday that she was holding a newborn Kaylee in her arms. Holding a newborn Cooper in her arms and in less than three months she'll be holding another newborn. She shed a few little tears thinking about it.

"You okay Mer?" Derek asks.

She blinks the tears away and then turns to him and smiles. "I'm perfect. I'm just picturing the future."

"Is it a happy future?" Kaylee asks.

"Yes."

"Does it involve lots of love and friendship and beautiful happenings?" Derek asks.

"Only the best kind." She says. "We are all going to have a great future even when you kids have moved out and gone in your own direction. Your father and I will sit back and adore what you all will create and accomplish. Marriages, families, houses, jobs and everything else you will get your hands on. We'll be proud, no matter what."

"I want to be older already Mummy."

"Don't wish your life away just yet." Derek says. "You have another eleven birthdays until you are eighteen and that time is going to fly. We want you to enjoy your childhood and your freedom and innocence because I can assure you that you will be wishing when you have assignments and exams piled up you'll wonder 'why did I wish my life away?'" He says. "I know your mother and I did the exact thing."

"Well since you are telling me to fulfil my childhood, can we go ice skating today as a family?" She asks with her blue eyes beaming.

"Of course we can." Meredith says. "We need to get dressed and get the little bits and pieces together and then we'll head there."

"I know Mummy." Kaylee says.

"It's a good idea." Derek says. "We need to spend some time as a family."

"Well you go and get dressed. Remember long pants."

"I know Mummy." She says running off.

"Come on mister, Daddy will get you dressed." Derek says standing up and swinging him up into the air. "You coming Mer?"

"Yeah I am." She says smiling.

He helps her up off the lounge and she follows him up the stairs to shower and get ready.

…

"Wow look at you go Kaylee!" Meredith says to Kaylee as she skates around the ring.

Derek was on the ice watching Cooper who had his penguin glider, helping him to learn the basics of skating and staying up on his feet. He had tried so many times to skate on his own but would end up on his knees and looking for help.

Derek skated towards Meredith and stood to the side watching the kids amongst the others.

"You want to skate, don't you?"

"Yeah I do." She says. "But its fine because I'm use to missing out." She says rubbing her belly.

"Well tonight you are surely not going to be missing out on anything."

"Derek." She says hitting his shoulder. "We will have Kaylee's friends over."

"You're gonna be my number one." He says. "Anything you want, I'll do. That even involves sexy dancing for you."

"You don't dance."

"In public. In the privacy of our own home, I do." He says and kisses her cheek before rescuing Cooper from the ice.

"Don't tell me you getting a naughty dance to make up for not being able to skate?" Steph asks as she approaches Meredith with Sam and Zoe.

Meredith smirks at her and then looks away to the rink. "Why would you think that?"

"Because it's the two of you. You sexual beings." She says as she sits her things down beside Sam and Zoe.

"Yeah well he is making up for the fact that pregnancy has a lot of don'ts and this 'don't' means missing out on time with the kids." She says turning around to help Zoe put her skates on.

"You still are spending time with them. Even if it's being on the sideline, you're still watching them. Taking photos and cheering them on. It's what us mothers do and even Kaylee and Cooper feel that you are still spending time with them even when you're watching."

"Why is my friend such a great advice giver?" Meredith asks.

"Because one of my very special friends told me that when I was on bed rest with three babies growing inside of me." She says. "That special friend is now housing her own unborn child and is down in the dumps because she can't be with her own children."

Meredith smiled remembering the advice she gave Steph during the pregnancy especially when she was stuck on bed rest.

"You're a great friend Steph." Meredith says hugging her.

"So are you." She says falling into the embrace of Meredith.

"Mummy can we go out and skate?" Zoe asks.

"Of course you can." Steph says helping Sam up and holding his hand as he walks towards the open gate and he settles himself on the ice and gets the feeling of it before skating towards Kaylee. Meredith helped Zoe to the gate and settled the penguin glider on the ice for her and she set off on her own.

"Happy birthday Kaylee!" Sam shouts as he crashes into her causing the two of them to fall to the ice laughing.

Meredith laughs at their greeting and sighs picturing the two of them in 20 years' time being this friendly.

"They are too cute." Steph says. "They'll make a great couple someday." Steph says taking a seat.

"Tell me about it." She says joining Steph.

"Happy birthday by the way. What are you now, 35?" Steph asks with a grin.

"Thank you and no I'm 25." She says.

"25 and you have two and a half children. Some women your age have none."

"You're making it sound like that half child is actually just a half. Just with a body and no legs."

"Well your foetus is still growing."

"But my foetus does have arms and legs and toes and fingers and a torso."

"I know it does. How far along are we?"

"29 weeks."

"11 weeks to go." Steph says placing her hand on Meredith's stomach. "When I was 29 weeks pregnant I looked like I was nearly 10 months pregnant."

"You were carrying triplets, it's different." She says. "Where are the triplets today?"

"With Dan and his parents."

"I seriously can't get over how quickly they have grown. I can't even get over how quickly all the kids have grown."

"I know and before we know it they will be leaving the house going off to college and starting their own families." Steph says as she watches the kids skate around. She turns back to Meredith who was looking off into space. "You okay?"

"Yeah I am, it's just, I almost considered giving Kaylee up. I know in some people's eyes it would have been the best decision but not in mine. She's my baby girl. I couldn't give her up."

"What is this all coming from?"

"Derek and I had a talk early this morning about my pregnancy with Kaylee and what I thought would happen if we adopted her out. A very what if but it really got me thinking if we ever did go down that path." She says. "It's breaking my heart just thinking about it. I mean we really could have screwed her up and her childhood."

Steph moves closer and wraps her arm around Meredith's shoulder. "It's breaking your heart because of the crazy hormones and because you couldn't imagine your life without your baby girl. She really did change a lot for you and Derek and it was for the good. I know it's hard being parents that young but you two managed and what matters is you got her this far in her life. She is seven years old today. You and Derek didn't screw her up or ruin her childhood. She's a normal seven year old and she's a beautiful one. She's so smart and caring. She's the essence of you and Derek and she always will be. Even if she did move miles away it would be hard but you'd still be her mother and father. Keeping her was the best decision for you and Derek and parenthood is scaring but it's beautiful."

Meredith smiled and watched as Kaylee laughed at the joke Sam was telling her. Her blue eyes were very blue today and filled with excitement and joy. The eyes she saw on Kaylee the day she told her that she was going to become a big sister and then when she told her another sibling was joining the family. Meredith smiled and knew all too well that this was meant to be. This would have been her life. Fate would have it that they would not wear protection that night and would be blessed with such a beautiful girl.

She smiled even more and admired her family playing and having fun.

"Hey can I ask you about a girl in their year?" Meredith asks.

"Yeah sure."

"Bess Walker?"

"Yeah that's her. She seems like a sweet girl but I'm not too sure."

"Well she's coming over for Kaylee's little party tonight. I've never met her before. I though, have seen her once at school when I was getting Kaylee and she was waiting for her father as all the other children left."

"She always does that. I've offered her a lift home before but she says that she is fine. Sometimes it's in the pouring rain and she just waits. Sam says that she has started to get the bus home from school now."

"I was wondering about her. I've asked Kay and she doesn't say much about her. She doesn't really know much at all. She's told me a few things but that is all."

"She may just be shy. A lot of kids her age are shy."

"Yeah I suppose." She says. "I just feel that there is more to her story and I have a bad feeling about this."

…

They left the skating rink an hour later and went and got lunch before heading home to get ready for Kaylee's party. Meredith and Kaylee went grocery shopping while Derek was in charge of cleaning the house.

"So how many of your friends are coming this afternoon?"

"5. Sam, Brie, Bess, Hanna and Annika." She says.

"Is Sam going to be okay with being the only boy?"

"Yes Mummy. He gets along with them anyway." Kaylee says.

"I was just making sure." She says. "And who is staying?"

"Bess, Hanna and Annie." She says. "If that's alright?"

"That is more than alright." Meredith says smiling at her.

They continued down the aisles and filled the trolley with items that were on the list. Meredith stopped for a moment and closed her eyes, resting her hands on her stomach.

"You alright Mummy?" Kaylee asks rushing to her side.

Meredith nodded her head and smiled. She opened her eyes and grabbed Kaylee's hands and placed them on her stomach.

"Wow! That was a big one." Kaylee says. "Peanut isn't happy Mummy."

"No, Peanut isn't." She says.

They stand there for a few more moments feeling the kicks.

"If only you had Peanut on your birthday again Mummy. Then there would be your birthday, my birthday and Peanut's."

"If only." She says. "Okay, we have to head home. We can't afford to stand here and feel the kicks anymore. Do we have everything on our list?"

"Yes."

"Good. Let's head to the check out and we can get going and see if Coopie and Daddy actually cleaned the house."

They headed home and Derek greeted them to help carry the items inside.

"Where's Coopie?"

"He's having a nap."

"What exhausted from all the cleaning?"

"He sure was. Packing all his trains up tired him out." He says following her inside. "You look like you could do with a lie down."

"I'm fine. We have a party to set up for and food to cook. I'm glad we did all the other bits and pieces over the week."

"Well I can start on preparing the food. Kaylee will help me and you can go for a twenty minute rest cause you'll be exhausted tonight."

"Only if you can manage."

"I can. Kaylee will give me directions."

"Thank you." She says handing him the note of paper.

She leaves the kitchen and only gets as far as the lounge where she lies down opposite Cooper and finds herself fast asleep.

…

"Mummy, wake up." Cooper whispers into her ear. "Mummy?" He says.

She opens her eyes and sees Cooper's face close to hers and him sprawled alongside her body. She kisses his forehead and snuggles him closer to her.

"Hey baby. Did you sleep well?"

"I sure did. I'm hungry." He says. "And I've gotta pee."

"Well that makes the two of us. You're a big enough boy to go yourself. I'll be up there in a minute."

He climbs off and heads up the stairs. She sits up and stretches the kinks from her body and heads up the stairs to use the bathroom. She finishes and sees Cooper waiting by the door.

"Did you wash your hands?"

"Yes."

"Okay, let's get something to eat and then finish helping daddy and Kaylee get ready."

She realises that she had been asleep for a good hour but she felt refreshed. She held Cooper's hand as they headed down to the kitchen and saw Derek and Kaylee sitting down together decorating the cupcakes.

"Have a good sleep?" Derek asks.

"I must have been tired." She says.

"Pregnancy does that to you." He says. "Kaylee and I have everything ready and prepared for when we cook dinner up. We're just doing the cupcakes and then we will start showers and getting ready."

Meredith picks Cooper up and places him on the bench. She kisses Derek's cheek and then opens the fridge to find food to satisfy her cravings.

"What do you want Coopie?"

"Banana." He says clapping his hand.

Derek takes a banana from the fruit bowl and peels it for Cooper. "Here you go monkey boy."

"Me monkey." He says smiling before impersonating the sound of a monkey and taking a bite from his banana.

He sends the three of them laughing and he smirks as he is the centre of attention.

"I think we should send you to live with the monkeys." Meredith says to him. "Do you want to go and live in the wild?"

"No. I stay here. I don't want to live with the monkeys."

"You sure cause we can make arrangements."

"I very sure Mumma. I stay to care for the bubba." He says pointing to her stomach.

"Well I suppose you can stay here monkey boy." She says reaching for a granola bar.

"I hear the baby was kicking a lot when the two of you were out shopping." Derek says as he ices the cupcakes.

"Yeah it was." She says walking towards Derek. "Still is."

She lifts one of Derek's hands and places it on her stomach where the baby is kicking.

"I've said this time and time again but I think we're going to have ourselves a soccer player."

"Well our kids have no interest in soccer now."

"Well we are allowed to dream." He says and she smiles and leans down and kisses him. "Cooper is only still young. He may take it up."

"Well he may but he is going to live with the monkey's remember."

"Oh yes, that's right." She says smirking and kissing him again.

"You feeling frisky?" He whispers in her ear.

She nods her head with a seductive grin coming to her mouth.

"Shower sex?" He mouths.

She nods her head again and giggles.

"I'm finished." Kaylee says.

"Great work Kaylee. We'll just put them in the container and then you can go and tidy your room up. Cooper will help you and your mother and I will go and have a shower and get dressed and ready." Derek tells her.

"Okay Daddy." She says climbing down from the chair. "Come on Coopie. You have to help me."

Meredith lifts Cooper down to the ground and he follows his sister.

Derek turns to Meredith and winks at her before he leads her upstairs.

…

"Kaylee looks so grown up." Izzie says to Meredith as they refill dishes up with party snacks.

"I know. 7 years has gone by so quickly." She says and rests her hands on her stomach.

The party had been underway for nearly 2 hours and Izzie and George were the first of her friends to have made it from the hospital with Cristina promising to be here after her shift finished and Alex on his way.

"One of the girls looks familiar though." Izzie says.

"Brie? Yeah she's Doctor Clarke's daughter."

"No not her. I know Brie. The one with the light brown hair. She's the smallest of the kids."

"Bess?"

"Um I don't think that was the name on her chart."

"Elizabeth Walker?"

"That's it."

"What she's been in the hospital before?"

"Yeah a couple weeks ago."

"Why didn't I see her?"

"You had that big surgery. She came into the clinic with her father. She had a really bad virus. It seemed as if it was in her system for a week and was only getting it checked out then. Her asthma was real bad and I don't think she had had her puffer for a few days. I asked her father if she had been having it and he said that they ran out and hadn't had the chance to get a new one. He seemed very odd and wouldn't let me be alone with her."

"Iz, he could be doing the very overprotective father thing."

"No I would ask if he could go out to see the nurse to get her new puffer and he said that I should go and do it. I asked her to take her jumper off so I could examine her better and he told me that she should keep it on. When I did convince him it was for the best interest he let her take her jumper off I listened to her chest I caught sight of a bruise across her collarbone. I then got her to sit up and I placed the stethoscope on her back to listen and I found another one on her back. I had my suspicions and asked her how she got them and the father said that she was clumsy. She didn't answer me." Izzie says. "They aren't bruises you get from being clumsy. I did make a report to CPS and they never got back to me."

"Iz.."

"No Meredith, I'm telling you the truth." She says. "She even has a history."

"Why do you think he would let her come to our home if he was like that? He wouldn't let her out of our sights if he had been abusing her because he would feel that she would say something about it."

"Mer, I'm just saying."

"I know. I'll keep an eye on her but I can't actually do anything without proof."

"I know. I was just warning you."

Meredith and her went and placed the snacks out again and they caught sight of the kids playing twister. Steph, Dan and Carolyn were sitting with the triplets and Derek and George were deep in conversation over a work matter and Amelia was spinning the board for the kids. Jackson, Jasmine and Charlie were headed home from California and would be here soon and Richard had been but left again to head to the hospital.

"Kaylee, right hand, blue." Amelia says.

Izzie and Meredith stood and watched the kids.

"Okay Bess. Left arm, yellow."

They watched as Bess reached across to the new circle and Meredith caught sight of her shirt rise and reveal and very new bruise across her back. She grasped Izzie's hand hard.

"You don't get those from being clumsy." Meredith says.

The night went on and Brie and Sam went home. They had the kids settled watching a second movie while Cooper was up in his bed asleep. Derek and Meredith sat in the kitchen cleaning up and Derek wanting to know what Izzie was talking about.

"Can I get a drink of water please?"

They turn around to see Bess standing in the doorway.

"Of course you can sweetie." Meredith says and invites her into the kitchen.

"I would have asked Kaylee but they are asleep." She says.

"That's fine sweetie." She says. "Here you can sit up here." Meredith says pointing to the chair at the buffet.

She helps Bess up onto the chair and Derek hands her a cup of water and she takes a sip from it before placing it back down on the bench.

"Are you having another baby?"

"I am." Meredith says taking a seat beside her.

"Do you know what it is?"

"No I don't."

"Kaylee hopes for a girl."

"I know she does. I hope it's a girl as well but we don't really mind."

"Are you two doctors?"

"Yes."

"Do you two like being doctors?"

"We do." Derek says. "It's great getting to save people's lives."

"Kaylee wants to be a doctor."

"What do you want to be when you're older?" Meredith asks her wanting to know the child better.

"I don't know." She says and lifts her cup before losing grip of it and dropping it all over her clothes and onto the floor. "Oh no." She says.

"Hey it's fine." Derek says reaching for some paper towel.

Meredith watches the reaction of the girl and sees her go into a sense of shock this look come to her eyes. A look she didn't understand. She cowers her head and sits waiting to be dished out a punishment.

"You know what Bess, it happens all the time. Kaylee always drops her things. I always drop my things." Meredith says placing her hand on the girls shoulder and feeling the girl cower from her touch. "It was an accident."

Bess stays quiet and Meredith notices that the girls pyjamas are wet.

"How about I take you upstairs and you can wear a pair of Kaylee's pyjamas and we can dry your clothing for you to take home tomorrow?"

She just nods her head and slips down from the chair. Derek looks at her confused and she takes Bess upstairs to Kaylee's room.

"Are you alright Bess?" Meredith asks the girl who had gone into a trance of silence of shock.

She nods her head slowly and stands in the middle of Kaylee's room.

Meredith takes out a pair of pyjamas from the drawers and hands them to Bess who doesn't do anything but stand there.

"Do you need some help sweetie?" She doesn't do anything and Meredith kneels to the ground in front of Bess. "I'm going to help you, if that's alright with you?"

She just looks at Meredith and nods her head. The girl lifts her arms high above her head and Meredith strips the soaked top off the girl before pulling on the new one but she takes her time in noticing the marks and bruises on the girl's body. Bess leans on Meredith's shoulders as Meredith pulls the girls shorts down and pulls on the new pair. Meredith took in all the bruises and marks on the girl's legs and caught sight of Derek standing in the doorway with a look of shock on his face.

"You alright Bess?" Meredith asks the girl once again. She doesn't receive an answer so she pulls the girl into a hug. "It's alright Bess. Accidents happen and this one wasn't your fault. Nothing is ever your fault."

The girl falls into the embrace and holds Meredith like she is scared for her life. Meredith gets her settled downstairs with Kaylee, Annie and Hanna and Derek takes the girls ratty pyjamas down to the laundry.

Meredith tells Bess she is safe and if she needs anything to come up and see her upstairs. Meredith waits until the girl has fallen asleep before joining Derek upstairs in the bedroom.

"Was I imagining those marks on her?" Derek asks her.

"No you weren't." She says. "I don't understand how a child her age can be that marked and bruised."

"It happens."

"I know and I really wish it didn't." She says. "I think there is more to her story. Not just the bruises and the marks."

"Me too." He says. "Is that what Izzie was warning you about?'

"Yep. She has a history and I feel as if I should make a report."

"You can in the morning. It will be for the good. Even if you have your suspicions its best to report them."

"Derek, what if there's something worse about her situation?"

"I don't know. Hopefully they do something about it because she doesn't deserve to be put through that. No one does."

**Let's just say that this doesn't end there. The story of Bess will continue with more revealed.**

**I apologise for the wait. I just couldn't find the time this week to actually update the story but I have two weeks off so hopefully I can manage my time to write along with school related work.**

**Reviews would be also be appreciated. **


	25. I'm Just Clumsy

After a restless night Meredith was up at 5 and knew that she needed to find out some answers about Bess. She left Derek to sleep and she ducked off to work. The girls had slept a night with no interruptions and Bess didn't wake her at all but Meredith did wake during the night and felt and extra presence in the darkness of the room but she shrugged off the feeling and closed her eyes again. She couldn't put a certain thing on her restless night but the baby had been quite active and her mind was racing.

She snuck out the door of the house and noticed the girls were sound asleep. She closed and locked the house up behind her and got in her car and drove to the hospital. It was peak hour at the hospital and people on rounds and starting the day already.

"Mer, what are you doing here?" George asks her as she gets out of her car.

"I had to get some things."

"It's 5:30 in the morning. You should be at home sleeping."

"Yeah sleep doesn't come to those of us who are mothers." She says. "Hey, have you seen Iz?"

"She's been here since 3 am."

"Oh okay. I'll just call her."

"You alright Mer? You seem a little on edge."

"I'm fine." She says as she walks beside him.

"How did the party go? Have a late night?"

"The girls were asleep by 11. One of the girls though had an accident with her water and dropped it. She went into a state of shock."

"Was that Bess?" He asks.

"Yeah it was."

"I've treated her before."

"You have?"

"Yeah she was probably only 4 years old. Broken clavicle from falling down the stairs."

"Accident?"

"That's what the father said. I had my suspicions."

"Did you report it?"

"I did. By the time Social Services came they had left, AMA."

"Really? Did they follow up at all?"

"I don't know. I doubt it." He says. "Her file was a mess though."

Before she got to ask him another question his pager sounded and he had to head off. She went to the nurses' station to wait for Izzie.

"Dr Grey, you on today?" Tyler asks.

"No, I'm here on a personal errand."

"Do you need to be examined?" He asks looking at her baby bump.

"No, no. It's a long story. I need to see an ex-patients file."

"For?"

"Research."

"Okay. You know where they are. I'll see you around." He says heading off.

She heads to the cabinet of patients who had been treated here in the past 6 months. She went through to W, searching for the file.

"Grey!" She hears someone shout from behind her. She jumps and hits her head against the cabinet.

"Ouch." She says placing a hand to her head. She turns around and sees Izzie standing there. "A little more warning next time."

"Sorry." She says coming to her side. "What are you doing here?"

"Found it." She says pulling the file out of the cabinet and then closing the drawer. "Come with me."

She drags Izzie into the office behind the station and shuts the door.

"Last night I saw the bruises."

"How?"

"She had an accident and spilt water over her pyjamas. I took her upstairs to change her from her clothes and she was in this state of shock and confusion. I helped her change from her clothing and she was covered in bruises and marks. I think she had cigarette burns on her body. Even her upper thighs were covered in bruises. Derek even saw them as well. He came to Kaylee's room and spotted them as I changed them. Iz she's covered in them. Old and new ones as well."

"So why do you need her file?"

"So I can get the history of her and understand her a little bit better. Family history and things like that. I'm going to call CPS when she leaves my house and make a report. I never treated her as a patient so I can't make a report on that behalf but as a concerned member of the public and mother of the girls' friend I have that right to call on behalf of what I think might be severe neglect and abuse."

"Has she said anything to you?"

"No."

"Okay."

Meredith sits down with the file and reads through Bess' history.

"This girl has been hospitalised so much and not just here. George says that she came in when she was four with a broken clavicle and the father left against medical advice. She's been to so many different hospitals and they always change when a report has been made." Meredith says.

_Elizabeth Jane Walker, 13__th__ of December 2010, female_

_Father – Bruce Walker_

_Mother – Sally Dean, Deceased_

_Siblings – Bradley Walker, male  
Emma Walker, female_

"I never knew she had two siblings. Did the youngest come in with you at all when you treated her?"

"No she didn't. It was just her father and Bess."

"She's been hospitalized thirteen times since 2012. That's 5 years' worth of hospital visits from broken bones, illness and asthma attacks. There is no mother either and the address is in the derelict part of Seattle." She says.

"When she came in I could smell something strong. It was like the mixture between cigarette smoke, booze and methamphetamine." Izzie says.

"I could smell something on her pyjamas last night. The poor girl."

"Did you say bruises near her anatomy? Upper thigh?"

"Yeah." Meredith says. "Give us your arm."

Izzie holds her arm out and Meredith presses Izzie's arm for a few moments before letting go. "It was like that mark I left on your arm but more permanent."

"Well I did call Seattle Pres after her visit to get some more info on her since she was treated there for an asthma attack and they ended up telling me about a visit that sparked interest in them calling CPS when the child was 3 after the Aunt brought her in after caring for her for a few days. The Aunt noticed severe bruising around the thighs and caught the child inserting things in her…"

"Oh no." Meredith says.

"The Aunt told him that she was quite ill and needed attention and he gave her permission to take her but Bess wasn't ill. The Aunt wanted to see a paediatrician over the bruises and the inserting and she did and they asked her questions about the situation she was living in and they made a CPS report and they know that they did go and question the father and they found nothing to be wrong. Pres knew something was up and they were concerned."

"The poor girl." Meredith says. "Wow, I think I know enough to be concerned."

"You should go home Mer." Izzie says.

"I am I just don't know how someone can do such a thing to a child. A 6 year old girl is being targeted to abuse and not just physical but sexual abuse."

"People are sick and twisted Meredith. That's the dark side to the world."

"But what if he's abusing the younger sibling." She says. "I need to go… I need…"

"I know. Go home and don't let it bother you at all. Make the call after the kids leave and you'll feel better."

Meredith left the hospital in a state of disgust and worry. It was just after six thirty when she walked through the door and she passed the kids who were still sleeping. She headed up to the bedroom and found Derek was still asleep. She slipped her shoes off and snuggled in beside him.

"Where'd you go?"

"The hospital."

"Were you paged?"

"Nope. I had a personal matter to take care of."

He opened his eyes. "Is something wrong with the baby?"

"No. I had to check a file for some research."

He knew who she was referring to. "What'd you find out?"

"She's been hospitalized 13 times in 5 years. Seattle Pres first raised the alarm about the possible abuse in 2013 after the Aunt caught some very disturbing behaviours and bruises along the pelvis and thighs."

"Disturbing behaviours?" He asks.

"Insertion of objects." She says.

"Into? Oh." He says.

"She's been sexually abused. Or still is." Meredith says.

"Did you make a report?"

"No. I'm going to wait until she leaves to do it. Maybe get to know her a little better."

"Okay." He says. "Was she in our room last night cause I felt like something was?"

"I think so." She says. "I really am feeling for this poor girl."

"Me too." He says and snuggles her even closer to his self.

"Mumma?" They hear and see Cooper clutching his teddy bear and padding across the floor towards their bed.

"Hey Coopie. It's early." Meredith says to him.

"I woke up."

She lifts him up onto the bed and he goes and lies down in front of her, facing her.

"I know you did baby." She says and kisses his forehead.

"Morning Coopie." Derek says.

"Hi Daddy." He says yawning. "Work today?"

"No work today." She says.

"How's the bubba?" He asks placing a hand on her stomach.

"The bubba is good." She says and smiles as Cooper kisses her stomach.

"Morning bubba. How are you? Hopefully your good and be kind to Mumma today. Not long now bubba and you'll be here sharing our mornings with us and I may even let you cuddle my teddy." He says rubbing her belly. "I love you."

"Oh that was sweet Coopie." Meredith says to him. "Bubba loves you too."

They lie together as the three of them for another forty minutes and hear the girls moving downstairs.

"I suppose the girls are up." Derek says.

"I'll go and check on them."

"No stay. I'll do it." Derek says kissing her cheek and then moving from the bed and heading downstairs.

"What are we going to do today Mumma?"

"Well entertain your sister's friends and then maybe have a quiet afternoon. Maybe watch a movie or something."

"Okay. Can we go and see them?" He asks.

"Sure Coop. Let me just change and then I'll take you down."

After changing into comfier clothes she carries Cooper downstairs and sees the girls up watching TV while talking.

"Morning girls." Meredith says.

"Morning Mummy." Kaylee says smiling widely. "Morning Coopie."

"Morning."

Cooper happily stays on Meredith's hip as she walks into the lounge room and sits down in one of the chairs.

"Where's Daddy?"

"His making a call and then going to get breakfast ready." Kaylee says. "Did you get paged to go to work?" Kaylee asks.

She bites her lip for a moment before answering. "No, I left some paperwork there the day before and I was up so I thought I would commute there before you all woke up and get back so I could spend the day with you all."

"Oh okay. I thought you got paged on your birthday." She says.

"No, no I didn't." She says. "I wanted to make sure I got to spend today with you again. You've been lucky getting two full days with me Kaylee."

"I know Mummy and I am grateful for that."

Meredith smiled back at Kaylee who turned her attention to her friends and they continued to play with the Barbie dolls. Derek entered the lounge room again and sat on the arm of the chair and kissed Meredith's temple.

"What would you girls like for breakfast?" He asks.

"Your famous pancakes!" Kaylee screeches. "You have to try Daddy's pancakes, they are quite amazing." She says to Bess, Hanna and Annie.

"Pancakes it is." He says clapping his hands together.

"I'll help." Bess says getting up off the sofa.

"No, it's right Bess." Derek says. "You stay here with the girls and play. You're the guest."

She nods her head and climbs back onto the sofa and picks up the abandoned Barbie and continues the imaginative play the girls had created.

"Coopie do you want to stay with the girls or help me and Daddy?"

"Help."

"Okay." She says standing up. "Girls we are in the kitchen if you need anything."

She carried Cooper into the kitchen and lets Peanut inside who makes her rounds before setting herself at Derek's side watching him make the pancakes. Cooper sat on the chair at the island and drank from a bottle.

They prepared breakfast when they had another presence in the kitchen.

"Can I sit in here?" Bess asks.

"Of course." Meredith and Derek say.

Derek helps her up onto one of the chairs and continues to cook.

"Are the girls letting you play?" Meredith asks concerned at to why she made her way into the kitchen.

"Yeah they are. I just wasn't interested."

"Well that's okay." Meredith says hoping this would give her the chance to find out more about the little girl. "We were just discussing baby names." She says when all too well that weren't.

"Do you know what you are having?"

"No, we don't." Meredith says. "I'm liking the name Bradley for a boy and Emma for a girl."

Bess' eyes lit up. "They are my brother and sisters names."

"So you do have siblings?"

"Yeah. Two."

"How old are they?"

"Bradley is 17, he doesn't live at home. He hasn't lived at home since I was a baby and my sister Emma is 2. She lives mainly with my Aunt."

"Why?"

"Well Daddy is busy a lot with work and he thinks it's best for her to be with my aunt because of how young she is."

"Why don't you live with your Aunt as well?" Derek asks interested in knowing.

"Because I just don't. Daddy doesn't really say why. He prefers me to be at home for the company."

Meredith felt her stomach flip at the word she used. She covered her mouth and felt nauseous before leaving the room to throw up.

"Is she alright?" Bess asks.

Derek diverted his eyes back to the girl. "Yeah, the baby just makes her sick sometimes."

"Oh that's okay than." She says softly.

"Do you want to go and get the girls and let them know?"

Meredith cleaned herself up and looked at herself in the mirror before heading back downstairs. He had the girls at the table eating.

"You alright?" Bess asks.

"I'm fine. Just the morning sickness that comes with having a baby." She says before looking at Derek who nodded his head in agreement.

They sat together and had breakfast and the girls talked about different things while Meredith picked at her pancakes not really feeling like eating.

"Hey, you should at least try and eat." Derek says rubbing her back.

"I can't. I feel nauseous."

"I know you do." He says and kisses her cheek. "Just try, please?"

"I'll try."

The girls then went off to play and Bess stayed behind to help clean-up.

"Bess we'll deal with this. You go and play."

"But it's the least I can do." She says.

"Okay, can you just carry these things over to the bench then you can scurry off and play with the girls." Meredith says.

Bess gives her a smile and clears the table and then heads off in a better mood.

"It's breaking my heart." Meredith admits.

"I know me too." He says as the phone rings. "Hello?"

Meredith continues to clear the table and starts loading the dishwasher when Derek hangs up.

"Who was that?"

"Bess' father. He won't be able to get her and asked if we could drop her home around 6. He's been held up."

"Sure." Meredith says. "Well the others are going at lunchtime. Maybe we can take the kids to the land for a picnic."

"Sounds perfect." He says knowing that visits to the land had been declining compared to before.

The girls had put a movie on and by the time it ended Hanna and Annie's parents were here to take them home. Kaylee thanked them for coming and said she would see them soon. The parents sent their thanks before heading off.

They then told Kaylee and Bess to go and get dressed as they were heading out to the land. Meredith changed Cooper and she herself changed. Derek was making lunch downstairs. Meredith couldn't help but ache more when she saw the ratty clothing that Bess came out wearing. She asked Kaylee if she could lend Bess a jumper and long pants since it would be quite cool by the time they got home. They got the kids into the car and then headed off across to the ferry.

"I've never been on one of these before." Bess says.

"You haven't?"

"Nope because we live on the other side of town." She says.

"Well Derek and I quite like ferry boats." Meredith says from the passenger seat smiling.

"You should see the land Bess." Kaylee says. "You have the view of Seattle from up there."

"Is this were you were born?" Bess asks.

"Yes." Kaylee says giggling. "I was a surprise."

"More than a surprise." Meredith says turning to look to the backseat. "Three weeks early, on my birthday and decide to come in half an hour while your father and uncle and aunt were off at the river with me alone in the hut and had your 12 year old Uncle deliver you. You were the fastest delivery every Miss Kaylee."

"I know I was. Mummy will never let me down on that one." She says to Bess.

"Do you know about your birth Bess?" Derek asks.

"I was born in the hospital." She says lying that all too well she knew that she wasn't born in the hospital but her father always assured her that she was born there.

"When's your birthday Bess?"

"13th of December." She says.

That date struck her memory to a newspaper article from 7 year ago. She pulled her phone out and searched that date with local news articles coming up.

'_Baby found in dumpster beside pub and abandoned apartment block. Mother missing.'_

'_Body found of a woman three blocks away from baby finding.'_

'_Murdered mother of dumped baby. Killer on the run.'_

'_Dumped Baby reunited with father.'_

Meredith felt her mind go into overdrive again and that nauseous feeling overcame her again as she remembered those articles and the fear that surrounded Meredith as she was a new mother and reading about her worst fears. Bess was this abandoned baby from all those years ago and Meredith can't help and feel if the father had something to do with the unsolved homicide and yet it was so familiar to one committed 2 years ago and then again 17 years ago to Bess' father. It was either bad luck or no one looked into it.

She shook off the feeling and decided to not read into it anymore and to just enjoy the family time.

They had just finished lunch and the kids were chasing around a ball.

"What happened in the car Mer? You went silent."

She grabbed her phone and showed him the articles from that date and the clogs clicked together in his mind.

"No." He says.

"And why do I think the father has something to do with it?"

"I don't know? I feel so bad for her. I don't want to return her home tonight."

"Me either." She says. "She is so innocent and cute and she doesn't deserve anything like this."

The kids came running over and collapsed in front of the two of them breathless.

"Do you three need a drink?"

"Yes please." They all answer.

They poured them out drinks and they sat down quietly and drank from their cups.

"I need to use a bathroom." Bess says.

"I'll take you Bess. I need to go as well. Anyone else?" She asks.

"No Mummy."

"Okay, we'll be back."

They headed up to the hut to use the toilet. Bess went in first while Meredith waited for her outside. Bess finished up and left the room while Meredith occupied the toilet and Bess was left to wonder around the hut.

When Meredith left the bathroom she found Bess scanning over pictures that had been brought out to the hut from the time Michael Shepherd had built it nearly 12 years ago to now.

"Who is this here?" Bess asks pointing at a picture.

Meredith came and peered at the photograph and smiled.

"That is Derek's family. His mother Carolyn, father Michael and his sisters, Kathleen, Nancy, Alice and Amelia."

"He has a big family." She says.

"He sure does."

"Is Derek's daddy still alive because Kaylee doesn't mention him?"

"No sweetie. Michael passed away 8 months before Kaylee was born. He died the night before Kaylee's cousin Braden was born."

"Oh that's sad." She says.

"Yeah it is but I suppose it gets easier. My mother died as well, 3 years ago and my brother and sister were only young just like Derek's younger siblings."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine Bess, my mother was sick so I much preferred her to be at rest then in pain." She says. "Do you have a mother?"

"My mummy died just after I was born."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. My Aunt is like a mother to me, Brad and Em." She says. "And because she died when I was a baby I don't feel that connection like Kaylee does towards you. I never really met her so yeah."

Meredith couldn't help but wrap an arm around Bess' shoulder and pull her close.

"What happened this day?"

"That was the day Kaylee was born and my birthday, we share the same birthday."

"Oh it looked familiar." She said. "Was Kaylee actually born in here?"

"She sure was. In the kitchen. My brother was 12 at the time delivered her for me."

"Wow!"

"I know." Meredith says smiling. "That's why each year for our birthday's we try to come out her for a picnic and a day together. It's been a tradition we have tried to continue."

"I think it's a nice one." She says. "What about this one?"

"This is Cooper's first visit to the land. Mind you he is a winter baby, so it had just snowed a few days before and we came here to show him. We layered his clothing up and brought him here. He slept the entire time we were here while Kaylee attempted to make snow angels and snowmen."

"You seem like you have a happy family and great times."

"We are a family Bess and we try to make most of ever smile and happiness because you never know…"

"When it could be gone." Bess says finishing the sentence. "Yeah I know, my Aunt says that to me all the time."

"Bess can we take a seat for a moment?"

"Of course." She says and they go and take a seat on the couch.

Meredith didn't know where to begin but she wanted to be honest.

"Bess, I want you to know that if you ever want anyone to talk to or another 'mother figure', I'm here. You and Kaylee seem to be good friends and I hope that the two of you stay friends because I feel you need her. I know I don't know much else about you but I am here to speak to when you are scared or just want someone here for you. I care for my children and their friends as much as possible because I will see them grow up from 4 year olds to 18 year olds and hopefully beyond that. Bess, if ever you feel scared or threatened ring me because I will come and get you." She says.

"You saw the marks and bruises didn't you?" Bess says quietly.

"I did." Meredith says. "And it rings alarm bells because I'm a mother and I fear the worse. I have seen these before and it's not because the child is clumsy it's because of other reasons."

"What if I am clumsy?"

"Well then you are clumsy." She says. "But Bess if these are coming from someone, I don't know who but whoever is giving you these you need them to stop and have an adult intervene and give that person help because you don't deserve these." She says. "If you are being hurt you can let me know because it's not right."

Bess doesn't say anything and keeps her mouth quiet as Meredith sighs.

"Fine your just clumsy then." She says. "When we drop you home I will give you my cell number and if you want to talk or need help then you ring me, day or night. I will rescue you and not leave you behind." She says. "But if you're not clumsy and someone is hurting you then we can get people in and they will stop the abuse and you will live with someone who is kind and caring. You can't keep this a secret."

"I'm just clumsy." She says quietly.

"Okay then, whatever you say." Meredith says to the girl.

"Can we go outside?"

"Sure." Meredith says standing up. "I will protect you no matter what Bess."

Bess doesn't answer and takes off to go and sit down again. The kids were continuing to play with the soccer ball and Derek squeezed her hand.

"So?"

"She's just clumsy." Meredith says to Derek sighing. "I knew she wanted to tell me but she couldn't. It doesn't stop me from making a complaint to CPS."

"I know. I'll hold your hand as you do it." Derek says as Cooper walks over to them and climbs onto Meredith's lap and snuggles into her chest. "We'll make sure she is protected."

After the weather quickly turned sour they retreated to the car to head home and unpack from the picnic and gather Bess' things before dropping her home. The girls were upstairs, while Cooper was off playing by himself and Meredith and Derek were in the kitchen.

"You're not driving her over there Meredith. You don't know what he could do. I'll take her."

"But I need to get an idea at where she lives."

"We'll we can go together drop her home and then get take out and go and get Charlie."

"Can we please?"

Derek turned his attention to Kaylee and Bess moving to the kitchen.

"Oh before I forget, your pyjamas." Meredith says giving them to the girl to pack in her bag.

"So you girls ready?" He asks.

"Yes Daddy."

"Okay we'll let's get going."

"Is Mummy and Cooper coming?"

"Yeah they are. We are going to get take out and get Charlie before bringing her here."

The trip across town changed from the expansive houses and apartments to the derelict part of town were town apartments and houses were for people on welfare.

Bess had been silent on the trip over and Meredith could see the changing mood in the child as she became nervous the closer they got to the house. Derek himself felt out of place as they rocked up in the black SUV. Yes, him and Meredith weren't the richest of people in Seattle but Ellis's estate and trust fund she had for the children covered the expenses of the house and Meredith's school fees and it let Derek and her put their money towards other things just like how the fund Richard had set up for them when Meredith was having Kaylee covered for baby things getting Kaylee through and they were fine especially after Derek upgraded to a newer car just after his birthday since he had been driving around a second hand car after Amelia wrote their car off last year and he knew it was time to upgrade since the second hand car wouldn't accommodate for the baby who would arrive in December. They weren't rich or poor. They were happy and making do with what they had.

The car seemed out of place in the derelict neighbourhood with old cars, beer cans and bullet holes in houses carried on throughout the street. Meredith slipped Bess a piece of card before tears started to fall from her eyes.

"Bess you alright?" Kaylee asks.

Bess doesn't say anything and climbs from the car followed by Kaylee. Derek and Kaylee help her up to the house and the crying then starts when they are halfway to the front door. That is when the father makes his arrival and comes storming down the front yard hand yanks the crying Bess from the path and drags her up to the house without a goodbye.

Derek and Kaylee look dumbfounded and then turn back and get into the car and continue on.

"What they hell just happened?" Derek asks as he continues down the street.

A hard slap knocks the wind out of Bess as her father throws her down into her bedroom. "What did you tell them?"

**Like I said. It gets nitty gritty.**

**Thoughts would be great and I'll try and update as soon as I can.**


	26. Hoping Is Never A Good Solution

The night after dropping Bess home, Meredith did not sleep and every time she closed her eyes all she could imagine was what was happening to the poor girl. Derek was kicking himself for not doing anything to stop the man and he too was having a restless night.

They had stayed up together and talked about fears and the dark side to life. They had made sure they phone CPS that night when they arrived home and passed on their concerns.

"_I'm calling regarding a child who I believe is getting abused by her father." Meredith says into the phone. "Especially after he dragged the crying child into his home."_

"_Can I just get a name of this child and an address?" The woman on the line says._

"_Elizabeth Walker…"_

"_Oh, yes. 6 year old female? Goes by the name of Bess?"_

"_Yes that's her."_

"_How do you know this child?"_

"_She's my daughter's friend, she spent the weekend at my house and I saw the bruises. My husband and I are doctors and we have concerns for what the safety of this child after an incident that happened at her home this afternoon when we dropped her home."_

"_Can I get a name and address of your husband and yourself, Doctor?"_

"_I'm Doctor Meredith Grey and my husband is Doctor Derek Shepherd, 613 Harper Lane."_

"_Okay, thank you for your concerns. We will investigate these findings and add it to her case." The person says hanging up._

What annoyed Meredith the most was the fact that she didn't know if they were really going to do anything and she had wished she never let her go home. She wished she kept the child hidden behind her and shielded her from the darkness of the lifestyle she lives in.

That following weekend Kaylee had invited Bess over for a sleepover and she was allowed around since she was with her Aunt Katie and the father was gone for the weekend and the following week. Derek made the trip to the Aunts' house and picked Bess up.

"_Hi, you must be Kaylee's father?" She says from the door holding a baby in her arms._

"_Yeah I am." He says smiling and shaking her hand. The Aunt looked so much like Bess. "Are you her father's sister or her mother's?"_

"_I'm her father's." Katie says with a smile._

"_He seems alright…"_

_She shifted on her feet uncomfortably and looked over her shoulder. "Bess you ready?"_

"_Yeah, just give me a few more minutes." She calls back._

"_So you're a doctor?" The Aunt asks._

"_Yeah I am. Me and my wife are."_

"_My partner is an anaesthesiologist."_

"_Where at?"_

"_Seattle Grace."_

"_That's where my wife and I work. What is his name?"_

"_Tim Denley."_

"_Oh yes, I've worked with him a few times. He seems like a nice bloke."_

"_Yeah he is." She says as Bess appears at the doorway._

"_Hi Bess."_

"_Hi Derek." She says._

"_You ready to get going?" He asks her._

"_Yeah."_

"_Well Kaylee is at home with Meredith, they went out to get some baby things."_

"_How much longer until the baby is here?" Katie asks with her eyes lighting up._

"_10 weeks to go."_

"_It's a marvellous feeling. We just welcomed our first child 5 weeks ago so it's been great."_

"_Parenthood is great. Anyway we better get going. I'll have her back tomorrow afternoon."_

"_Okay great." She says smiling. "Just ring me if you need anything."_

The stay didn't go too well. They received a knock late that night to see Katie standing at the door looking petrified with her baby clutched in her arms.

"_What's wrong?" Derek asks her._

"_Bruce just called me and said that if I don't get her out of your house he will ring the police."_

"_What?" Derek says shocked._

"_She's not allowed to be here because he suspects that you called CPS on him and that you will take her to get medical treatment at the hospital. He thinks that CPS is coming to get her." Katie says._

"_That's nonsense." Meredith says coming to stand beside Derek. "She's here because she is friends with Kaylee. Nothing more."_

"_Well he said that he knew your type and that you want to be the hero and sweep Bess into safety so he will never see her again. He knows that you two know about the marks on her body."_

"_She's a clumsy child. That's all." Meredith says trying to defend the point Bess had made to them._

_Katie looks to the ground and then back up. "Did she tell you this?"_

"_Yeah she did." Meredith says._

"_And you believe her?"_

_That was when Meredith placed her hands on her own stomach and looked down to the ground shaking her head._

"_Yeah I know that its hard to believe the fact that she is 'clumsy' and I'm her Aunt. I've seen her grow up and I've seen the way she cries before I drop her off home and I see the way she screams and tries to kick Bruce when he drags her to the car. I see it and I've reported it to CPS and it breaks my heart knowing that they aren't doing anything because Bruce always makes it seem like Bess makes it up. I know and I see the conditions he lives in and the lifestyle he pursuits. I see it and I live it. I try to intervene but I always get handed a mouthful of harsh words telling me that I am not caring for Emma and my own child. Or that I am useless. I get the words when I try to help and I've received the abuse. I try to stay friendly with him though just so I can make sure Bess is doing fine and that Emma is protected and Tim and I have planned on running away and taking Bess with us and having the police realise that he murdered the three woman and that he abuses he's 6 year old. We've tried but it never worked. Tim has even tried to stop him from hurting Bess but Bruce broke Tim's nose. We try and we always give Bess new clothing to wear because hers are in the worst state but they always disappear. We just can't do anything right to protect her." She says as tears fall down her face and her baby starts to whimper._

"_How about you come inside and have a tea and try and relax." Meredith suggests._

"_Okay." She says._

"_May I?" Meredith asks pointing to the baby._

_Katie shifts the baby into Meredith's arms and she settles the child in her arms as Derek boils the kettle._

"_Bruce is three years older than me. Brad was born when Bruce was 19. The mother was 21 at the time. The mother was so nice and caring and she spent a lot of time with me and we bonded, she though had been homeless since she was 14 and was couch surfing and such. Bruce left home when he was 17 and was couch surfing as well and squatting with other homeless people. He came home though when he found out that he was expecting a child and tried to get himself cleaned up. He got a part time job and was so over the moon at becoming a father. He did have a dark past and we knew about it and the drugs and violence. So my parents and I were suspicious of how this would go. The mother called me from a pay phone near a building she was squatting in and told me she was in labour and wanted to know where Bruce was. I told her that we hadn't seen him all day and she hung up with a blood curdling cry and that was it. We later received a call from one of her friends that she delivered but she had gone missing. We then went to go and find her and heard that she had been found dead and Bruce reappeared at the hospital with not even a look of sadness that he's partner had been found dead and he just said that she was in with a dodgy crowd of people. So he had this newborn son and the mother was dead and they couldn't find a lead on who did it. I went and saw the friends and they said that they had seen Bruce in the area while she was in labour when he lied about it and I found a blood soaked shirt and knife that matched the description of what they believed had killed her and they put the case down as unsolved when I knew it was Bruce who threatened to kill me if I spoke."_

"_Why didn't you try to get your suspicions across?"_

"_Because I was a scared 16 year old." She says. "So I helped him look after Bradley along with my parents while he 'grieved' and worked while getting into the nasty drugs. Bradley turned out very beautifully and kind and well-mannered while Bruce was off with a very scary mob of people. Brad is 18 now and has lived with me after my mother died and we put our father into a home. When Brad was 10 Bruce brought home Sally, Bess' mother and we were told that she was expecting a baby and that she too was homeless and he met her one night and fell in love with her. She lived on my couch for most of the pregnancy but after overhearing an argument between Bruce and I she upped and left feeling that she was a nuisance crashing on the couch. She went back to squatting and couch surfing and I made sure I would go and find her and take her to doctor's appointments and that she had enough money for food and vitamins and told her to call me when she was in labour and I would come and get her and take her to the hospital. She never called me when she was in labour but a friend of hers' did and said that she is in an alley way between a pub and an abandoned apartment building that was full of homeless squatters, drug addicts and people on the run from the law. I went driving to find her and I found the baby abandoned beside the dumpster and blood everywhere. I took the baby to the hospital and they police went looking for Sally and Bruce. They found Sally's body a couple hours later and Bruce arrived at the hospital and identified the body of Sally and claimed that the baby was his. I noticed the blood on his sleeve and I was tempted to scream and shout that it was him but he was gone before I could react and he took her to care for her and I was stuck with Brad. He didn't let me visit Bess until she was 7 weeks old. So he had two children with dead mothers. He then came to me 2 years ago and said that he was having another child and I met the mother once again and her story was just like the other two and he story ended just like the other two but Emma came and lived with me and Bess was being abused. He favoured her more."_

_Meredith was speechless. She rubbed the baby's back and wondered what she would say. _

"_So I know and I understand and I hope that you understand that I pieced together the sameness and the unfortunate events. Bruce has threatened me every time he leaves my house that if I speak I would to be dead. So I haven't said anything. I am trying to protect my little boy and my nieces and nephew because if I'm dead, who will care for them? Brad is old enough to care for himself and wants nothing to do with he's father but he loves his sisters a whole lot that he is trying to secure a future for them and he too has been making reports to CPS."_

"_Why don't you call the police now while he is away and tell them everything?"_

"_Because I know what will happen, he will go on the run and I will live in fear every day until he has been found. I just am hoping that CPS notices him and takes her away and she'll come and live with me."_

"_You're hoping. Hoping is never a good solution."_

"_But what else is there to do?"_

_She left that night and decided that Bess would be fine here but she did them know that she'll be back early tomorrow morning to collect her. She did come by early the next morning and sent Tim over to get her and he let them know that if Bruce knew that she had been with them then things would be a little better. He knew it wasn't right but they were trying._

Meredith was restless for the next two weeks and Kaylee had told them that Bess hadn't been attending school. Meredith called Katie and she said that Bess had come down with chicken pox and they were quite bad before hanging up quickly.

Meredith had been unconvinced that it was the reason that she hadn't been at school.

It had been late one day when her cell rang. Derek was on call that night and she was at home with the kids and Charlie.

"Hello?"

"_Is this Meredith?" A small voice answers._

"Bess? What's wrong dear?"

"_I need you to get over here."_

"Bess what's going on?" She asks sitting up in bed.

"_Daddy is very angry. Can you get over here now?"_

"Bess why is your Daddy angry?"

"_I'm going to hang up now?"_

"Bess? Bess? Answer me." She says into the phone as the line cuts out.

She redials the number but no one answers. She quickly gets up and changes as quickly as she can to try and save this poor girl. She leaves the kids in their beds sleeping since Charlie is there. She hurries to the car and starts the car before reversing and quickly finding her way to Bess' house. She knew she was speeding but she had to get to the house as soon as possible.

She found herself being followed with red and blue lights flashing furiously. She pulled over knowing that if this continued she'd be the late night breaking news story. She unwound her window and looked for her wallet and realised she had left without it.

"Mam do you realise that you were doing 10 miles over the limit?"

"Yes I do but I have a reason…."

"Can I see you license?"

"That goes with the reason."

"Mam, driving unlicensed and over the limit is an offence…." The officer says before Meredith's phone starts ringing. It's the number that Bess had rang from before.

She quickly answers the call and turns it on speaker.

"Hello?"

"_Meredith, he is after me. I need you here. I need you here. I'm so scared. He is going to hurt me."_

"Bess I'm on my way dear. Just stay safe. I'll be there as soon as I can. I promise you. Hang tight and stay safe." She says. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"_Come here Bess….." _

"_Please hur…" Is all that is said before the line goes silent._

"What is that all about?"

"A little girl who is about to be beaten by her father if I don't get there soon, hence the reason why I was speeding and left my wallet."

"Where are we headed?" The officer asks.

Meredith gives them the address and they take off in front of Meredith with their sirens and lights. Meredith follows behind them and they proceed through to the house where the front lawn was covered in motorbikes and beer cans.

The house was silent and dark. Meredith was fearful of what was to come. She ran from her car and started running before she was pulled back by one of the officers.

"No you can't go in there. If he is threatening to hurt the child then he'll hurt you. You're expecting a baby and I don't want to be the reason why your family loses you and your child." He says. "I'm going in first, you stay here."

Meredith stayed with the other officer while they called for back-up and Meredith sat petrified waiting.

The officer headed to the open front door and heard the noises of breaking glass and whimpers.

"Hello, Mr Walker?" The officer calls out and flips a light switch on to reveal blood all over the place, up over walls and on the white carpet. He can see three bodies sprawled along the floor. The officer feels like this is a horrid artwork. An artwork of blood and dead bodies.

He continued his search for Bess and searched the kitchen where more blood was pooled before searching the bedrooms. He tried to unlock the door of one of the rooms but it wouldn't budge before he went to the other room which was empty before he turned to leave when he heard a whimper. He turned back to the room and searched.

"Hello? Mr Walker?"

He found the body of a man sprawled beside the bed with a wound to his stomach.

"Help me." He says shakily.

The officer calls for an ambulance to be called and applies pressure to the wound of the guy.

"What is your name sir?"

"Br…"

"Sorry?"

"Bruce.." He says.

"Who did this to you?" The officer asks.

And Bruce's eyes move beyond the officer to a figure in the doorway.

The officer turns and sees a naked child hiding in the corner of the bedroom covered in blood with tears falling down her cheeks.

"Hi sweetie." He says swallowing the lump in his throat. "What's your name?"

"Bess."

"Hi Bess, I'm Mike. Are you hurt?"

She nods her head.

"Where are you hurt?"

"My whole body."

"You little worm." Bruce says to the girl.

"Sir, please calm down." He says. "Bess, is there anyone else here?"

She just shakes her head.

"What happened?" He asks her.

She looks to the ground. "Is Meredith here?"

"Yes she is."

"Can I go and see her?" She asks.

"Wait here until more help arrives. You're hurt, you will want some help."

"But Meredith is a doctor. She'll help me."

"In a few minutes I promise you can see her."

She nods her head and continues to shake in the corner.

"Sir what happened here this evening?"

"She went crazy." He says pointing at Bess. "She went so crazy... She stabbed… everyone… except for one person."

"Where is that person?"

"He's in that bedroom."

When the paramedics and more officers arrive Mike steps away from Bruce and goes to Bess.

"Sweetie, I'll take you outside to see Meredith okay?"

She nodded her head but didn't comprehend. So he bent down, covered the girl in a blanket and lifted her up into her arms and carried her from the house. He left instructions for the officers to get into the other room to see who was hiding in there.

"Bess." Meredith says and hurries to Mike's side. "What happened?"

"We don't know. There's bodies everywhere and blood."

"Did he do it?"

"He is saying that she did it." Mike says as he rubs the child's back. "She's been asking for you but she should be checked out by the paramedics."

He carries her to another set of paramedics and lies her down on the gurney.

"Hey Bess." Meredith says to her.

"Hi."

"Are you alright?"

She nodded her head.

"What happened?"

"He went crazy." She says as she starts shaking.

"Hey, it's okay sweetie." She says. "You don't have to talk right now. I'm here for you though."

…

"Mer, what's going on?" Derek asks rushing into the trauma room.

"I'm not too sure." She says before he pulls her outside the room as the paediatric fellow examines her.

"Mer?"

"There were bodies all over the floor. Blood everywhere. The father I know was brought here with a stab wound. They think that Bess did it but they don't know. They found her in the corner of the father's bedroom shaking. I just don't know." She says with tears pooling in her eyes.

Derek pulls her into his arms and embraces her trying to soothe her tears.

"Where's the kids?"

"At home. I left them with Charlie."

"Okay. I'm going to go in there and help out Dr Fran. You call Katie and let her know."

Meredith called Katie letting her know what had happened and she said she'd be there as soon as she can. They admitted Bess to a room after ruling out no serious injuries and had social services on their way along with a psychologist. Meredith sat at her side and stroked her hand waited for news from the police about what they think happened. The father was in surgery repairing the wound and his lacerated liver. While the person hiding in the locked was brought in.

Bess' older brother Bradley who was the one locked in the room. He was unconscious at the time and had a broken collarbone and laceration to his leg.

Katie came running into the room with a toddler and her baby in the carrier and fussed over Bess and Meredith told her that they didn't know anything yet and left the room so Katie could spend some time with her. She went and stood beside Derek at the nurses' station as he was filling out a chart.

"She's still asleep."

"Well that's the best thing for her."

"I know." She says. "Derek what if she did go postal?"

"Well then they'll deal with it when they can."

"I don't think she did it though. I think the father stabbed himself. He killed the three others who were there. I think Bradley went there to get Bess and the father went crazy."

Derek places a hand on the small of her back and rubs it. "We won't know until they both wake up." He says. "But until then you should go home and rest."

"Derek I'm not going home." She says. "I need to be here for her."

"Okay." He says and smiles at her. "The officer is here to speak to her."

"I know."

"She's awake, she's asking for you." Katie says from the door.

Meredith and Derek both enter the room and see her awake.

"Hey sweetie."

"Hi."

"There is someone who would like to talk to you. Officer Mike? You remember him?"

She just nodded her head and Derek brought the Officer Mike and his partner Officer Pete into the room."

"Hi Bess." Pete says.

"You okay?" Mike asks her.

She shakes her head.

"Why what's wrong?" He says.

"Everything." She says.

"Do you want to tell us what is wrong?"

"Daddy was having a party with those people and I was in my bed asleep. The next thing I know is that I had been dragged from my bed to the ground and I was in the middle of all these people. Dad let them take turns at touching me and taking an item of clothing off and touching me again. They were cheering and getting really happy and doing things like daddy does. Daddy though began loving me like most nights and the men all watched. They then left me to continue with their needles and cigarettes and I went and called Bradley because he always saves me from the parties. He rushed over and came inside and Daddy didn't notice until Bradley had picked me up and was carrying me from the house. Dad and the other men stopped him and started beating him and one of them pulled out a knife from his pocket and held it at Bradley's neck. So Bradley put me down and I ran away and went and called Meredith while they beat Bradley and locked him up in my room. The men all started fighting over me and they began hurting each other and pulled their knives and things out. I hid as best I could and they continued to fight and hurt each other. I think Daddy was the one who stabbed them and he was bleeding when he came into the kitchen and I hid under the table. I called Mer again and he pulled me out of from under the table and told me I would pay for what I did. I ran away from him but he caught me and hit me. He held a knife in his hands and he pushed me down onto the bed where he tried to love me again. He left the knife down beside me and he was in this state. So I grabbed the knife and stabbed him in the belly to get him to get off of me and he did. I didn't mean to hurt him but I was already hurting and I tried to protect myself because I never did all those times before. I hurt my father." She says crying.

"Hey Bess you did a brave thing. You protected yourself." Mike says.

"I did?"

"You sure did. Not many people can stand up to the people who hurt them but you did." Mike says offering her a small smile.

"Do I have to go to jail though?"

"No sweetie, you don't."

"I did a bad thing though?"

"No you didn't. Your father did." Katie says. "He always did the bad thing."

"Has Bess always been abused?"

"Yeah she has." Katie says. "She has been but she never will be ever again."

The officers excused themselves and said a farewell to Bess and everyone else. Meredith gave Bess a nod of approval for standing up for herself and left with Derek.

When Meredith started her shift Bruce Walker was under Police custody being hand cuffed to the bed. Bradley was awake and sharing some time with his sister while CPS determined that Katie be the guardian of Bess from now on.

Kaylee came by at the end of Meredith's shift and visited Bess and told her how glad she was that she was still alive and that they'll be friends forever.

"I seriously don't understand how a father can do such a thing to his children." Richard says from behind Meredith.

"I know but she's safe now and that is all that matters. The Police know about Bruce's history and he is being trialled for those murders and for child abuse and sexual assault to a minor. He will never be out to see his children grow up and I'm thankful for that. He can watch the wall of his cell for all I care and be beaten and see how he likes it." She says. "Things needed to turn out this way for Bess to be safe."

"That is the mother instincts talking." Richard says rubbing her stomach. "You did good Mer."

**So this arc is over for now and it ends in a happy ending for Bess. She'll pop up occasionally from time to time as a much healthier and happier child.**

**But for next chapter a proposal as such will be made and some changing news for the group.**

**I'll try and update soon. Reviews would be great!**


	27. Ten Year Plan

"Now are you definitely sure you want to be in the delivery room when I have the baby?" Meredith asks Kaylee as she got ready to go out.

"Yes Mummy."

"You're really sure?"

"Mummy!" She says rolling her eyes.

"I just want to make sure you want to be in there because it can get pretty disgusting."

"Mummy, I want to be a doctor. I have to get used to this and besides Charlie was 6 when she was in the room when you had me. I am 7. I am older than what Car was at that point. So I should be fine."

"Well if you're really sure Kaylee. You can always be in the room if I have another baby or you know when you have your own."

"Mummy, I want to do it now. I want to see what happens and see my brother or sister being born. You say that it's pretty magical."

Meredith smiles at her and sits her down on the bed.

"It's more than magical Kaylee. It's life changing. It's a beautiful thing. You were my first and I wasn't in the hospital, I was at the land." She says. "It's like going into the hospital for the first time and smelling death but this is something different. The atmosphere is beautiful. It's like you can already hear the babies' cries and the newborn smell. When I was in labour with you all that was in my mind was 'oh god I'm early' and 'my baby is finally going to be here to hold and to love'. Cooper was the same feeling, but I was more feeling the joy of having another baby. You'll…."

"Understand when I am having a baby but when I am in my twenties not my teenage years." She says smirking.

"You are cheeky Miss Kaylee."

"Hey you and Daddy are going to be drilling that into my head until you are on your deathbed."

"Hey, we said during your teenage years." She says smiling. "You've changed since you've turned 7 miss."

"I'm older Mummy, that's why. I have 3 years until I am ten. 7 years until I'm 14 and 11 years until I finish school."

"Well don't go wishing your life away Kaylee."

"You drill that into my head as well."

"Well it's true. People make the mistake that they want to be older than they really are and when they get to that age they are upset because they don't want to be that age. It's a never-ending circle. You are still a child so enjoy your childhood before you are 16 years old and crying over a boy and over how stressful your life is. I've been there Kay but when I was your age I started caring for Jackson. So you have an easier life Kay."

"I know Mummy." She says smiling. "I love you Mummy."

"I love you to baby girl."

"How many more weeks until the baby is here? Because your belly is very round and I can barely hug you anymore."

"I'm 33 weeks now Kay. So 7 weeks and your new sibling should be here."

"Why do you say should?"

"Because the baby could be early or it could be late. I have a feeling that the baby will be overdue."

"That means a longer wait Mummy."

"I know sweetie."

Kaylee places her hands on Meredith's stomach and leans close to the bump.

"Please don't come either before Christmas or after Christmas because I want to spend the day with Mummy at home. Thank you Peanut."

"Let's see if the baby listens to you Kay."

"It better because I'm the big sister and they will start listening to me."

"You better not be bossy with the baby."

"I won't. I'll just teach them the right and the wrongs. I may have to be bossy though if that's alright?"

Meredith rolls her eyes and giggles. She had been spending a lot of time with Cristina.

"I suppose. Just not too bossy Miss Kaylee."

Kaylee smiles at Meredith and then jumps when the baby kicks her hand.

"The baby kicked me."

"Peanut doesn't want to be bossed around by your Kaylee." She says.

"Well Peanut, that's not the way it happens around here." She says to the bump. "I am 7 years older than you and I may share my toys with you so I have to show you the way. It's like I am in the 6th grade and you're in the 1st grade." She says.

"Kay you're only in the 1st grade."

"I know but when the baby is here it will be like that." She says. "But Peanut, I'm really excited to see you so be kind to Mummy and I will see you when you're born." She leans closer to the bump. "I'm going to be in the room when Mummy is having you. So be kind to Mummy."

Meredith smiles at her and Kaylee looks up at her. Meredith leans down and hugs her.

"I love you Kaylee."

"I know Mummy. I love you more."

"That is impossible Kaylee."

Derek comes to the doorway and stands there watching his wife and daughter. He always seemed to smile when he saw the two of them laughing and smiling, the bond the two of them have was unbreakable. He knew that they were so close it was like they were best friends. He knew it was because of the close age between them and because they spent so much time together it was natural.

"Sorry to interrupt." Derek says from the doorway as the two of them look at him. "Can I steal Mummy for a few minutes?"

"Hmmm." She says looking at him. "I suppose Daddy. But only for a few minutes." She says getting up off the bed and leaving the room. "I'll be counting." She calls out as she leaves.

"She is in a chirpy mood today." Derek says sitting down beside her.

"She is. What's up? You don't seem like your normal self."

"Sadie's gone."

"What! No she was here this morning. She told us she would see us this afternoon."

"Well her bags are packed and her sheets have been cleared and are in the wash. Cristina sent a message earlier and said that she has resigned from the hospital."

"What? Why would she leave without saying goodbye?"

"I don't know Mer. Just maybe try and call her and see but we have dinner tonight so let's just think about dinner rather than this."

"I mean Cristina and I have gotten over our fighting and now Sadie is AWOL. Izzie is acting crazy. People are just acting weird. Is it me? Have I been really hormonal?"

"It's not you Mer and you have not been hormonal. I think people let their own problems get in the way of friendship sometimes and I think Sadie had her own personal problems. She was very quiet and she was keeping something from us. We will find out but right now I want you to get that beautiful arse of yours into that shower and get ready for our kid free night." He says kissing her lips. "And if you're lucky I may join you." He says kissing her again and leaving the room.

….

"This is nice." She says admiring the restaurant as they enter.

"I know. It's one of the best in Seattle."

"It's going to be expensive." She says.

"Well you deserve to be spoilt. You're carrying my baby. You're the mother of my children. I'm spoiling you tonight. I'm spoiling you for the rest of your life Meredith."

"But what am I supposed to do for you?" She asks.

He smirks at her and she picks up on his expression. She doesn't say anything while they are seated at their table and after the waiter leaves them.

"You are dirty minded." She says taking the menu and looking at it.

"Well you asked. I never answered."

"Well what is your answer? What am I gonna do for the rest of our lives?"

"Well for one keep giving me beautiful babies."

"Only two more babies."

"Stay by my side."

"I've made that promise."

"Be my wife."

"I already am."

"All I want you to do is to live with me until the end of time. Be my wife. The mother of my children. The one who gives me all those benefits behind closed doors." He says winking. "You don't have to do anything in return because you already give me those things. Cause I love you so much and I don't need anything special in return."

"I don't either but yet you are taking me to a 5-star restaurant."

"You deserve it more than I do. You are 33 weeks pregnant. Carrying my 3rd baby. You are working long hours. I mean you worked for 33 hours when the death row patient was in. You are in at 4 in the morning and you sometimes aren't home until 9o'clock that night. You deserve this especially after the start to the year and all the times I worry you. Fancy nights and gifts are what I am showering you in until we take our final breaths. I'm the one to spoil you. That's the guy's job in life. You are to do the wife side of the relationship." He says smiling at her.

She leans over and they share a short kiss.

"Sorry to interrupt you two but have you decided on what you want?" The waitress says interrupting their kiss.

Meredith sits back in her seat and takes another look in the menu before she closes it.

"I'll have the fettuccini." Meredith says smiling.

"The rump please. Medium to well done."

"What drinks can I get you guys?"

"I'll just have a lemonade please."

"I'll have the same."

"Any sides?"

"Just the start plate of breads please." Derek says.

"Okay, it shouldn't be too long." She says taking the menus and leaving.

"You could have had another drink. You don't have to do the same as me."

"I'm driving and I don't mind missing out on a beer. While you miss out. I miss out."

"Derek you don't have."

"Hey I do. You are sacrificing your body for 9 months. I can sacrifice having a drink."

"I think skipping the drink is good for your figure because I have noticed that those midnight snacks have added a few pounds around your stomach."

"That is your fault Meredith."

"How?" She asks smiling.

"Well you being pregnant, the partner always seems to add on extra weight and have those pregnancy symptoms, like uncontrollable cravings and eating." He rants. "And your midnight snacks. You make too much and I always end up eating them. You know I haven't had my muesli for nearly 6 months because I am too full from your pancakes and waffles and other treats."

"Hey there is self-control." She says smirk.

"Oh don't you get me started about self-control." He says laughing. "If I had self-control we would not be welcoming our 3rd baby."

Meredith couldn't help but laugh. She stopped laughing for a moment as Derek smiled at her.

If she was asked ten years ago where she would be and asked if she would be married and have nearly three kids she would laugh in the persons face. She would call them crazy and tell them that she would be focused on medicine and caring for her siblings while most likely having disastrous dates and a terrible love life. She would be at the hospital until late at night and return home and drink herself to sleep and wake up with a slight hangover and repeat the whole work process again.

But an idea of what your future will be like can change dramatically and you could end up having a baby at 18 to a father who you weren't in relations with. Then fall into bed with that taken father and conceive your next child and tell him hours before his wedding to his other fiancé. Then ending up married to Derek Shepherd, the love of her life, having two kids together, practicing medicine and waiting on the arrival of a 3rd child and only being 25 years old. She would have called herself crazy for telling people this side of her ten year plan. But she was happy with everything. She had a healthy family and healthy friends. She wouldn't change anything because of the happiness and love she had at this moment.

She laughed again and it made Derek smile even more.

"I think it's good that we do have self-control." Derek says. "Cause I think there would be more kids running around our house."

"I am agreeing on that. Cristina says we go at it like rabbits and that I should be popping kids out every year. She says that she is surprised that I don't have a baby on the boob, a baby on the hip, one inside my stomach and half a dozen kids running around the house."

"Well if you really want to have a life like that we can go and join a cult or a religious group where contraception is frowned upon and you don't work, you just breed." He says. "I wouldn't mind breeding."

"Well it's good that when we aren't pregnant that we are practically a condom ad." She says smirking.

"That is a good thing I suppose. We do make cute kids though."

"That we do." She agrees smiling.

The waitress came by with their drinks and they sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments.

"Are you and Cristina better now?" He asks.

"Yes we are."

"You two were like two 14 years old fighting over a boy and throwing in other things that weren't irrelevant to the whole point of starting that fight and they throw whatever they can at each other to hurt them back worse than the other person. But then the next day you two are the closets of friends."

Meredith laughs. "Well that was most of our high schooling experience. The plastics back stabbing each other but then being best friends the next day." She says.

"Well you were never like that." He says. "You got along with everyone."

"Except for one person."

"Well that was 7 years ago. Don't even think about it anymore." He says offering a smile. "Just think about how the plastics were so determined to be models and millionaires by the time they were 22 and they are currently working as a waitress." He says pointing to a direction behind her.

Meredith confused turns around and sees one of the girls that couldn't keep her knees closed and her panties on long enough during high school. The one who cheated on her boyfriend all the time but he always took her back. The one who was so convinced that the quarter back would be scouted to play professional league football and she would be his trophy wife and retire from working at 22 because his income would cover their expenses for the rest of their married life. She would be a model and they would live in the gated community of Seattle and mingle with all the other footballer wives and the other rich people.

But Leia Price was walking their way. Princess Leia she was known as, after a house party she threw when her parents were away for the weekend and she came out dressed in this metal bikini, the boys were forever calling her Princess Leia and she would be forever known as that but the sluttier version especially after a video of her went viral among their 11th grade year of her and her boyfriend. A sex tape at 16 years old. Meredith couldn't believe it. She had to laugh because she knew that this sex tape would either make or break her career and it obviously broke it.

She came to their table and dropped of their breads.

"Leia?" Meredith asks.

The blonde haired girl looked at Meredith for a moment and then to Derek.

"Meredith Grey? Derek Shepherd? Wow. I hardly recognised you two. I mean I did but it's been-"

"7 years." Meredith says interrupting her.

"Wow. Time just flies doesn't it. Are you two married? How's your little girl. The one you had in year 12?"

"Yes we are. Kaylee is great. She is in the 1st grade, bossing around her 3 year old brother and preparing to boss around her next sibling. She is a very bright girl. She wants to be a surgeon like the rest of her family."

"Did you two practice medicine like you said you would."

"Everyone did. Everyone who attended biology class are either doctors of nurses. I'm in my 3rd year of residency, Derek is in his 4th."

"That's great."

"Are you and Kurt together?"

"Yeah. He isn't playing football. He had a bad injury when he was in college and he isn't allowed to play again. He is studying at college for his teaching degree. He is hoping to be a gym teacher and be the football coach."

"That's great. And your waitressing?"

"I'm working 3 jobs I did my degree I am just going to wait until Kurt finishes his. I have to support my kids."

"You two have kids?"

"We have Four. 2 sets of twins. The first came last year of college, they were two boys and then I welcomed the second set 7 months ago. Girls."

"That's great."

"I've got to get back to work. It was good catching up." She says leaving.

Meredith smirks at Derek.

"Princess Leia no more." He says smirking. "Her modelling career never started because she became curvy after her twins."

"Derek don't make fun of her."

"I'm not. It's true though. All her plans and dreams were to become a model and a millionaire. She never got those chances because she relied on her boyfriend and she never relied on her marks at school. I'm surprised she even made it into college and got a degree. Most of it would have been in the pornography section."

Meredith hit his hand playfully and shook her head with a smirk.

"Maybe that is where she will make her millions. Her and Kurt's sex tape. It was a hit in school especially when nearly all the 15's to 25's saw it. I'm sure someone could have signed her up."

Derek was shocked at what Meredith said but he smiled. They loved joking and making fun of the kid's in their year.

"You're crazy and unpredictable Mer that's something I love about you." He says.

"I am pretty unpredictable."

"But I don't care." He says smiling at her.

After dinner the two sit in a silence. Derek just smiling at Meredith.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks taking a sip from her glass.

"Not a lot." He says. In actual fact his mind was racing a million miles an hour. He had a plan he just didn't know how he was going to succeed in this plan. He was thinking romantic to top last time but maybe she didn't want romantic. She wasn't all into that but she was at the same time. She was a difficult woman but he loved her unconditionally.

"Well not a lot still means there is something on your mind."

"My proposal. 4 years ago."

"On the side of the road after the accident." She says smiling at that memory. "What about it?"

"When you were younger how did you think you would be proposed to? Did you imagine a huge romantic affair with candles, rose petals and giant bears? A proposal at a fancy restaurant? A proposal at your favourite place in the world or would you prefer simplicity, like on the side of a road or in bed one morning?"

"If I was with you I would expect a huge romantic gesture with sky writing and a string quartet but I got simplicity. A proposal I think just needs to come from the heart. Nothing too fancy and something simple because it's the proposal that doesn't count. It's the fact that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. I liked your proposal." She says smiling.

"Did you kind of want a romantic one though?"

"Yes and no."

He nods and smiles as their dessert are placed down in front of them. They start eating and Meredith stops for a moment.

"What are you planning?" She asks. "Do you want to propose to me again because we are kind of already married?"

"I just wanted to know because I never really asked you before."

She wasn't too convinced but she continued to eat.

"Meredith." He says causing her to stop and look at him. "I already am spending my lifetime with you. I already have beautiful kids. We are welcoming another very soon. I have a thousand words I want to say to you again in front of our family and friends. I want to make sure they hear what I am committing to you. We already are committed to each other but I want to show the world just how committed I am to you." He says. "Meredith Grey, I want to renew our vows to each other. I want to stand in front of everyone and tell them how much I love you. Will you renew your vows with me?"

She looks at him confused. It was a beautiful idea. He lead with the question about the first proposal like it was nothing but in fact he wanted to have that topic in her mind so he could ask her. Propose to renew their vows.

"Derek we have only been married 3 years. 3 years doesn't mean much. Some people don't even make it to the 1st year of marriage; some people though don't renew their vows until they are at their tenth anniversary or their 25th. Not their 3rd. Why do you want to do this?"

"I have already told you. I have a thousand more words to say to you in front of everyone. I love you so much that I want to tell them. Most couples renew their vows when they have gotten through a rough patch to somewhat remind them of what they have promised to each other. We had a bad start to the year and I want to promise you and renew our vows so we are reminded of what we said to each other when we were married. We are having another baby; I want the baby to enter the world with pure bliss, especially between us two. I want to declare my love over and over again." He says smiling.

He was right. They had had a rocky 3 months at the beginning of the year. They were so close to separating that it was crazy. She takes off her engagement ring and hands it to Derek over the table.

Derek gets off his chair and kneels beside her holding the ring.

"Meredith Grey Shepherd. Will you do me the honour of standing with me in front of our family, our friends, our two beautiful children and renew our vows together?" He proposes with a beaming smile.

"Of course I will." She says.

He stands up and kisses her and the other people sitting down clap for them.

"You just like seeing me in a wedding dress pregnant." She says smiling. Derek smiles back at her before he turns his attention to everyone else.

"We are already married. We are just renewing our vows!" Derek beams to everyone.

"It's still something special." An elderly lady says at a nearby table with her husband.

Meredith smiles at him and kisses him again.

"I love you." She says.

"Not as much as I love you."

Both of their pagers sound.

"We aren't on call." Derek says.

"Mine is from Cristina."

"Mine is from Richard." He says. "Let's go."

He stands up and helps her with her coat. They leave their money on their table for the bill and they leave for the hospital in a blissful state.

They walk through the doors and Cristina meets them both.

"What's up? We aren't on call. We were out for dinner." Meredith says.

"It's nothing to do with medicine." Cristina says. "It's Izzie."

"What happened?"

"Follow me."

"Do you need me?" Derek asks.

"It's best if you come." She says.

They follow Cristina up to the oncology floor. She stops just before the doors.

"Cristina what are we doing up here?"

She turns around to them. "Izzie has stage 4 metastatic melanoma that has spread to her brain, liver and skin. She may only have months to live. She is resisting treatment."

Meredith felt like she hit a brick wall.

"If you just said that she is resisting treatment, then what are we doing up here?" Derek asks.

"We are going to get her treatment. She is our friend. She needs help."

Meredith nods her head. "Where is she?"

"The locker room."

Meredith turns and goes to the resident's locker room. Cristina and Derek close behind her. Meredith gets to the room and everyone is standing there looking at Izzie. Bailey, the Chief, George, Alex. Izzie looks at them all apologetically and Meredith and George move to her side.

"Come on Izzie. You're doing this." George whispers.

"But."

"No buts." Meredith says.

Izzie is admitted to a room and her and everyone looks at her for answers.

She looks at them all and she starts explaining the answers that they all had for her. She explained about her hallucinations about Denny and patient X and everything else that they were unsure about. She told them she would be fine.

Meredith and Derek stood at her bedside and they hid their news from everyone they are just there to support their friend.

As they left the hospital together they left with their hands entwined.

"Izzie has cancer." She says shocked.

"I know. How are we going to break the news to the kids?"

"I don't want to. Just yet. Can we just sit with it for a while before we tell them?"

"Okay. We can do that." He says kissing her cheek. "Come on lets go home. Celebrate our renewal." He says smiling.

**Happiness for the two always seems to be pushed aside with drama of life.**

**So thoughts would be nice as an idea at the readers view.**

**I already have the next 15 chapters written but I'm really unsure about the birth scene with two alternative chapters written. I don't know if it should be another dramatic scenario like Kaylee's or simplicity like Cooper's. I'm leading towards a more dramatic but more a lesser of drama should be had. **

**Anyway opinions on that is fine and even a heads up on what baby number 3 will be and if he or she will be early or late.**

**I'll try and update in a few days.**


	28. I'll Be The Second Prettiest Girl

"Mummy when are you and Daddy renewing your vows?" Kaylee asks two weeks after the proposal.

"Well soon."

"But soon could be next year. Soon could be tomorrow."

"Well Aunt Izzie is going to help plan the ceremony so we will know soon."

"Can I be flower girl?"

"Well you and Coopie will be a part of the ceremony." She says smiling at her.

"Mummy. Why don't you wait until you have the baby? Then the baby will be involved in the ceremony."

Meredith smiles at Derek and before looking back down at Kaylee.

"Well we wanted to have the ceremony before the baby was born because it is a way of celebrating the new beginning with the renewal and then the baby will be born."

"So kind of like your wedding before Cooper was born?"

"Exactly baby girl."

"I am very excited for the ceremony Mummy and Daddy."

"We are as well." Derek says standing behind Meredith and placing his hands on her stomach.

"5 weeks to go." Kaylee says excitedly.

"Yes. Now you need to go and finish getting ready for school so we can get going."

"Do I get to see everyone today?"

"Yeah of course." Meredith says. "You can come on rounds with us and then Daddy will walk you to school. It's taking a lot out of me walking to school and walking back."

Kaylee goes off and finishes getting ready.

"She's going to realise that Izzie isn't there today." Derek says quietly.

"I know." Meredith says.

"She's going to figure it out sooner or later that something is wrong."

"I know. I feel terrible. I just can't bring myself to tell her about Izzie." Meredith says. "I want her to get better because I don't want Kaylee having to know about death when she is only 7 years old. How do you explain it to a child that someone is dying?"

"I know. It's a terrible thing." Derek says taking her into his arms. "We will see what today brings and we will tell her when we think it will be time." He says. "We will get through today."

"I'm ready." She says coming into the kitchen.

"Okay, well let's get going then." Derek says. "We have a big day ahead of us."

"Come on Coopie." Meredith says clapping her hands to get his attention and then picking him up from his booster seat.

They start their normal routine again of driving to work and dropping Cooper off before they take Kaylee on rounds. Today was Meredith's day to take Kaylee on rounds.

As usual she stood beside her mother as they rounded on patients. She listened carefully and intently. This was like her home study. Like reading a book or doing homework. Her homework was learning about medical cases and having her mother's interns and friends explain what they are exactly. After rounds and following her mother around Derek took her to school and she was paged to go and see Richard.

"Congratulations I hear are in order." He says.

"Yes. We would have told you earlier but you know."

"I do." He says smiling.

"Do you have an assignment for me?"

"Stevens' has turned her room into a bridal boutique. She wants you to try on dresses and talk to her about baby showers. So go."

This is not what she wanted. She didn't want a huge ceremony for the vows renewal. She wanted a small one to celebrate with friends and family but by the sounds of it Izzie has taken that into a whole new level and is going to turn the renewal into something bigger than her actual wedding.

She avoids Izzie and waits for Derek to come back to rant.

"I didn't think you wanted to wear a wedding dress?" Derek asks.

"I don't. I wanted simplicity. I wanted a ceremony with family and friends not the whole of Washington to be there."

"Well go and talk to her. If you don't want to wear a wedding dress, talk to Izzie."

"Oh yeah! As the chemo drips into her cancery arm. And she looks at me with those cancery eyes. Those cancery wedding loving eyes!"

"Be strong."

"Derek, I am 5 weeks off giving birth. I have hormones raging. She will give us bridesmaids in pink taffeta! You'll be wearing a top hat and a morning coat! And somebody will be singing wind beneath my fricking winds!" She says. "Then she will decide on an extravagant baby shower with fountains and puppies and servants and these things that I have never heard of before. And people will decorate onesies and eat canapé and drink French champagne around an ice sculptor."

"You want me to talk to her?" He asks.

"Please." She says.

Derek went down to Izzie's room. Its walls were plastered in pictures of dresses and cakes and wedding things. Then it was also plastered in things for the baby shower from games to themes. He sat down on the bed beside her and Meredith waited outside and watched.

When Izzie started crying she knew that Derek had given in.

"Okay, I'm really glad we talked." She says crying as Derek leaves the room.

He stands in front of Meredith unable to look at her.

"Apparently a morning coat is non-negotiable. Also, we have to make time for ballroom dancing lessons and we have to start hiring servants for your baby shower."

Meredith just stares at him, she was freaked out.

"Derek!"

"Sorry, you were right about the chemo and the cancery eyes." He says walking away dumbfounded.

Meredith leans up against the wall and sighs. This was going to be humiliating. Standing at the alter in a poufy dress, while she was about to pop with Derek in a top hat and morning coat and different coloured bridesmaids standing beside her.

She couldn't bare look at the cancery eyes so she left to satisfy her cravings before sitting down and writing down at list at what her and Derek wanted for their wedding and baby shower.

"Mer." Cristina says coming and sitting down beside her.

"What?"

"Izzie is fake dying because she wants you to go and try on dresses and talk themes."

"I'm hiding out because you've seen the dresses she has in the room. They are white and poufy and she is planning on thousands of people to be there. All I want is close family and friends and buffalo wings."

"Well go and tell her that."

"I can't. She will look at me with cancery eyes, or even better she will fake die on me."

Cristina sits there for a moment before she stands up.

"Who cares? Just go and try on dresses and say that you don't like any of them. Say you feel uncomfortable with your bump. I don't know lie."

"I can't."

"Yes you can." Cristina says dragging her up onto her feet and taking her down to Izzie's room.

"Cristina." Meredith says. "This is unreasonable."

"She is your dying friend. She is distracting herself from what could happen and that happens to be baby showers and ceremonies. So get your behind in there before I hurt you."

Meredith goes into Izzie's room with regret.

"You're finally here. Good. Let's get started."

"Iz before we start." She says.

"Yes?" She asks looking at Meredith. She was using her cancery eyes.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Good, now this first dress I think you will look gorgeous in." She says pointing to a rack full of dresses.

"What if it doesn't fit around my belly?"

"These are maternity dresses Meredith. I have done all the research, I got your pre-pregnancy size and they delivered all of those sizes, we will just need to get it altered before the day."

"But Iz, I won't be 35 weeks when I renew my vows."

"I know. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it Meredith."

She huffed and went into the bathroom to try on the dress. The dress itself stood up by itself and it was poufy. She put it on and she zipped it up. She felt even more ridiculous. She flattened the dress out and stood there.

"If I show you the dress, you can never tell anyone. Cos it's bad, really really bad." She calls out.

"Ok, fine. It will be our little secret." She says. Meredith walks out from the bathroom with the dress and stands there. "Wow." Izzie says capturing a photo.

"Photos are not secret."

"Isn't there a tiara that goes along with it?" She says searching around. "Oh, oh put it on. So I can get the full effect."

"No. No tiara. I told you simple. You know, it's buffalo wings at the reception."

"You can't have buffalo wings. Caterers don't even do buffalo wings at the reception."

"Iz, this is a small vow renewal. Small. And, this is a big dress. For a wedding. Don't you have dress in your pile that doesn't make noise when it moves, or stand up all by itself?"

"Meredith you are renewing your vows. It's a miracle that you and Derek are even at this point. You almost separated. You can't piss away on some slip dress and a cheese tray from the grocery store. That will make me so sad, and I don't wanna be sad 'cause I'm already suffering through cancer and that's sad enough."

"Fine give me the tiara."

"Oh, you're like a princess. Smile."

Meredith wasn't smiling. Vow renewals didn't involve tiaras and poufy dresses. They involved small dresses and small ceremonies with the people close to you.

"Now try on the next one."

So she tried on another dress. This one was too tight around her belly and it was too frilly and too unlike her.

"Hmm, yeah that one didn't look too nice on you. Try this one."

So yet again she tried on another dress and this was squishing her boobs together.

"I got you the cheeseburger you ordered from Joe's. Are you sure about this?" Alex asks from Izzie's bedside.

"Are you really ok? Not feeling nauseous?" Cristina asks her.

"No. I feel good, I feel fine. See." Izzie says eating a fry.

"Hi. Oh, french fries! God, I love french fries." Danny says walking into the room.

"Meredith, let's go!"

"I feel like this dress is giving me a mammogram. It's squishing my boobs! And I already am pregnant so it feels like they are squished together even more and I'm going to fall out of the dress!" She yells from the bathroom.

"Let me see it."

"I'm taking it off!"

Izzie starts to fake that she can't breathe. She lies there pretending.

"Iz you ok?" Alex asks.

"I think she's choking." Danny says.

"Izzie? Let's hit her with oxygen. Izzie, Izzie! Speak to me, can you say something? Izzie?"

Meredith walks out in her wedding dress as she hears the commotion going on and Izzie starts laughing.

"Haha, I'm not choking. I'm joking..." She says laughing even more.

"Ok, you've gotta stop doing that.'Cause it's not funny!" Cristina says.

"It got Meredith out of the bathroom so I could see her dress, and it's gorgeous!"

"Tell her she has to stop!" Cristina says.

"Izzie!" Meredith says.

"It's very romantic, it's pretty right?" Izzie asks.

"Pretty..." Danny says eating another French Fry.

"You were right about the girls." Alex mutters.

"And I see you've invited more people to witness my humiliation."

"No, Derek and Mark still aren't speaking to each other and we're heading into a 6 hour surgery. So, unless I can slip this cheeseburger into a sterile area... I'm not gonna make it! Can you please come and talk to them?" Danny asks.

"Fine, ok, you can go. Cristina will you help her take the dress off?" She says. "Your boobs were definitely going to fall out."

…

Meredith followed Danny down to the scrub room. The two men were doing her head in. first her and Cristina fought and now Mark and Derek couldn't stand to be in the same room. She wanted to scream and rage because they were idiots and she was pregnant and she was allowed to yell at their petty behaviour.

Then last week after Derek had lost a patient who he liked very much ended up dying and Mark approached Derek after this moment and the two broke into a fight on the catwalk. Meredith feeling humiliated left him to clean himself up and apologise that night at home and since then Mark and Derek were on no speaking terms and Meredith really wanted to clear this up before the renewal and new baby. And because Izzie was sick and could possibly die.

"Ok, before you guys go in there and start cutting on this patient you need to apologize to each other. Because you two are doing my head in and not just mine but everyone else between the four walls of the hospital. If not for the patients, or for me. Or, for Danny. Look at her! Her face is breaking out, her ass is humungous." Meredith says walking into the scrub with where Mark and Derek were.

"It's true, I had to get the scrubs with the elastic waist band." Danny says.

"If you don't apologize right now, she's not scrubbing in."

"I won't, and you can't make me!" She says showing another cookie into her mouth. "This should be a joyful time. Your best friend is renewing his wedding vows. He's having another child."

"The Chief will be my best man." Derek says.

"What?" Meredith asks.

"Is my ass really that big?" Danny asks.

"Danny, would you excuse us please?" Meredith asks as Danny leaves. "The Chief?"

"The best man is my choice. I want him to make a toast." Derek says. "Why does this affect you so much?"

"Derek, the man if my step-father. I mean he is the person who is to sit at the wedding with tears in his eyes and make a toast about his daughter. He's supposed to stand as my father and make a toast for me as the bride. Not about his groom. Mark and you have been best friends for 20 years, and you willing to throw that all away over nothing. So, don't talk to me about it affecting me. Besides we aren't even having a wedding party." She says leaving the scrub room.

Derek finished scrubbing and went in to assist with the surgery.

This surgery could make or break them as they were taking the lead away from their fellow attendings and stepping up into the big leagues.

"We should do a middle falset craniotomy approach, let's go some down burs in here."

"Don't bother. I ordered them before we started. I may be irresponsible and untrustworthy out there, but I'm not in here." Mark says.

"I never said you were untrustworthy." Derek says.

"You put the berlin wall up around Danny."

"Well, Meredith asked me to. That's what people do when someone they care about asks them to do something. They do it. Which is what you should have done when I asked you to stay away from Danny. Or Addison for that matter."

"Oh, here we go. Addison. The only note he can ever play. She was single and you are with Grey. Why does that still matter to you?"

"You know, was gonna apologize for decking you, cos I felt bad. But now, I'm just gonna play it over and over again in my head and really enjoy it." Derek says as the patient starts bleeding out. "Oh Hell..."

"It's coming from the Therogloid plexus. Give me the, 4 O vicryl."

"The 4 O vicryl."

"Give him the 4 O vicryl."

"Clamp."

"You know what, I'm done. I give up. If I hadn't fallen for little Grey, you would have found some other way not to respect me, you always have. To you, I'm always gonna be the charity case the Shepherds had to take in. I got the bleeder."

"You got through the stitch already?"

"Yeah." He says.

…

Meredith avoided for a little bit longer and went and got Kaylee from school before she brought her back to the hospital for a snack and to finish up with patient charts. She knew she was supposed to try on more dresses but she didn't want to take Kaylee to see Izzie. So she charted while Kaylee coloured.

"Mummy, why haven't I seen Aunt Izzie around?" She asks.

"Izzie's taking some time out."

"Is she really?" She asks. "Cause I know that something is wrong. I really do know that something is wrong and I think it's right now that something is wrong."

"Kaylee nothing is wrong."

"Yes there is!" She says. "I want to know what it wrong Mum!"

People stopped and looked at the two of them. She looked back at Kaylee.

"Come on. Pack your stuff up." Meredith says to her not tolerating her behaviour. With Derek and Mark acting out she didn't want to deal with Kaylee's behaviour as well.

"I'm not leaving until I know."

"No, I want you to pack your stuff and we are going somewhere quiet so I can talk to you about this." She says.

"You promise you will tell me?"

"I promise Kaylee. Now come on."

Kaylee packed her things up and Meredith took her down to the resident's locker. She sat down on the bench and Kaylee sat beside her.

Meredith didn't say anything for a little while. She was trying to put all her thoughts together. She didn't want to tell Kaylee just in case something happened to Izzie but if something did happen to Izzie then she would still have to tell Kaylee anyway. So now was better than never. But telling your child about death was hard and unimaginable especially when it was a close family friend.

"Kaylee, you know that not everyone in the world is healthy?"

"Yes I know."

"People have diseases that can't be cured or they have little hope of surviving these diseases."

"I know."

"Izzie, she has cancer."

"What?"

"She has a stage four metastatic melanoma. Which is.."

"Skin cancer?"

"Yes. She has skin cancer. And cancer is depicted into 4 stages. Stage one is not as aggressive and it is curable. It is treatable. Most cancers can be highly aggressive and sometimes they are never caught at the first stage. Izzie has the most deadly type of cancer. She is in stage four and her survival rate is pretty low."

"So she could die?"

"She could die sweetie."

Kaylee swallows the lump in her throat.

"Izzie though is a fighter." Meredith tells her daughter. "The cancer though has spread to her brain, liver and her skin. She had brain surgery to remove the tumour last week and she is now having treatment for a drug called IL2. She is having chemo as well. The doctors are keeping an eye on anymore tumours that may grow in her brain." She says. "The tumour that was in her brain caused her to have hallucinations."

"About what?"

"Her dead fiancé."

"Denny?"

"Yeah about Denny. So for weeks she has had these hallucinations and she never told anyone. She is lucky to be alive, given her survival rate."

"Is her survival rate low?"

"Very low."

Kaylee nods her head and stays silent for a few moments.

"So, that's why she has been helping me plan the renewal ceremony and the baby shower. It's to help keep her mind off everything."

"Can I go and see Izzie?" Kaylee asks.

"Sure Kay. I am trying on very poufy dresses for her entertainment. I have a few more to try on so you can come and see me and give an opinion." She says smiling at her.

"Okay. Let's go." Kaylee says.

Meredith took her hand and took her to the oncology floor.

"This floor Kaylee, you have to be quiet on. People are very sick."

"I know Mummy. Just like the rest of the hospital." She says smiling.

"And Izzie will look sick as well. So don't be scared if you don't recognise her because she is still Izzie. She is just a little weaker and sicker."

Meredith smiled back and pushed the doors open and walked to Izzie's room. She looked a lot worse with the mask on. Cristina was beside her assessing her after a turn to for the worse.

"I have someone here who wanted to come and see you." She says walking into the room. "And to see me humiliate myself with these dresses."

Izzie smiled and then smiled down at Kaylee. She patted a space next to her on the bed. Kaylee sat on the bed beside Izzie and hugged Izzie's arm.

"Come on Mummy. Try on a dress please." Kaylee says.

She takes a dress off the rack and goes and shows the girls. She wasn't happy with this dress.

"You look beautiful Mummy, but that's not the dress."

"Izzie, do you have anything like my last dress. It was short, not so poufy. It hugged my curves a little bit better and it was comfortable."

Izzie nodded her head and pointed.

Meredith pulled a dress off the rack and noticed that it was like her last wedding dress. It was simple but still had beautiful detailing and it was long which could let her get away with wearing flats on the day. She was in love with it already and she hadn't even tried it on yet.

So she slipped out of the last dress she tried on and stepped into the next dress. This one was not poufy. It was her. It was simple. It didn't have a petticoat or stand up on its own. It fitted her body perfectly and she felt comfortable.

"Come on Mummy." Kaylee says.

Meredith opens the door and walks out to show the girls. Smiles came across all of their faces as she stood in front of the showing off the dress. She looked at them for an answer.

"You're beautiful Mummy. You should have worn this for your wedding."

"You are a beautiful bride."

"Even if it's just a wedding renewal." Cristina says and then motions for her to do a spin.

She spins around and stops. The smile on her face never disappeared.

"Daddy's gonna love you in that dress Mummy." Kaylee says. "I think you should wear dresses like that all the time. You'll be a princess."

Meredith smiles at her. "Well wait until you see what Izzie has for you to wear." She tells her.

"What am I going to wear?"

Meredith comes to the side Kaylee is sitting and they showed her the dress they will put her in. A white gown as well.

"Do you like it Kaylee?" Meredith asks her.

"I think it's beautiful."

"It is very beautiful. We are going to get you to try it on tomorrow. You're coming with me and Cristina to the bridal store to try it on."

Kaylee smiles at her Mum and then at Izzie and Cristina.

"You are going to be the prettiest girl in the room Kaylee." Cristina says to her.

"No, Mummy is. She is going to be the prettiest girl. I'm going to be the second prettiest."

"Well if you say so."

"I better get out of this dress before Derek comes by."

…

After she decided on her dress they said goodbye to Izzie and Cristina and they went to find Derek. She had picked Cooper up as well and were ready to head home she just needed to change. Danny was sitting in the resident's locker room stuffing her face with a candy bar.

"Danny what are you doing here?"

"Meeting Mark." She says taking another bite.

Meredith finished changing and goes and sits beside her with Kaylee on her lap.

"I decided a big ceremony won't be that bad."

"I'm just sad because I didn't get to see you in the actual dress."

"You will."

"How? Cause if Derek and Mark don't make up…"

"You are invited to the renewal. You're my cousin Danny."

"I'm coming to your ceremony. I get to watch you renew your vows. I don't know what to say."

"Well you should wait and see what Izzie has planned for that day. Then you will have a lot to say."

"And see my dress." Kaylee says smiling.

Derek and Mark walk into the locker room together talking like best mates. The way they should be talking.

"Do you want to come back to mine for a drink?"

"So much. We should be able to catch the last half of the game."

"That's what I was thinking." Derek says.

Danny and Meredith look on confused. This morning they were at each other's necks and right now they were hanging out and wanting to watch the game together.

"You girls ready to go home?" Derek asks after they were changed.

They nod their heads and Derek takes Cooper and his bag and walks out the doors with Mark.

"You can stop eating now."

"Oh, thank god!" Danny says.

"Come on." Meredith says.

After Danny and Mark left, the kids were in bed asleep and they were beside each other in bed.

"So I have my dress."

"Do you like it?"

"I do. I hope you will like it."

"I like anything that you wear. Especially when you don't wear anything." He says smirking.

"Well I am hoping to not go into labour as I walk down the aisle. I'll be a week off my due date."

"Well it could bring some excitement to the ceremony." He says kissing her cheek. "I just hope you do make it and then we can celebrate hard that night."

"We can start our celebrating now." She says. "You know, because I told Kaylee and because I am your wife who is 35 weeks pregnant."

"I think we can."


	29. You're Doing Ok Mum

"Hey, I'm off to work." Derek says to her 3 weeks later. "I'll see you tonight at the dance concert."

"Okay then." She says yawning. "Don't be late."

"I'd never miss my baby girl's concert." He says leaning down and kissing her forehead. "And be kind to Mumma today, little one." He says placing his hand on her belly and then kissing it. "3 weeks little one. No surprises tonight, okay?" He says to the baby and is sent a response kick. "Don't overdo it today, okay?"

"I know." She says smiling at him. "I'll try not to go into labour but you know Kaylee can dial 911 and she knows Jackson number and your number and your mothers number off by heart. She's prepared."

"Oh she really is, hence why she was three weeks early." He says smiling and then kissing her again. "I'll let you know what time I'm finishing. If not get Ma to pick you up."

"Okay." She says to him. "You better go." She says looking at the clock.

"I know." He says. "Bye love."

"Bye Derek." She says letting out another yawn and watching him pick his shoes up and head to the door. Fatigue overcomes her tired body and she watches in a daze as he stands by the door for a few moments to take in her appearance.

Derek smiled as he was leaving the room. Meredith was glowing and he couldn't get over how beautiful she was. She was pressed to her left side with her arm wrapped around her belly and her other hand by her cheek. The closer to the due date she got the more she glowed and the more beautiful she got. In his eyes she was beautiful but as days go on she just seemed to get more and more beautiful and he couldn't ask for a more beautiful wife. He half closed the door behind him and left her to rest considering it was 5 in the morning and it was her day off.

"Mumma, wake up." She hears later that morning.

Without opening her eyes she can already feel the warmth of the body that's shaped up beside her with their nose pressed to her nose.

She opens her eyes smiling and sees the big green-blue eyes staring back at her.

"Morning Coopie." She says. "How are you this morning?"

"Good Mumma." He says smiling. "How about you Mumma?"

"I'm good too. You want to know why?"

"Why?" He asks with his smile slightly disappearing.

"I get to spend the whole day with you and Kaylee."

"Oh, really?" He says with his eyes going wide.

"I sure do." She says as she nuzzles her nose on his soft, pink cheek.

"What are we going to do today?"

"I'm not sure. We'll just see what happens."

"The park?"

"I think it might be too wet for the park today. It rained all night."

"Oh. Well that's okay. You can't always get the sun."

"No you can't." She says smiling at him. "It always rains though."

"I know Mumma. I like the rain."

"So do I." She says as she kisses his forehead. "Do you want to see something?"

"Yeah." He says.

She lifts her sleep top up to show Cooper her belly.

"There's your siblings foot right there." She says pointing to the tiny baby foot that is stretching from her rounded belly.

Cooper runs his hand over the foot softly in amazement. He had seen this so many times but each time he seemed to take a moment to really appreciate the baby's presence and the logics of a baby being inside a woman's stomach. She gave Cooper credit though because he was only 3.

"It's pretty amazing, isn't it?" She says as she watches him stare at the baby's foot.

"Yeah." He says and pokes the foot and receives a kick back. "Ouch." He says rubbing his finger. "Did you see that Mumma?"

"I did." She says. "You better tell the baby not to kick."

He curls his nose up in disgust and looks at her belly. "Bubba you have to be kind. Mumma doesn't like kicking. I don't either. Please be nicer to Mumma or Dada will get angry at you and you won't like seeing Dada angry."

Meredith had to hold back her laughter. She really was blessed with her kids and Cooper's personality was changing everyday into a funny little boy who always followed his mother's orders closely and showed his concerned side to people and objects and how much of a Mummy's boy but would then be chatty like his father and all sweet and dreamy proving to make her smile and giggle and picture Cooper in 20 years' time with his dark locks and dreamy charm.

"There you go Mumma." He says patting her stomach. "All better now."

"Why thank you Cooper. Bubba must have listened to you." She says and kisses the top of his head. "How about you head downstairs, I need to use the bathroom. I'll meet you down there and I'll get you some breakfast."

"Okay." He says scrambling away from the bed.

"Remember to walk."

"Yeah Mumma." He says as she rushes out of the room.

She really couldn't imagine her life any different. If they had no kids then the house would be quiet and clean when she really loved a loud house with kid's toys, drawings and those tiny kids' shoes all over the house. It was a house so full of love; it was packed to the rafters. And hopefully in less than 3 weeks, they'd hopefully have their new baby joining the house and growing to be a beautiful tiny human.

She finished upstairs and headed downstairs to find Cooper sitting at the table already and Kaylee staring at the calendar on the fridge door.

"I don't think staring is going to change to date Kay." Meredith says as she kisses the top of Kaylee's head.

"I'm just looking Mummy."

"At what?"

"Well the date today is the 9th."

"Yeah."

"And you and Daddy are renewing your vows on the 16th?"

"Yes we are."

"And the baby is due on the 22nd?"

"Yes."

"And I finish school on the 15th?"

"Yes it is."

"Everything is so close together."

"I know baby girl but today, the 16th and the 22nd are all important for all of us."

"They really are. The 16th is going to be such a great day Mummy."

"Well I hope so. Let's just hope that this one in here doesn't plan an early entrance." She says rubbing her belly.

"Yes. No early arrival Peanut." Kaylee says touching her mother's stomach. "Do you and Daddy have any more names yet?"

"Not yet." She says.

"Well what do you think the baby is today?"

"Hmm." She says thinking. "A boy today."

"So we're back to Ashton?"

"Your father and I moved on from Ashton. We like Nathan or Blake at this present moment but it could all change when we have the baby."

"And it will be a girl."

"Yes that could happen." She says smiling. "What do you want for breakfast Kaylee?"

"Can we go out for breakfast Mummy?" She says. "Please, we hardly get to go for breakfast anymore."

"Well that sounds like an idea." She says. "Then we can go grocery shopping."

"And get the baby some things?" She says hinting at the idea of more baby things even if the baby had drawers filled with clothing and the baby shower also coming up in a few days.

"You're a bad influence miss." Meredith says grinning.

"Like mother, like daughter." She says back to her mother.

"Well that is suppose is true. How about I see what George is doing today? He also had the day off from work and was bugging me to see you kids."

"Yes please. Uncle George can tolerate us compared to Cristina."

"Hey, she's my person." Meredith says smirking.

"But it's true Mummy."

"Yeah it is." She says agreeing. "Go on and get dressed and ready. I'll help Cooper."

Meredith moves and picks Cooper up and follows Kaylee up the stairs. She calls George while she picks clothes out for Cooper. She sits down on the floor and helps change Cooper when the line clicks through.

"_Hey."_

"Hey George." She says tucking the phone between her ear and shoulder as she helps dress Cooper. "Do you have plans for today?"

"No. Literally no plans and I'm going to go crazy if I have nothing to do. I was considering hurting myself just so I would be at the hospital filling in my day."

"Well Kaylee suggested going and getting breakfast and do some shopping and I know that she would love to spend some time with you." She says nodding her head at Cooper. "So would Cooper. Cooper, tell George how much you want to spend today with him." She says holding the phone out in front of Cooper.

"I want to see my favourite uncle. Please Uncle George." He says begging.

"_Well I suppose I can't say no to you, can I Cooper?"_

"No." He says giggling.

"Great." Meredith says. "I'll be at yours in twenty."

"_Okay Mer. I'll see you soon."_

"Bye George." She says disconnecting the line.

After dressing and getting the kids in the car she headed across to George's apartment then to the mall for breakfast.

George carried Kaylee on his back and Meredith carried Cooper on her hip as they walked through the busy mall.

"How's the baby this morning?" He asks her.

"The baby is good." She says. "Quite active. This last week I feel like I've popped even more with a few more weeks to still go."

"Well no matter what, you still look great. Awesome. You're glowing."

"Thanks George." She says with a small smile.

"Mummy's beautiful." Kaylee says.

"She is, isn't she?"

Kaylee just nods her head and smiles at the same time.

"You have kids who will schmooze when they are older."

"With their father's eyes and dreamy side they'll get away with everything." She says with a smirk. "Their will makes us do anything at their beck and call."

"Even when they are sneaking into the house after being out past curfew or with their boyfriend or girlfriend."

"No that is when their father will issue their punishment." She says. "I'll be good cop."

"Well let's wait and see." George says grinning.

She smiles at the thought of her grown up, teenage kids. She knew it felt forever away but it really would be around the corner with how fast the year was going.

They were seated at a table and ordered and listened to the kids talk and have the attention on them.

"I thought I recognised that voice." A lady says as she comes towards their table.

Kaylee looks up at the lady and her eyes go wide. "Mrs Green." She says moving away from her chair to hug her former teacher. "Hi."

"Hi Kaylee." She says as she embraces "How are you sweetie?"

"I'm great. How are the babies?"

"They are great. Just let me get them." She says.

She heads back to the table with two babies in her arms and presents them to Kaylee to see.

"They are so cute." She says. "Which one is which again?"

"This one is Theo." She says lifting the boy nestled asleep in her left arm. "And this is Willow." She says as she indicates to the girl asleep in her right arm.

"What cute names." Meredith says as she gawks over the babies. "Let me hold one." She says.

"Are you hormones going crazy?" George asks her.

"Yes. A whole lot of estragon and endorphins are going through my body."

Mrs Green just laughs. "Oh, I know what you are talking about. Whenever I held my nephew when I was pregnant I would go crazy with these hormones and my sister would have to pry him from my arms." She says as she hands over Theo to Meredith to hold.

Meredith settles the boy in her arms and runs her hand over the baby's head and smiles.

"How was your delivery?"

"Stressful. Theo was baby number two and he was breeched, buttock first. Willow was a fine delivery but Theo made me work a whole lot harder." She says.

"Well all that matters is that they are healthy."

"Well they were carried until 38 weeks which was great. So they are just 9 weeks old now."

"Are you and your husband adapting well?"

"Quite well. Very easy babies. They sleep throughout the night and most of the day. They were both sleeping for 18 hours straight when I first brought them home and me and my husband didn't know what to do with ourselves because we had two babies who just slept for 18 hours straight. But they have a new routine which is good. I can't complain."

"I'll have to wait and see what my little one is like then." Meredith says as she smiles at Kaylee and then looks down to Theo in her arms.

Kaylee was totally amazed at the baby and was running her hands over the baby's head. Cooper too was touching the baby's foot and watching the precious little baby.

"Not long now kids and you'll have your baby brother or sister." George says he watches the kids careful touching of the baby.

"You two will be great with the baby." Mrs Green says smiling.

"This was how much hair Cooper had when he was born. The same amount as Theo now but Kaylee was a whole different story." Meredith says as she giggle. "Kaylee had a full head of hair. Thick, black hair on her head and I was blown away because there is a theory that woman who have heartburn during pregnancy will have kids born with a head of hair. Not me. Kaylee's hair was a surprise."

"Tell me about it." George says laughing.

The waitress arrives at their table with their breakfast. "Here we go."

"Here, I'll let you go and eat. I'll make sure I say goodbye before we leave." She says.

…

After breakfast the four of them walked through the mall and casually window shopped. Meredith picked up the last minute things for Kaylee's concert tonight at the dance store and they ended up in the baby store.

"What don't you have?" George asks as they browse the racks.

"I have everything. The nursery is completed. The baby has plenty of onesies and such for the first few weeks and I still have everything from when Kaylee and Cooper were babies. I have everything."

"Well I need to get the baby a gift and I don't know what I to get." He says as they turn down a new aisle.

"The woombie. I've heard about these." Meredith says picking up the box. "Steph had them for the triplets when they were newborns. She raved about them."

"What are they?"

"They are a swaddle blanket but they are ones that stay on and are safe and comfortable and bring that comfort of the womb. They have been recommended for babies with strong startle reflexes and help soothe the baby back to sleep. I don't know how but they have received great reviews. Reduced SIDS risk and such." She says. "I think I'll get one for the baby."

"How about I get you it?" George says. "I need to get you a gift and this is something that you want. I'll get it for you."

"Thanks George." She says smiling.

"It's my pleasure." He says. "I'll just go and get this for you."

"Mummy, come and have a look at this." Kaylee says grabbing onto her hand and dragging her away to another part of the store.

George just stays where he is and looks at the other products. He had his suspicions on what the baby was and he was right the last two times. He knew this wouldn't be a wasted gift. Cute little headbands for the potential baby girl and if it was a boy she could keep it for the next because no doubt they would be having another baby in no time. He chose two MOD hats. A grey flower hat and a deep purple knotted beanie. He couldn't resist. Babies meant everything cute and cuteness was the definition of the Grey-Shepherd babies.

He headed to the cashier and bought the items for Meredith before joining them again.

"I have to get a few groceries. If you don't mind?" She says as she picks Cooper up.

"Now that's fine. I need to get myself a few things as well."

As they walked they talked about work and the kids and Christmas.

"Where are you having Christmas this year?" He asks.

"Well Carolyn and Amy are moving at the end of this month to New York. The house is being packed up and it is about to go on the market. I assume it will be a quiet Christmas with Dad, Charlie and Jackson and also with Carolyn and Amy. I'm supposed to be having the baby around then and Derek doesn't want any additional stress on me so he put his foot down and told them that we weren't having Christmas lunch or dinner."

"So will it just be at your dad's?"

"Yeah, that's the plan for now." She says. "I don't mind though. Hopefully we will have the new baby and we will focus on him or her. Christmas for us is about family and love. I think since Derek's and my first Christmas as parents we came to realisation that even if you don't have a big dinner, if you don't have all your family with you and you are scared that you'll ruin your baby's first Christmas then all you need is that love and your small gathering of family is all you need to make it special. I mean for Christmas that year it was Derek, Kaylee and myself. Charlie and Jackson flew to Boston that morning to see Mum and Dad and Derek's family had taken a trip to the east coast as well. It was just Derek and I with our baby girl and we just spent the day snuggling her because it was important to us."

"But you had us for dinner." He says.

"Oh yes we did. You guys did make our night less lonely. It was not my perfect vision of Kaylee's first Christmas but she doesn't remember it. We have made up for it now though, which I think is more important." She says.

"It was a good night though. Just awful food. Music and laughter and our little niece who we just watched as she took in the colours and the sounds and the flashing lights of the houses in the streets. I'll never forget the look in Kaylee's eyes when she was on the floor, looking towards the Christmas tree and watching the ever changing lights and that beautiful smile that just stayed on her face for nearly three hours."

"But that moment when everyone stopped and just saw the beauty of the small things in life really showed on everyone's faces. That's how children see the world. We get so into this chaotic lifestyle we don't stop and smell the roses when they do. It's the most beautiful thing a child can do. I will never forget the way everyone acted that Christmas. That was truly amazing." She says. "Especially as doctors we see the miracles of medicine most days but never the other beautiful things like the beauty of Christmas lights and the stars of a night time."

George just smiled to himself as they entered the store. Cooper managed to get down from Meredith and race his sister to the veggies. Pushing each other as they tried to reach the mushrooms and be the first to weigh them and then eat them.

"Is this normal?" George asks.

"Very." She says as they catch up to the kids and pry them away from the mushrooms. "These kids love their veggies."

…

After dropping George home they arrived home and put all the shopping in the kitchen to be unpacked.

"Mumma." Cooper says rubbing his eyes.

"Are you tired?" She asks as she begins to unpack the groceries.

He just nodded his head.

"Okay, just give me a sec and I'll help you upstairs."

"Up?" He asks, holding his arms up.

She lifts him into her arms and holds him as she moves around the kitchen unpacking the groceries. Kaylee was upstairs tidying her room up. Meredith kissed Cooper's head and inhaled the baby smell that he still carried. She smiled to herself and wrapped her arms tighter around Cooper, embracing him.

"Mummy loves you so much." She whispers into his ear.

He just responds by tightening the hold on her shirt and she smiles. She kisses his head once more and carries him up the stairs to his room. She lowers him down into his bed and pulls the covers up around him and pulls the blinds across to darken his room. She leaves the room quietly and walks to Kaylee's room, where she finds her sitting on the floor looking through the IPad that held all of Kaylee's photos from the moment after her birth to now.

"Hey Kay."

"Hi. Is Cooper down for his nap?"

"Yeah he is." She says as she stifles a small yawn as well and sits down on Kaylee's bed. "What are you looking at?"

"Pictures." She says as she stands up and sits down beside her mother.

"Oh this is a beautiful picture." Meredith says as she sees the picture on the screen and lies down on Kaylee's bed with Kaylee lying down beside her. "That was the night of your fathers and my formal night. Just before we said goodbye to you and Izzie captured this photograph of your father and I just holding onto you. It was a moment in time that can't be posed for to capture the beauty of two parents and their child."

"I think it's my favourite." Kaylee says as she slides the screen for the next photo. "Mummy?" Kaylee asks with a mild desperation in her voice.

Meredith lowers the IPad and looks at her daughter. "What's wrong Kaylee?"

"Will you still love me when the baby comes?" Kaylee asks with tears forming in her eyes.

"Of course I will. I will never stop loving you Kaylee."

"But you always say that you heart only holds enough love for daddy, Cooper and I. Where is the baby going to fit? You will have to push one of us aside to fit the new baby in."

"Now you listen to me Kaylee, no one will ever replace you. No new love will ever take over the love I feel for you. You my baby girl was my first born and you will always have a special spot in my heart. I will accommodate the love I give to you, Coopie, Daddy and the new baby. Don't you worry about being replaced because I would never replace you baby girl and besides the baby will slide right into place in this family. We love Peanut so much already, you shouldn't have to worry about that." She says as she kisses Kaylee's forehead.

"Mummy, what if I don't like the baby?" She says.

Meredith doesn't say anything for the moment and thinks at how to respond to her. "Then we'll just have to try and like it." She says. "But I'm sure you will like it very much. I know Peanut likes you a whole lot."

"You do. How?"

"By the way Peanut kicks me when you talk, or when I talk about you to Daddy or when I hug you goodnight. How Peanut settles down at the sound of your voice or the touch of your hands on my stomach. Even when I think about you, Peanut settles down with a slight roll over. The baby already loves you so much. I can just feel it. So don't feel disappointed or anxious over the feelings. Besides the baby might not even like me."

"The baby has to Mummy. Your its mother. They love you so much because you brought them into the world and you soothe their tears and you feed them and love them so much that they only have the choice of loving you. I bet the baby will smile at you first and you'll know then how much Peanut really does love you by that smile and the look it will have in its eyes when it sees you or hears your voice. I think Peanut will love you more than anyone else."

Meredith felt tears well in her eyes. "How did you learn to make those beautiful speeches that make me cry."

"From the one who brought me into this world and everyday has told me how much they love me and given me big speeches on things when I was scared, upset or really happy. The one who holds me so tightly in her arms when I know she is afraid and the one who I will always call my mother. I have learnt from the best Mum."

"How did I not mess you up Kaylee? I mean I have two almost three souls to care for and I'm scared every day that I may mess it up and ruin the greatness." She says looking into Kaylee's eyes.

Kaylee places her hands on her mother's cheek and then squeezes the free hand. "Mum, you're doing ok." She says with a mile wide smile. "Really. You haven't messed us up at all. You're a mother; you're allowed to be scared." She says. "I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You know, right? How much I love you? You're doing OK, Mom."

Meredith smiled even more and tried to rid of the tears in her eyes. "Kaylee I really don't know how I deserved you. I would be lost without you." She says leaning down and kissing Kaylee's forehead. "I mean it."

…

Later that night after a successful dance concert the two of them carried their sleepy children inside and into their beds. Meredith sat Kaylee's trophy on Kaylee's bedside and tucked her in and kissed her forehead while Kaylee was on the verge of falling asleep.

Meredith sat at her bedside and stoked her hair with a soft, warm smile.

"Believe me. The baby is going to love having you as their big sister. What you told me today, I will never forget. I will carry it in here for eternity." She says pointing to her heart. "Your someday going to be a great mother yourself Kaylee, don't ever doubt that. You'll do a good job yourself like your mother. It takes a while to adjust but once you know that you're doing ok, you know you'll be fine even if you mess up like I did, you'll still be a great mother. You just need to have some awesome speeches and a beautiful, big heart and they'll be fine." She says.

Kaylee smiles. "You think I will be a good mother?"

"Of course I do." She says. "But for now you can practice being a great big sister and in 20 or so years you can use those techniques on your own baby and I hope that you have a girl first so you can share that special bond with her like I got to with you. You never forget the bonding with your baby and it's one of the greatest things for a parent." She says kissing Kaylee's forehead once more. "Night beautiful girl. You were the best dancer up there tonight." She says. "And Kaylee, I am so lucky in love to have you, your father, your brother and your future sibling. I'm lucky."

"Night Mummy." She says closing her eyes.

Meredith leaves the room when she is sure Kaylee is off into a slumber and finds Derek sitting on the floor outside Kaylee's room.

"How did we deserve such beautiful children?" She asks sitting down beside him.

"Because it rubs off from their beautiful mother." He says squeezing her hand.

She smiles and closes her eyes. "Kaylee is scared about the baby not liking her and being pushed aside but I reassured her that everything will be fine. She'll be the greatest big sister a person could ask for and that we will not push her aside."

"Look at how Cooper adores her. He always wants to be doing what his big sister is doing." He says. "We did an alright job with them Mer."

"And we haven't screwed them up."

"You're doing ok, Mer. You're the perfect mother." He says. "And the kids will never doubt your mothering skills because you are perfect for them."

She just smiled at him and leant over and kissed him. "You're the perfect father as well."

_**I just thought adding in the part about Kaylee worrying was necessary to be honest I possibly could have just dedicated a whole chapter to Meredith and Kaylee bonding and Meredith reassuring Kaylee's fears over not being the perfect big sister and not being liked. I mean it's an everyday sibling occurrence of fearing of not being liked by your other siblings and being pushed aside by your parents with a new child. **_

_**I'll try and update when I get a chance.**_

_**Reviews would be beyond amazing and much appreciated. **_


	30. A Good Day

"Just a normal day." Meredith says resting her hands on her stomach as they look at the church.

"Normal day. Going to work. Having our baby shower."

"Just a normal day, that ends in a ceremony in a churchy church."

"This has nothing to do with us, we're just the bride and groom."

"We're renewing our vows tonight."

"We're renewing our vows tonight." He says smiling at her.

Meredith looks at him and smiles. "Let's just hope my water doesn't break on the way down the aisle."

Derek just laughs and wraps his arm around her waist and kisses her temple. "Let's go to work and have our baby shower and then go to our vow renewal ceremony."

Arriving at the hospital they raced upstairs to change and start their day. She runs into Callie as she is leaving.

"Hey." Callie says.

"Hey."

Cristina stands up and smiles at her. "BIG DAY! Biggest day of your life!" She says.

"Don't do that! Don't do the preppy speech thing. The preppy maid of honour thing, if you were maid of honour. It's creepy! Besides it's not that big of a day."

"Really? Good. Wait... is this like the calm before the storm? Do you need me to drug you? Or shave of your eyebrows to numb you into submission?" Cristina asks.

"No! I'm fine. It's not the biggest day of my life. It's the biggest day of Izzie's life. I'm excited about the renewal and the expecting baby, not some fancy reception. Anyway, she's the one that's gone all bridezilla." Meredith says.

"Briiiideeezillaaaaaaaaa…." Cristina says causing Meredith to giggle.

"Let's just see if I make it down the aisle. If not then there goes the ceremony and there goes bridezilla." She says pulling her scrub top on over her stomach very pregnant stomach. "Are they making bets? Are they betting they I don't make it down the aisle because I will go into labour?"

"No." She says avoiding eye contact.

"Cristina!"

"Fine. Yes they are. The stakes are high that you don't walk down the aisle because you look like you are going to pop and that popping will be done on the way down the aisle. But there are bets for when you are on the alter, walking down the aisle, in the car to the church and just before you walk through those doors. So yeah plenty of bets." Cristina tells her before her pager sounds. "I'm off. I'll be by for your shower. Don't go into labour."

Meredith's pager sounds and she sees it is Richard. She finds him down in front of the OR board.

"You paged?"

"Yes. Derek was supposed to do this but he got pulled into something so, I said I'd give it to you." He says.

"What?"

"Your wedding and bay shower present. Not from me, it's from Derek. But, I have to oversee it."

"I was supposed to get him a present?"

"Meredith…"

"This is why weddings are so stupid. I mean, we're already married; our life together should be the present. Not some stupid… Anyway, whatever it is Chief, I don't want it. So, tell Derek to take it back. Well, I'll tell him. I'll tell him to take it back."

"He got you a colon."

"What?"

"A colon. It's non-refundable, inflamed, it's about to go under anaesthesia in OR 2. You really wanna say you don't want it?"

"A solo surgery." She says smiling.

"Happy wedding day Meredith."

"Wait, will I be out for my baby shower?"

"Yes you will."

She went and got prepped for her surgery and then scrubbed in. Richard came and joined her which was strange cause she was flying solo today.

"Thank you."

"You're scrubbing in? I thought I was doing this solo."

"No, you are."

"Then why aren't you sitting in a corner reading a magazine?"

"It's a big day Meredith. Just taking precautions, that's all."

"Afraid I'm gonna kill afraid I'm gonna kill the patient on my wedding day? It's a routine colectomy. I'm not gonna kill him." She says. "Or you scared I'll go into labour?"

"I... I know. You're gonna do great. Pretend I'm not even here."

"Okay. Okay, Boquey scalpel."

"Oh, great. Very nice!" Richard says.

"What?"

"The way you asked for the scalpel. You didn't mumble, you took charge right off the bat. Loud and clear, scalpel! It was good. Very impressive."

"Great. I'm gonna get started now."

"Oh, of course. You won't even know I'm here." He says looking over her shoulder and watching his daughter do her first solo surgery. He was so proud it was unbelievable.

"Is it weird that my bump is in the way?" She asks.

"Yes and no. You are a week off giving birth Meredith. So of course your bump is in the way but at least you have a story to tell the baby."

"I suppose." She says smiling from beneath her scrub cap. "Just I apologise in advance if my water breaks halfway through surgery."

"Well I will forgive you. It's my 3rd grandchild we are talking about."

"Good." She says.

"What a great place to have your baby shower, in the hospital." Mark says.

"Well it was easier having it here so people can come and go and they don't leave or no one shows up."

"Well let's just hope the guest of honour shows up."

"She will. She's in her first solo surgery. I had to talk to Izzie and be assigned everything and set things up and she gets a solo."

"You gave her a solo for her wedding gift?"

"Surely did."

"God, you are so getting laid tonight." Mark says. "She better walk down that aisle."

"What do you mean?"

"Dude I was best man the first time. You never even stepped foot on that carpet. I had a great speech to give. Then the next time I had no time to prepare a speech because I only got roped into it an hour before I found out about the secret ceremony everyone had organised. I was the last to know and then I never go to make a speech. So today, tonight, she better walk down that aisle so I can give my best man speech. I have worked on this one very hard."

"I bet you have. She will walk down the aisle Mark. Just don't harass her about it. She is 39 weeks pregnant, she could go into labour any day now."

"It better not be tonight." He says.

…

"I've got some adhesions. I need to dissect down to mobilize the sigmoid."

"Oh..."

"Bovey please."

"Mm mm... Mm mmm. MMM MMMM... MMM MMM!"

"Do you have something you'd like to say?"

"No, no no. You're doing fine."

"How's the solo surgery coming along Grey?" Mark asks.

"Well, I think it's going ok. But, you should probably ask the Chief here."

"She's doing great. You chose a quatery when I probably would have gone with scissors. But, she made it work. We'll be out of here in plenty of time for the wedding and the baby shower."

"Good. At least you won't have any excuses."

"Excuse me?"

"I have been recruited to be Derek's best friend before. I made a toast up but I never got to offer my words of wisdom. It was a lot of work coming up with a speech I never got to say. I've never gotten to do full best man duties before because the one time he actually does marry someone, I barely had time to come up with a toast. So you better make it down that aisle because I have been working on this toast for 4 weeks now."

"So, you came in here to threaten me?" She asks.

"I'm his best man. That's my job."

"Hmmm..." Richard says.

"What now?"

"Oh, no, it's ok. It's fine. Everything's fine, right? I don't need to say anything."

"Hmmm..." Mark says hovering over her shoulder.

"You shouldn't even have bothered with a best man's speech because it's a vow renewal not a wedding."

"Hey, I'm toasting as a best man, whether you like it or not." He says.

…

She closed the patient with no complications and was now scrubbing out. Her father standing beside her.

"Meredith."

"Yes?"

"I've been reading your mother's journals. I wish she was here today."

"Well, I don't know how she would have felt about a wedding renewal a week before I'm due to have my 3rd child."

"No, not for that. For this. Your first solo surgery."

"Oh, well she probably would have said with all the mistakes I've made I'm lucky the patients alive."

"That's right, but, I also know she would have been thrilled. She wouldn't have been able to tell you, but, she would have been so proud of you.

"Thank you Dad."

"Now go and change and enjoy your baby shower."

She knew she was running late but she was allowed to be. She changed from her scrubs and into something that was comfortable for her. Derek met her at the residents locker room and she kissed him.

"Best present ever." She says. "Thank you."

"You deserve it." He says locking his hand with hers. "Come on we have a baby shower to get to." He says.

She arrives at the baby shower and people are mingling around. The baby shower she convinced Izzie to do was simple. It would be baby games and food.

"There you are." Cristina says. "We've been waiting."

"I was in solo surgery. I'm allowed to be late." She says.

"Well I need to know what exactly onesie decorating is?" She asks.

"Well you get a onesie and you decorate it." Meredith says.

"I know but still how do I decorate it?"

"However you want."

She sits down at the table with Alex and George and Meredith sits down with them as well while Derek goes off and talks to Mark.

"You know what. I want this day to be over already." George says.

"Why?" Meredith asks.

"Because I am over death. I want Izzie to be fine. I just want everything to be fine."

"Everything will be fine George. Just think about the celebration tonight."

"You better not go into labour before your ceremony because then I'll be out 50 bucks." Alex says.

"You didn't have to bet on my pregnant state."

"Well I had too. I already am out 40 bucks because I betted the baby would be born 2 weeks early. So I betted again I said that the baby would be born late. The baby will be a 1st of January baby and the time will be 12:09 because it will wait that extra few minutes to be a day later."

"Why are you betting on me being so uncomfortable for 9 days?"

"Because I think the baby will surprise us. Everyone thinks it will be early or a day or two late. I'm betting it will be 9 days late."

"I hate you right now Alex." Meredith says. "And I hate your drawing."

She says looking at the picture he is scribbling onto the onesie.

"Brain's do not look like that." George says.

"So, it doesn't have to be technical. She's not going to give them to her baby to wear."

"You never know. I could."

"You're crazy if you do."

"Geez Alex. You're more hormonal than Meredith today." Cristina says. "Are you having girl problems?"

"No." He says.

"Then why are you so hormonal? Are you PMSing?"

"Seriously Yang?"

"Sorry, I'm trying to lighten the mood."

Alex stands up and leaves.

"That was mean but funny." George says.

"Thank you."

"I'm going to socialise and eat some food because I am starving."

"Don't eat too much cause you won't fit into your wedding dress." Cristina calls after her.

Meredith smiles as she goes and gets so food and sits down with Derek.

"They'll start playing games soon." He tells her.

"I know."

"You alright?"

"Yeah I am. Did you tell your mother to come with the kids?" She asks.

"I did but they treated them to a day out."

"Your mother has been so good the last few weeks."

"She is always there to help out. No matter what."

"I mean she is looking after the kids tonight after the ceremony and reception so we can have some alone time and enjoy our 'honeymoon' night. Or renewal night."

"Well she wants us to have a kid free night to celebrate a new promise. So it's just like a wedding night. Which I have planned out very well. You will like it." He says.

"Will I just. Will this be the thing that puts me into labour?"

"Well let's see how good I am." He says winking at her. "Anyway, I'll be back. Just think of what tonight will be like. Tonight with no children at home. Just us screaming and doing it wherever you want."

She smiles and he kisses her lips before he leaves.

"What was that all about?" Cristina asks taking a seat beside her.

"Nothing."

"Are the two of you doing the dirty tonight because you have no kids at home and it's a wedding night?"

Maybe."

"You two are unbelievable. You would think that that baby bump of yours would stop the love making but it just spurs you to do it more and more."

"Sex during pregnancy is the best thing in the world. My hormones are all over the place and it's like a craving. The sex." She says. "And I feel so great about myself."

"I can't believe the two of you have not scared your children yet." She says shaking her head. "Won't you be exhausted by the time the two of you get home?"

"Okay, I shouldn't tell you this but Derek has this way. It's like waking the beast. I just can't fall asleep once he has woken the beast and I have all this energy that I just go and go. We rest in between and then we go again."

"How do you find the time? To keep going I should say."

"I don't know. We just do. We have a healthy sex life. There's nothing wrong with having sex."

"I'm still surprised the two of you don't have more kids."

Meredith laughs at her and then looks around. "Instead of being your 3rd baby shower it will be your 6th or 7th."

"Hey, I'm not having that many kids and besides Derek and I are practically a condom ad."

"I didn't need to know that."

"Well you assume we would have more kids but we probably wear the most protection out of everyone in this hospital." She says.

"I'm going to agree with you on that one. I mean all the nurses, the interns. I still remember our 2nd month in as interns and we were all given that safe sex demonstration because of the syphilis outbreak."

"No thanks to George." She says smiling.

"It's crazy to think how far the two of us have come since our first day here."

"I agree very much. I mean we had the crazy, slutty interns throwing themselves at everyone, and then we have the geeks who hide out."

"Then us. The most career driven people out there."

"I'm surprised you didn't just say yourself."

"I was going to but you have crazy pregnant hormones and you could snap."

"That is quite true." She says smiling. She rests her hands on her stomach. "The baby is kicking."

She grabs Cristina's hand and places it where the baby is kicking.

"Wow. That was a big one."

"I know." She says. "I've gotten so used to them. They can be mighty powerful but my god they are one of the most beautiful things to feel."

"I know they are."

"And get this." She says lifting up her shirt to show Cristina her belly. "The baby is lying on the right hand side. You can see the more of a bulge there then on the other side."

Cristina just smiles and rubs Meredith's belly. "You in there are going to be so loved its crazy. You just need to let your mother get through her ceremony today and then you can come into the world whenever you want. Preferably the 24th of December."

"You betted the 24th?"

"Surely did."

"God I'm glad I didn't have bets placed on my first two."

"Yeah well about that…"

"You placed bets on my kids?"

"Yeah we did. I won your first one and then Callie with Cooper. The nurses love a good old bet."

"They love a good old STI as well."

Cristina laughs and Meredith starts laughing as well. They both stop and look at the empty seat beside them.

"Izzie should be here." Meredith says.

"I know. She planned this down to detail. She should be here to boss people around and make sure I play the baby games."

"Yeah I'm supposed to push you and make sure you play those games." She says. "So for Izzie's sake I am. Everyone Baby game time!"

Cristina pulls Meredith up off the chair and she begins the baby games. Meredith feeling slightly humiliated stands there and carries on. She hated being the centre of attention especially since she would be centre of attention again tonight but she enjoyed it. She was going to have another baby again so soon.

After playing baby shower games and cutting the cake she sat down with Derek at the table and ate cake.

"It has been quite alright today." She says.

"Yeah it has."

"You aren't in on the bet for today are you?"

He doesn't answer her and avoids eye contact.

"Derek."

"I betted that you would make it down the aisle and we would go the whole night without you suddenly going into labour."

"Good." She says. "I still can't believe you are in on bets against your own wife. Yes other people but not me."

"Well this is the only bet I am in on."

"Did you know that they had bets when we were pregnant the last two times?"

"No I didn't." He says lying.

"Derek you are a terrible liar."

"I'm not lying."

"Derek I know you too well. I know you are lying."

"Well I know when you fake it."

"That is never. I never fake it." She says.

"Lies." He says smirking and hugging her before blowing kisses onto her neck

"Derek!" She says giggling. "Stop please."

"Am I interrupting?" Bailey asks sitting down at the table.

"No." Meredith says.

"We found another tumour."

"We heard."

"It's inoperable."

"I wish we could do something for them."

"I have an idea. That's why I am here." She says.

Meredith goes off to find Alex to propose the idea. She finds him sitting outside upset.

"Alex." She says.

"Bailey says Nelson found another tumour, in Izzie's brain. Did you hear?"

"I heard."

"I just..."

"Alex."

"He doesn't think he's gonna get it out this time. I think..." He says as he starts crying. "I think she's gonna die on me. I think she's really gonna die. Ugh! What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for a wedding?

"Well, that's what I came to talk to you about." She says.

"Ah, oh, here she comes." Bailey says as Meredith runs to the door.

"Mer! You're supposed to be at the church."

"I'm going. I just came to say this isn't my dress."

"Of course it's your dress. It's perfect. What are you talking about?"

"No, this dress is not for me."

I don't... what? Oh god! I knew you were gonna freak out before the wedding. Mer, Derek loves you. That's why he proposed that the two of you renew your vows. Tell her it's good."

"No, she's saying it's not her wedding dress." Bailey says smiling.

"She's right. The dress, it isn't for Meredith." Alex says running to the room in his tux.

Meredith smiles as she looks between the two of them. Izzie just smiles in disbelief.

They drove Izzie to the church and one of the dresses that they had chosen that was a backup for Meredith had become her dress. It fit her beautifully. She finally got to be a beautiful bride. Meredith had already done it. It was time for Izzie to become a bride. They helped her dress and get ready. Izzie even insisted on given Kaylee the flower girl position because she was that excited to be in her parents wedding party.

"Oh Mer, I don't... I don't even know how to... I... thank you." Izzie says grabbing her arm.

Meredith starts tearing up but smiles. "Ok, so who's the maid of honour? Me or Cristina?"

"Cristina. Alex, he needs a best man... and he was asking for you."

Meredith laughs trying to hold back the tears.

"Oh, so what? I'm leftovers?" Cristina asks.

"You tried to save my life. That makes you honourable." Izzie says.

"Quick they are starting the music." Kaylee says with the biggest smile on her face.

"Okay, you ready Iz?"

"More than ready."

They help her from the wheelchair and the wedding begins. Alex, Meredith, Cristina and Kaylee wait up at the alter for Izzie to walk down the aisle. Meredith herself felt ridiculous being 39 weeks pregnant and standing in a bridesmaids dress which wasn't hers. But it miraculously fit her.

The doors open and everyone turns their attention to the doors. Izzie starts walking down the aisle with a huge smile on her face. This was Izzie's dream wedding. She walked down the aisle and she started slowing down and leant up against a pew. George stepped away and helped her. He was Izzie's best friend. He lead her down the aisle and handed her over to Alex to have their wedding day.

Alex took her and stood in front of her with a huge smile on her face.

"Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to celebrate the wedding of Alexander Michael Karev and Isobel Katherine Stevens. This is a sacred right. An ancient right. As Isobel and Alex prepare to join their lives, it is important to understand that everyone present has played a part in shaping their lives. And, will continue to play a vital role in their continuing future. And thus, we are here not only to witness their vows to each other, but to bestow upon them our blessing. And, now the couple will read their vows." The minister says.

"Oh, we didn't write anything." Izzie says.

"No, wait. I have something I wanna say. Today's the day my life begins. All my life I've been just me. Just a smart mouth kid. Today I become a man. Today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you. To our future. To all the possibilities that a marriage has to offer. Together, no matter what happens, I'll be ready. For anything. For everything. To take on life, to take on love. To take on possibility and responsibility. Today Izzie Stevens, our life together begins. And I for one can't wait."

"I love you." Izzie says kissing him.

"Ahem, not yet!"

"Hurry up!" Alex says causing a few laughs.

"By the power vested in me, by god and the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

"Now?" Izzie asks.

"Now." He says and Izzie and Alex kiss. They kiss to welcome in the future. And everyone claps to their new beginning. Meredith smiles down at Kaylee who is smiling widely and then she turns to find Derek smiling at her. She smiles even wider.

This could have been them. They could have been standing here with their family and friends clapping for them. They would have their vows renewed but they didn't. They gave their wedding to their ill friend and they couldn't feel happier about it. They were young and already married with 2 beautiful kids and another child on the way. They couldn't ask for a better day.

After a reception of dancing they headed home. The kids going to Carolyn's and the two of them lying on the lounge room floor surrounded in flowers and candles and gifts, mainly baby gifts but a few extra things that were thrown in by family and friends. They lay in front of the fire on blankets.

"Ah, best non wedding day ever!" Meredith says.

"Wanna go again?" Derek asks.

And the two of them giggle and start over again.

**Thoughts.**

**Next chapter is Meredith's official due date.**

**I should have an update up as soon as possible.**


	31. I'll Work Until I Pop

A week had passed and today was her official due date. The 22nd of December. Derek and her had spent the past week preparing for the baby and making sure they have everything they will need and having bags packed for the kids and the bag packed for Meredith for when she was in the hospital. They were overexcited to meet the new baby and were just waiting until he or she made their appearance.

She woke to Derek leaning up on his arm and watching her.

"Hey, how long have you been up for?" She asks after she wakes up.

"All night. I was going to be awake if the baby miraculously decided to come. But also was trying to figure out how Nelson could get the tumour out of Izzie's brain."

"Why are you smiling?" She asks.

"Cause I figured out how to do it. Once Izzie's in the clear and this baby is born, we're going to have our ceremony. Somewhere on the beach. I would suggest the Bahamas and have our wedding on the beach. The one and only beach club, you can actually have drinks during the ceremony but we will wait until the baby is old enough to fly." He says smiling and leaning in, kissing her lips.

They head to the hospital with the kids in tow. She drops them off at the crèche with Kaylee reminding them to collect her from the crèche when the baby is on its way.

"I promise I will. Just have a good day." She says kissing Kaylee. "Today might not be the day the baby actually comes Kaylee."

"I think it will be." She says.

"Well we will know by the end of the day." She says. "Go on. Have a good day."

"Dr Nelson."

"Shepherd."

"I have an idea for Izzie Stevens."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Okay, come and show me what you want to do." He says.

Derek proposed the idea for Izzie and Nelson agrees that it could work. They just need to convince Swinder.

"You wanna remove her hippocampus?" Swinder asks.

"One of them. It's a common procedure for seizure patients." Derek says.

"Moving her hippocampus could compromise her memory, her speech, she wouldn't be able to practice medicine anymore."

"I have performed this surgery hundreds of times." Nelson says.

"On cancer patients?"

"No. But it's..."

"If you do the surgery I could lose my memory?" Izzie says.

"It's unlikely but it's possible." Derek says optimistic.

"And, if you don't do the surgery..."

"We could shrink the tumour with IL2."

"If the tumour doesn't kill me first." Izzie says.

"Why take the chance?"

"Have you even done a WADA test to see how her memory would be affected?"

"Putting her brain to sleep and asking her to remember a bunch of flash cards is not an accurate assessment of the post-surgical outcome."

"But, it would tell us whether or not she could function afterwards. And, as Dr Stevens primary physician..."

"Fine I'll do it. It's unnecessary but..." Nelson says.

"The surgery is unnecessary."

"The tumour is already symptomatic, she's having hallucinations." Derek says.

After the presentation from Derek she had a decision to be made. To either have the surgery and loose her memory or continue with IL2 treatment and shrink the tumour.

"If Nelson cuts the tumour out I could lose my memory, and if he doesn't I can die. I don't know what to do. Alex, tell me what to do."

"Iz, I can't tell you what to do."

"Of course you can, you're my husband. That's what husbands do, they stomp around telling their wives what to do. It's your job."

"My job is to support whatever you wanna do."

"I don't know what I wanna do. That's why I'm asking you. Ok, I have an idea. Let's put it to a vote. All in favour of the surgery."

"No. We're not voting. No one's... no one's voting." Meredith says.

"Opposed?"

"I'm opposed... to voting." Cristina says.

"Just decide for me. Please?"

"You don't have to know right now. Think about it."

"I don't have time." Izzie says.

Meredith goes off with Cristina and stops for water and a snack. This day was the day she didn't want to be here. She wanted to be here but Izzie deciding if she wanted surgery or not made it harder on her. She wanted to be hiding away at home with no communication to her at all.

"Hey, come and have a look at this." Cristina says dragging her into a viewing room.

She stood looking at scans for a patient Swinder was treating.

"It's impressive, but it took 2 years to get these results."

"Yeah but, these 2 scans were taken 3 months apart." Cristina says.

"But, Izzie may not have 3 months. That tumour could start bleeding in 3 days, or 3 seconds. And, since when are you not about cutting?"

"Since it may not be in the best interest of our patient." Cristina says.

"And Derek's not acting in Izzie's best interest?" She asks ask Derek opens the door.

"They're reinforcing radiology." He says looking at Meredith, knowing all too well what they were talking about.

Meredith follows Derek out and is met by Richard.

"Dr Grey."

"Yes Dr Webber."

"Your maternity leave."

"What about it?"

"I want you to start it today. You are due today."

"Richard, I am going to work until my water breaks. I have a lot of energy, I can handle working. I am not ready to stop working just yet. I will stop when I am 10 centimetres dilated and I can feel the baby's head making its way out of my body."

"Well at least have today off. Just to make sure you have everything organised and ready just in case and to have a day to sit with your feet up. You came off a 20 hour shift yesterday. You need to rest for a healthy baby."

"Richard, the baby is 40 weeks. I am pretty sure I have a healthy baby."

"Just go home, make sure you have everything prepared because today could be the day you have that baby."

"Fine."

"You can come back Monday if you have no baby."

Meredith smiles and goes off to let Derek know she is headed home for the day. She changes and takes the kids from the crèche before heading home. She was feeling claustrophobic being here. All she could feel was death and no happy endings today. She wanted to be surrounded by love and her family.

"Mummy?" Kaylee asks.

"Yes Kaylee."

"Is Izzie still alive?"

"Yeah she is baby girl."

"Will she see the baby?"

"I hope so. She has to decide if she wants surgery or go with IL2 treatment."

"Well what do you think is best for her?"

"I think she shouldn't have surgery but your daddy came up with the surgery idea." She says. "I don't know. It's Izzie's choice."

"Well no matter what Mummy you will still have us and the new baby."

Meredith smiles and then kisses the top of her head. "Exactly Kaylee."

"Can we make cookies?" Kaylee asks.

"Sure we can. Do you want to get the ingredients out while I make a phone call?"

"Of course Mummy."

She took her phone from her bag and watched as Kaylee and Cooper helped each other take ingredients from the cupboard and everything else.

"_Hello?" Carolyn says on the other end._

"Hi, it's Meredith."

"_Hi dear. Are you in labour? Do you need me to come over?"_

"No, I'm not in labour. I was sent home for the day; Richard wants me to make sure I have everything ready just in case today is the day."

"_Oh, well do you need anything dear?"_

"I realised that I haven't started wrapping you-know-what. And I just need to take a break for an hour just to put my feet up and relax before the baby actually comes. Would you mind watching the kids for a couple of hours?"

"_I would love to come and watch them. I'll be there in 20 minutes. Are you sure you don't want me to wrap the presents for you?"_

"I'm more than sure." She says. "Great, I'll see you then."

She hangs up and places her phone down on the table.

"Let's get started."

"Is Nanna coming over?"

"Yep. She is going to watch you for a few hours. I need to do some things and you will have a lot more fun with Nanna then with me."

"Well can we make a triple batch of cookies?"

"I suppose we can." She says lifting Cooper up onto the bench. "Let's get started then."

She watches and helps Kaylee and Cooper make cookies. They rolled them and placed them on the trays laughing and brightening Meredith's day.

"Coopie you're making them too big." Kaylee says laughing.

"I want a big cookie." He says smiling.

"But then there will be fewer cookies if you make a big cookie." Meredith says. "You want to make them smaller so you have more."

"I want a big cookie though." He says smiling. "More for me. We make the rest smaller."

"I can never say no to you mister."

"Big cookie?" He asks, his blue eyes growing wide.

"Yes but Kaylee gets a big cookie as well."

"And Mummy as well." Kaylee says. "She needs some energy for the baby Coopie."

"Yes, I'll make Mummy a big cookie." He says. "For the baby." He rolls a large cookie for Meredith. "All done Mummy and baby." He says patting her belly. "When will my baby brother be here?"

"It's a little sister Cooper." Kaylee says.

"Well it could be a brother or a sister." Meredith tells them. "We are going to have to wait and see, as soon as the baby is born to know."

"Which I hope is today."

"Is the baby coming today?" Cooper asks.

"Maybe. We are going to have to wait and see when the baby wants to make an appearance. It could be today or it could be tomorrow or next week."

"I want my baby brother now." Cooper says.

"Well I think Coopie in the next couple of days I will want the baby to be here as well." She says smiling.

"Meredith!"

"In the kitchen!" Meredith calls back.

She places the cookies in the oven to cook and Carolyn and Amelia walk into the kitchen.

"Hi Nanna." Kaylee says.

"Hi Nannie." Cooper says smiling widely. "Hi Aunt Amy."

"Hey kids."

Meredith places her hand on Cooper's back and kisses the top of his head.

"We just made cookies Nanna."

"I made a big one." Cooper says.

"You made a big one. How big was it?" She asks.

"This big." Cooper says holding his hands out in front of him to give an estimation at how big it is.

"Wow, that is huge." Carolyn says.

"You can have some when they come out of the oven. Aunt Amy can as well." Kaylee says. "We made them full of love."

"I bet you did baby girl." Amelia says picking her up off the bench. "Come on you two. Let's go run around outside for a little while."

"But what about the cookies?"

"Nanna and Mer will look after them."

"Okay." She says excitedly. "Come on Peanut."

Cooper and Kaylee run outside with Amelia and Peanut.

"Do you want a cuppa?" Meredith asks.

"I would love one but I will make one because as of today you are 40 weeks pregnant and you need to be off your feet."

"Thank you." She says taking a seat.

Carolyn stands by the kettle, waiting for the water to boil.

"How's Izzie going?"

"It's touch and go. They found another tumour, which is in a difficult place in the brain. She can choose surgery to get rid of the tumour or try IL2 treatment. The brain surgery has possible complications, involving memory loss. IL2 is proving to be a great solution but this tumour could bleed out and Izzie could die."

"So its touch and go?"

"Yep. I couldn't be there anymore. I needed to get out and breathe and spend time with the kids and not be at the hospital because I walked in the doors this morning and all I could sense was death. I have never sensed that before, well I did when I had that 'feeling', but I am feeling like death is upon us."

Carolyn places the cup in front of her and sits beside her offering her a small smile and placing her hand on top of Meredith's.

"It gets like that dear. It can get all too much and you feel like death is breathing down your neck and you aren't going to have a successful day. I felt like that, especially when I was pregnant." She says. "When I was pregnant with Derek, I was a week off his due date. I came to work one morning after I woke up with a strange feeling. Death was surrounding the hospital. That's what I felt. I went to work and all day I worried. I worried about myself more than anything else because I thought that something bad was going to happen to me. I also had a dear friend who was terminal in the hospital. I made it to the end of the day, my friend survived another day and I survived another day. You get feelings and you live with them and try and get past them."

"I think it's just because I feel so scared at this point in time. I mean, I'm about to have my 3rd child. I am going to have another baby."

"And you're allowed to be scared because anything could happen."

"But to be honest, I was not scared when I was pregnant with Kaylee."

"I was exactly the same with Kathleen. I wasn't scared at all. She was a healthy baby. Then my friend had a baby and it was sick, so when I was pregnant with Nancy, I was scared so much. If the baby didn't move I was scared it wasn't alive anymore. I was so scared that something would happen. I had 5 kids and nothing ever happened."

"I know. I'm being unreasonable but I think I am more scared for Izzie then I am for the baby."

"And that is fine. Izzie is one of your close friends. She could die. You're allowed to worry and be scared." She says. "You're a mother."

Meredith smiles at her and then places her hands on her stomach and looks down and smiles even more. "I'm welcoming my 3rd baby anytime now. If you asked me ten years ago if I would be here I would have called you crazy."

"Well I would have thought I was a little crazy too but be honest with me. Did you like the way your last ten years have panned out or do you wish it was different."

"Are you kidding me?" She says giggling. "I am about to have my 3 baby. I had wished it was a few years later when I had Kaylee but I have loved the chance of being a mother before all of my friends and at this age. She made me realise what I want and how scary the world can be but how beautiful it can be all at the same time. I think Kaylee was a real eye opener."

"Yes she was. You and Derek needed her in your life to realise what was important. You see things differently to him. He started that year with the thought of he would be finally finishing school. That is all he wanted to do was party and finish school. He didn't have much ambition at the start of the year but as soon as he found he would have a baby in 8 months his attitude changed, he pushed himself harder at school, he skipped out on parties and he prepared to become a father. He prepared himself to become accountable to someone else. You two needed her because it changed your lives."

Meredith smiled and rubbed a circle on her belly. "I am really glad we had her because I would be partying and I would not want to take responsibility to anything."

"And if people say a child is bad at 18 it's not because you realise what you really want in life and it's to have a successful and stable home for your family. I think that having Kaylee would have been the best thing in the whole entire world." She says smiling.

"It really was." She says. "I wouldn't change it for the world."

"Well look at you now. You are a 3rd year resident. You're married and are welcoming your 3rd child and you are happy. Not many surgeons tell you that they are happy and not many of them have kids when they are 3rd years. You have made it work."

"Without Derek's support I would not have done this well with the kids and work."

"You find a way to make it work and you two have so that's a credit to the both of you. Be proud."

"I am proud." She says as Kaylee and Cooper come running inside with Amelia and Peanut. "Very proud."

…

Carolyn and Amelia left to take the kids for a few hours so she could wrap Christmas gifts and make sure her hospital bag is packed and ready.

But while she wrapped presents she was too distracted thinking about Izzie. Derek was keeping her updated regularly to let her know but she knew that he was checking up on her just in case she was in labour.

So she wrapped half of the gifts and headed to Steph's house. She made sure her hospital bag was in the car because today could be the day. She walked straight inside and heard the noises of children's laughter as they played.

"Steph!"

"I'm in the playroom."

She waddled down to the playroom where she saw all 5 kids playing and laughing.

"Hey guys." She says.

"Hi Aunty Meredith." Sam says.

"Your belly is very big today." Zoe says pointing at it.

"It's beautiful." Steph says standing up and hugging Meredith. "She's going to have another baby."

"When Aunt Mer?" Sam asks.

"Well my due date is today but it could be tomorrow or the next week."

"Well Kaylee is excited. She wants to have another sibling." He says. "Where is Kaylee?"

"She is with her Nan and Aunt. I needed a few hours to myself."

"Well I was going to take the kids to the park. Let them ride their bikes and get some fresh air." Steph says. "I think you could use the fresh air. You've been in those hospital walls too long and need to see that outside world."

Meredith smiles. "I think I have been. Come on let's go to the park." Meredith says.

Together they had driven the kids to the park with the bikes in the car and a bag of snacks.

They soon arrived at the park and the kids were on their bikes riding through the park. With Sam and Zoe on their bikes and the triplets on the trike bikes, riding them by themselves. She couldn't believe how big they were now. They used to have to be pushed in their trikes but now they were riding them all by themselves. They were growing too quickly.

"You're not going to go into labour are you?" Steph asks as they walk through the park.

"No, I am not. I don't feel that today is the day."

"I know what you mean." She says. "How is work going? Are you on maternity leave yet?"

"Not yet. I told Dad that I am not going on maternity leave until I am 10 centimetres dilated and I can feel the baby's head passing through. He told me to have today off so I took it because I feel like death is following me."

"That's kind of gruesome." She says laughing.

"You'd understand if you were a doctor." She says laughing. "It's just that Izzie has cancer and she may die so soon that I feel that today was the day. I needed to be out of those four walls and with the people I love. Though Derek is still there, I still feel like death is slowly creeping away."

"So your friend could die?"

"Yes."

"Can they help her?"

"Yes, Derek has proposed brain surgery, he came up with an idea and his attending liked the idea but there are complications. She could have surgery with complications or continue with IL2 to shrink the tumour. Though she might not have a lot of time for the IL2 to work."

"Cancer sucks."

"It surely does."

"Just think about the positives. The renewal ceremony which you should have had last week and the baby which is coming any day now."

"Well it will happen soon. We are focusing on the new baby."

"Girl or boy?"

"Boy."

"You think a boy?"

"Today I do. Yesterday I thought it was a girl. It keeps changing."

"You're having a girl. Your belly is so much more bigger than when you had Cooper. It has a different shape as well. It looks more like a watermelon then a basketball."

"Well I am not smuggling any watermelons or balls. This is my true baby belly."

"Have you been told that you really suit being pregnant?"

"All the time. Mainly by Derek."

"Well it does suit you."

Meredith smiles. Her phone sounds and she sees that Derek had messaged her.

_Izzie is having surgery. She has though signed a DNR form. You should come and see her. Are you feeling okay?_

'I don't know how to feel about that. I can't believe she signed the form. I am with Steph and the kids. And Kaylee and Cooper are on their way to meet up. Izzie knows how much I love her. I just can't be at the hospital especially with this feeling of death. I need family and friends. I will be fine. I am not in labour either. I will be sure to let you know.' She replies back.

"Derek?"

"Yes. He is checking up on me. Izzie though is having surgery. She's signed a DNR though."

"You should go and see her just in case this is the last day you will ever see her."

"I can't be there."

"Meredith you will regret this if you don't see her."

"Steph she knows. I have told her that I can't be there and she understands. She says that I should be at home resting. She knows."

"Okay. If you're sure then I will support you." She says placing a hand on Meredith's shoulder. "It's your choice."

"Thank you."

"Look." She says pointing a head of them.

Meredith sees Kaylee and Cooper talking to Sam and Zoe. Carolyn and Amelia are watching from a park bench.

"Mummy!" Kaylee says running towards her. Cooper follows behind Kaylee and runs towards her.

"Hey kids." She says as their arms wrap around her legs. "Are you having fun?"

"Yes Mummy." Kaylee says.

"Come on let's go and play." She says.

"Up Mumma." Cooper says.

Meredith bends down and lifts Cooper up. She was finding it so much harder to carry him with her belly and him nearly being 3 and a half.

"I'm not going to be able to carry you for much longer." She tells him.

"You carry the baby around."

"Yeah I'll have to carry the baby around."

"Daddy?"

"He will carry you."

The kids climbed off their bikes and went and played on the equipment with all the other kids enjoying their holidays. Parents sat watching the kids with picnic blankets and baskets. Most of the parents looked at Meredith as she passed them. She knew what they were thinking but she didn't care. She honestly did not give a crap.

"Mumma push?" Cooper asks.

"Yeah let's go baby."

She pushed Cooper on the swings and watched as all the kids ran around the playground laughing and smiling. A woman stood beside her and put her daughter on the swing and started pushing her daughter. Meredith smiled at her and then noticed her baby bump and her bump was the same size as Meredith's.

"You look how I feel." Meredith says.

"I know." She says smiling. "2 more weeks to go though so I'm excited. What about you? How much longer?"

"I am actually 40 weeks today."

"God I wouldn't be at the park pushing my kid if I was 40 weeks."

"I have so much energy that I wanted to get out in the fresh air. I was given the day off today to prepare just in case but I told my boss I'm working until I am in labour."

"You're very keen. I asked to start my leave from 36 weeks. Well my boss made me start maternity leave then because he didn't want to be liable if anything happened."

"I'm a doctor. So if anything happened at work I don't have very far to travel."

"Wow, I'm blown away at how you're managing to do this all at 40 weeks."

"Well this will be my 3rd baby. I'm only a young mother so I feel as if I have all the energy in the world."

"Well you are looking very good." She says as she picks up her daughter. "Come on Luce let's get going." She stops for a moment. "Good luck with your baby."

"Same to you."

After an afternoon spent at the park they headed to the hospital. She wanted to see Derek and Izzie.

"Mer, you're here?" Cristina asks sitting down beside her.

"Yeah, I came to get Derek and see Izzie."

"They just wheeled her into recovery."

"Do you think she will be fine?"

"I hope so. I really hope so." Cristina says. "But you have other things to worry about. Like babies."

"I know but I won't be having the baby today. I know it. It will be a late baby."

"Well you look great." Cristina says. "I'm off. I'll see you tomorrow. Or the next day."

"Okay." She says smiling.

"Or if you're not in your scrubs you'll be in a hospital gown with a newborn baby in your arms."

"Let's hope so." She says. "Night Cris."

"Night Mer."

"Are we going home Mummy?"

"Yeah we are. We just have to wait for Daddy."

"There is my beautiful family." Derek says smiling as he walks into the locker room.

"Daddy." Kaylee says running to him.

"Hey baby girl." He says picking her up. "Hey baby boy."

"Mummy still hasn't had the baby yet." Kaylee says.

Derek looks at Meredith and smiles. "I know that." He says. "Come on let's go and get some dinner and then head home. Mummy needs a rest."

"Well she baked with us today and she went to the park with Steph and her 5 and us and she pushed us on the swings." Kaylee says.

"Well she definitely deserves a rest. She could have that baby any day now."

**Thoughts would be great.**

**So no baby yet. Baby Shepherd's arrival is going to come at an unexpected time for the family.**

**I'll try and update as soon as I can.**


	32. Treated Like A Human

Two days later she walked into the locker room with Derek. Carolyn and Amelia told them that would babysit the kids for now on until they left on the 31st of December. They were the permanent babysitters and Meredith was glad because she was still pregnant. 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant and it was easier the kids staying with them just in case she went into labour.

Those past two days Izzie was recovering from her surgery. She had spent yesterday resting and didn't wake up. Alex did not leave her bedside because he was scared that she would never wake up. Derek tried to tell him that it would be fine. She needed time to recover from the surgery because it was a big surgery. Alex wasn't convinced and started saying that Nelson botched the surgery.

Though Meredith was the second most talked about thing. Everyone was so shocked that she was still working when she was due to have her baby. She didn't care. She wasn't a cripple she was a human being who was carrying another life. She was just overdue but she could still work nothing was stopping her. She told Richard that she was absolutely fine to work and she would work until she was having contractions. He didn't argue with her because he was her daughter and she was pregnant he didn't want a hormone outbreak.

The night that she was supposed to go into labour they stayed up passed midnight and Derek told her they were having a late baby. She wanted to hit him for being a smartass and for someway mocking her condition but she didn't. She just kept to herself and told him that she would withhold sex if he mocked her again. He never mocked her again and told her how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to have her. She knew he was sucking up for sex but she didn't mind. She would make love to her husband to somewhat forget about what was happening in the world right at this moment.

Yesterday was a day spent at home for Derek and her. It was another day to prepare for the birth and to rest and to make sure Christmas presents were wrapped and the kid's bag was ready as well. She knew all too well that he wanted her resting and as far away from the hospital as possible but she wasn't complaining she woke to breakfast in bed and the house kid free. It was just her and Derek because Jackson and Jasmine wanted to take the kids for the day and spoil them and buy them Christmas gifts and do the last bit of Christmas shopping. So it was her and Derek's day together to relax.

He wrapped the last of the presents for her and she sat and read through baby name books again.

"_I don't know why you are reading that book. We have our names picked out."_

"_I know but I don't have any idea for middle names."_

"_When we see the baby we will know. We were lucky that Kaylee was a Kaylee and Cooper was a Cooper. And this baby will be what we decide." He says. "We will know when we see the baby."_

"_I know. I just don't want the baby to not have a name for a week because we can't decide."_

"_Hey we have our favourite names and we have other names in mind. We will not have a nameless baby." He says kissing her forehead. "We will have a named baby."_

"_If it ever comes."_

"_The baby will come. It just wants to spend a little more time cooking before it makes an appearance. It wants to healthy and ready to come into the world." He says. "The baby doesn't want to leave you because you have given it a home for 9 months that it is more than comfortable staying put."_

"_You think?"_

"_Yes I do."_

"_Even though she is making me uncomfortable?"_

"_Yes." He says. "You're thinking a girl?"_

"_Today I am. Yesterday it was a boy but now it's a girl."_

"_You really don't have a feeling?"_

"_I really don't." She says. "Which is strange because Cooper and Kaylee I did. But this one I don't know."_

"_Well I don't know either. I do hope for another girl."_

"_Me too but a boy won't be too bad either."_

"_We will be happy with whatever." He says._

"_We will be." She says. _

The rest of that day she spent lying down with Derek napping or talking. It felt like a comfort thing to be with him at this time while their friend was still asleep from her brain surgery and she was overdue. Just having Derek there comforted her a lot.

But they came to work the next day and changed. Derek went with Nelson to check on Izzie and explain the surgery because she was awake. Meredith pulled her scrubs on and followed everyone else down to the ER where pages were coming. Hers didn't go off but she still followed them.

She saw the activity in the pit and wondered what was going on.

"What happened?" She asks one of her interns.

"A head on collision. 8 patients are being wheeled in."

"Okay. Well you listen to Hunt. I'll be there in a second."

Meredith grabbed a gown and gloves.

"Blood. That is what I want to see." Cristina says tying Meredith's gown up.

"I know. I want to cut something. I need to cut someone or do a procedure because I feel as if I am being mummy tracked and the doctors aren't assigning me to anything because they are afraid that I will not be able to handle it. They think I am an invalid."

"You are 40 weeks pregnant. I think they are more worried that you will go into labour then actually freak out when you cut a patient."

"I won't because I'm Meredith Grey. I don't freak out at a little sight of blood."

"Well remember a couple of months ago when you almost threw up in that body cavity. Yeah that would not have been good."

"The baby didn't like the smell. It's not my fault it doesn't like certain things. Besides Bailey gave me a tip on what to do and it worked. I haven't had an incident since." She says.

Cristina just rolls her eyes and smiles before walking off. Derek comes up and grabs a gown.

"Hey." She says. "How's Izzie?"

"She doesn't remember anything. We explained the surgery to her three times and she still doesn't remember."

"Damn."

"Yeah I know."

"Well we have crash victims pilling into the ER so go on." She says smiling.

She follows Derek and stands and waits.

"Grey." Owen says. "I didn't page you."

"You have multiple crash victims. Why didn't you page me?"

"We don't need your help Grey. We have plenty of hands. We do though need someone in the clinic."

"You seriously are going to put me in the clinic when you have crash victims in the ER. You want me to suture and put Band-Aids on people in the clinic when that is an intern's job. You have 8 crash victims and you have interns in place of me! I have worked the clinic for the past 4 weeks! "

Everyone in the ER had seemed to stop and look at her as she started yelling.

"We didn't need you. Besides we thought the clinic would be easier on you."

"Easier on me? Seriously! I am pregnant Dr Hunt. It's not like I can't do anything. I'm not an invalid I am perfectly fine to do my job. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty." She says. "I told Richard that I would work until I am having contractions. I will work until I am so close to delivering my baby that nothing will stop me. I am 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant. It's not like I am going to freak at the sight of blood. I am a great surgeon. Better than the interns. I have more knowledge then these interns to know what to do in this type of situation. I can handle anything that comes my way. I am better qualified and you have me doing the intern job of suturing and charting because people were babies and came in because they had a splinter." She says. "That's unbelievable! You are frickin' Mummy tracking me. I don't like being Mummy tracked. I like to be treated like a human being because I am one."

Owen didn't say anything. He avoided eye contact and looked at the ground.

"You know what. I will go down to that clinic and I will suture and give those human beings the best of care because I am a great surgeon. I can't handle these patients so I will do the easy work, I will stitch and pull splinters. They need me and they will appreciate my doctoring skills on them because I am somewhat awesome at my job and I am somewhat awesome at whatever is thrown my way. I will treat these people so great that you will never hear the end of it cause I am frickin awesome." She says. "I'm a rock star! I'm a frickin rock start!" She says leaving the ER.

Derek stands beside his patient and smiles. "That's my girl." He says to himself.

Owen just stood there with his cheeks reddening. He knew never to cross Meredith Grey again. To never cross the pregnant Meredith Grey again. Patients, doctors and nurses just looked at him. To see what he would do next.

"Get to work people!" He says.

Richard was heading upstairs with a patient and George.

"God she ripped into him." The patient said.

"My daughter surely did."

"Good on her." George says. "She doesn't deserve to be treated like that and that's the way she has been treated. To do sutures in the clinic."

"Hunt will know for next time."

Meredith had stripped the gown off and walked to the clinic. She needed the walk to calm down somewhat and breath. The adrenaline had surged in her body as she yelled at Hunt in front of everyone. He didn't deserve to be yelled at like that but she couldn't stop.

Adrenaline was a powerful drug. A real powerful one.

"Dr Grey." The nurse says "Charts are here. It's going to be a quiet one today."

"Thanks."

"Dylan Page!" She calls out.

A teenage boy stands up and walks towards her with another teenager

"Can I just get you up here please?" She says pointing to the bed. "Now what seems to be the problem?"

"I was with my mates. We were mucking around in Mike's yard playing footy. I slid on the ground and ended up sliding across an old, wooden plant and I got this bitch of a splinter in my leg and we tried to get it out but we couldn't and his mother wasn't home to help me so we decided to come to the next best place."

"Cause you're a wuss and couldn't pull it out yourself." His friend says.

"I'm not a wuss it hurts like a bitch and it's hard to get at."

"Okay, well let me check it. I will need to give you a tetanus shot just in case and then I will pull it. It looks as if it lodged in their pretty good as well."

"Great way to start the holidays." He mutters.

Meredith checks where the splinter and notices this is going to take a lot of work to pull it.

"I would like a tetanus shot prepared for him. The splinter looks pretty lodged so I may need an extra set of hands to help me. Oh and an anaesthetic to help with the removal and an ultrasound that should help us know where this splinter is."

"Right away Doctor."

Meredith stands at the desk and waits for the nurse to prepare herself.

"That's Jackson Webber's sister." She hears.

"No its not."

"It is. That's Meredith Grey. She and Jackson are half siblings. She's a Grey and he's a Webber. Her mother is Ellis Grey and her step father is Dr Richard Webber. It's Jackson's sister."

"Well I do not remember her looking like that."

"Dude who wouldn't forget Jackson's sister. She's a MILF. All the boys go crazy over her. Jackson used to hate it. He got into that fight over one of the boys mentioning that."

"Oh yeah. I didn't know she was expecting again."

"We haven't spoken to Jackson in over a year. Of course we wouldn't." He says. "But my god she's a MILF."

"Dylan shut up. You shouldn't say that. She's treating you."

"Yeah I know. It's just sometimes you come to the doctors and get treated by dud looking people but then sometimes you are rewarded with someone like her."

Meredith cleared her throat and walked to Dylan's bedside.

"Okay, we are going to numb the area to help with the removal and use an ultrasound to help us know where it is. If that all goes well we should be able to pull it and then give you a tetanus shot and your good to go home."

"Okay."

"We are just going to bring the ultrasound over here and the nurse is going to give you an anaesthetic to numb the area."

Meredith located the splinter and the nurse held the wand.

"It doesn't look like you have punctured any major blood vessels or tendons which is good because this could become so much more complicated than it already is. So it's just going to be a simple pull and you'll be good to go." She says. "Are you ready Dylan?"

"Yes."

"Okay let's get started."

"Can you just distract me somehow." Dylan asks.

"How?" He's friend asks.

"What are you doing now Dylan? Working or studying?" Meredith asks as she locates the splinter and goes to pull it but her phone sounds instead. "Sorry."

"You can get that if you want."

"No it's fine." She says. "Okay. Let's get this out."

"I'm working. I'm starting college next year. I'm doing a bachelor of business and commerce." He says as they try pulling the splinter. "When are you due?"

"Now. So I apologies if I go into labour while pulling this splinter."

"Boy or girl?"

"We don't know. We're being surprised." She says aiming to pull the splinter.

"Is this your 2nd baby?"

"Third. I have two kids already. Kaylee came when I finished year 12. Cooper three years later and this one a bit of three years later."

"Are you married?"

"Dylan you can't ask that."

Meredith smiles as she concentrates on the splinter. "Yes. I got married 2 and a half months before Cooper was born."

"All to Derek?"

"Yes."

"Is he doctoring?"

"He sure is. He's a fourth year resident and I'm 3rd year. I finish my 3rd year in May."

"Do you know what specialty you're going into?"

"Not yet."

"Sorry about the personal questions."

"It's fine. It's keeping you distracted." She says. "Are you still living with your parents?"

"Yeah I am. I am looking at places on my own but I'm not going to worry if I'm off to college soon."

"That's sensible. I did med school here though. If you're going to college in Seattle then you're better off boarding with your parents to save money but the college life is memorable."

"Well my parents plan on leaving for their holiday the moment I enter college. I know it's their freedom holiday with no children but they deny it's even for that. My sister finished school this year and my two older siblings have well and truly finish college and such and they say it's their chance to go on a holiday before the grandchildren come."

"Well my parents didn't even get to do that." She says. "They almost did but they never the chance to." She says and finally yanks the splinter out. "There we go."

She holds it up to inspect the length of the splinter with a satisfied look on her face.

"God that was a good one." The nurse says. "Looks about 18 centimetres." She says.

"I'm keeping that. If its okay?"

"Of course. Go home and show your mother what you had pulled from your foot today."

"It will be a good Christmas present for your sister. She'll freak."

"I'm just going to give you a tetanus shot now and write you a prescription for some antibiotics because like you said that was a dirty splinter and I am going to give you the antibiotics so you are healthy for Christmas and don't come down sick." She says. "I'll just put this in a bag for you." She says.

Meredith finished up with the patient and gives him the shot before he leaves with his friend she caught what they said as they left and she couldn't help but smile.

"I'm glad I had someone pretty to look at while I had my splinter pulled."

"I'm glad I took you to the doctors."

"Teenage boys." The Nurse says.

"Oh yes, teenage boys." Meredith says smiling. "I'm just going to clean up and go to the toilet."

"I can tell it's going to be like this for the rest of the day so you go and troll for cases I'll finish up this paperwork."

"I'll send an intern down then." She says. "Merry Christmas Jen."

"Merry Christmas Meredith."

Meredith had to pee really badly. The baby liked the idea of squeezing her bladder and was making her need to pee constantly. She checked her phone as she walked across and saw that it was from Cristina.

"_You go girl. Everyone is talking about the standoff between you and Hunt. They make think you're a little crazy and hormonal."_

Meredith found herself smiling. Oh well she could be known as a crazy person if she really wanted to be. She went to the bathroom and grabbed a quick snack.

She sat down at one of the nurses' stations and read over Izzie's chart.

"There you are." Derek says.

"Hey. What's up?"

"Izzie is still not remembering anything."

"That sucks. I always thought it would be me. I would get Alzheimer's and forget everyone like my mother did." She says. "Derek, I was thinking."

"Yes?"

"Let's go to City Hall today. I want to renew my vows today. I want to have something to look forward to and renewing our vows will be a special Christmas present."

"Okay. I'll race home and get my suit." He says kissing her cheek and leaving.

"There you are." Cristina says. "You didn't answer my text."

"I was pulling an 18 centimetre splinter from a teenage boy you called me a MILF and couldn't keep his eyes off of me the whole time."

"You're eye candy."

"No I'm a MILF to all of Jackson's friends." She says. "I'm a fat whale though. I don't understand."

"Well at least you have options if the whole husband thing doesn't work out." She says checking her phone. "Sucks to be you having the boys milling after you. Enjoy the eye candy."

"I already have eye candy."

"Well you have more. Don't yell at anyone else please."

"I won't." Meredith says smiling. "Cristina?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you want to tell me something?"

"Something's going on with George."

"What?"

"Owen hugged him. They were happy."

"Well, we don't hug when we're happy."

"Are you better?"

"What?"

"I'm asking you if people... you know. I mean, are you actually different? I mean do you feel different?"

"Well I'm 2 days overdue and I am renewing my vows today." She says smiling. "It's a deal. No muss, no fuss. Just quick and dirty.

Cristina just looks at her dumbfounded. "Ah, do you want me to come?"

"No, no. Just letting you know."

"Oh no, wait. You weren't given these things last time. Ah, ok. This is my grocery list. It's old. This this is new. This is my favourite pen, which is why I want it back. Borrowed. And, all of its blue. So, you're covered." She says handing Meredith blue post it notes.

"Now, see if we were George and Owen we would hug right now." Meredith says looking at Cristina. Cristina shakes her head and goes off to work. Meredith's pager sounds and she sees that she is needed in the pit.

She walks in and sees a man with a mangled face which is unrecognisable. He jumped in front of a bus to save a girl. In Meredith's eyes he was a hero. She couldn't believe the bus driver didn't notice. He was a total mess. A mess which might not even make it. A mess that had to have plastics and Neuro paged. A mess that was crashing. They soon stabilised him and he was fine.

"Woah." Mark says as he walks into the trauma room with Derek trailing behind.

"Man versus bus." Callie tells him.

"Bus won."

"Check out the left arm." Callie tells him.

"He's crashing again." She tells them.

"What have we got?" Derek asks.

"We've got road kill."

"Do you mind. He stepped out in front of a moving bus so could save a woman, he's a hero." Owen says.

"Can you fix the arm?" Callie asks.

"His fingers are already blue, if it's gonna happen... it's gotta happen in the next few hours."

"Pupils blown, stop CPR. Ok, give me a cranial drill please. Grey, wanna practice your burr holes?" Derek asks her. She nods her head. "Stabilise his neck please. 10 blade. Take the drill. Ok, go in slowly, and when you feel it grab stop. Because otherwise you're gonna be hitting the brain. Ok, let's go, quickly."

"Nice work Dr Grey." Owen says.

"I'm gonna go get some bassi trays for that face." Mark says.

"Get his head rotated. Easy." Derek says.

Meredith watched as the trauma opened one of his eyes. She smiled at him. His eyes were somewhat comforting. "Welcome back Sir, you had us worried there for a minute." She tells him.

Bailey then comes storming into the room and she looked pisses. Meredith felt like Bailey was going after her but she kept her eyes on Owen the whole time.

"What did you do to O'Malley?" She asks.

"Excuse me?" He asks.

"Ah, somebody else around here likely to convince someone to join the army, and be a trauma surgeon in Iraq?"

"What?" Callie asks.

"The army?" Meredith asks as his monitors start flat lining.

"What?"

"De fib." Meredith says.

"Charge the paddles to 360" Owen says.

"Owen, you have to call and undo this." Bailey tells him.

"Bailey, little busy here."

"Clear." Meredith says.

"George... George O'Malley!" Callie says somewhat pissed.

"It wasn't my idea." Owen says defending himself.

"No change."

"Charge again."

"Clear."

"Look, I did what I could to give him a decent education in trauma. I didn't know he was gonna go and enlist."

"He keeps coding." Meredith says.

"There's Y open book pelvic fractures." Callie says.

"There's too much bleeding. If we take him to an OR now he'll die on the table."

"He needs to go to angio if we're gonna stop the pelvic arterial bleeding."

"Sinus tac, we have a rhythm. Barely there, but it's there." Meredith says.

"Let's stabilize the pelvis."

"Look, I know what goes on in this hospital. I know you're messed up from that war and not in a small way. Get him out of it!" Bailey demands as she leaves the room.

"Page me if you need me. I've got other patients." Callie says leaving.

"How did you piss off all the women?" Mark asks.

"Ah, let's get this guy an angio" Owen says.

"Angio? He's barely got a pulse."

"It's now or never if we want him to live. Alright, let's move. Sir, I know it's really touch and go, but I'd personally be really grateful if you'd try and stay alive for the next few minutes." Owen says to him. "Let's go people."

**No sign of baby Shepherd just yet. Baby Shepherd will be a few days yet.**

**Reviews would be great and even your thoughts on what is to come and what Baby Shepherd will be!**

**Next chapter is a continue on from this and most people will know where this part of the story will go.**

**I'll try and update ASAP.**


	33. DId You Say It?

Meredith watched as they wheeled John Doe up to angio and she went to get lunch.

"Derek!" She calls out.

He turns around and smiles at her and stops.

"How are you?" She asks.

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes I am. I should be asking you if you're fine, you're the one who is pregnant and just found out that George has joined the army."

"You heard?"

"Yeah I did. How are you feeling about that?" He asks.

"I don't know. He never struck me as the type of guy to go and join the army." She says. "He is the guy who can't kill a fly and he is enlisting to be in the middle of a war zone."

"He may surprise us." He says smiling.

"How about you? How are you feeling about Izzie?"

"Her memory resets and I didn't perform the surgery but she can't remember what day it is."

"Derek you don't have to beat yourself up about it." She says.

"I suggested the surgery Meredith. Who else is to blame?"

"Derek she will be fine. You know how brain surgery affects someone. How long it takes to heal. Izzie is still recovering. Her memory is a little foggy and it will take her a while to remember. She knows her name and where she is at and everything else. It's just she can't comprehend today. So a little time and she will be fine."

"How'd you become so optimistic?" He asks.

"I am carrying your child Derek. A child full of optimism and true love and happy endings." She says. "A 3rd child I will push out that will look exactly like you. It will have your hair and your eyes and it will be a Daddy look alike. I'm being overloaded with optimistic thoughts. Bright and shiny thoughts."

Derek just smiles and kisses her. He rests his hand on her stomach and smiles even more when the baby kicks.

"I am optimistic even when the baby kicks your hand and when the baby kicks me right in the ribs and squeezes my bladder." She says. "Derek you do realise that we are having another baby."

"I do."

"Oh and Dr French called. She has scheduled us for an appointment on the 26th, just in case the baby isn't born. She wants to check everything is fine and talk to us."

"Okay. What time?"

"Early, 9."

"Okay, that's great." He says. "I'm going to see Izzie."

"I'm off for lunch. See you in surgery."

He kisses her and they part their separate ways.

"Are you gonna chew?" Cristina asks as they are sitting down for lunch.

"Mmmm... my dragged under the bus guy's in angio. They're gonna page me any minute. How's Izzie? Is she retaining anything?"

"No." Alex says.

"Ok, at 6pm your idiotic colleague George O'Malley will finish his surgery with the Chief." Bailey says walking up to the table with Callie.

"And, at 6pm you will be standing beside us in the OR hallway, prepared to join in an intervention." Callie says.

"What polite company might like to call an intervention? Though, I'm not sure interventions involve whooping people on the behind. With a belt." Bailey says.

"What, he's got a drinking problem now?" Alex asks.

"He joined the army." Meredith tells them.

"What?"

"007? He can't go to the army. He's the guy that gets killed." Alex says.

"He's the guy that gets killed cleaning his own gun." Cristina says.

"Grey, is going to coax him back as a loving friend who is expecting a baby." She says to Meredith before turning to Cristina. "You are going to use logic, and reason to point out the idiocy of his ways. Stevens will make sad cancer eyes. And, if all of that doesn't work, Karev, you're gonna pull out you're... I was raised out back with the trash cans roots, and just beat the crap out of him."

"6 o'clock." Alex says smirking.

"6'o'clock." Callie says. As Bailey and Callie leave.

Alex soon leaves and Meredith follows to go to her patient. He really was a hero in her eyes. It would be something George would do. He would risk his own life to do something like that. He was though risking his life, joining the army. She couldn't get over that.

"Hey there, I know this must be scary. But, if it's any consolation you're a hard-core hero. You saved that woman's life." She says. John Doe grabs her hand and tries to write something. "Is he trying to write something?" She asks as she hands him a pen to try and hold. "Can you hold this?" She asks. He drops the pen and Meredith grabs his hand. "Ok, you'll be stronger tomorrow."

"Call OR 1, tell them to get ready for him." Owen tells her.

"Ok." She says leaving the room and running into Amanda. The girl John Doe saved. "Amanda, you can't be out here."

"Would you wanna be all alone at a time like this? We had 30 seconds of interaction before he saved my life, and I wasn't even nice. I was standing on a corner when this ordinary looking guy stands next to me and smiles, and I'm so busy scoping for someone hotter that I don't even give him a second look. The next thing I know, he throws me out of the way of a bus I'm about to walk in front of, and almost gets himself killed. He literally, he swept me off my feet. That is my prince in that bed." She says convincing Meredith.

Meredith knew all too well about being swept off her feet. She knew all about it and it made her smile and fell warm and gooey inside. She knew where she was coming from. Maybe it was the optimistic baby full of hope and joy.

"Ok, you can stay until they take him to surgery." Meredith tells her leaving to let the OR know.

"You're gonna have a hard time saving that arm." Derek says to Mark.

"I can get it back to full function if I can get there in time. I'm thinking about buying a house."

"Good for you. Meredith and I are gonna go to city hall this afternoon." He says smiling. "We're renewing our vows."

"Really?" Derek just nods his head. "That's great news."

"I know, and if Stevens would be alright…."

"And you're allowed to be happy. You're allowed to renew your vows. You're welcoming another child. You've earned that right. Congratulations you lucky bastard. Come here. Give me a hug." He says hugging Derek."

Meredith walks into the room and sees the two of them hugging. "Why is everyone hugging today?"

"Ah, the blushing bride." He says causing Meredith to smile. "And the mother-to-be."

"Alright, here's the plan for our John Doe. Shepherd, you evacuate the epidural. Grey and I'll correct the internal injuries, so that'll make room for Torres to place the internal fixator. Sloan, you should have enough time to work on the arm if the patient doesn't get too acidotic or hypothermic." Owen says.

"Do you think he has a shot?" She asks.

"I've seen people come back from worse." He tells her.

Everyone nods their heads and leaves to get ready for surgery. They started operating and the one question was swarming through Meredith's mind. Would George survive? She just didn't want to think about it either. She was so pissed that he was joining the army. She was happy but so pissed off at him.

She was though proud of Derek. They were taking the lead. Nelson and Dr Bell's approach of teaching were to get them to take the lead. So they were taking the lead and they were doing awesome.

"How's the arm?" Derek asks.

"The nerves are still intact, I just have to reattach the vessels."

"You ready for me?" Callie asks entering the room.

"Almost done with the major internal crush injuries, the pelvis will be all yours in a minute. Get me some more laps please." Owen says.

"You think you'd do it? Step in front of a bus for a perfect stranger?" Mark asks.

"We all like to think we would but..." Callie says.

"It's more or less what Major Hunt has been doing every day for the last couple of years." Derek says.

"No, guys did it. I just came in behind them with a dust pan and a broom and swept up." Owen says.

"You sewed up soldiers under fire. You didn't sweep up." Derek says. Meredith knew that Derek was like that. Congratulating people on things that the person said wasn't a true effort. It was a true effort and Derek was right.

"How do you think O'Malley's gonna do over there. You think he can handle it?" Owen asks.

"No, I don't." Callie says.

"I think he's gonna surprise us all." Derek says.

"I think he's coming back in a body bag." Mark says.

"I think you all should just shut up! Just shut the hell up! Please, just shut up!" Meredith says. They all look at her and shut their lips knowing she could have another hormonal outbreak.

They finished his surgery and he was in CCU. Amanda had asked Meredith how he was doing and she told her she would know more in the morning. It was touch and go at this very moment and right now she didn't know if he would wake up the next morning. She told her to go and sit beside him and be there for him because Amanda was anxious to see how he really was. Meredith watched as she stood beside John Doe and she walked off.

She found Cristina outside of Izzie's room looking over her chart and she stood beside her.

"How's she doing? Any better?"

"No." Cristina says looking at her.

"Damn. Well, I'm going to city hall to go do the thing."

"Seriously? It doesn't seem like the day for it." Cristina says.

"Look at Alex. He's in there working so hard every day, and she doesn't know. And, if she stays like this she may never know how much he loves her. And that girl Amanda, she's in there loving a stranger. She thinks that's her prince charming. I mean, he's probably gonna die today. Chances are. So yeah, I'm gonna go and renew my vows, because I think it's important to take the time to tell the people you love how much you love them while they can hear you. I'm going to do it because Derek and I want to tell each other how much we love each other even after we have gotten married and have the kids." She says as Cristina turns her attention to Izzie. "I love you Cristina Yang." She says smiling.

"You have changed." Cristina says smiling.

"Maybe I have. Yeah I'm welcoming my 3rd child any day now, when it decides to arrive. I'm renewing my wedding vows to the man I love." She says." What?" She asks as Cristina looks at her weird.

"I'm gonna hug you." She says going and hugging Meredith.

Meredith couldn't wipe the smile off her face. Her person was changing.

"I would have hugged you better but your bump is definitely in the way girl."

"It's my 3rd baby. Its 2 days over. It doesn't surprise me that it is in the way."

Cristina giggles. "You are someone to aspire to Meredith Grey." She says gathering her charts together.

Meredith stood outside Izzie's room. Alex was pacing, backwards and forwards in the room. She knew Izzie needed a break from all the stress Alex was causing her. So she opened the door.

"Hey Iz."

"Mer, Hi."

"How is it going?"

"Good. I really want to get out of here and live my life."

"I thought you had your baby?"

"No, it's still cooking."

"But I thought that you went into labour the other day. I thought….."

"No Iz. I was sent home. I'm still pregnant. 2 days overdue."

"Are you ready for this baby to be born?"

"Of course, just the baby isn't."

Izzie smiled at her. Meredith didn't say anything but look at Alex and offer him a small smile.

"I thought you had your baby?"

Meredith looks down at her. This was heartbreaking. It really was. Derek she knew was beating himself up over it because he suggested the surgery. But she knew that he shouldn't beat himself up over it because he didn't do and Izzie wasn't a turnip.

"No Iz. I'm two days overdue."

"You must be uncomfortable."

"I'm starting to be uncomfortable. I have a feeling this baby won't come until next week."

"They can induce you though."

"I know. I am just going to wait and see what happens. I could be in labour tonight."

"I hope so. Baby number 3." She says smiling.

"Anyway, I have to get going. I'll come by again soon." She says smiling at Izzie and leaving the room.

"I thought Mer had her baby." She says to Alex.

Meredith goes down to the locker room to get ready to go and renew her vows. She had just gotten a page and the hopes of renewing them went out the door.

"Ready to go?" Derek asks arriving in his suit.

"I just got a page. John Doe needs to go back into surgery." Meredith says.

"Yeah, his post of CT's showed a re-bleed. I'm gonna have Nelson take care of it."

"No. Really?"  
Derek: Yeah, well I'd prefer to do it myself but, I'm only a 4th year and I wanna check in on Izzie. Maybe we can do that first, and then go get married after?"

"No, we can't because we have the George intervention after that."

"I'll have Nelson do it." Derek says.

"You know what, tell them to prep him. We'll run to city hall. We'll come back, and we'll do it then."

"Meredith."

"No, you know lets go. We gotta go. We gotta run to city hall, we'll come back, you'll check on Izzie, we'll monitor John Doe. I'll go talk George out of joining the army." Meredith says.

"Look, we could do this another day." Derek tells her. "We have plenty of time to."

"There is no other day! Every day is like this! Every day there's a crisis! There's no time!"

"Meredith." Derek says.

"I love you and I do want to renew my vows with you today. But, there is no time."

Derek puts his hands on her face and looks at her, he had gotten an idea. "Do you have a piece of paper?"

"For what?" She asks.

"I wanna be with you forever, and you wanna be with me forever. We have already said our vows we just have other things we want to say to each other. In order to do that we need to renew our vows together. A commitment. A contract. Give me a piece of paper."

"I don't! I... I... I don't. I have post its!"

Derek takes the post its and a pen. "Ok. What do we wanna promise each other? You know, what are we renewing to each other."

"That you'll love me... even when you hate me." She says. "Especially when I am hormone ridden and unreasonable."

"To love each other, even when we hate each other." He says writing it down. "No running. Ever, ever, ever again!" Meredith smiles and comes and sits in front of him. "Nobody walks out. No matter what happens."

"No running. Like we almost did." She says.

Derek writes it down. "What else?"

"That we'll take care of each other, even when we're old, and smelly, and senile. And... if I get Alzheimer's and forget you and the kids..." She says.

"I will remind you who I am, every day. I will remind you who the children are every day." He says smiling. "To take care when old, senile, and smelly." He says writing it down. "This is forever." He says signing it. "Sign."

"This is renewal ceremony. A post it?" She asks smiling.

Derek nods his head smiling. "If you sign it."

Meredith takes the post-it and signs and hands it back to Derek with a small tear in her eye. "Now what?" She asks.

"Now I kiss the bride." He says.

The two of them share a kiss. The kiss that announced that they had legally renewed their vows.

"Renewed."

Derek smiles at her. "Renewed." He says sticking the post-it in Meredith's locker. "You see that?" He asks. Meredith nods and smile. "Plenty of time. Maybe even plenty of time to have a baby." He says smirking. "I love you Mer."

"I love you too Derek."

He kisses Meredith's stomach. "Come on we have a life to save."

"This was so much simpler. We should have done this when we did get married." She says.

"Yeah we should of." He says. "Post-it wedding I think is so much more romantic."

She waits for Derek to change from his suit.

"When did you have time to go home and get a suit and then come running straight back here and operate and everything else?"

"I have secret powers."

"You called your mother didn't you?"

"Yeah I did."

"She didn't ask when we were going to renew?"

"She did, I just wasn't sure and told her I would message her when we were headed down there. She promised she wouldn't say anything to the kids until we actually were at city hall."

"Well at least this gives us a chance to have the baby and welcome the baby before we decide to renew our vows properly."

"Plenty of time." He says smirking.

He changed back into his scrubs and they both headed down to John Doe's room, hand in hand. Owen was checking him and Amanda was at his bedside.

"How's his ICP?" Derek asks.

"Worse than what I was expecting. I thought you were renewing your vows?" Owen asks.

"We did." Derek says. Meredith and Derek smiling at each other.

"Oh, congratulations. Are you sure you wanna start your so called honeymoon in an OR?" He asks.

"We're sure." Meredith says. Derek smiles and nods and leaves the room with Owen. "You can't be in here. I'll come and get you in the waiting room." She tells Amanda.

"Hold his hand until you put him under. It really does make him feel better." She says.

"Ok." She says as Amanda leaves. "You made a good friend there. I guess that happens when you take a bus for somebody. Ok, I know this is scary. But, you do have a great team up there." She says and notices him try to write again. "You wanna try to write again? Can you hold the pen?" She asks handing him the pen but he writes on her hand. 0….0….7. "0...0...7. Double 0... 7." She says. He grabs her hands and squeezes it. Meredith comes to realisation at who it really is. "OH GOD! OH GOD!" She says.

Her friend George O'Malley. Sweet George O'Malley was on this table. Near dying.

She turns and leaves and starts running as fast as she can. She knows she shouldn't be running but she had to tell them who it was.

"It's George! It's George! It's George! John Doe is GEORGE!" She says running through the doors and into Derek, Owen and Callie.

They moved and ran to George's room.

"We have you O'Malley. You hear me. We have you. We'll fix this. Just stay with us!" Owen says as they wheel him down to the OR.

They push his gurney into the OR and they start prepping him.

"O'Malley. It's Shepherd. You're not going anywhere, you understand me!" Derek says.

"BP's dropping." Meredith says.

"Alright, let's put him out now!" Derek says.

_Did you say it?_ _'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you._

Meredith had no idea what was going on in Izzie's room. Both of her friends were flat-lining and about to die.

She stood in the OR holding his hand. Derek was working with Nelson to fix the bleeding in his brain.

_You changed my life.' Did you say it? _

She really felt like breaking down and crying. Her hormones got the best of her and tears pooled in her eyes.

_Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in _

She kept a hand around her stomach. As they operated. To protect the baby and she held George's hand at the same time. She wanted everything to be

_'cause this is it._

"Were losing him." Owen says. As another tear falls down Meredith's cheek.

_It might all be gone tomorrow._

**Another update will be up soon!**

**Reviews would be great!**


	34. How To Fight Off Death

_We all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have; we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we've done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance._

They had just come off their shift. Possibly the hardest shift of their lives. They walked through the doors just after midnight. The house was silent which Meredith thought was ironic because of all those Christmas stories she had read the kids about Christmas night and her and Derek were walking through the doors after midnight trying not to stir or wake the kids.

_Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house  
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse._

"I feel bad Derek. We weren't here for the kids. We didn't read them a story or listen to them about how excited they are about Santa and help them leave the cookies and the milk out."

"I know Mer." He says kissing her temple. "We talked to them on the phone though. So hopefully they know why we were here tonight. We will make it up to them next year." He says. "I really wish we made it home."

They saw that Carolyn was asleep on the lounge. Derek went and covered her in a blanket. They noticed all the Christmas presents had been placed under the tree. So Derek turned the light off and watched the Christmas lights flicker and change.

"Come on let's go to bed." He says to her.

"You two are home?" Amelia asks from the den.

"What are you doing up?" Derek asks.

"I couldn't sleep." She says. "We expected you two home hours ago. Why are you home so late?"

"Busy night at the hospital." Derek says.

"And something happened to one of our staff members." Meredith says.

"What happened?" She asks. "Were they in an accident? Or did they have a baby. Was someone attacked?"

"Amy." Derek says sternly.

"I just want to know what happened. The kids were so intent on seeing the two of you that it broke their hearts not seeing you before they went to bed and on Christmas Eve."

"We know. We are terrible parents. We were planning on being here but we couldn't because this colleague thing really knocked everything around and we couldn't make it home in time." Meredith says.

"Hey its fine. The kids were a little disappointed at what happened but we took them looking at Christmas lights and we done some baking and watching the lights on the tree. So they were fine. We read them their Christmas story and the two of them are now tucked up in your bed together asleep. We told them that you were making sure that you were saving someone's life today so they could enjoy another Christmas. Kaylee understood and said that it was fine."

"Good. We should maybe get to bed." Derek suggests.

"Not until you tell me what happened with that colleague?"

"A colleague of ours died tonight Amy." Derek says.

"Who?"

"We'll discuss this in the morning. We're not ready to tell just yet. We can barely grasp what has happened." Meredith says.

"Oh, okay." She says. "I'll see you two in the morning then I guess." She says.

They crept into their bedroom quietly and changed in silence before sliding into bed with the kids sound asleep in the bed. He was so surprised Meredith hadn't shed a tear over the death. He was so surprised that she hadn't shut herself off from the world like when her mother died. She was so close to the person and she hadn't shown an emotion but he knew she was doing the staying strong thing to keep everyone afloat.

"Mer, are you alright?" He asks in a whisper.

"I'm fine. I'm just so exhausted." She answers back.

"Yeah that's fine. Come on let's sleep." He says offering her a small smile. "It will make us feel so much better."

She lies her arm across Kaylee and Derek lies his arm across Cooper and they link their hands together. He holds her tightly not wanting to let her go. Or le her slip away into a state of silence.

…

_5 hours earlier._

The constant sound of the machine flat lining told them what they didn't want to know.

"Come on O'Malley." Nelson says.

Meredith looked to Derek.

Nelson had stopped operating. He had stopped completely because there was nothing else he could do. George's brain had herniated and swelled. There was nothing they could do. Everyone stood there, unable to do anything.

"Does anyone know if he is a donor?" Owen says breaking the silence.

Callie's breathing started getting shorter and shorter. She was unable to take it what was happening. Everyone looked to her. No one really knew what to do at that instant because they had lost a friend. They had lost George O'Malley.

"Someone has to let Bailey and the Chief know." Owen says.

Meredith looks at him and nods her head. "I'll go."

She leaves the OR and goes to find Bailey and the Chief. The baby was kicking her like crazy to remind her that there was still a person inside of her. The baby even made sure to send painful kicks into her ribs. Meredith thought the baby was sending her reminder that pain is real. Guilt is real. Death is real. Death happens to people who don't deserve to die. Death happens to the good people and the bad people get let off with a second chance.

She is directed down to Izzie's room. She finds Izzie sitting up in bed with a tube in her mouth. Izzie had been intubated. Meredith found out that Izzie almost died at exactly the same time as George did.

"Dr Bailey." Meredith says getting Bailey's attention.

She breaks the news to Bailey and Richard and they leave. She stays behind and tells Alex and Cristina.

"We have to tell her." Meredith says.

"We're not telling her. She coded."

"Alex."

"Out of nowhere she almost died. Just…. I'll tell her." He says. "I'll tell her when she gets stronger."

"Alex." Izzie says.

"You okay?" He asks.

"I had a dream. He was in his uniform."

"What?"

"George is gonna die in the army if we don't stop him." She says. "Hand me my phone. I need my phone."

Meredith felt a pang to her heart when she heard Izzie say that. She left with Cristina to see what has going to happen.

Bailey looks at her and Cristina turns to look at her wondering what had happened.

Bailey and Richard entered the OR. Callie still hyperventilating but Owen standing there beside her.

"His ICP went through the roof. We did everything." Derek says looking down. "Everything."

"His organs are viable for now but if we wait any longer it will be too late." He says. "Is he a donor?"

Derek looked to Bailey. She looked pissed off. She looked like the Nazi.

"Um. I don't know." Richard says. "I called his mother. She's on her way. Let's close him up and get him to the ICU in case she wants to see him."

They had him in ICU. Everyone waiting outside.

"How do you think its George?" Bailey asks.

"He wrote in my hand." Meredith says.

"What do you mean?"

"What did he do?"

"He grabbed my hand and he squeezed it and he wrote with his finger…."

"He wrote with his finger?" Derek asks.

"You know in my hand, 007."

They all stand there looking at her. Cristina trying to prove to them that its true. Bailey stepped forward and took her hand and wrote something in there.

"Okay, what did I write?"

"Joe?" She asks.

"No! No! I did not write Joe."

"Are you serious? That could not be George." Was all she heard when they started yelling at her.

"Did anyone try and call him?"

Everyone pulled their phones out and started dialling George's number.

"I'm telling you he squeezed my hand…"

"Shut it. You don't get to talk anymore. You don't get to talk ever again."

"I could have sworn it was George."

"I got voicemail."

"He's not answering." Danny says.

"He has a freckle on his right hand. It's shaped like Texas. I used to tease him about it. I'll check." Callie says walking passed them and into the ICU.

Everyone stood there and waited. They waited for confirmation. They waited for any sign to know if it was George. In that moment they watched Callie take his hand into hers and look at the hand.

The moment she shook her head and started crying everyone knew.

That was George O'Malley.

They all just stood there not moving. Meredith didn't know if it was grief or if it was shock.

She realised it was both.

People's pagers started sounding and no one moved to answer them.

"You people answer your pagers." He says. And no one moves. Another pager sounds. "George O'Malley jumped in front of a bus today, he knew what he was doing and he did it anyway. And he did it to save a life. So I'm not going to allow you doctors to stand here. There are lives on the line. There are lives we can save. So if George O'Malley can jump in front of a bus we can answer our dam pagers. So let's go." He says.

One by one everyone moves to attend to their patients.

"Meredith and Derek. Can I see you to for one moment?" He says.

He pulls the two of them aside and goes to speak but Meredith opens her mouth first.

"I'm going on maternity leave. Right now. No more patients. No more surgery until 8 weeks after I have given birth. I want to be with my family and the people I love." She says.

"Mer are you sure?" Derek asks.

"More than sure. I'm not coming back to work. I will be a visitor and soon a patient but not a doctor. I will be on leave."

"I was going to advise you do that. Your maternity leave effectively starts 12:01 midnight tonight." He says. "Go home and spend Christmas with your children." He says walking away.

"I'm going to sit with Izzie." She says.

Derek pulls her in for an embrace. And holds her tight. "I love you Meredith Grey." He says. He pulls her away to look at her and he kisses her. "We should try and get home early though." He suggests.

He walks her up to Izzie's room.

"This doesn't feel real. Does this feel real to you?" Meredith asks Derek.

"No. I don't know." He says.

As they walk to see Izzie people are crying. They are crying because they had heard about George. She was pissed because they didn't know George like she did. They barely knew him and they were still crying. She wasn't crying and he was one her closest friends. George O'Malley was her closet and dearest and sweetest friend and she wasn't crying and everyone else was.

Meredith sat by her bedside and held her hands. She doesn't let her know about George.

"I'm on maternity leave now Iz."

"Then you should go home and spend Christmas with your family." She says. "You only have few more hours of Christmas Eve left and you have not spent any time with them. Go home and hug them and read them a Christmas story."

"We have some things that we need to do here. We won't be out in time."

"Well I would drop and leave everything to go home and be with my children. They need their mother especially on Christmas Eve. You don't want to be that mother."

She looks at Izzie knowing what she meant. "Well they are going to have me. I am on maternity leave and they will spend every waking minute with me for now on. I'm nearly 3 days overdue. This baby is nowhere to be seen so they have my full and undivided attention."

"She could be a Christmas baby." Izzie suggests. "You could be holding the baby this time tomorrow."

"I doubt it Iz. With my luck it won't be born for another 2 weeks."

"Poor girl. You've had a baby born 3 weeks early in half an hour and a baby born on time after 18 hours of labour."

"And now it's time to have my overdue baby." She says smiling and rubbing her belly.

Alex and Callie come into the room.

"Iz, I need to tell you something. I need you to stay alive as I tell you this. To keep breathing. I swear to god. I need you to stay alive. Alright?"

"Okay." She says.

"O'Malley, he got in an accident. He's brain dead."

"I'm sorry. What?" She asks looking at everyone. "George died?"

"I'm so sorry Iz." Meredith says.

"His, mother came to me. She wanted me to decide about his organs because of how close we were but she didn't realise that you were his best friend. You need to make the decision about his organs. Lauren is not making the decision. His mother never liked her. So you need to decide."

"Okay." She says nodding.

Alex takes a seat beside her and Meredith holds her hand. Callie stands in the room, at the end of the bed. She starts asking Izzie.

"His heart?" She asks.

Izzie just nods.

"His eyes?" Izzie just closes her eyes. "I know. I don't want to imagine him without his eyes."

She grasps Alex's hand.

"George would give everything, his skin, and his eyes. He would give everything." Izzie says.

She left the room and went to find some privacy. She was reading over a chart. Derek walked into the room shocked to see her sitting there.

"Hey." He says walking inside.

"Hey."

"You ready to go home?" He asks.

"Not yet."

"Have you eaten?" He asks and she shakes her head. "Can you eat?"

"No."

"Did you cry?" He asks.

"No." She says.

"If you cry…." He says.

"Just, you being here. It helps. Without saying anything, that helps." She says. The two of them stay silent. "How are you?" She asks.

"Meredith we need you." Alex says.

"Okay. Excuse me." She says kissing his cheek and following Alex out.

They walked Izzie down to his room. Meredith opened the door to Amanda.

"Amanda, you need to go. We need the room."

"I'm so sorry." She says.

"I know."

"I'm so sorry." She says bursting into tears and leaving.

Alex and Meredith stand there, at opposite ends of the room, while Izzie says goodbye to her friend.

The doctor comes by who is performing the organ recovery. Meredith, Alex and Izzie follow the gurney down for the last time they would ever see George.

Meredith makes eye contact with Cristina who turns and leaves.

They stand there for a moment and they soon disappear. Meredith finds Derek and they head home with the knowledge that their friend has died.

…

"What do you have their Kaylee?" Meredith asks her that morning as the family sat around and opened presents.

"A new Barbie Mummy."

Meredith just smiles and tucks her feet underneath so she is sitting on them. "It's a pretty one." She says sipping from her tea.

Derek and Amelia sat on the floor helping the kids while Carolyn sat beside Meredith drinking from her tea.

Their Christmas this year was going to be a quiet occasion. Carolyn and Amelia had the house packed and they were living out of suitcases as their furniture had already been shipped across to New York. They were still living at the house but had spent most of the last 10 days at Meredith and Derek's. It was a great thing because they were watching the kids and lightening Meredith's load since she was due and was more exhausted chasing after the kids. So they took the kids outside to enjoy the outdoors. Meredith was calling Carolyn a Saint because she was there when she needed her.

And Carolyn had this effect on Meredith. This calming effect on her especially when she was upset. Just being in the same room made Meredith feel like everything would be alright even in the worst of times.

They just couldn't bring themselves to tell Carolyn and Amelia who had died last night. Meredith didn't want to get into it but she knew Carolyn and Amelia both knew they were just keeping quiet on asking who it was. So together they spent Christmas morning opening parents and spending the day together as a family. A dinner was going to be at Meredith and Derek's but they decided against it early one when they realised that the baby would be due and when they found out about Izzie's cancer. This year wasn't the year and especially with George's death she knew no one felt like celebrating Christmas.

"Just think Mummy. If the baby was born 3 days ago it could be spending its first Christmas today. Santa would have brought presents for the baby and left them under the tree for the baby to open."

"Well I think I still would have been in hospital Kaylee. Santa would have had to bring the presents to the baby."

"But I don't think the baby would have minded very much." Derek says rubbing Meredith's belly and smiling.

"Everyone deserves presents on their first Christmas Mummy." Kaylee says smiling.

Meredith just smiles. "Well it's a good thing that your Daddy and I thought about that. We made sure that we had a gift for the baby just in case."

"What'd you get the baby?" She asks. "Is this it under the tree? Baby Shepherd?"

"Open it up." Derek says.

Kaylee opens up the baby's present. Inside is a little Lion stuffed teddy and some onesies.

"Mummy, where'd you get these baby clothes from? They are cute." She says holding up the onesie that had _McDreamy's baby _written across the front of it.

Carolyn and Amelia laugh. "That is gorgeous."

"Steph has a friend who prints onto t-shirts and stuff. I asked her to do a few onesies for me as a gift to the baby to wear. I know they won't last forever but she made them from a newborn size to when the baby is 3 months old."

"They are just gorgeous." Carolyn says looking through them. "If you think I'm cute you should see my Daddy; Dr Baby Shepherd; McDreamy's baby; Mini McDreamy; Who's cuter, me or my Daddy; My Mummy has the brains, my Daddy has the looks; Envious of my parents? I Have His Hair. These ones with no words are cute. The stethoscope and then the pager that says 911. You really got creative."

"It was more the girl. She asked a bit about our lives and we told her we are doctors with kids. We spend more time at the hospital than at home. She asked for a little input from Steph and she came up with those ones. I am really happy with them. They are a little silly but I think they are cute."

"Definitely cute." Amelia says. "The girls are going to be jealous. I'm going to send them a picture and make them jealous. Place the Mini McDreamy on your belly Mer."

Meredith lays the onesie on her belly and Amelia snaps a photograph and sends it off to the girls.

"This is a good one for the books." Carolyn says. "Now, I think you are all hungry from opening presents. I'm going to make a start on breakfast. You all sit and relax." She had left them all to open presents.

"Mummy and Daddy. You both need to open your presents." Kaylee says.

"Yeah Mumma. We bought you presents."

"I didn't want any gifts kids. I already have what I want."

"But we still needed to get you something." Kaylee says walking over to her with a present and sitting down beside her. "Open it. It's for you and Daddy."

"Okay."

Meredith tears the wrapping away from the present and sees what the kids had gotten her. It was beautiful. It was marvellous. It was really a gift from the heart. Derek couldn't believe how much thought had gone into it. It was simple but it was beautiful.

"It would have been better if the baby was here before Christmas, so we could have given it to you…."

"Kaylee it's beautiful."

She ran her fingers over the writing that was inscribed over the photo frame. _My gift from Santa wasn't clothes or perfume; it was the gift of life. The gift of a newborn baby. _Meredith couldn't help but smile.

"I thought about it and I realised that you would have the baby by Christmas and it would be an early Christmas present and we would put the first photo of the baby in there but since the baby isn't here yet we had to leave it blank."

"We have another one for you and Dada." Cooper says walking forwards with another gift.

Derek takes it this time and unwraps the gift.

"It was mainly for the baby but we had three made up." She says smiling. "One is for when the baby comes.

"Our New Baby Sibling." He says reading from the chocolate squares. The squares that had been made into a message. "Merry Christmas M & D."

"Come here you two." He says pulling them into a hug.

"This is beautiful kids."

"Well that is your joint present. We are waiting for you to have the baby to give you the rest of the gifts." She says smiling.

"You two have spoilt us too much." She says.

"You deserve to be spoilt." Kaylee says.

"Where are the rest of the gifts?" Derek asks.

"We'll get them."

The kids hand out the gifts to their parents and they open them. They knew that they had been spoilt by the kids, by Carolyn and Amelia and by each other.

…

After dinner at Richard's house they came back home. Carolyn and Amelia went to visit Carolyn's sister-in-law and her family and they were headed back to Carolyn's for the night to give them time with the kids.

They had the kids in the bath. Meredith could barely sit on the floor but she still did. She wanted to be closer to the kids.

"Mummy, are you alright?" Kaylee asks looking at her mother with her eyes wide.

"Why do you ask?"

"You seem sad." Kaylee asks.

Meredith knew that Derek had turned to her and was looking at her.

"It's been a big few weeks."

"Are you sad with your gifts?"

"No baby girl."

"Oh, okay. Is it because the baby isn't here?"

"Yes and no. The baby isn't ready to come out just yet Kay. I kind of wish he was here to spend Christmas with us."

"Me too Mummy."

"Okay." Derek says. "The two of you are clean. I'll take Cooper to help get dressed."

"Come on Kay. I'll supervise." Meredith says smiling.

Derek helps her up and he wraps Cooper in a towel and picks him up. Meredith wraps Kaylee in a towel and helps her out of the bath. Cooper was snuggled into Derek's chest and had his thumb in his mouth.

"Are you tired baby boy?" She asks him.

He nods his head.

"Well Daddy will dress you in your pyjamas and read to you." She says running her hand over his head.

"Okay." He says softly.

She kisses his head and Derek carries him to get him dressed and into bed.

She watches as Kaylee dresses and Meredith starts towelling Kaylee's locks.

"Do you want me to braid your hair?"

"Yes please. If you don't mind."

"I don't mind at all."

Meredith works her way through Kaylee's locks. She had grown so used to braiding Kaylee's hair that it was like driving. She barely had to look anymore and could braid her locks in a few minutes. All of Derek's sisters had wondered how she knew how to braid so easily and quickly. She taught herself from the age of 6 and since then has done her friends hair, her sisters' hair, her daughters hair and her nieces hair.

"All done." She tells her.

"Mer, Coopie wants to say goodnight." Derek says from the doorway.

She follows Derek down to Cooper's room and says goodnight to him.

She spends longer with Cooper by giving him extra goodnight kisses. Embracing him for a longer time and tucking him extra tight. She leaves with another kiss and tells him how much she loves him.

"Merry Christmas baby boy. I love you so, so, so, so much." She says kissing his cheek once more.

As she leaves Derek starts reading to him.

It was their normal routine when they weren't in the hospital. Just the two of them swapped each night and read to the kids every second night. Meredith went down to Kaylee's room and sat in the bed beside her and they started reading a book Kaylee had gotten for Christmas. It was a step up from the short chapter books she had been reading before. She was now up to reading thicker books. Meredith wanted to hear her read to her first before she decided if Kaylee should keep reading but she was honestly reading them great.

Derek appeared at the doorway and looked at Meredith and nodded his head. It was time to tell Kaylee about George.

"Kay, can we put this down for just a second. We have to tell you something." Meredith says.

Kaylee closes the book and Derek comes and sits down on the bed with her.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"Kaylee, this is really saddening. This is terrible news. If you don't want to hear it then we won't tell you." Derek says.

"I want to know Daddy." She says. "Are you two separating?"

"No Kaylee." Meredith says and looks at Derek.

"Okay. You're never….. You won't…" He chokes.

"See you Uncle George ever again."

"Why? Is he moving away?"

"No. You're Uncle George, he enlisted to be in the Army but he never made it. He died in an accident yesterday. The doctors, we did everything we could to save him."

"How'd he die?" She asks with tears falling down her cheeks.

"He saved a woman from being hit by a bus. He pushed her out of the way and was hit by he ended up being hit and it was very bad."

"Is that why you didn't come home last night?" She asks.

"Yes baby girl." Derek says. "We had to make sure everything was sorted out before we could leave and say goodbye one final time."

"Your Uncle George was going to the Army to save lives. He never got their but he died a hero Kaylee. He really did. He saved someone from dying in the streets of Seattle. He is a hero. He is my hero."

Kaylee doesn't say anything for a few moments. She was now crying with heavier tears falling down her cheeks. Derek and Meredith held her in their arms as she cried.

"It's okay baby girl." Derek says in a soothing voice.

"You should be proud of him." Meredith adds. "We were all proud of him."

They hold her for a couple more minutes and she asks a question that catches Meredith off guard.

"Is George in the afterlife now? Did he go to that place where Poppy Michael is and Nanna Ellis?"

"He went there Kaylee. He is resting at peace in that beautiful afterlife." Derek says. "Your grandparents are caring for him Kaylee."

"He is looking down on you and all of us. He will watch over us." Meredith says. "He is a hero. All heroes and good people go this special afterlife." She says squeezing Kaylee tighter in her arms to feel that sense of comfort.

Derek and Meredith ended up carrying Kaylee back to their bed with them and laid her between them and were grateful for another day together.

_In medical school, we have a hundred lessons that teach us how to fight off death, and not one lesson on how to go on living_

**So this was a bit more of a sadder chapter especially the ending. The ending did it for me.**

**The next chapter is a bit of the aftermath moment for the family the next day. **

**I'll try and update later in the week.**


	35. The Innocence

"Mummy." Kaylee whispers from beside her the next morning. "Mummy, wake up."

Meredith opens her eyes slowly. "It's too early to be up Kaylee. Go back to sleep sweetie."

"Mummy, it's nearly 4." She whispers smiling. "I'm used to early mornings."

"Well you still need your sleep little one." She says. "We don't have an early morning today so go back to sleep." She says pushing a loose curl behind Kaylee's ear. "I haven't gotten to snuggle with you in a while."

Kaylee moved towards her mother and Meredith wrapped her arms tight around Kaylee's waist and held her as close as she could. Ignoring the fact that her overdue baby bump was making it harder to share the closeness.

Meredith laid there and watched as Kaylee's breathing changed and fall asleep again.

"Is she asleep?" Derek asks in a whisper.

"Yeah she is." Meredith says turning to look at him and smiling. "I need to pee."

Derek smiles and stops himself from laughing. "You should have gone before she got comfortable."

"I'll slip out. She won't notice." She says. "I just hope it's not harder than it sounds."

Derek smiled at her. "I can take her back to bed if you want."

"No leave her. She needs to spend time with us. Let's face it we are going to be tied up with the baby as soon as it comes."

"I know. I just hope the baby has a good routine so we can have a good routine ourselves and have time for the kids."

"We will have time for the kids. We work the baby into our own routine like we have before. It's quite simple."

"I know. I'm just not going to assume and go by the baby books."

"When have you ever done that?" He asks with a smile.

"Well the first pregnancy I had an idea but I soon realised that you shouldn't rely on them like a bible. You go by your baby's needs." She says. "But now I really have to pee."

Meredith moves away from Kaylee and slowly climbs up from the bed placing her hands on her back to stretch out the kinks and Derek watches as she waddles into the bathroom with her back arching more than normal. Her body temperature had gotten the best of her and she found herself sleeping with a pair of Derek's boxer's and a singlet that she rolled up to expose her belly and breathe.

Derek moves closer to Kaylee and kisses her cheek softly. "I love you baby girl." He whispers to her before shutting his eyes.

He opened his eyes when he felt the bed shift as Meredith climbed back into bed and grasped his hand. He smiles at her and watches as her eyes slowly close as she falls asleep. He smiled more and leant over and kissed her temple. He kissed Kaylee's hand and then placed his hand on Meredith's stomach and was greeted with a foot stretching from the space of Meredith's stomach. He ran his fingers softly over the foot and smiled.

"I can't wait to meet you little one."

"Come on Mummy, time to get up. You have to go and see the baby and I need to see everyone and wish them a Merry Christmas and hand out the Christmas cakes that I made with Nanna." Kaylee says. "And cheer everyone up. Especially Aunt Izz…"

"Kaylee slow down. We have plenty of time." She says smiling.

"Daddy made breakfast though." She says smirking. "You'll want Daddy's breakfast this morning."

"Well I will get some breakfast in a second. I'm sure there will leftovers." She says. "Give me your hand Kaylee." Meredith says.

Kaylee gives Meredith a hand and Meredith places it where the baby is kicking. Kaylee starts smiling, a beautiful, big smile to match her sparkling blue eyes.

"That's your sibling in there Kaylee." She says.

"Well the sibling that should be here." Kaylee says giggling.

"Yes. I wish the baby was here because then I would not have this huge belly that made things hard and difficult to do. I would be able to see my feet and do things with ease, like stand in the shower."

"Well Mummy no matter what you are still beautiful. With a baby bump or not you are beautiful and that's all that matters. Daddy thinks that. That is why he married you." She says smiling.

Meredith felt tears in her eyes.

"You Kaylee are a gorgeous girl."

"You don't need to cry Mummy."

"It's the hormones that come with the baby." She says smiling. "Come on let's get breakfast."

Meredith didn't cry. She just held back the tears that were watering in her eyes and followed her daughter downstairs to eat breakfast.

"Mumma!" Cooper says with a big smile.

"Hey baby boy." She says kissing his cheek. "How are you this morning?"

"Hungry." He says.

"Oh me too." She says. "Daddy though is cooking up a big feast for breakfast."

"I know. I can smell it. It smells delicious."

"It does." She agrees.

"Are we going to the hosp?" He asks.

"Yeah we are Coopie." She says. "We are going to see the doctor about the baby." She says resting her hands on her stomach. "And then we will go and see Poppy and everyone else. Spread some Christmas spirit."

"When will the bubba be here?"

"Hopefully very soon Coopie."

"Alright breakfast." Derek says. "Dig in kiddies."

The kids take no time in starting breakfast. Derek kisses Meredith before he takes a seat beside her smiling.

…

"Can we see Izzie and Alex first?" Kaylee asks. She had insisted on leaving the house earlier so she could see everyone and give them Christmas cakes that she and Carolyn had made together.

"Of course." Derek says.

He presses the button on the elevator and the four of them wait for the doors to open.

Cooper was on Meredith's hip. He didn't want to walk. He wanted his mother to carrying him. She thought that it was funny that ever since she told the kids she was pregnant and her bump grew, Cooper wanted his mother to carry him everywhere. And now since she was 4 days overdue she was finding it more and more uncomfortable to carry him.

"You okay?" Derek asks as they walk into the elevator.

"I'm more then fine." She says.

"Good." He says.

He tried to ignore the fact that people in the hospital were still crying. She hid the fact that she noticed it because it started to infuriate her.

"Aunt Izzie. Uncle Alex. Merry Christmas for yesterday." She says running into Izzie's room.

"Kaylee. Hello baby girl." Alex says swooping her up into his arms. "Merry Christmas for yesterday." He says with a smile and placing a kiss on her cheek.

"I brought you two Christmas cakes. I made them with Nanna yesterday." She says. "I made them with love and thoughtfulness and with everyone in mind."

"They are beautiful Kaylee." Izzie says softly.

Alex places Kaylee on the bed beside Izzie and Kaylee hugs her.

Meredith and Derek walk in with Cooper.

"Oh there you two are. I thought you left your daughter to run astray." Alex says.

"Well no." Meredith says. "Just when you are 4 days overdue you can't really chase after your daughter."

"Of course you can." Alex says. "It's easy."

"Hey you don't get to talk because you aren't 4 days overdue." Meredith says holding her hand up to stop him from continuing. "I am full of hormones you don't want to wake the hormone rant."

"Okay." He says.

"Merry Christmas." She says moving towards him and kissing him and then kissing Izzie.

"Hey Coopie." Izzie says.

"Iz." He says smiling.

"Coop can I put you down please?" Meredith asks.

"Okay."

She places him on the bed and she goes and takes a seat.

"So what are you two doing here?"

"We have a doctor's appointment." Derek says.

"I can't believe the baby is 4 days overdue." Izzie says.

"I know." Meredith says. "It should be here already. I should be holding my baby in my arms."

"They do come when they are ready though." Alex says. "Some woman have been 16 days overdue."

"I'm hoping I'm not one of those women."

Derek takes a seat beside Meredith and rests his hand on her stomach. "I'll agree I'm becoming very inpatient. I feel for her."

"No uterus. No opinion." She says.

"Well no penis. No opinion." Derek says.

"I can assure you childbirth hurts a hell of a lot more than being hit in the groin." Meredith says.

"Yeah I'm with Meredith on that one." Izzie says. "It's too true."

"Well no one can experience both." Derek says.

"Exactly. Men would not be able to handle giving birth." Izzie says. "There's too much pain going on and at the same time you have to try and push a baby out."

"Men could not handle it." Meredith says.

"Whatever." The two men scowl.

Meredith and Izzie laugh.

"Oh Derek it's okay. I'll try not yell at you in the delivery room about your stupid penis and things like that. Like most women do."

"Well you are having our 3rd child and the first two times you have not yelled at me so I am happy to take whatever comes this time."

"Wait when you were in labour for 18 hours with Cooper you never yelled at him or screamed at him about his stupid penis and getting you pregnant?" Izzie asks.

"Nope. I was somewhat calm." She says.

"Yeah she was. It was quite strange. When Kathleen was having Braden she was in labour for 20 hours and the whole time she was yelling and screaming at John for getting her pregnant and that they would never have another child again. Nancy was the same and cursed him and screamed at him when she was having the twins."

"It's the Shepherd gene." Meredith says. "They are full of hormones twice the amount of hormones then most pregnant women."

"I'm so glad you are not like that." Derek says kissing her cheek.

Meredith just smiles. "Well let's just hope our kids aren't full of hormones like your sisters are. Your sisters used to scare me a whole lot. I thought that I would be killed especially that one morning I woke at your house and I could hear the girls yelling and screaming at each other." She says.

"Yeah I don't know how we survived to adulthood."

"Try my cake." Kaylee says.

"I'll have some a little later Kaylee." Izzie says. Kaylee then looks at Alex with her big blue eyes just staring at him.

"Okay fine." He says taking a cake and eating it.

"Your daughter is going to get away with everything when she gets older." Izzie says. "She just has to bat her eyelashes and make her eyes go all big and no one will be able to say no."

"She already does." Meredith says. "She could get away with murder."

"Let's hope she doesn't even attempt that." Derek says.

"So what do you think?"

"It tastes very great." Alex says.

"Good." She says smiling.

"George's family have arranged the funeral for the 31st."

"I suppose they chose a great day. If it was the first then we would have started the year with a downer."

"We finish the year with a bummer and welcome the year with hope and optimism."

"A new life." Derek tells them. "That's what everyone will be looking forward to. How beautiful a baby can be and how they can change everything in your life."

Everyone stays silent for a moment and thinks through what Derek says.

"A new breathing life. A baby." Izzie says. "Sounds too simple."

"Kaylee do you want to come to the appointment?" Meredith asks. "It's not going to be like the other appointments it's just going to be discussing things with Dr French."

"I'll go and see Poppy if that's okay."

"Of course baby girl." Derek says. "Come on we better head down there now."

"Bye Aunt Izzie. Bye Uncle Alex."

"Kaylee we have gotten the two of you presents but we will give you to them when I leave the hospital."

"There's no rush. I already have enough."

Derek takes Cooper and Kaylee climbs down herself.

"Bye."

"Bye Kaylee."

Kaylee knocks on Richard's door and he looks up and smiles, taking his glasses from his eyes and placing them on the table.

"Well hello." He says. "Come on in."

Kaylee and Cooper run to Richards' side and he pulls them into a great bear hug.

"How are you two this morning? I thought you would be at home playing with your Christmas presents."

"Mummy has a doctor's appointment and I wanted to see everyone and cheer them up with hugs and Christmas Cakes that Nanna and I made."

"Well you better give me one of those cakes to try Kaylee."

Kaylee fumbles around with the lid on the container.

"Is it alright if they stay here?" Meredith asks. "During my appointment?"

"Of course. I am only reading through this paperwork. I'll be here when you get back. If not Patricia will be here."

"Thank you." Meredith says. "Bye kids. We'll be back."

Hand in hand they walk to the maternity floor and let the nurse know that they are here and they take a seat in the waiting room waiting for the appointment. They were early but it gave them a chance to speak together without filtering out things in front of the kids.

"I never thought we would get this far in the pregnancy." Meredith says.

"I know. I always assumed we would have the baby before the due date." Derek says.

"I feel like a whale."

"You aren't a whale Meredith. You are absolutely beautiful. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life." He says pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love you regardless of what anybody says and regardless of what you think." He tells her.

"Making crap up for me again?"

"I never lie." He says. "I tell you what I see."

She smiles and then kisses him.

"Meredith Grey." A nurse calls.

She smiles and Derek helps her up and they follow her to the exam room.

"Dr French will join you in a moment. We will get you into a gown and up onto the bed please."

The nurse leaves and Derek helps Meredith. She changes from her clothes and into the paper gown. Derek stands beside her and kisses her lips. A knock on the door comes and Dr French walks through the door with a med student.

"Meredith, Derek. Nice to see the two of you."

"It would have been nicer delivering our baby but you know." Meredith says.

"I know." She says smiling. "I will run an ultrasound first if that's alright and then we will talk after." She says. "Oh and if it's alright with the two of you I would like to let Meg here run the ultrasound. Only if the two of you are comfortable with that."

Meredith looks to Derek and smiles. "Of course. You all have to learn somewhere and hands on is the best thing."

"Meredith and Derek are both Doctors at this hospital Meg." Dr French says to the young medical student.

"Really? You're both Attendings. You seem too young to be Attendings."

"Were not Attendings. I'm a 3rd year and Derek here is a 4th year."

The med student looks at them in disbelief.

"Oh and this is their 3rd child." Dr French adds in there.

Meredith and Derek both laugh. And Dr French smiles.

"We manage. I know you must think we are crazy having a baby through one of the most important times for our doctoring and learning but really we manage. It's a little more hard work but you learn to manage." She says.

"And their first child was born when they were 18." Dr French says bring the machine over.

"Oh..."

"You can begin now Meg." Dr French says.

"Okay Meredith can you lay back please."

Meredith lies back and lifts her gown to expose her belly.

"Squirt the gel on her abdomen and then take the wand and press it into her the belly, and we will take a good look at the baby." She says. "Oh and we will try and avoid the sex of the baby. After two babies and wanting it to be a surprise they still want it to be a surprise."

Meg squirts the gel onto Meredith's stomach. It was cold but not as cold as it usually is because of the hot air surrounding the town. Derek squeezes Meredith's hand and smiles.

Meg places the wand on Meredith's stomach and she begins the ultrasound. The picture of the baby pops up quickly and they are given the 3-D viewing of their baby from legs and toes to its torso and the beating heart and the thumb inside the baby's mouth. The lips and the nose and the closed eyes of the baby. Their baby was beautiful and four days overdue.

Dr French made sure she looked at everything and captured every inch of the baby to look over with her patient.

"Well the baby looks very healthy." Dr French says. "I'm just going to print these out and I will join you next door in my office if you would like to get dressed and meet me there."

Meg left with Dr French and Meredith cleaned the gel from her stomach and Derek help her dress. They walked into Dr French's office and saw that she was alone.

"Meg's just gone to get your scans, she'll be back." She says. "I wanted to speak to the two of you in private anyway." She says.

The two of them take a seat before Dr French and Meredith rests her hands on her stomach.

"Meredith you look very well and you are doing well. How are you feeling though?

"Quite uncomfortable. I was fine on my due date but I feeling uncomfortable now and the mix with the heat and things is making it worse."

"Are the kids driving you crazy?"

"No. They are very good. Derek's mother and sister have been looking after them for a couple of hours. Just to lighten our load but they are great."

"Is it alright that she carries Cooper?" Derek asks. "I'm just worried."

"Derek I am fine. I've carried him all the way through."

"Derek she is fine like she said. I try to advise against it because of the no heavy lifting but Mother's still lift their children which is fine. She wasn't in preterm labour at all so she is absolutely fine." She says.

"I told you."

"Well what I do know about the baby is that it is very comfortable and I think it will be a few more days and doesn't look like it will budge." She says. "I know how uncomfortable it is and I will advise that we induce on the 2nd of January if the baby is not here yet but if you want to induce in the next few days then we can schedule that."

"I think I am happy riding it out. If we induce it still could be a 10 hours later that I am fully dilated and I want natural I know inducing is completely fine but I will wait until the 2nd before inducing." She says. "We can just hope for the best and ride it out."

"Well you are doing great." She says. "Especially after George O'Malley's death and Izzie Stevens near death. I am so sorry to hear."

"Thank you."

"She's not working anymore either. She started leave yesterday on the advice of her father."

"That's good because I want you resting with your feet up and enjoying the peace and quiet of no newborn baby."

"We are ready for the sleepless nights and the late night feedings." She says smiling.

"Well I haven't had a lot of success with these home remedies in speeding up the processs." She says handing over a few brochures. "But some of my patients swear by these things thinking they went into labour. So if you want trying spicing foods, long walks, different breathing techniques could help speed up the labour. I'm not one to like these ideas but it works for some women as they say."

"I do have one question." Meredith says. "Is sex fine during this stage."

"Sex is completely fine, some swear by sex in these late stages." She says smiling.

"Not effective enough." Derek says.

"Have you two been active?"

"Very." Meredith says.

"Well just keep having sex. But if there is any pain or anything please stop. You know what is comfortable in these stages so you two do what is best."

A knock at the door came and Meg popped her head into the room with the scans.

Dr French looked at the scans thoroughly with a smile the whole time.

"Your baby is very healthy. If I thought there would be a health risk to you and the baby then I would schedule the inducing for tomorrow but I will not induce until the 2nd. On that morning you will call the hospital to confirm your inducing and then be called to go in at a certain time. I will have everything organised and the nurse at the desk will talk you through it." She tells them. "You two are right to go and I hope to see you in the next few days."

"Thank you for today." Meredith says.

"My pleasure. Don't forget your scan." She says handing it to them. "I will see the two of you soon and hopefully with that baby on its way out."

Meredith and Derek left the office and stopped at the desk. The nurse had explained to the thoroughly about everything and what to do the morning of the 2nd and to call before 7:30am to confirm that the inducing will take place that day and that they will be expected to arrive at the hospital by 9 am for inducing to take place at 10 am and from the moment she is induced she will just have to wait for labour to progress.

They left with their information and walked through the hospital and watched the people around the upset and crying and it infuriated her even more.

She stops in her tracks and Derek turns to see what is wrong.

"Derek they didn't know George like we did. We went through school with him. We went through med school with him. I spent my intern year with him. They don't know him like we know him."

He pulls her into his arms and embraces her and places a kiss on her forehead. "I know we knew George so well that this is like losing a family member. He was considered family just like everyone else. We have lost a family member when we should be expanding our family." He whispers. "Let's go and spend time with our family."

He takes her hand and they walk to Richard's office where he is sitting on the couch with the kids telling them a story.

They smile and take a seat and listen to him tell the story that he told Meredith as a child. The story that he made up to tell his kids as they grew up and now he told this story to his grandkids. The story she realised as she grew up was about her. He made this story up about Meredith and she only realised who it was about when she had Kaylee and he started telling the story to Kaylee.

It was about Meredith's lonely childhood just exaggerated and so many adventures. It was a cross with Peter Pan and her life. He told this story so well it was her favourite story growing up. She always wanted to hear it growing up and each time he told her the story he would change her adventure and as soon as she had Kaylee that's when he added in a whole new side to the story she grew up but she would always return to adventures.

"And now she waits. She sits and she waits for a new adventure to happen. She waits as patiently as ever for that new breathing life to enter the world and waits for that new adventure."

Meredith smiles. He had always told Kaylee the story from the beginning and now added each time and Kaylee loved the stories so much better than some of her reading books.

"That was a good version of the story today Poppy."

"Why thank you Kaylee."

"How'd the doctor's go Mummy?"

"Well she said that the baby may be a few more days yet. So I am just going to ride it out until the baby decides to come."

"I hope its soon."

"So do I." Meredith says.

"Now we are going to go for some lunch and go to the park." Meredith says. "Enjoy the sunshine and your holidays and leave Pop to do his work."

"Well thank you for the story Poppy."

"No worries Baby girl." He says smiling. "I'll come and see you tonight."

"Okay." She says hugging him goodbye. "Bye."

"Bye Kaylee."

"Bye Poppy." Cooper says hugging his pop.

"By Coopie."

Meredith kisses Richard's cheek. "She's scheduled for me to be induced on the 2nd."

"Well let's hope for an arrival before that day." He says. "I see you later."

They left with their kids through the hospital of crying people and patients to the outside world. The walk to the car she felt the sun hitting her skin and she felt somewhat alive and free.

"Some days I wish that we could just spend all day outside without the wealthy knowledge of death and just be surrounded by our children's laughter and their innocence." Meredith tells him.

"I do to. I really wish life wasn't full of terrible things just the beautiful things. The small things in life that you tend to appreciate more in life."

"We will have that small thing. That small thing will be here in a matter of days." She says resting her hands on her stomach.

"And we will have something else to focus on other than death and illness." She says looking up at him and he softly kisses her cheek and wraps his arms around her waist.

"Our new baby."

**What'd you think? Let me know.**

**Next chapter will be the funeral of George, the farewell of Carolyn and Amelia and a surprise at the end for the couple.**

**I'll try and update in between my busy schedule of school assessments and such.**


	36. A Sixth Sense

She woke that morning. Today's date was the 31st of December. It was the day that they were burying George and the day that Carolyn and Amelia were leaving Seattle for bigger and brighter things in New York. They were moving to the East Coast because the West Coast held some painful memories that they had grown tired of and that hurt them too much. Carolyn wanted to be with her own family. Her brother and her sisters. She wanted to be with her own mother and father. She wanted to be with her cousins and her nieces and her nephews. She wanted to be with her daughters and her grandkids. And Amelia wanted to explore more of the world rather than just Washington State. She wanted to go to med school in New York and meet new friends and be with her sisters.

Everyone was growing up and moving on. Everyone was packing up and leaving Meredith and Derek in Seattle, with only few family members to rely on than having a whole army of them.

"_We can stay a few extra days." Carolyn had suggested two days after Christmas. "We don't have anything special planned. I can send Amelia and stay here and wait for the baby and help you out."_

"_Ma, you need to leave on the 31__st__ because you are finding reasons to stay and I know how much you want to go." Derek says. "You are leaving on that plane on the 31__st__ and moving to New York to live and leave us here to grow. The baby may be here or it may not be. Either way we will send pictures."_

"_But I have seen my grandchildren as soon as they have been born."_

"_Well this one will be special and you can await the meeting for after you are settled."_

"_You are just like you father. Demanding and supportive with that extra bit of push to get you to do anything you desire." She says. "I just wanted to help out just after the baby was born."_

"_Ma, we have managed with everything that has been thrown our way. We will be fine. We had our first baby at 18. We will be fine."_

"_I hope so."_

"_I know so Ma. This is your dream and it has been ever since Dad died. So you are leaving baby or no baby. We will be fine."_

It had been 7 days since George's death and she was yet to cry and Derek was concerned that she had not cried. She just distracted him with a lot of sex. Sex that was supposed to bring on labour but it hadn't yet. It just sent the baby to lie low in her uterus but send painful kicks to her ribs.

She was more uncomfortable and exhausted each day that had passed and she had a feeling that she would have to be induced in 2 days. She was more than ready for this baby to be born and she wanted it out. 9 days overdue and she was getting impatient playing the waiting game.

"Hey." Derek says groggily that morning. "How'd you sleep?"

"Okay. It took me a while to fall asleep." She tells him adjusting herself into a more comfortable position, supporting the weight of her bump on a pillow to help ease the pain in her back that had caused her discomfort from early that morning. "And then I woke with bad back pain after painful kicks in my ribs this morning."

He moved himself closer to her. "Me too." He says. "I also experienced the feeling of being kicked throughout the night."

"You try being 9 days overdue and you'd understand how uncomfortable it is to sleep." She says.

"I'm sorry, I just guess I getting impatient to and just a sudden wave of emotions because of today." He says.

"I seriously would never think we would bury someone at such a young age."

"I know Mer. It sucks a lot." He says. "It's a terrible thing but we will have a beautiful thing very soon." He tells her placing a hand on her stomach and rubbing it.

"I'm nine days over already Derek. And I have a feeling we'll be needing to be induced because it seems that it doesn't want to budge. Peanut I think is too comfortable."

He doesn't say anything and just stares at her narrowing his eyebrows.

"What?"

"Well we don't know much about babies in the womb, doctors are finding out more and more each day like with cancers and illnesses. Babies they say can hear things in the womb and they can react to different things like noise and voices. I believe that they have a sense. I said this when we were trying to get pregnant that they know when it's the right time. Like it took us 3 months to conceive a child because of the hostile environment we were living in at that time. I think that the baby won't be born until the hostile environment is cleared and the world is a safe and caring place."

"You're saying that it's the same with conception and delivering?"

"Yes I do."

"So after the funeral you think the baby will be born?"

"Yes."

She nods her head.

"Do you think we will be in labour tomorrow?"

"Yes I do." He says smiling.

"I have something to guilt this child with when they are misbehaving."

Derek smiles and kisses her nose before climbing out of bed.

"So still no girl name?" He asks.

"Only a boy name. We will decide something if it is a girl and when we finally hold it. The boy name might not be what we like in the end."

The car had the car seat installed and the baby bag was in the car. They were taking precautions. They even had the kid's bags packed and ready. They were prepared for anything.

Derek had taken the last week off as well to help his mother with the move and packing of boxes. Meredith wanted to help but she was exhausted and Carolyn insisted that she put her feet up and rest. So she sat with the kids and watched them pack. She was a little upset that this would no longer be Carolyn's home. This would be another family's house to create memories in.

She thinks back to yesterday when she went to the hospital with Izzie while Izzie was having her chemo. The times when the three of them talked about their other better halves.

"_These are good! Do they sell these in the cafeteria?" Cristina asks._

"_No." Meredith says. _

"_No, those are the cancer pops." Izzie says. _

"_Why do cancer people get all the fun?" Cristina asks._

"_How do you feel Iz?"_

"_I'm not looking forward to the hurling that's about to happen, but I feel ok. I feel good." She says. "You're the one who is 8 days over I should be asking you that."_

"_Bailey's on some sort of rampage. I think it's Post O'Malley Stress Disorder." Cristina says._

"_She's not dealing with her grief." Meredith says._

"_You sound like Owen's shrink."_

"_Owen's shrink is withholding sex, so she is grumpy and inappropriate."_

"_Is Derek doing that too? Withholding sex?"_

"_Why would Derek withhold sex?"_

"_Alex is withholding everything. It's like he's afraid, but I don't know what afraid of."_

"_He's afraid of the cancer sex." Cristina says. _

"_Cristina!"_

"_He doesn't wanna end up with a cancer pop."_

"_CRISTINA!"_

"_Just shut the hell up. I'm not contagious Cristina._

"_I know that. I wo__uld totally have sex with you." She says. "At least Meredith gets the good sex hormones and has the doctor prescribe sex to bring on labour. You're one lucky girl."_

Cristina had been inappropriate and she seemed to offend a lot of people and Meredith smiled but was annoyed that she didn't watch what she said. It was her friend. She expected it though.

Derek was dressed in his tux and was sitting on the couch downstairs with Kaylee and Cooper who were both dressed and ready to go to the funeral.

Cooper insisted on coming. Meredith didn't know if he knew what had happened but she knew that he sensed something was wrong. She would have been more than happy for him to stay at home but he wanted to come and say goodbye. Kaylee was in her dress and Cooper was dressed not in his tux but in his pants and a black top and they had a hat for him to wear. Meredith kissed her kids and they left for the funeral were people were piling in. She had to have Derek put her shoes on her feet though because she could not see them.

She felt that she stuck out like a sore thumb. She was 9 days overdue and she was waddling into a funeral when she should be holding her newborn baby and telling it how much she loved it.

Everyone looked at her and told them that they feel for her but they were sympathetic and told her how great she was doing and that her time would come. She smiled at them and they went and stood around the burial of her fallen friend. While she stood back, clutching Cooper's hand and cursing to herself as the baby sent more kicks into her ribs and the back pain returned again.

"There is an appointed time for everything. In a time for every affair under the heavens. A time to be born, and a time to die. A time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant. A time to kill, and a time to heal. A time to tear down, and a time to build. A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together. A time to embrace..." The priest says.

They watched Izzie walk off. Alex looked to Meredith confused. Alex, Cristina and Meredith followed Izzie. She went and sat under the shade of a tree away from the progression that was taking place.

"Iz, are you alright?" Alex asks. They thought she couldn't handle it.

They thought she was crying but in fact she wasn't.

"You're laughing?" Meredith asks.

"She's laughing." Alex says.

Izzie starts laughing. "George is dead! He's dead! They're about to put him in the ground and the priest is doing classic rock lyrics! And that girl, that redhead, is crying harder than his mother and she never even met him!"

"You are far more twisted than I ever realized." Cristina says.

"You renewed your vows on a post-it and your 9 days overdue!" Izzie says pointing at Meredith laughing.

This had started them all laughing.

"I'm 9 days overdue."

"You guys got married for real!" Cristina says.

"I got cancer!" Izzie says.

"O'Malley got hit by a bus!" Alex says.

And all of them start laughing hysterically. They stop for a moment and watch as people leave. The red head walks past crying and they look at each other and laugh again even harder.

"She doesn't even stop crying."

This was how they dealt with grief. They stopped laughing and looked between one another realising for a short moment what really had just happened. Their friend had just been buried never to be seen again and they were laughing.

"Mumma!" Cooper says running towards her breaking her thoughts.

She picks him up and kisses him. Kaylee walks with her Dad to where her mother and brother stood.

"Mumma okay?"

"Mumma's okay." She tells him with a smile. "Come on, we are going to go and see Nanna and Amelia before they leave."

She says goodbye to them and lets them know she will see them later on at Joe's. She grasps Derek's hand and they walk to the car. They put the kids into the car and before climbing into the car themselves they go and stand at the front of the car and watch as people leave. She braces her hands on her back as they speak.

"Richard's acting weirder." Derek says.

"Why?"

"You've heard the rumours."

"He would have let us know Derek. If he was leaving he would have made arrangements if he was leaving."

"I'll talk to him later." Derek says. "We don't know what he is going through now do we?"

She nodded her head.

"Come on lets go. We will miss them before they leave."

They travelled to the house. To Derek's childhood house. As he got out of the car childhood memories came rushing to him. The front yard used to be covered in bikes and toys but now you could see the lawn that was now bare. The front porch had the porch swing and patio furniture but the only thing there was a pot plant.

As they walked through the front door he remembered all those times he walked through the door and how over the years each time he walked through the door he heard different noises. Like when he was a young child it would be the noise of his sisters running around, Amelia in her walker chasing after her older sisters. The years that went on would be the loud music playing from his sisters rooms to the fighting between his sisters. And in the past 8 years those noises become quieter and then when the grandchildren were born it became the sound of laughter, the noise of feet and the grown up conversations that had seemed to happen.

The hallway was now bare and the house was now quiet.

Meredith followed behind Derek with the kids clutching her hands and they looked at every room in the house. Every room was now bare with no furniture and no nieces or nephews running around the house. Every room had memories. Every part of the house carried unique things like stains on the floor from spilt food and failed school projects. The drawing over the walls had been covered with fresh paint and instead of the house smelling like cooking it smelt like paint and new flooring. Every memory that got them into trouble and every memory of scolding their own kids for staining the house came back to him but were now covered.

"It seems so much smaller now." Meredith says as they stand in the middle of the lounge room.

Derek stands behind her and wraps his arms around her stomach. "I know. It's hard to imagine that I grew up here. It's hard to believe Cooper took his first steps in this house. The first time we had sex was here and the times we almost were caught. So many memories. Especially for Ma. 32years she has lived her for."

"It's so crazy to think that."

"I know and the house is now bare and it doesn't seem like my childhood home."

"There you two are." Carolyn says walking to the lounge room with Cooper.

"Ma, this does not feel like the house I grew up in."

"I know. 32 years here and now some other family I hope will spend 32 years here."

Amelia enters the lounge room with Kaylee. "We have to get going Ma. We only have a couple of hours before the plane leaves."

"Leave. Right."

Carolyn takes one more look through the house before she re-joins them in the hallway.

"You sure about this Ma?"

"No but you reminded me that this is what I need to do. I need to be with family and all my family is on the other side of the country. So at the moment it seems crazy but I will fit right into the Manhattan lifestyle again."

They stand there in a silence.

"Okay, we have to get going." She says. "Meredith you are beautiful. Best thing to ever happen to Derek. He may disagree but I agree that he is the best thing. You need to hold out little while longer and you will have another baby. I just wish it was 9 days ago but it happens. You miss births and you miss your grandchildren grow up. I'll come and visit as soon as I am settled." She says pulling Meredith into an embrace.

"Thank you." She says. "You really taught me a lot and I will be grateful for that. You showed me how to be a mother when I realised that I had been one for a while before I even had Kaylee. You are the biggest influence in my life. You deserve this."

She pulls away from Meredith and hugs her two grandkids.

"Be good for Mummy and Daddy and I will see you as soon as I can."

Amelia hugs Meredith and her niece and nephew.

"Thank you for everything you did last year. You looked after me when I was in a bad state of mind. Meredith you are someone to aspire to. I really do look up to through everything that you have done. You're a great big sister and have given me a niece and a nephew." She says. "And sacrificed so much for me."

"Amelia you are gorgeous. You'll go far in life."

It was now time for the goodbye to Derek. Carolyn just hugged her son and started crying.

"It won't be forever Ma." He says. "I'll most likely be calling you in a couple of days anyway and you're only a phone call away. So it's not that big of a deal. You deserve this."

"Look after your family Derek and yourself. Love them every day."

He hugs her again before she pulls away and Amelia falls into his embrace.

"You're my favourite sister." He tells her.

"You're my favourite brother." She says.

"I'm your only brother."

"And you're still my favourite."

He smiles and kisses her.

"Okay we have to go. I need to drop the key into the relator."

"We'll do it Ma."

"Thank you."

She kisses them once more and she leaves with Amelia. "Goodbye. I'll call you when we arrive at the house."

They stay in the house one last time before saying a silent goodbye and heading home to change from the clothes they wore to the funeral to something a little more comfortable to go with the heat.

They arrived at Joe's with the kids in tow as the wake began.

"Oh so I finally get to meet the Shepherd children." Joe says cleaning a glass as they walk into the bar.

"Yes you do." Meredith says. "This is Kaylee and Cooper."

"Nice to meet you kids. Your mother is a great lady." He says smiling. "Take a seat over in the booth. We'll provide some lovely entertainment for you all."

Meredith led the kids to a booth and Derek ordered drinks and came and sat down.

"You don't have to sit with us Derek." Meredith tells him. "You can go and socialise."

"I don't want to leave you alone."

"You're not. I'm fine sitting down. My feet are sore, my back is aching and I am exhausted."

He kissed her cheek. "You're beautiful." He tells her before leaving her and the kids.

She pulled out paper, pencils, markers and crayons for the kids to keep them entertained.

She watched them draw and her friends came and sat before moving on. She didn't mind. She wasn't in a real mood to talk to anyone. Just being with the kids always seemed to relax her and make her feel somewhat better and calm.

"Meredith." She hears and sees Louise and Harold O'Malley sit down in the booth. "How are you dear? We haven't seen you in a few years."

"I've been great. A little busy with work and my family but we have been well."

"This can't be Kaylee?" She asks.

"Yeah it is."

"God the last time I saw her was when she was about 2 years old. She has grown into a beautiful girl." Louise says.

"Thank you."

"And this must be Cooper. Georgie told me so much about him and Kaylee whenever I would call. He loved these kids."

"Well we spent a lot of time together from med school to our residency. He has seen them every day and watched them grow just like our family has. He did a very good job looking after them if there was a dire emergency and we needed someone to watch them for a couple of hours."

"He had that natural gift of being with kids. He did a way better job than his brothers."

Meredith just smiles. "Well you could have met my third baby. It's just its stubborn and has decided that being 9 days overdue is fun for mummy."

"It will all be over soon. Your belly has dropped which is a good sign and it looks like you are smuggling a watermelon, maybe you're having a girl." Louise says. "You just have to hold on for the rest of the pregnancy. It is uncomfortable but it is so worth it in the end you forget all about the swollen feet, the morning sickness and the nausea. George was 14 days overdue and by the 9th day I was going crazy. I tried so many techniques and western traditions that I sent Harold crazy and my family. So you are doing well."

"They are inducing me on the 2nd if there is no baby." She says. "But I can feel the baby lying low, very low and it thinks it's fun to kick me right in my ribs."

"Well I will wish you good luck and I will expect a picture in the mail of the baby. See if this next one takes after Derek again."

"No it will. The Shepherd genes are so dominant that it will have black hair, blue eyes, it will be chatty and an overachiever. It will be walking by the time it is 9 months old and speaking full sentences at 12 months. I have produced two already a third will be exactly the same."

"They are beautiful kids. Especially these two." She says standing. "It was so lovely to see you Meredith and meet your kids." She says kissing Meredith's cheek. "Hold on the day will come sooner than later." She tells her placing a hand on her stomach, smiling and then leaving.

After a few hours the kids were taken to Richard's house to spend the night with Jackson, Jasmine and Charlie because they knew it would be a late night and the kids were getting bored of waiting around and the curfew was setting in for the kids.

So she mingled with everyone and had a good conversation to Joe about her stubborn unborn child and the fact that she has a feeling that when she is induced she will be in labour for 40 hours. Joe laughed at her and told her that the baby will be here before she knows it and that she will start having contractions and an hour later she will be holding her child. He said it with a reassuring smile and told her to hold on.

The bar started to crowd because of the New Year drawing close. She sat and watched Derek and Mark play darts and talked to Danny while Danny rubbed the ache in Meredith's lower back.

Derek had talked to Richard to try and get some answers but he told him to back down from the topic because he lost an intern. Derek backed away and knew he would address the situation very soon.

"I could drop you home Mer, if you don't want to be here any longer." Danny says. "You look as if you need to sleep."

"Your drunk." She says. "No state to drive me anywhere."

"But I could call you a cab."

"I'm fine being here Danny. Besides, I want to welcome the New Year with Derek even if I'm exhausted and gassy and overdue and the size of a whale. I will sit here and watch my husband."

"Well for one, you're not a whale. You're a pregnant woman." She says. "You're beautiful. My cousin is beautiful."

"Thanks Danny." She says smiling.

It was after 11:45 that night that she felt a pain in her back. A more powerful jab of pain and she realised that the back pain she had been having all day were sneaky contractions. She felt another jab, this time in her stomach and knew it wasn't just slight cramping but a contraction. Contractions that were close together. She timed the first to the second and knew that she didn't have much time. 3 minutes apart. They were in the very late stages of labour and she knew that they wouldn't make it across the road to the hospital. Especially since she could feel everything moving along quickly with the contracting of her cervix and the baby's head pushing deep down on her cervix.

She would be having her baby in the bar.

How classy.

She rose from the booth and made her way slowly over to Derek who stood with Mark, Cristina and Danny.

"Derek. Derek."

"What is it?"

"Derek. It's time." She says breathless.

"What?"

"My contractions…." She says as another one takes over her body. "Are under 2 minutes." She says. "I can feel the baby's head." She says once again. "The baby is coming!" She yells as the music changes.

"Okay, we've got to get you to the hospital." He says.

Before she can say anything her waters break over Derek's shoes leaving him in shock.

"Come on, we'll take you to the hospital." Mark says.

"I can't. I won't make it." She says as another contraction hits her body and she grasps her belly and leans over. "I won't make it out of the door." She says gritting her teeth together.

Derek grabs onto her and helps support her as she rides out the contraction.

"Shit what do we do?" Mark says staring down at his friend.

**Talk about timing….**

**Sorry for the delay, I've been caught up in final assessments for this term and seem to have no time to myself. **

**Anyway thoughts would be great on this chapter and by next chapter you will all be graced with the presence of the very overdue Baby Shepherd and because of that I will try and manage an update in a few days to rid of the waiting you all have been through.**

**Next chapter will be the birth and finally the meeting of the baby with the reveal of gender and name.**


	37. First Baby Of 2018

"_Shit what do we do?" Mark says._

"We're all doctors. We are capable of delivering the baby ourselves." Cristina says. "By we, I mean you." He says pointing at Derek.

"Call the OB." Danny says. "She's on call tonight. She was there when I left a few hours ago."

"Okay, I'll call her." Mark says leaving the bar.

"Oh, okay." He says. "I guess we're having a baby in the bar." He says with a smile and helps her stand upright and lead her over to the counter. "Joe we have a situation. We have a baby fast on its way and we won't make it over to the hospital. We're gonna need a space. Some privacy preferably."

"Of course. I wouldn't want an audience if I was welcoming the miracle of life. Come out the back to the office. Plenty of room." He says pointing in the direction to the back room.

"Thank you so much Joe." Meredith says out of breath.

"Hey anything for my favourite couple." He says following them to the back room.

"We're gonna need towels. Lots and lots of towels." Meredith says as she has another contraction bracing against Derek.

"Just breathe Mer." Derek says rubbing her back.

"Never in my 15 years as a bartender have I had anything as crazy as this happen."

"Well feel honoured." Meredith says as she relaxes after the contraction.

"52 seconds." Derek says looking at his watch.

"I think it's almost time." Meredith says taking a deep breath.

"Dr French is on her way." Derek says. "If not you have my capable hands and about 30 other doctors out there."

"Who are all drunk." She says.

"Yeah that's true." He says. "If your 12 year old brother can deliver a baby then your 25 year old husband with a medical degree will be highly capable of delivering our child if the doctor happens to slip and break her leg on the way over."

She just smiles at him and kisses his lips. "Well one thing, this one is going to have a story to tell."

"One born at the hut, the other one at the bar. We've had one child born at the hospital. That's quite alright odds. Do you think somewhere it means good luck?" He says. "One thing though. We are finally having our baby."

"We're having our baby." She says smiling before grasping onto Derek as another contraction happens.

"You're doing great."

"Happy Hour! Free drinks!" Joe yells out. "In celebration of a new baby and because it's New Years!" He calls out.

"Well at least their having the time of their life." Meredith says. "I haven't had a drop of alcohol for 9 months. They can numb the pain of grief I have to push a baby out soon naturally. Most likely a 8 pound baby."

"Well we have a new beginning for the New Year. I think that's more special than drinks."

"It is." She says agreeing with a small smile.

"Alright Dr French is rushing over right now." Danny says entering the room with Mark and Cristina trailing behind with their arms filled with towels and gloves and water.

"I have your camera." Cristina says holding it up in the air.

"How far apart are the contractions?" Mark asks.

"Just under 1 minute." Derek says rubbing her back some more.

"Derek, Kaylee wanted to be here." She says grasping his shirt.

"We'll call Jackson after we get to the hospital. It will be late." She says.

"Alright. We can do that." He says.

"Ouch!" Meredith screams clutching her stomach.

"I think she's nearly ready." Cristina says. "Have you checked her?"

"No." Derek says. "Mer, how do you want to be?"

"On the ground please."

"Alright. Can I have a hand?" He asks.

The floor was covered in towels and Meredith was lowered down to the ground.

Derek helps her position herself and snaps a pair of gloves on his hands. Danny at his right shoulder helping him in being the second eyes.

"Mer, I'm just going to check you alright?" He says placing his hands on her knee.

Cristina settles herself down beside Meredith grasping her other knee, holding it with Mark grasping her hand.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" Mark asks.

"It's just a little foggy since I've done an OB rotation." He says racking his brain.

"I can feel the baby's head Derek. I'm sure I'm fully dilated." She says. "I really want to push." She says as another contraction hits.

"Don't push yet Mer." He says and does his best in checking her dilation.

"So?" Mark says.

"Derek, she's 10 centimetres." Danny says.

"She's ready to deliver." Derek says.

"Derek I really want to push. Can I push?" She asks.

"Just hold on for a little while longer Mer." He says. "Dr French will be here in no time."

"I'm here." Dr French says entering the room in a rush. "I'm here." She says placing her things down on the ground in hurry and unzipping her bag to prepare herself. She snaps on a pair of gloves as Meredith has another contraction again. "Has anyone checked her dilation?" She asks.

"We both think she's at ten centimetres." Danny says stepping away from Meredith.

Derek moves himself to her other hand and grasps her hand and Dr French carries out a second examination for confirmation for herself to see if there is any real danger in delivering.

In a flash she sets up a portable ultrasound for a reading at what is going on.

"Okay the baby is in a good position. Your ten centimetres and the baby is ready to make its entrance into the world. I bet you are two."

"Very much so." She says gritting her teeth and grasping Derek and Mark's hand as another contraction overcomes her body.

"Ouch." Mark yelps.

Meredith looks up to him, narrowing her eyes.

"Your grip. It just hurts."

"You're not about to push a baby the size of a watermelon out of a hole that is not big enough for that watermelon. You will not experience the pain we go through to bring you a child. No uterus no opinion."

Derek stifles a laugh and Dr French just shakes her head.

"Oh men who have never been in the birthing room." She says. "Next contraction Mer, I want you to push, alright?"

"Alright." She says nodding her head.

"Can one of you have the room cleared outside?" Dr French says.

"Just leave them be." Meredith says. "They have the music loud. We can shut the door. They're all doctors. They've heard a woman in labour before." She says.

"If you say so. Danny, can you just call the hospital and let them know how we're going and to get a bed ready and the paediatrician ready to meet us when we arrive at the hospital?"

"Of course." Danny says pulling her phone out and making the quick phone call.

"What's the time?" Meredith asks Derek.

"11:57." He says. "Nearly midnight."

She smiles at him and waits for that contraction to come so she can begin pushing.

"The hospital is on standby and they are sending an ambulance."

"I suppose that's the queue for us to leave." Cristina says.

"Stay." Meredith says as she grits her teeth together.

"I need a hand as well. Danny you can be my assistant. Mark and Cristina can you hold her legs for me?"

They all nod their heads as another contraction comes.

"Okay Mer, big push." Dr French says with a grin. "9 days over and we're finally getting an appearance."

She grasped Derek and Mark's hand tight and began to bear down.

"Good Meredith."

"You're doing so well." Derek whispers to her as Danny places a blanket on her belly for when the baby comes out.

Meredith let her body and her mind take over. She was doing this again for the 3rd time.

"Hi, we were called about a possible labour." The paramedics say entering the bar with the gurney in tow.

"Oh yes. They are just in the back. The doctor said she'd come out when the baby arrives. I'm pretty sure she's delivering now." Joe says.

"Come on Mer. You can do this." Cristina says rubbing her hand up and down her leg.

"I can see the head Meredith. Another big push."

Meredith pushed again and then again.

"Watch Derek." She says through gritted teeth.

"You sure?" Derek asks.

She nods her head and he moves to her feet taking the camera into his hands as Cristina moves to hold Meredith's hand.

"The baby is coming. It's really coming." He says with a huge smile.

"Head and shoulders are out one more big push Meredith and you'll have your new baby." Dr French says.

"_Happy New Year!" _

"You can do it." Cristina says smiling at her person. "Your new baby."

Meredith pushed for one final time and she was rewarded with the sound of gasping for air and then the beautiful sounds of crying.

"It's a beautiful, healthy girl." Dr French says with a small laugh while laying the crying newborn baby down on Meredith's stomach where Meredith wrapped the blanket around her crying baby. Meredith found tears come to her eyes and fall down her cheek.

Dr French clamped the cord and handed the scissors over the Derek to cut the cord and he did so with a huge smile. She tied the cord with the clip and attended to Meredith's post care treatment.

She was here. She was finally here after 9 days of waiting. Baby Shepherd was finally here. Baby Girl Shepherd was finally here.

"12:01 am." Danny says smiling. "Happy birthday little one."

"We have another girl." She says crying with a smile.

"We have a girl." Derek says kissing her lips and wiping the tears away from her face. "Happy New Year."

"Shh baby girl." Meredith says trying to soothe her baby girl. She places a kiss on the baby's forehead and takes in the baby's features. A full head of dark hair and beautiful big blue eyes. "Happy New Year Derek."

"Happy New Year Meredith." He says kissing her lips.

"Guys, she's beautiful." Mark says.

"Thank you." Meredith says with a huge smile on her face as Danny begins to clean down the baby and places the cap on her head that Dr French had brought with her.

Mark then disappeared out to the bar.

"It's a girl. We have a baby girl. A New Year baby!" Mark says yelling to the crowd of people. "Happy New Year!" Mark yells and grabs a beer off the counter toasting to the many people in the crowd.

"Happy New Year!" The crowd yells back.

"How's the Apgar?" Derek asks.

"9. A perfect 9." Dr French says. "9 days over and she scores a 9. She's beautiful."

The baby's cries were seized as she sucked on her mother's fingers and settled her eyes towards her mother.

"This is the most beautiful thing in the world." Mark says. "You can never get over seeing a new baby being born. The world just seems right for the moment." He says looking up and smiling at Danny who just blushes.

"Do we have a name yet?" Cristina asks. "We can't call her the baby or baby girl. She needs a name."

"That's true." Mark says.

Meredith turns to Derek and smiles as she says the name. "Zara. She's our little Zara."

"She is definitely a Zara." Derek says smiling and kisses her cheek before kissing Zara's hand.

"Zara is a beautiful name." Dr French says.

"What's her middle name? You can't just give her a first name and not a middle name." Danny says.

Meredith looks down at Zara and smiles like a brilliant idea popped into her head. Derek nodded his head at her to continue.

"I would like you all to meet..." She says looking up at everyone in the room. "Zara Sienna Shepherd."

"Oh it's beautiful." Cristina says.

"The paramedics are here Mer. They'll take you and Zara over to the hospital and we'll get her assessed and everything." Dr French says.

"Alright." Meredith says. "Welcome to the world little one." Meredith says as she leans down and kisses her newborn baby's cheek.

"We'll see you out." Cristina says as Danny and she leave the room and the paramedics enter the room.

"I see we have ourselves a baby." One of the medics says. "Congratulations."

"This must be the weirdest call out ever." She says.

"For the year it is." He says. "But this isn't the weirdest birth we've attended. There's be movie cinemas, beauty parlours, highways, the ferry, workplaces, it doesn't get any weirder than those."

"Well I had our first born at a hut on our land so we've had weird." She says smiling.

The paramedics help Meredith and baby up onto the gurney and stabilise the two of them. "We'll just take you across to the hospital."

Derek leans down and kisses Meredith's cheek and pushes the stray hair from her cheek and rubs the baby's hand that was clutched tightly around her mother's finger.

"I must seem so lazy. I could walk." She says.

"We're here and it saves you the long walk considering what you've just been through and the bad weather." He says. "Alright let's move."

They push the gurney out and they stop to see everyone clapping.

"Congratulations." Joe says kissing her cheek. "Do we have a name?"

"Zara Sienna Shepherd." Meredith says smiling.

"To Zara." Joe says holding up his glass of water.

"To Zara." Everyone says cheering.

"I'll see you round Doc." He says rubbing Meredith's shoulder.

Meredith was soon wheeled into the back of the gurney and driven across the road to the hospital.

"Meredith Grey, 5 minutes post-delivery. Healthy delivery. Still awaiting the third stage of labour. Zara Shepherd, 5 minutes old with an Apgar of 9 one minute after delivery and now a 10 five minutes after delivery. Paediatric work up is suggested." The paramedic says pushing the gurney into the OR where they were met with an excited Kaylee and Jackson, a paediatrician and a few other doctors including Richard.

"Mummy!"

"Hey baby." Meredith says.

"I hear we have a new addition." Richard says as the gurney is stopped against an ER bed. "Congratulations my love." He says kissing her cheek.

"Thank you." She says.

"Jackson, what are you doing here?"

"Well Dad heard about you and then messaged me and Kaylee was up, insisting to watch the fireworks and she read the message before me and insisted that we had to be here to meet you. She actually insisted that we get to the bar but I reminded her that she was too young to be there at that time." He says. "So we thought we'd meet you here."

"Well I love my welcome party."

"We've got to get you upstairs to recovery Meredith especially for a work up on baby Zara." Dr French says.

"We have a name?" Richard asks.

"Zara Sienna." Derek says.

"Beautiful name." Richard says. "I'll go and get your bag from the car."

Derek hands the keys over to Richard as she is transferred onto a bed and Zara is whisked into a

Meredith was admitted and transferred up to the maternity ward. Meredith was cleared and had delivered the afterbirth and Zara had her check over and was now swaddled in a clean blanket and a knitted cap was now on her full head of hair and Meredith herself was stitched up and in her room recovering after a long and exhausting 9 months.

"So how is she?" Meredith asks with a concerned tone as she fed Zara for the first time.

"9 and 10 for her Apgar." Dr French says. "She is 8 pounds and 3 ounces and she is 50 centimetres. Healthy breath sounds. Healthy beating heart. 10 fingers and 10 toes. You have a beautiful healthy baby girl. You couldn't ask for anything better."

"This is our 3rd child and it's so surreal each time."

"It truly is."

"She is absolutely gorgeous." Derek says.

"She really is. Those 9 days don't mean as much anymore. She is finally here and that is all that matters now." She says quietly. "We should let your mother and sisters know."

"I'll leave the three of you to be. Just page me if you need me."

He sat down beside her with Zara sleeping soundly after being fed and satisfied. Kaylee had been taken home after seeing her new sibling and Jackson promised to bring her in the morning after a good night's sleep. The doctors had cleared the room and left the three of them alone. Derek had his baby girl nestled in his arms with a firm hold on his finger.

"How should we tell them?" Derek asks.

"We should just send a picture of her, her name, her birth time, her birth destination, her weight, length and wish them a Happy New Year. They can call later for details."

She reaches for his phone and goes through the photos that had been captured in the short space of an hour. "We should send this one. They can see her blue eyes and her head of hair." She says.

"Okay then." He says smiling but not taking his eyes off Zara. "I know that we have done this three times now but the experience is just as good each of the other times. It's so surreal."

"I know. One minute she is inside me and the next she is here and we are holding her. We are holding our third child." She says. "Our baby girl."

"We have three children Mer." He says looking at her. "How did that happen?" He asks.

"The excessive consuption of alcohol and no contraception." She says with a smirk. "We made them out of love no matter what. Kaylee was a good thing for us. She made us realise what we wanted to be and grow up. Cooper finally made us see who we wanted to be with in life and now Zara…. Zara is our good thing. A good thing that came from a terrible situation and into a crowded bar, 9 days late on New Years Day."

"She is the baby who saved our marriage." Derek says.

"She really is."

The two share a long and lingering look. A look that was full of electricity and love. They share a long and lingering kiss before Derek's phone interrupted them.

"And now we are going to be bombarded with questions and congratulations." He says.

"Well it is New Year's Day. It's a great way to start a year with the birth of a baby." She tells him smiling.

There came a soft knock on the door and they saw Richard standing in the doorway with flowers in his hands.

"Is it alright if I come in?"

"Of course."

He walked to Meredith's side and looked at his granddaughter.

"I would like you to officially meet Zara Sienna. Your third grandchild." Meredith says as Derek hands Zara over to Richard to hold for the first time.

Richard settled Zara in his arms. Meredith realised that Zara was an average size baby but Richard holding her she looked tiny. She looked half to what to measure and half of what she weighed.

"So what did she come in as?"

"She came in at 8 pounds 3 ounces she is 50 centimetres and Dr French couldn't be more pleased with her heart and lungs. Her Apgar was 9 and 10. She is a perfectly healthy baby girl. Dr French would most likely tell me that I could go home in the morning."

"But we won't until Dr French discharges you. I don't think she wants to because she is so in love with Zara." Derek says. "We may have to keep a close eye on her."

"Well you might have to keep a close eye on me as well." Richard says. "I'm going to leave the three of you to get some rest before the army of people come through those doors in the morning."

"You can lay her down in the bassinet." Meredith tells him.

Derek and Meredith watch as he lays her down in the bassinet and watch as Zara fidgets but closes her eyes and falls asleep again.

"Night little girl. I will see you in the morning." He says kissing her forehead. "I'll come by in the morning before I start for the day and before everyone comes barging their way into the room."

Meredith smiles at him. "Okay. Go home and sleep." She tells him. "It's the new year."

Richard kisses Meredith's cheek and shakes Derek's hand.

"Congratulations you two. She is absolutely gorgeous."

They were left to themselves with a sleeping newborn and the New Year.

"I would say we should have our first drink for the year but there is no champagne." Derek says.

"We can toast with orange juice." She suggests as Dr French walks into the room.

"I'm sorry for popping in now. I know you would like to get some rest but I thought that I would let the two of you know that you have had the first baby of the Year." Dr French says.

"In Washington?" She asks.

"At the moment most of America."

"Little Zara is the first born in America?"

"She surely is." Dr French says. "You should expect a photographer here midmorning to photograph the precious Bubba and a news camera to capture the first baby of 2018."

"Way to go little girl." Meredith says to Zara. "You'll have your mug shot in the paper for all of America to see."

"Anyway I will come by later. Get some rest you two because it won't last long this peace and quiet."

"We are used to it Dr French. So bring it on." Meredith says.

"Happy New Year and congratulations." She says placing her hand on Meredith's leg.

"Thank you." Derek says to her.

Dr French leaves the two of them and Derek sits down beside her and hands her a glass of juice.

"We are toasting." Derek tells her.

"What too?"

"Zara. Our family. Our friends. And too being the first baby born in America."

She smiles. "To Zara. To Family. To friends and being first born in America."

"Cheers." Derek says with a smile.

They clink glasses and share a kiss.

"Thank you Meredith."

"I didn't do anything Derek."

"Yes you did and I will be grateful until my dying breath. Grateful for the gorgeous children you deliver and carry for 9 months. They come out healthy and gorgeous just like their mother."

"Zara has your eyes and hair though."

"But she's just like Kaylee. Her mother's nose and mouth. As soon as I saw her I knew that she and Kaylee would look exactly the same. Even Ma just told me then that she looks exactly like Kaylee did and she asked if we used a picture of Kaylee to trick her."

"Now that you point it out I realise that she does look like Kaylee. If they were closer in age they would get called twins. I can hear it now."

"Well no matter what she is gorgeous. I haven't seen a more gorgeous baby in my life. Just like Kaylee and Cooper."

She then started to feel the exhaustion overcome her body. The exhaustion that settled itself deep into her bones.

"You need your rest."

"So do you."

"And I will. I'm going to lie right here beside you and not leave your side."

She shut the light off and Derek lay behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Are you in pain?" He asks her. "Sore?"

"A little not too bad."

"Are you stitches okay?"

"They are fine."

"How many did you get?"

"7."

"More than Cooper and Kaylee."

"Zara is so much bigger than Kaylee. Cooper was longer and weighed more than Zara did. So I don't know why I have more stitches."

"She wanted to be the first baby born." He says.

"God our children our determined as soon as they enter the world." She says. "Hence why she was born at the bar."

"She'll be walking before we know it."

"I know and I don't want that to happen."

"We can always try for another."

"Let's just finish our residencies and finish the dream house before we think of another baby."

"I know you're already thinking about it." He says.

"I will admit that I am. We have 2 girls. We need to even it up with another boy."

"And we may. You need your rest before Zara wakes." He tells her. "And wants her feed."

"Yes Doc."

He kisses her cheek. "Thank you Meredith."

"Derek, I should be thanking you more." She says. "You did contribute to this."

"But I didn't push a big baby out of a very small…"

"Yeah I know." She says. "Third baby Derek." She says smiling. "Not that much pain."

He just holds her tighter and laughs.

"Is it weird to say 3 children?" He asks.

"It is. I mean, we're doctors; we've been parents since 18. I never thought in a million years at the start of 2010 would we ever welcome a baby and now in 2018 we would have 3 children. I mean she should have been born 9 days ago but she had other plans like to be born at the bar, on New Year's Day."

"Maybe it's a girl thing." He says. "Kaylee was at the hut and Zara at the bar. With very quick births when Cooper was at the hospital and you were in labour for 18 hours."

"I would never trade a short birth for 18 hours. Quick and simple. No anaesthesia."

"Well we do have stories to tell." He says kissing her cheek. "Come on, get some rest. You must be exhausted."

"Thank you Derek."

"No thank you Mer."

**I'd like you all to officially meet Zara Sienna Shepherd!**

**And am I glad that she is here to for the family.**

**Reviews and thoughts would be great in celebration of the new baby. **

**I would have gotten this to you guys sooner but I have no idea where my days go. I'll try and be nice and update later this week for more Zara goodness and more drama to come not just for the family but everyone else at Seattle Grace.**


	38. Little Zar

_The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we're taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitive. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow._

"Meredith wake up." Cristina whispers shaking her arm.

Meredith wakes and sees her friend standing there beside her. She smiles at her friend and goes to sit up.

"No, stay there. It's still really early." She says. "You need your rest."

"What time is it?"

"5." She says. "I just wanted to have another sticky at her. She's absolutely gorgeous." She says with a smile. "You and Derek did a good job."

Meredith looks over at her baby asleep beside her in the bassinet.

"Do you want to hold her?"

"I'll come back later. Besides, I don't do well with babies. Especially sleeping ones." She says. "Zara is a beautiful name and you and Derek should be very proud of yourself because you carried her 9 extra days. I'll be back later on to see you all and have a hold."

"Okay Cris."

"Happy New Year Mer." She says squeezing her friends hand and then turning and sneaking out of the room to not wake Derek or Zara.

She closes her eyes again and Derek's grip around her waist tightens and she snuggles up against him again and peacefully falls asleep.

The hospitals staff was still grieving from losing George seven days ago. Some had grieved some hadn't. Meredith had Zara to focus on. She had Kaylee and Cooper. She had Derek. She had her family.

She woke a little over an hour later. Derek's arms weren't around her body. She looked around the room. He was nowhere in sight but she knew that he was going to drop in home to get some clean clothes for himself and check on the pets.

Her wondering was disrupted when she caught sight of kicking moving in the bassinet.

Meredith climbed off the bed and reached down and picked Zara up and brought the baby's head towards her lips to place a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Good morning baby girl." Meredith coos to her as she moves softly side to side. "You're such a gorgeous baby. Do you know that? Gorgeous like your older sister Kaylee with a hint of charm like your brother Cooper." She tells her. "You have your Daddy's good looks but your Mummy's brains because let's face it, Daddy is a little brainless sometimes and he wants to be a neurosurgeon." She says kissing her daughters forehead. "Do you want some food baby girl?"

Meredith sat back down in the bed. She laid Zara in front of her while she made herself comfortable enough to feed her. She had a sip of water and grabbed her phone from the nightstand to read the messages that had come in overnight congratulating them and wishing them a Happy New Year and luck on the new baby.

Zara latched on perfectly and started to feed herself. Meredith couldn't help but smile. It was the most beautiful things to do in the world. She had her 7 hour old newborn baby girl in her arms who was feeding perfectly. While she fed her Zara held onto Meredith's finger and didn't let go and Meredith couldn't help but smile more at her daughter.

"Zara you are going to fit in very well with the other two. They were so excited on meeting the moment I told them you were nestled safely in my stomach and developing into their baby sibling.

A knock came at the door and then Carol the midwife came in.

"Good morning Meredith."

"Morning."

"I was going to come and see if you wanted me to take Zara down to the nursery but it looks like you have your hands full." She says smiling.

"I only just started feeding her."

She stands beside Meredith and smiles at Zara. "She is a gorgeous girl."

"I know she is. I'm more than happy to leave her in my room with me."

"I know, I just wanted to see if you wanted a rest but I know that you love having your kids beside you. Do you want to bath her today?"

"Sure. I think that would be nice. Get her prepared for her first interview."

"Oh that's right. She's the first born isn't she?"

"She surely is. She'll have her mug shot up everywhere."

"Well she has a beautiful face."

"She does."

"Where's Derek?"

"He popped home to have a shower and get a few things of his own considering he hasn't been home since yesterday afternoon."

"Alright then."

"Can you let me know when the media gets here?"

"Of course I will. I don't think it will be until lunchtime anyway." She says. "I'll prepare a bath for her for an hour's time?"

"Sounds great. Thank you."

"No problems." She leaves Meredith alone and Meredith continues feeding Zara.

She knew that when it was 8 all the visitors would be making their way into her room to see Zara but being doctors here they had more access than anyone else.

Another soft knock came at the door and it was Izzie.

"Hi Iz."

"Is it right for me to come in?"

"Of course."

Izzie comes into Meredith's room with a huge gift bag and comes and stands beside Meredith to admire the newborn child.

"She is absolutely gorgeous Mer. She is breathtakingly gorgeous." Izzie says placing her free hand to her chest.

"She really is."

"She looks a lot like Kaylee."

"That's what Derek said." She says. "I do see it but I think she's more her individual self."

Meredith noticed Zara's eyes were looking at her mother. They only had a short range of vision at the moment but she recognised her mother's voice.

"My god Mer." She says. "You and Derek should just produce beautiful babies for the rest of your lives. Their looks will pay for your other kids."

"They really are Derek's babies."

"We have said that all along. Mini McDreamy's." She says. "When are you having your next one?"

"Iz I was only in labour 7 hours ago. I have multiple stitches. Derek and I can't have sex for a few weeks yet. Besides we are spending time with this little one before we decide on more kids."

"It's been your dream to have a bunch of kids. It's been Derek's dream to have a bunch of kids. Have them while you still have your opportunity." She says. "But these looks will pay. All I am saying is that you two should just be in the baby making business because you'll produce model children. You should put your children into pageants and have them in catalogues for multiple companies. Zara could be the baby of the year. A Huggies baby."

"Well she is already the first born baby in America so I suppose she'll have a one up."

"First baby born in America?"

"For this year. 12:01. The next born baby was 12:03."

"Just think there have been heaps of babies born overnight welcoming the New Year."

"I know. It's crazy."

"I have a Doctor appointment with the oncologist. I'll pop in later for a hold."

"Alright. Bye Iz."

"Congrats Meredith." She says kissing her cheek and leaving the room.

She continues looking at Zara and smiling at the joys of the new adventure they are about to embark on.

"You're up?" Derek says breaking her train of thought. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"That's fine. Yeah I'm up." She says smiling at him.

He leans down and kisses her lips and he pulls away smiling.

"She's feeding well?"

"She surely is."

"Good morning baby girl. You are so beautiful. I absolutely love you more than anything in the world." He coos to his newborn daughter. "You're gorgeous Zara Sienna."

"Have you spoken to your mother?"

"No. She said she would call a little later on. Give us some time to see visitors and to spend time with Zara."

"Okay." She says smiling. "We are going to let the midwife know when we are ready to bath her. She has to look beautiful for her photograph."

"She is already beautiful enough." Derek says. "She has beautiful eyes. A nice head of hair. Her mother's lips and nose."

She smiles at him and takes the cap off of her head to admire the mane of hair Zara had covering the crown of her head.

"Derek look at her hair."

Derek looks at Zara's hair and notices her hair is untamed with the wispy bits sticking up from the force of her cap.

"Shall we get the hair gel?" He asks jokingly.

"Oh I think it is cute. It will go down in a few days." She says running her fingers softly over her hair.

He kisses the top of Zara's head and embraces the new baby smell.

"This never gets old." He says.

"It's something that I love. It seems like a weird thing but it is so beautiful." She says. "You finished baby girl?" Meredith takes Zara from her breast and starts burping Zara on her lap.

"I can't believe she is finally here. She's only 9 hours old and it's hard to believe that she is finally here." Derek says.

"I know." She says patting and rubbing Zara's back gently to burp her.

"Is she still hungry?" He asks.

"Well if she has an appetite like me then I think she still would be."

Derek laughs softly and places a kiss on her temple. Inside he wanted to know how she was feeling. She wanted to know if she was hurting. He wanted to see her cry over George but at that moment they had Zara and that is all that mattered but Meredith also mattered.

"I think she is done." She says. "Do you want to hold her?"

"Of course I do. Come here beautiful girl."

Derek took Zara into his arms and held her up against his chest and rubbing her back.

"When do you think the droves of people will be coming in?"

"I don't know. Some may be recovering from hangovers, others will be working. So they will come in dribs and drabs."

"Do we want to bath Zara now? Before they all get here?"

"Sure." She says going to stand.

"It's okay. I'll go and let them know." Derek says leaving the room.

She sat back on the bed and waited for him to come back in but a visitor beat him back to the room.

"Hi Danny."

"Hi Mer. I'll come back later if she's at the nursery."

"No she's not. Derek just went to the nurses' desk with her. She'll be back."

Meredith could tell that she felt awkward standing there.

"You can come in Danny."

Danny walked to Meredith's side as Derek walked back into the room.

"Oh hi Danny."

"Hi Derek. Congratulations again." She says kissing his cheek.

"Thanks Danny." He says. "Would you like to hold her?"

"Sure."

Danny places the gift on the bed and Derek passes Zara over.

"That present is for you."

"Oh you didn't have to."

"I did. It was something semi-cousinly." She says smiling. "Besides, I got to witness her entrance and I couldn't get over the whole thing. The process of a woman giving birth. The look of the baby as it enters the world and the air filling their lungs as they make a noise for the first time. Its unforgettable."

Meredith opened the card and the present. It was chocolate for her and Derek to share and a pink teddy bear and an arrangement of onesies for Zara.

"They are adorable Danny. Thank you so much."

Derek and Meredith watch Danny bond with Zara by rubbing her cheek softly with her finger.

"Oh the new midwife is on but she said she is going to prepare the bath for us and come and get us."

"Okay."

"I can go if you need me too?"

"No its fine Danny. We are just waiting. We don't mind you being here either." Meredith tells her.

"Okay that's good." She says smiling. "I still can't believe this is your third baby Meredith."

"Me either."

"My god she is so gorgeous as well." She says. Her pager sounds. "I've gotta go." She says handing Zara back over.

"Come and visit later on and have another nurse."

"I will. Just be careful, I may come and steal her. Bye guys and congrats again."

They watched as Danny left the room and Helen the new nurse, walk in.

"We ready for the first bath?" She asks with a smile.

"Yes we are. Let me just get her some clean clothes." Meredith says. "Do I need any diapers?"

"We've got plenty down there darl." She says smiling.

Derek grabs the camera and the clothes for Zara and helps Meredith up from the bed. She places her ugg boots on her feet and they follow Helen down to the nursery.

"Here we go. I have the water in there and the wash. Do you need a lesson in how to bathe the baby?"

"I think I shall be good. I've done this many times before."

"Well, I just wanted to know if you needed a refresher." She says smiling. "Anyway go for your life."

Meredith lays her down on the change mat and undresses her. She was half asleep with her eyes peaking opening to the sounds and touch going on around her.

"I think we are going to have a sleeper." Helen says.

"Or a screamer." Derek says snapping more photographs.

"Okay Zara, first bath baby girl." Meredith says lifting her up close to her body and then walking to the bath. "You ready. We're going to find out if your a screamer or a sleeper."

Meredith lowered Zara down into the warm water and they waited to see Zara's reaction. She grizzled the moment the water hit her body.

"You're not happy about it are you Zara?" Meredith coos to her.

"It's her bath so I give credit to her for not screaming."

As she washes her Zara gets more upset. She starts crying.

"She's a screamer." Derek says.

"Hey baby girl. It's okay. It will only be for a few more minutes I promise." She says to her washing underneath her arms. "Don't cry baby girl."

"It's okay most newborns as like this at first." Helen says. "Try talking to her. Or singing."

"Meredith sing the lullaby." Derek suggests to her.

"Okay. Here we go Zara your first time listening to this song. _How's my luck_. _But somehow. I'm with you. Let's leave now. Let's leave them. And their point of view. My favourite place is me and you. I wake up in darkest night. Watch you breathe in shadow light. A perfect world lies next to me. And I don't need to sleep to dream. I just hope I am good enough to keep you. Morning sun warms our skin. Distant sounds. The day begins. Soon their worlds will come calling for us. But this is space they cannot touch. I just hope I am good enough to keep you." _Meredith sings to her and as soon as Zara heard her mother's voice her crying ceased and she watched her mother.

"See Zara it's not that bad." Derek says to her.

"Okay Miss Zara you are clean now." Meredith tells her. "Derek do you want to have a go?"

"I'll bathe her next time." He says. "She's all bathed out."

Meredith lifted Zara from the tub and laid her down, wrapping her in a towel.

"First bath I think went alright."

"How were your other two kids with their first baths?"

"Kaylee slept through it and Cooper cried throughout his first bath."

"It's always the case." Helen says smiling and handing Meredith a diaper and powder for Zara.

"Derek do you want to dress her?" She asks him.

"I'm fine Mer. You carried her for 9 months and 9 days because of my stupid so called penis. You can dress her." He says smiling.

Meredith smiles at him and they share a kiss. Meredith turns her attention to Zara and massages lotion into her body and diapers her bottom and then dresses her in a onesie.

"Should I wrap her?" Meredith asks. "Because it's quite warm?"

"You decide Meredith. If you are going to feed her again then maybe wrap her but if you're going to just nurse her maybe spend some skin to skin time."

"I'll wait." Meredith says. "I think we are done here."

"You two are right to go." Helen says.

"Do you want us to clean up?"

"No I've got it."

"Thanks Helen."

Meredith picks Zara up and holds her up against her chest. Derek places a hand on the small of her back and they walk the floor back to their room. Where they see visitors.

"Mumma!" Cooper says.

"Hey baby boy." Meredith says.

Derek picks Cooper up to kiss him. "Hey Coopie?'

"Hi Daddy."

"Is the baby here?" He asks.

"Yes she is." Derek tells him.

"Congratulations Meredith." Jasmine says kissing Meredith's cheek.

"Thanks Jas."

"Where's Kaylee and Jackson?" Derek asks.

"They were still sleeping." Jasmine says. "And Cooper wanted to come and see you. So we got a lift with Richard and we took a walk around before coming here. He was headed off to a board meeting or something."

"I missed you Mumma." He says.

"I missed you two Cooper." She says. "Do you want to meet your baby sister?"

"Sis?"

"You have a sister Cooper."

"No brother?" He asks curiously.

"No brother."

He looks at the baby for a moment. Trying to figure out if he is going to like the idea of another sister.

"Hold?"

"Of course Cooper." Meredith says. "You have to sit down on the bed though."

Derek places Cooper down on the bed and he sits up against the pillows.

"Okay you have to hold your arms like this." Meredith tells him. She had Zara cradled in her arms to show him. He holds his arms up to show her. "Good Coopie. Just like that. You have to support her head as well and hold her securely and help her make her feel safe."

Jasmine helped Meredith with laying a pillow under his arm and Meredith lowered Zara into his arms.

"This is your sister Cooper." Meredith says to him. "Zara."

"Zara? Little Zar is better." He says smiling.

Meredith kissed his cheek and watched him hold Zara. Derek captured a photo. Cooper was so focussed on keeping his little sister safe and protected. Meredith felt a tear fall down her cheek. 10 hours ago Cooper became a big brother and he was taking to the job perfectly performing his first big brother duties of holding her and keeping her safe.

Meredith could just see the bond these two were going to have when Zara grew a little bigger or the day Zara finally started school and Cooper would walk her inside the gate for the first time and make sure she got to her right class. He was taking to this big brother role perfectly.

"I think you are doing an awesome job Coopie." Meredith tells him and takes a photo on Derek's phone so they can send it to Carolyn. "Do you want to know something Coopie?" Meredith asks him. He nods his head. "Zara was the first baby born for this year."

"First baby?"

"Yes she was. She is going to have her photo taken for it."

"She'll be famous!" He says.

"She certainly will be." She says smiling. "You can talk to her Cooper."

"What do I say?"

"Well tell her your name and that you are her big brother and that you will love and protect her for the rest of her life."

"Hi Little Zar, I'm Cooper and I'm your big brother. You're a very cute baby and I will look after you and protect you forever. I wish you were a brother but I don't mind I think sisters are cool as well."

"Give her a kiss Cooper." Jasmine tells him.

He leans down and kisses Zara's cheek and she then grasps onto his fingers and he looks up smiling. "Look!" he exclaims

"She likes you Cooper." Derek tells him.

"I like her too." He says. "When will she come home?"

"Not for a few days."

"Okay." He says smiling.

"Does Jasmine get to hold her Coopie?" Derek asks him.

Cooper looks up at he's father with a look of not wanting to give her up because she grasped his finger and for the simple fact that he just got her.

"Do I get her back to hold?" He asks.

"Of course." Jasmine says. "Besides she is your baby sister. You'll get to hold her more times than me." She says as Cooper indicates for Jasmine to reach down and take her for her nurse.

"Just think Jasmine, you're going to be taking care of newborns and other children."

"I know. I am more than ready to do that." She says smiling. "If I wasn't doing med school I would consider having a baby."

"You want a baby?"

"I've been thinking about it for a while. I get clucky around children especially right now." She says. "But I am going to wait until I finish the training and learning to become a paediatrician before actually having a baby."

"I had a baby when I was 18. There's never the right time to have a child. It just happens." Meredith tells her. "You can't plan for them, they usually just happen."

"Have you and Jackson discussed it?" Derek asks.

"Sort of. We both want kids but after our internships and once we've been in the work force for a few years. I don't think he minds if we have a baby before we marry either."

"I don't think he would either. Well keep it in mind and discuss it with each other. Openly." Meredith tells her.

"We will." Jasmine says smiling at Zara. "Hey Zara. I'm your aunt Jas. You are so beautiful little girl just like your mother and father."

"She'll be a great mum." Derek whispers to Meredith.

"I know. She is a natural."

A knock came at the door and Helen was standing there.

"Hi sorry to disturb you but we just got a call, the papers and news team will be here around 11."

"That's fine." Meredith says.

"I'll come in let you know when they are here."

"Thank you Helen."

Meredith had showered while Zara was being held. She came back out feeling refreshed and saw Mark sitting down in the chair.

"Hi Mark."

"There's the lovely mother." He says standing. "You and Shepherd produce beautiful kids." He says hugging her.

"Thanks Mark." She says.

"I got a gift as well." He says handing her the package.

"Thank you Mark." She says going to sit back in her bed. "Have you nursed her yet?"

"No. I don't do babies."

"Hold her Mark." Jasmine says. "She's not that bad. Take her."

"I really have to get going."

"5 minutes Mark." Derek says.

"Fine."

Jasmine places Zara into Mark's arms.

"See it's not that bad." Derek says patting him on the back.

Meredith opens the gift from Mark and smiled. He had bought a cute little outfit for Zara. "Mark this is gorgeous."

"Yeah I thought it was too." He says. "She is even more gorgeous holding her."

"Mumma, do you still have a bubba in your tummy?" Cooper asks touching Meredith's stomach.

"No Coopie. There's no baby in there. The bubba is Zara."

"Cooper tell Uncle Mark what you call Zara."

"Little Zar." He says with a smile.

"Little Zar. That is a very cute name." Mark says. "I have a patient. I'll come back later to see you guys." He says handing Zara back to Meredith. "You did well." He tells them leaving the room.

"Mumma I'm hungry."

"Come on Coopie. I'll take you down there." Jasmine says. "We'll come back soon."

Jasmine took Cooper to the cafeteria when a knock came at the door.

"Heads up the media is here." Helen says.

"Okay."

One at a time journalists and cameras came into the room and asked the same questions. Zara slept throughout the interviews except for when the last people came through the door. She opened her eyes to show off her bright blue eyes to the world.

As soon as the media left Meredith fed Zara while Derek talked to his mother.

"Zara is perfect." He says into the phone. "Meredith is feeding her right now. She is a good feeder. Her first bath went well. She grizzled, then she cried and then Meredith sang to her and she was fine. Yes she was fine. She slept throughout all the different interviews and woke for the last one. They thought that she was very gorgeous. Especially her eyes and her dark mane of hair." He says smiling at Meredith. "We don't know when we are going home. I assume in the next few days. And yes we will be fine at home with her. We've had nearly as much experience as you. I've gotta go Ma. I will call you later. Yes I will send some more pictures through. Bye Ma." He says hanging up.

"Your mother is full of questions."

"Of course she would be. She has a new granddaughter." He says taking a seat beside Meredith.

"How's the rest of the family?"

"They are recovering from hangovers because they decided to toast to the new addition with a few too many times but they are very excited about Zara. They can't wait to meet her."

"Dad's been in an accident!" Jackson says running into the room.

"What?"

"Dad, on his way to his board meeting."

"Is he okay?"

"His fine. He just sprained his ankle and needed some stitches."

"You could have led with that." Derek said.

"Sorry." He says.

"So where is he?"

"Mercy West."

"Okay."

"I'm going to go and get him." He says.

"Where are the kids?"

"Jasmine has them at home. Kaylee was still really tired. I will though bring them here."

"Thank you. See you soon."

Jackson leaves the room.

"Why is your father going to board meetings?"

"I don't know."

"There are a lot of rumours circulating."

"I know. He won't say anything. He is like a closed book."

"Well we shouldn't worry about it."

"Derek, if he is jumping ship that means we will have someone new take over. Our jobs could be on the line. There is a global financial crisis happening again and he could make staff cuts. The first person they will cut is me, the person on maternity leave. The one who just created a new life. A new chief means cuts."

"Meredith, I don't think he is jumping ship. And you don't have to worry about your job. It will be there when you come back. You're one of the best residents." He says smiling at her.

"You sure?"

"I am positive." He tells her and then leans in and kisses her.

They spent the afternoon sleeping and woke to Charlie walking into the room.

"Hi Mer."

"Hey Charlie." Meredith says. "It's nice to see you."

Charlie smiles and Meredith kisses her forehead.

"Would you like to meet your niece?"

"Of course I would." She says.

Meredith gets up from the bed and stands up beside the bassinet where Zara is sleeping.

"She's beautiful." Charlie says.

"You can hold her if you want."

"I don't want to disturb her. She looks so peaceful." Charlie says.

"Oh don't worry about that." Meredith says.

"Can you pick her up for me please?"

"Sure Charlie."

Meredith reaches into the bassinet and lifts Zara and places her into Charlie's arms.

"This is your Aunty Charlie."

"Oh sorry to interrupt." Dr French says walking into the room.

"You're not." Derek says.

"I was just giving you the heads up. You'll be here for a couple more days. You two are perfectly healthy. I just thought it would be nice if you could rest a little more here."

"Okay. Well thank you."

"No worries. How is she going?"

"She is perfect."

"That is great. I'll be back later on to see how you are all going." She says.

"She's our perfect little girl."

**Zara is already the apple in her parents eyes. **

**And to answer a reviewers question, Meredith will still have plenty more bonding times with Kaylee, Kaylee is there first born and there is that special connection with the two of them no matter if there is a new baby or a new obstacle. The two will definitely bond a lot more and Kaylee will be given new responsibilities regarding Zara.**

**So plenty of those moments to come later on. **


	39. You'll Fit In Well Zarz

_Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone__._

The day before they had a few visitors. It was mainly family yesterday because of everyone's crazy work schedule and all the drunken accidents that had occurred. Meredith didn't mind because it meant peace and quiet compared to when she had Kaylee and everyone was at her room an hour after she had her. She was enjoying the quiet and Zara was trying to adapt to life outside of the womb like when it was bedtime and her sleep schedule. Zara fell asleep just after 7 and woke again at 11. Meredith fed her and she didn't wake until 4 for another feed and she was now still asleep.

Derek had slept on a cot beside her and had gone for a shower.

"Hey Mer." Callie says standing at the door.

"Hi Callie."

"Is it right for me to come in?"

"Of course." She says smiling.

Callie crosses the room to her bedside and hugs Meredith and kisses her cheek and placing a gift on the bed.

"I would have come yesterday but I wanted to give you a day to recover and the day for me to recover."

"That's fine Callie."

"So do I get to meet this little girl of yours?"

"Of course you do." She says standing up beside the bassinet. "This is my little girl Zara Sienna."

"Meredith she is just precious." Callie says. "Very cute and she does look an awful lot like Kaylee."

"She really does." Meredith says smiling. "You can hold her."

"I don't want to wake her."

"You won't." Meredith tells her. "She's been asleep since four thirty anyway. I'm expecting her to wake anytime soon."

_It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change._

Callie reaches down. "Okay. Come for a nurse with Aunty Callie." She says and lifts the sleeping newborn to her arms. "My god you are beautiful."

Meredith sat back down on the bed and opened Callie's gift. It was clothes for when Zara was a little bit bigger and cute little outfits actually did fit her. It was a pink and white stripped onesie. An orange and pink little dress and some diaper covers and booties and her first pair of pink Converses.

"You bought her first pair Callie."

"I had to. They were so damn cute I couldn't resist."

"Wait until I am out of this hospital, I will be hitting the Converse store and buying her a few more pairs of Converse shoes."

"Just hope you have another girl." Callie says.

"If not I'll just save it for the grandkids."

Derek emerged from the shower cleaned and in new clothes. "Hi Callie."

"Hi Derek. Congratulations. She is gorgeous."

"Well I carried her for nine extra days to make sure she was perfection." Derek says.

_That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive._

Meredith hits him on the chest with a smirk.

"What was that for?" He asks.

"For the sarcasm and the lies."

"I thought I would use some comedy." He says smiling.

"I will call the stupid boy penis card!"

"Fine. I won't do it again. I will make sure I say you carried her and not myself because it is medically impossible for me to carry a baby."

"Thank you." Meredith says smiling. He kisses her lips. "Look, Zara has her first pair of Converses."

"She'll grow out of them in no time."

"I know. They are just so darn cute."

"Hey, can I ask the two of you a question?" Callie asks.

"Fire away."

"What is going on with your father?"

"We have no idea Callie. If we knew we would tell you but he won't say anything. He is being secretive. It's like he is a closed book."

"Well there are rumours circulating again today and he has called a meeting for this afternoon with all staff members."

"Really?"

"Yes and everyone is starting to wonder if we should start finding new jobs because if we don't then we'll miss out and be working at the mall clinic."

"If we knew we would tell you but your right he has been acting very strange. Beyond strange more like it."

Zara started to grizzle in Callie's arms and she handed her over to Meredith.

"It would be nice to know really what was going on. I mean George has died, we are in another GFC, the Chief is acting very distant, there are mistakes happening left right and centre. It's becoming a child's game and not a hospital."

_By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much._

"Well we are going to have to see what happens this afternoon." Derek says. "We don't want Meredith to lose her job."

"She won't. If the chief has any involvement he wouldn't fire the worker who has given birth."

"That would be a little low cutting your stepdaughter who has just had another baby." Derek says.

"Anyway I am off. I have patients to see." Callie says. "I'll pop by again later to see her because she is so darn cute."

"Bye Callie. Thanks for the present."

"No worries." She says leaving the room.

"Good morning baby girl." Derek says kissing her cheek. "How did you sleep little one?"

Zara stretched her arms and let out a grizzle.

"Oh, was it that bad?" Meredith asks.

Zara just grizzled again and started to cry.

"She's not a morning person." Derek tells her.

"I know. She's just like her Mummy. Aren't you baby girl?" Meredith asks her as she lifts Zara closer to her face so she can place a kiss on her cheek. "Are you hungry little one?"

She leant back in the bed and started to feed Zara. Just like her brother and sister she enjoyed feeding.

"It is so weird to think that in a space of half an hour after being in the world they can drink and search for their mother. It's just marvellous to think that babies can learn so quickly."

"Derek she'll be smiling and laughing before too long. She'll be crawling and talking and walking."

"They grow way too quickly."

"That is very true." She says. "This is our third baby Derek and we are only 25."

"And some people don't even have their first until 40. We're just leading the pack."

She smiles at him and they share a kiss.

"What do you think is going to happen?"

"I have absolutely no idea." She says.

"We'll be fine no matter what happens." He tells her. "We have each other. Kaylee, Cooper and now Zara."

"We surely do."

_And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime._

…

Meredith watched the way her friends, family and colleagues walk through the door to see her and Zara. In the past 10 days people had cried. People hadn't cried. She was one of the ones who hadn't cried yet and Derek was concerned but they had Zara to worry about.

Cristina and her had been the only two to not cry. That she knew of.

Cristina had been by twice and had held Zara once before she had to go again. She was coming back again to see Zara when her shift ended and see her person.

Izzie had been by again and told Meredith the great news and nurse Zara. Alex had yet to come by and see and hold Zara.

Richard came by again to visit and Charlie, Cooper and Jasmine. Jasmine's mother and father came to see Zara.

With Kaylee still yet to visit after coming down with a 24 hour stomach bug and staying at home to get better before visiting her baby sister.

Steph who was away on holidays had told her she would be back to see Zara and the family in a week.

Meredith smiled with each visitor and they held Zara and told Meredith and Derek about the great job they did with her.

Bailey had stopped by as well and showed a lighter side to Meredith and Derek. She showed a really warm, maternal side. A side that she wouldn't expect to see especially after George's death. She was so confused.

"_Zara you my dear are very beautiful. You are absolutely gorgeous and you are going to fit so well into this hospital routine. You are loved by your parents and your brother and sister. And if you ever need someone to talk to when you have had enough I'll always be around or a phone call away. You really are the beautiful thing that has come from this terrible thing. You'll though be the focus and the distraction we all need. You are a beautiful thing little girl. Remember that."_

Bailey was right, after everything that had happened to them so recently was true. Zara was going to be that thing that helped people get over the death and the grief. Meredith was glad now that Zara was 9 days over. She was glad she brought Zara into the world after the death because people would move on. They wouldn't forget they would move on with their lives.

_Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way._

"Come on Zar we are going for a walk little girl." Derek coos to her a little later on in the day. "We're seeing if our job is still there for us."

Meredith had the sling on ready for Derek to lay her down in there. "Come on we're going to miss what he says Derek."

"I'm sorry; I'm just talking to my little girl." He says smiling. "There you go Zara." He says laying her down in the sling.

"Okay let's go." She says.

Meredith rubbed Zara's back in the sling as they left to go to the gathering. She was absolutely scared at what was going to happen. She was scared that by midnight tonight she would no longer have a job here. She was scared for so many reasons.

"It will be fine. No matter what." Derek says.

"I know. I'm just scared because no one knows what is going on."

"We'll be fine." He says reassuring her by wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close to his body as they walked the hospital floor.

With their walk they stood around with everyone else waiting for Richard to come down and address the employees.

"Mer, what are you doing out of bed?" Alex asks.

"Do you think I'd miss this?" She says.

"Well I thought that a new mother would be resting." He says.

"Zara is fed and she is sleeping. She is fine and she'll sleep throughout this."

"Well I am going to come by and have a hold of her."

"You can hold her now Alex."

"She looks too peaceful to disturb Mer." He says smiling. "You did a good job. Worth the wait?"

"Yes, worth the wait." She says smiling. "Thank you Alex."

Everyone came up to catch a glimpse of the new baby.

_So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty._

"Hey Alex." Derek asks.

"Yeah?"

"Who won the bet?" He asks.

"Um I did."

"Really? How much money did you win?"

"550."

"You won 550 bucks?"

"Yep and it's going towards a new tux."

Derek cleared his throat. With Alex succumbing to the pressure of Derek's stare.

"It's going towards gifts for Zara." He says walking away.

"Derek that was mean."

"He won 550 bucks and you were uncomfortable for 9 extra days. I think it should go towards us."

"Derek even though I was 9 days over, we still got a baby out of it. A baby is better than money."

"Well I just thought it would be nice for diapers and baby things."

"We'll just make Alex pay for her diapers and wipes." She says leaning in and kissing his lips.

"I knew I married you for a reason." He says smiling.

They both turned their attention to the stairs. Where everyone else was standing and waiting. Richard was there. Waiting. He looked like he was delivering a death sentences. He cleared his throat to get the attention of everyone standing around.

"I know you all have heard a lot of rumours, and I'm sorry for that. What I'm about to say will be hard to hear, and I'm sorry for that as well. The economic climate is... well you all know what it is. In the coming weeks Seattle Grace Hospital will be merging with Mercy West. I wish I could tell you you'll all survive the merger, but there are only so many jobs. And the board and I have some tough choices to make. I'm on your side people. I'm rooting for every one of you. All I can say is please, be at your very best."

_The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it._

Meredith felt like a tonne of bricks had just fallen on her. She looked around and watched as Richard left the room to let everyone come to terms with what had just happened. She looked around the room at her colleagues and she saw their faces. Their expressions change to the shock horror that they may not have a job her after the merger. She had the feeling herself that she would no longer work here.

Derek placed a hand on the small of her back. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's just a shock. A real shock. We are merging with another hospital and he is making cuts. I will be on leave for 8 weeks and I am not going to have the benefits of sliding back into surgery so easily because these Mercy Westers will have swooped in with their orange scrubs and convinced all the other surgeons that they don't want a mother on their team."

"Hey they will not be like that. You are one of the best surgical residents we have here. They all know about Zara, they will be absolutely fine sliding you back in on your first day. In fact I can tell that the moment the new staff steps into the hospital they'll be asking for you to come back early from your maternity leave."

"You're so sweet making up crap for me." She says.

"I'm your husband. I'm supposed to." He says smiling at her. "Come on lets go back to the room and rest."

She noticed Cristina looking lost as they turned and headed for her room.

"Cristina, come for a nurse." She tells her. "We can have a talk."

"But I have patients."

"Cristina 10 minutes won't hurt. Besides Owen popped in earlier and told me how you were in the clinic. It will distract you for a little while. My baby is kind of awesome." She says indicating to the sling where Zara slept.

"Fine, 10 minutes won't hurt."

_The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes._

Cristina stood beside Meredith and they headed to her room. Zara was still asleep in the sling. She was due to wake soon for a feed.

"My god she is a good baby." Cristina says peaking at the baby.

"I know. She is a good sleeper. Every four hours is good. It could though change."

"I would want to hope it does. So she sleeps for 12 hours straight and you can get through shifts."

"I have 8 weeks off Cristina."

"You're really going to have 8 weeks off with this merger?"

"Yeah I am. I have a newborn. I need to get her settled into a routine. Get myself used to her. If not I'll be the mother who can't comfort her own child. Or have a child that doesn't recognise her."

"And the child will hate you for the rest of their lives."

"Don't even remind me of that fear."

_And let it go when we can_

Cristina took a seat in the chair and Meredith took Zara from her sling and laid her down in Cristina's arms. Zara opened her eyes and yawned.

"Hey Zara. Oh you are a beautiful girl. A very beautiful girl." Cristina says to her.

Meredith takes a seat in the other chair. Derek had left the two of them to have some time together to contemplate what exactly was going to happen.

"It's crazy." Meredith says.

"What?"

"The whole merger, job cut thing."

"I know. I have to be on my game because if I slip that's the end of everything." She says.

"Cristina you are one of the finest residents. They won't cut you."

"I can't get on cardio, that's gotta mean something right?"

"There isn't a permanent cardio attending at this hospital. It's not your fault you're not on cardio."

"It's not just that. You don't understand!" She says.

"Cristina. I do. I do understand. You don't think I'm freaking out? I am freaking out Cristina. I have not long given birth. I will be the first person to go when they cut people. The first person. I understand so much that it hurts to think about it. I could be unemployed in a matter of days just because I gave birth. I understand." Meredith tells her. "George has died. I have given birth. I understand everything and it hurts so much."

Cristina looks down at Zara who looks at Cristina with a questioning look. Cristina smiles down at Zara and in that moment Zara grasps onto Cristina's finger.

_The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again._

"Cris, are you okay?"

She shakes her head and tears start to fall down her face. "George O'Malley died." She says.

"Cristina it's okay." Meredith says with tears welling in her eyes. "It's okay to cry."

Meredith moves her chair closer to Cristina's and pulls her friend into an embrace while she holds onto Zara. Meredith in tears and Cristina in tears. Zara looked between the two trying to figure out what was happening.

"George died." Meredith says aloud, finally accepting the death of her friend.

Derek had taken a walk to talk to Mark who had disappeared quickly. So he decided on a walk to the residents locker to grab some things before coming back. On his walk back he stepped into the elevator with Bailey who looked lost and upset. So he stopped the elevator and looked at her. She shook her head before she spoke.

_And always, every time, it takes your breath away._

"Look, I am an attending. And, I am a single mother. And I lost O'Malley. And um, I just can't. I can't care anymore. Stevens is not my child. O'Malley was not my child. I have to stop treating them... I just have to stop caring so much. 'Cause I can't keep feeling... feeling like this. Not at work. I have to save the feeling for my son, who needs it. I just can't keep giving it away here. I can't. I won't." She says with tears forming in her eyes. "You go and care for your family Derek."

Derek released the hold button and walked back to Meredith's room. He found the two girls huddled and heard the sobs coming from their bodies. He looked around and spotted Owen.

"Owen, she's in there."

"What?"

"Cristina, she's in there. She needs you just like how Meredith needs me. We need to care for our people." Derek tells him.

Owen walks in first and Derek follows him. Owen places a hand on Cristina's shoulder.

_There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five._

"Cristina?" He says to get her attention.

She looks up and passes Zara off to Meredith and Owen embraces Cristina.

Meredith looks up and sees Derek standing beside her hospital bed. She stands up with Zara tucked in the crook of her arm and goes and sits on the edge of the bed and Derek sits down beside her and holds her to give her the felling that this will pass. This isn't the end. He calms her and just rubs her back.

_Denial._

"It will get better Mer, I promise." He tells her. "We will make it through this."

"It just hit me… George really died." She says choking on her words. "I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts and Zara that I forgot and I denied that it happened. It really happened." She says.

"I know. Life really does suck Mer. We have Zara. A beautiful baby girl. Zara is something great and beautiful. We always said that our children have come into the world to fill the space that a love one left. Kaylee filled Dad's spot. Cooper filled your mothers spot and now Zara has filled George's spot on this earth. She will be so beautiful and kind just like George. She will fill his shoes perfectly."

Meredith smiled at Derek and kissed his lips.

_Anger._

"We're going." Owen says. "We have had a pretty big day today and I think that the best we can do is just rest. We'll come by tomorrow to see you three before you are discharged from the hospital."

"Bye Cristina." Meredith says grabbing her hand and squeezing it with reassurance. "We'll be fine."

"Are you kidding me? I am Cristina Yang. I am a hard-core surgeon. I will not let anything get me down."

"Well I am Meredith Grey. I will be a kick arse surgeon."

"Very true." Cristina says smiling. "Bye Zara. I'll see you tomorrow beautiful girl."

Owen kisses Zara's cheek and leaves with Cristina.

_Bargaining._

"I wanna see the kids Derek. Our beautiful kids I want in the same room. We haven't seen them today and I bet you they want to see their baby sister. "

"I'll call Jackson. I'll have them here as soon as possible."

Derek stood and called Jackson and Meredith sat back in the bed with Zara.

"You little missy I bet is hungry." Meredith says smiling at her baby girl. "I shall feed you. Mummy promises. Mummy promises the world for you. You will have this big wide world to explore when you learn to walk on your two feet. You will see and experience so much that you will be overwhelmed at the great things this world has to offer. I promise you a beautiful life."

_Depression._

Derek smiles at his wife and newborn daughter while he speaks to Jackson.

"Hey, bring the kids down to see Zara. Meredith wants to see them and I bet that they are hanging out to see their baby sister. I'll see you soon Jackson."

Derek sat beside Meredith and they watched Zara and waited for their family to arrive.

"Meredith, we do have a beautiful girl. Our beautiful girl has filled George's shoes. She will continue his walk of life."

"Our little girl is so special Derek. I couldn't ask for a better daughter. People are born, people live, people die. It's the full circle of life. Our daughter is just starting out." She says smiling at him.

"She surely is."

Meredith feed Zara and burped her when the kids came through the door.

"Hi Mummy." Kaylee says.

"Hey sweetie." She says. "Come and finally meet your sister." Meredith tells her. "I know you couldn't come yesterday because you were sick."

"Jackson said I had a 24 hour bug and that I should wait until I feel better to see Zara just so I don't make her sick." She says. "I don't want to make her sick because her immune system isn't as strong yet and she's prone to illnesses."

"That is right." Meredith says as Kaylee climbs up beside her on the bed.

Cooper was seated in front of his mother and Derek had grabbed the camera to capture Kaylee's first official hold.

"She happy today?"

"She surely is Coop." Derek says.

"Well Kaylee I suppose you'd like a nurse of your sister."

"Yes please." She says with a small smile of anticipation on her mouth.

Meredith places Zara into Kaylee's arms for her first nurse and Meredith can see Kaylee beam with excitement over her baby sister.

"She's just had a feed so she should hopefully fall asleep if you have the magic touch." Meredith says wrapping her arm around Kaylee and holding her close to her body. Cooper watched his sisters in a state of awe and Meredith couldn't help but smile at her children.

"We have three children Derek." She says smiling.

"Yes we do." He says replying with a proud smile.

"Hi Zara, I'm your big sister Kaylee. I've been waiting to meet you for a while now and I finally get to hold you in my arms and keep you safe like older sisters do. I will be here for you Zarz, I won't let you down. We may fight and yell but that's what sisters do. I'll hold you when you're scared, read you stories, tell you about the great things in life and I'll even let you sleep in my bed when you're old enough to. I'm very pleased you are here and I can't wait until you come home, see your new room, meet Peanut and finally settle into our family and feel the love that surrounds our house but I know Mummy has already showered you in love and kisses in the last two days and there will be many more of those to come." She says to her sister.

"As for Daddy, he'll carry you high on his shoulders, so high you can touch the sun. He'll make you the best pancakes in the world and tickle you until you run out of breath. Make you laugh until you cry and call you his princess. And now that there's two of us, we have a chance of finally getting that princess crown on for our tea parties. He'll do anything for his daughters but we may have to fair and let him do some more for Cooper because he doesn't have a younger brother." She says. "But from this day on Zara, you will be known as a Shepherd. You'll be overcome with great wealth and knowledge and you'll experience the hospital rat race. You can play with Mummy and Daddy's stethoscopes and be able to play doctors with your teddy bear. But for the next few months you can lie in Mummy's arms, listen to her heart beat, listen to her coos over you and feel the comfort that she delivers so well and Daddy will let you lie across his chest and sleep, he'll rock you side to side and get a smile or giggle from you because everything daddy does is funny. You can watch Cooper and I do our thing and you'll for when you're able to stand on your own and walk on your own."

Meredith looks down at Zara and sees her fast asleep.

"Look at that Kaylee, you have the touch." Meredith says to her.

"You know what though Kaylee, she recognises your voice." Derek says. "Because you used to talk to her the most she recognises your voice and finds it soothing. She'll definitely love you talking to her sweetheart and she'll most certainly be comforted by your voice."

She smiles and places a soft kiss on her hand.

"You'll fit in well Zarz." Kaylee whispers to her.

_Acceptance._

**Thoughts?**

**Yes Kaylee had one of her speeches with her baby sister. The speeches her mother has always told her she'll carry on to her younger sister for life long lessons and philosophy on life. Kaylee is the product of her mother and her mother will guide her through life with her speeches and Kaylee will be the best big sister anyone could ever ask for.**

**So the big reveal is in. The merger and yes Meredith is fearful for her job for many weeks to come. The uncertainty worries her a lot especially since she has the new baby. **

**Next chapter will involve the last few hours at the hospital with Derek becoming fearful over his job after a run in with a board member. And the arrival of baby Zara at her new home.**


	40. We'll Survive It

"She has her face in the paper Mer." Derek says with a wide smile on his face. "You don't look too bad yourself either." He says kissing her cheek.

"What are you implying?"

"I'm implying that it had only been 12 hours after delivering and you look ready to go to the Oscars. You look even more beautiful."

"Why thank you." She says smiling. Zara had gone down to the nursery for a sleep and to give Meredith and Derek a rest before they took her home later this afternoon. "I wish they would bring Zara back."

"Do you miss her?"

"I do. I wouldn't have agreed to have her taken down there…"

"But you want her to be familiar with different sounds." He says. "I know. You've been saying that for nearly 6 hours."

"I think she is due for her feed soon."

"Mer she is fine. The midwife will bring her down when Zara wakes for a feed. This is just giving us time to relax and sleep without the baby in the room."

"I just want to check on her and see if she is okay."

"I want you to rest though. Tonight is our first night home with her and I don't want you to be overtired and get angry and frustrated when she wakes for a feed."

"Derek, 3rd time we have had a newborn baby. We'll be fine. Besides I've been resting and napping."

"You're body has gone through a process of delivering an eight pound baby. You need to rest."

"Derek she is baby number three, she didn't cause any excruciating pain. No matter what, the birth would have been quick no matter what. If we were at the land we would have had another hut baby because she was only half an hour of contractions and dilating. Nothing too big of a deal. I just want to take a walk and see her. A walk will make me feel good."

"Fine. Let's go down and look at our baby girl." He says smiling.

She throws her legs over the side of her bed and slides her feet into her ugg boots and fixes her cardigan that she has on. Derek grabs his phone and then grasps her hand as they walk down to the nursery to check on Zara and see the other little babies.

"Oh Meredith. I have been called in for a C-section but I will come and see you after that." Dr French says. "To discharge you."

"No problems. I don't mind waiting." She says smiling at her OB and watching her head down to the OR for the delivery.

They walk past the numerous delivery suits and the patient rooms and the nurses' desk, the waiting room, the locker room, exam rooms and the NICU and reach the nursery.

"Can you see her?"

The two of them search the many basinets filled with newborn babies. From a quick estimation Meredith could count 12 newborns sharing the same room as her daughter.

"Found her." Derek says. "Right in the middle." He points.

"She's sleeping." Meredith says smiling. "She really does love her sleep."

"Which is a good thing." Derek says kissing her forehead. "You feel better now since she is asleep."

"Yes I do. I want to nap though."

"Okay I'll take you back to your room." Derek says.

"No stay. I'll be fine."

"Okay. I'll be back in soon." He says kissing her lips. He spots Dr Jennings standing there looking at him and Meredith leaves.

"Dr Grey." He greets her.

"Dr Jennings." She says and leaves with a smile on her face.

Derek nodded at the man and he walked over and took Meredith's spot beside Derek.

"Where is your baby?" Jennings asks.

"Right in the middle. She is a stubborn girl and doesn't have the cap on her head."

"She's beautiful. Name?"

"Zara."

"That's a lovely name Derek. You and your wife must be proud?"

"We are." Derek says.

The men stand in a silence for a while admiring the sleepy babies.

"Did you wife have a baby Sir or are you planning on snatching one?"

"Derek, Richard Webber has informed the board that he is planning on merging with Mercy West. I hear that the staff was informed?"

"We were. He gathered us all to announce the merger yesterday afternoon."

"I am sure people aren't taking to the news well?"

"Well for days on end people didn't know what was going on. People were scared and thought that Webber was jumping ship. My wife was frightened and I was frightened because we have just welcomed a baby and she thought since she has gone on maternity leave she'll be cut. Everyone is worried for their job and security."

"Derek, I'm on the Board, the Board that is there if Richard steps out of line." He says and reaches into his suitcase. "If you have any drama over the merger, call me. If you or your wife is cut from this program, call me because I have your back. It's an act of discrimination if Webber cuts either your wife because of the simple fact that the two of you have welcomed a baby. Call me."

"Richard is Meredith's father."

"I know." He says smiling. "Though everyone's job is on the line. Congratulations to you again Derek."

"Thanks."

"And good luck."

Derek felt a sense of uncertainty and watched as Jennings left the maternity ward. Derek turned back to Zara who was now awake and kicking her legs about. He slipped through the nursery door and went to her side. He knew he shouldn't have been in here but it was his child. He went to her side and kissed her forehead.

"My, my Zara we have an interesting few weeks coming up little girl." He says rubbing her belly.

He slips out from the nursery and goes down to see Richard. He had barely seen Richard in the past few days and Richard had come to see Zara when Derek had been out.

He knocked on the door to Richard's office and Richard didn't even bother looking up. Richard barely made contact with Derek in the past week.

"Have you seen your granddaughter today?" Derek asks walking into the room.

Richard stops and looks up.

"I've been busy today Derek."

"We'll she is going home today?"

"She hasn't been here for that long?"

"Three days Richard."

"Not now, please. Not now."

"It's been a week. You've been avoiding me." Derek says.

"Not now."

"I am buying you time you know. I am buying you time."

"You have no idea what I've given. You have no idea what I have sacrificed. For every miscalculation you think you see there have been a hundred things that I have gotten right no one knows." Richard says. Derek knew straight away that it wasn't about Derek and his family it was the hospital. Richard's hospital.

Derek stared down with his father in-law and his Chief. He wanted Richard to understand what he was doing to people. The people who were fighting for their jobs and surgeries. Derek looked at the man for a moment longer and turned and left to get the capsule from the car.

It gave Derek time to process Jennings words again and again and again. Derek realised what Jennings had meant by his discussion and the good luck. Derek knew that it was going to be worse and people's fears of losing their job were becoming more apparent. He didn't know what to think because he could be unemployed in a matter of days.

He went and bought himself a coffee and a Meredith a muffin and headed up to her room.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asks her.

"Nope." She says shaking her head. "The nurse is bringing Zara back down here for me. What did Jennings say?" She asks.

Derek goes to tell her but the nurse wheels Zara in. "Here you go, here's the hungry baby girl ready to see Mummy and have a feed."

"Thanks Janine."

"My pleasure." She says leaving the room.

"Hey beautiful girl." Meredith says to Zara. "I think you're ready for a feed baby girl."

She reaches over the side and takes Zara into her arms and begins to nurse her.

"I brought you a muffin." Derek says.

"Thanks. I was very much in the mood for one of those. My favourite."

"I know. All throughout your pregnancy, you would buy one or make them."

"Have you noticed that it has been throughout all of them?"

"No I hadn't until now."

Derek kisses her cheek and settles down beside her. "We're going home today baby girl." He says running his hand over the newborns head.

"I'm glad to finally go home. I left it a mess the last day we were home because I didn't expect to deliver her that night."

"You're allowed to. You were 41 weeks pregnant, overdue and looking after our other two. The house is fine to be a mess. Besides I've been tidying and washing the last few days anyway so we didn't have a messy home to come to."

"Thank you." She says smiling.

Derek sat beside Meredith as she nurses Zara and watched her. He was so in love with his baby girl. He was a proud father of her and Kaylee and Cooper.

"Derek I think we should get the kids a little gift each for their patience and accepting of Zara." She says.

"Sure. We can stop in at the mall when we head home and get them something. What were you thinking?"

"A puppy."

"Are you serious? We just had a baby and you want to get a puppy to look after as well?"

"Derek I was kidding." She says smiling. "Too much work at the moment. Maybe later we can consider another dog but not yet. Just a Barbie and a train or something."

"Okay that sounds better." He says kissing her cheek.

Meredith burped Zara and laid her down in front of them and let her look around the room. She was in an onesie and had socks on her feet. They both just watched their tiny baby looking around the room trying to recognise the place she was in.

"We haven't gotten any photos of her today." She says.

"I know we haven't. We're slack parents aren't we?" He says smirking and reaching for his phone. "Ready baby girl look at daddy."

Zara turns her eyes towards the phone and in her newborn state she poses with a look of fascination.

"Zara you are a funny little girl." He says. "Yes you are." He says again and leans down and kisses her stomach. "And a smelly little girl."

"Okay come to Mummy. I'll change you."

"No I will. I'll change my baby girl." He says.

"She needs a new onesie on as well."

"How about one of her cute little outfits?" He says. "Or her going home outfit?"

"If you want to put her in one. She'll be comfortable in a onesie I think."

"I think you're going home outfit will make you so much more gorgeous Zara.

Meredith watches as Derek changes her from her clothing and her dirty nappy to a new nappy and her going home outfit. A multi coloured polka dot sundress with a satin bow headband. Meredith stood beside him and watched her. Derek handed Zara to her to put to sleep.

"Well I must say she really does look more gorgeous in this than in her onesie." Meredith says smiling.

"Well her daddy is a good dresser." He says kissing her cheek. "We should be discharged soon."

"I hope so. I'm very keen to get going home." She says rocking Zara side to side.

"We will be home soon."

The moment Zara's eyes closed Dr French walked in through the door with a board in her hands.

"Guess what guys. It's time to head home." She says smiling and placing the board down on the table.

"Really?"

"Yes." She says. "Only after I have a nurse of the gorgeous girl."

Meredith hands Zara over and Dr French nurses her.

"She's such a good baby." Dr French says. "And such a pretty outfit."

"She really is." Meredith says she starts to pack the last of her things into her hospital bag. "I couldn't ask for a better baby. And as for the dress, Kaylee picked it out for us."

"What are the plans for tonight?"

Meredith zips the bag up and sits down on the bed to change her shoes.

"We're heading to the mall to restock on some groceries and get the kids a little gift and then we are heading home and starting life with a newborn baby and getting her settled in. The kids are being dropped in home in the late afternoon. So most likely dinner, bath and bedtime routine."

"Well don't overwork yourself and rest when she is resting."

"I know. Third baby Dr French." She says smiling.

"Oh I know." She says. "And you do a good job at everything you do. Most mothers are freaking out after each baby they have and are yelling at their husbands when the baby isn't doing what she wants it to do and you are just so carefree and let things happen when they happen. I admire that type of mother."

Derek finished packing the last of the toiletries and Zara's diaper bag with the things the hospital was providing us with. He placed the bag on the bed beside Meredith's and she signed the discharge form.

"Excellent. You're feeling good?"

"Yes I am. I'm not bleeding as much anymore and it's only light spotting."

"And how is Zara?"

"Zara is fed and changed. She'll be out for nearly another 4 hours."

"Well you are good to go. I'll schedule an appointment in two weeks just so I can catch up on you and see how the umbilical stump is healing well. What day and time do you prefer?"

"Anytime. Just slot us in."

"Okay, I'll call you and let you know." She says. "Looks like it's time to head home little girl." She says lowering Zara into her capsule and buckling her in.

"Thank you Dr French." Meredith says.

"No problems. And if you need anything call me. I mean anything."

"We know and I will call if anything comes up."

"I know you think I'm being silly but if it isn't anything baby related or your health related and you want to chat then call me and let me know. You know what I'm talking about."

"I do."

"Now I better let you all go home and rest and enjoy the new baby."

"Thank you once again."

"No worries. I'll see you all later." She leaves the room waving.

"Let's head home." Derek says with a smile on his face.

He throws the bags over his shoulder and Meredith picks up the capsule with Zara sleeping inside in. They do a quick check over of the room and head out of the room. They wave goodbye to the nurses and other staff and stand at the elevator doors and head down to the surgical floor to see everyone.

"Meredith."

She turns and sees Richard walking towards her.

"Hi."

"You two heading home?"

"Yeah we are."

He takes the capsule from Meredith and holds it up towards his face.

"Well little girl. I'll see you later. Behave for Mummy and Daddy and I'll be sure to come and visit you." He says placing a kiss on her forehead. He hands Meredith back the capsule and kisses her forehead. "You did good. I'll see you all later."

They ran into Alex and he told them that everyone else was fighting for a spot to be here and he let them know that he will tell them all that you have headed home and to call later.

They headed to the mall and Derek parked the car and looked at Meredith.

"You feel alright to walk?"

"I do. I've got my comfy pants on and a comfy t-shirt and shoes. Let's go and shop."

Meredith took Zara out from the capsule and settles her over her shoulder, putting her back to sleep and Derek slings the bag over his shoulder and they head inside.

"Zara's first outing at 3 days old." She says smiling and grasping onto Derek's hand.

They headed towards the toy shop and as usual they received the stares towards the baby in her arms. From people peeking at the baby to see if it was a boy or a girl or how old the baby was. Meredith was guilty of doing it before but now since she was carrying her baby she received the stares and looks.

"She's famous." Derek says smiling.

"She surely is."

They walked into the store and found a new train for Cooper and a Barbie for Kaylee and took a look around before they headed to the checkout. Meredith lowered Zara to hold in her arms.

"Hi." The cashier says. "How are you two today?"

"Great."

"Your baby is beautiful? How old is she?"

"3 days old."

"She's so beautiful."

"We know. Very much in love with her." Meredith says smiling. "She'll fit in well with our other two."

"She's a perfect addition to your family."

Derek pays and they skip out on buying groceries as Meredith was becoming fatigued and grab lunch to take home and Derek drives them home.

"Welcome home baby girl." He says as they pull into the drive. "You'll love it here with the cat and the dog and the kids. You're perfect for our family little girl."

They leave the car and Derek grabs the capsule. Meredith leaves the bags in the back and she follows Derek to the front door where they are met with gifts.

"Who are these from?"

Meredith bends down and reads the tags. "Our neighbours." She says smiling.

"That's thoughtful. They never got gifts for Kaylee or Cooper."

"I know. Maybe because we bought them gifts. Anyway let's get them inside."

They dragged the gifts inside and Derek went and put the capsule down on the coffee table.

"Home sweet home baby girl." Meredith says standing in front of the capsule and noticing Zara's eyes wide open. "We'll take you on a grand tour in a second."

Derek came into the lounge holding onto Peanut's collar.

"You ready?"

"Yeah I'm ready." She says smiling.

Derek lets go of Peanut's collar and she bolts towards Meredith seeking that missed attention.

"Hello Peanut." She says patting the Labs head. "We have someone for you to meet."

Meredith takes Zara from the capsule and holds her over her shoulder. "Peanut this is Zara. We're going to invest in you keeping watch on her. I know you'll be a good watch dog."

Peanut sits and looks interested at the baby and leans towards the diaper and sniffs it.

"See she doesn't mind at all." Derek says smiling. "Come on let's give her the grand tour."

So they carry Zara throughout each room and show Zara the place she'll call home. With each room they explained what it was like when they reached Kaylee's room they told her it would be the room she would mess up and hopefully play in. They finally reached the nursery and just stood there.

"Zara this is your room baby girl. This will be your room for a couple of years. See this hot air balloon it's there for you to look at. It's colourful and full of dreams and wishes. You look at it and make a wish baby girl and one day you'll go there. I hope you enjoy the room baby girl because it's yours for the next 2 years." Derek says kissing her forehead.

"Welcome home baby girl."

They carry her back downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Would you like a drink Mer?"

"A green tea will be great."

Derek boils the jug and opens the fridge.

"Mer come look at this." He says.

She gets up and looks in the fridge to see food had been stoked in there. She opens the freezer and there is even more foods that have been frozen in there. She takes a note from the front and reads it.

"Welcome home guys. To let you settle in with baby Zara we baked some meals for you to just reheat. Relax and enjoy."

"Who is it from?"

"Callie and everyone."

"That was thoughtful."

"Yeah it was."

So they sat down on the couch together. Zara in Meredith's arms waiting for a feed. Derek had turned the TV on and settled to having light background noise on to get Zara used to noises in the house.

She nursed Zara and Derek settled beside her flicking through the paper and started reading the article about Zara being the first born in the US.

"Is it a good article?"

"It surely is. The interviewer wrote about how relaxed Zara was during the interview and the moment her eyes opened to show off her blue eyes the interviewer was captivated at the beauty of a newborn child and their reactions to hostile things. She was very amazed and thought more about the baby's journey from womb to the world."

"It's an incredible journey." She says smiling. "What were in the gifts?"

"Just clothes and bibs and other baby things."

She smiles and then looks down at Zara.

"I wonder when the kids are getting dropped by."

"Jackson said late afternoon. He and Jasmine were taking them for a drive and to a movie and to the pool or something. He said he was wearing them out so they would be exhausted and want dinner and a bath and go to bed."

"What a considerate little brother." She says smiling.

Meredith fed and burped Zara and laid her down in the hammock which they received at the baby shower. They sat and began eating their lunch while they watched Zara and talked. Zara fell asleep inside the hammock and Derek went and retrieved the bags and gifts from the car and brought them inside. So they could wash clothes and sort things out. Peanut also gave watch towards the baby, not leaving her side.

Derek put the load of washing on and Meredith took to unpacking the bags and gifts. Baby bath products were placed in the kid's bathroom and clothes were repacked. Once she was happy with that she tidied the kid's rooms.

"You're going to overdo it."

"I'm not sore Derek."

"Well slow down. The kids don't mind a messy room."

"It's more for me so I don't trip."

"You'll be fine. Come and relax. We don't need to do anything except for rest. You said so yourself that you will rest when Zara is resting."

"I just want to be organised."

"And we are. We'll be fine. The kids will be home soon and want attention and you won't be able to rest. So come and sit down and close your eyes for a few moments."

Meredith did what he said and they laid down together and slept for nearly an hour. They heard the front door open and heard the kids talking.

"Mummy, Daddy we're home." They announce.

"Hey kids."

"Where's Zara?" Kaylee asks.

"She's sleeping." Derek says.

"Where's Jackson and Jasmine?"

"They're getting our stuff from the car."

"Okay then."

"Can we see Zara?" Cooper asks.

"Of course." Derek says. "She's asleep in the baby hammock."

They walk towards the hammock and peak inside at their baby sister. Peanut raises her head to eye the visitors and relaxes her stance when she realises it's the kids.

"She looks so peaceful." Kaylee says as Meredith walks up behind them.

"She really does."

"Do we have to be quiet around the house?"

"Well yes and no. Just when its night time you have to be quiet so Zara knows that this is her time to settle down and sleep."

"Will she keep us awake at night?"

"It might take a while to get used to the crying but after a while you should be fine. Zara could sleep for 12 hours."

"Can we help you and Daddy?"

"Of course you two can."

Jackson and Jasmine said a quick hello and said they had to be off to get ready to go out for tonight. They said they pop by in a couple of days. The kids watched over Zara as Derek and Meredith reheated dinner and they all sat down together and enjoyed an early dinner.

Zara slept soundly in the hammock with Peanut at the base of the hammock. They got the kids bathed in their pyjamas after seeing how exhausted they were.

Zara woke while the kids were being bathed and Derek went and retrieved her and came and sat down with her in his arms.

"Say hello to Zara."

"Hi Zara."

"Did you sleep well?" Kaylee asks her. "You're very cute Zara."

Meredith kisses Zara's cheek and rubs her belly.

"Can we nurse her after our bath Mummy?"

"Sure you can."

"Can I feed her?" Kaylee asks.

"I don't have any expressed bottle for her. When I have an expressed bottle I will let you feed her."

"Thanks Mummy."

"Now do you want to dress them or do you want me to?" Meredith asks.

"I'll do it. You can start feeding her if you want." Derek says.

"Okay." She takes Zara into her arms. "Get dressed and come downstairs and we can read a story together."

"Love you forever?" Cooper asks.

"If you want Coopie." She says smiling.

She carries her downstairs and changes Zara's nappy and decides to feed her before putting her into bed. She takes a spot on the lounge and holds onto Zara just talking to her and spending quality time with her.

The kids come down the stairs dressed in their pyjamas and Cooper has a couple of books in his hands. He sits beside Meredith and Kaylee sits on the other side while Derek sits beside Kaylee after turning off the lights in the kitchen and leaving two lamps in the lounge to light the room.

"What book are we going to read?" Meredith asks.

"This one." Cooper says pointing at Love you forever.

"Okay Daddy's going to read." Derek says and he begins to read.

The kids watch and listen to the words coming from Derek's mouth. Meredith gave Zara a pacifier and rubbed Zara's back as she held her over her shoulder as Derek read.

"I love you forever, I like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." He says closing the book.

"I like this book a lot daddy." Cooper says.

"I know you do bud."

"Can I hold Zara now Mummy?" Kaylee asks.

"Sure you can. I'll read another book if you want?"

"Yes please Mommy." Cooper says. "This one."

"Where the wild things are." She says smiling and settles Zara in Kaylee's arms. Meredith begins to read and Cooper's eyes begin to close and he falls asleep.

She finishes reading and kisses Cooper's head.

"I'll take him upstairs." She says.

"Okay."

She lifts him up into her arms and climbs the steps. She lies him down in his bed and pulls the covers over his body.

"Sleep well baby boy. You're going to have a busy time being a big brother now."

She comes back downstairs and sees Zara getting restless in Kaylee's arms.

"I tried to settle her Mummy but it didn't work." Kaylee says.

"That's fine sweetie. She is hungry, that's all." Meredith tells her.

"Well I'm going to go to bed." Kaylee says. "I'm tired."

Derek takes Zara into his arms. He kisses Kaylee goodnight and Meredith kisses her goodnight.

"Night Kaylee. Just know how well you did tonight with her. You'll be the best big sister." Meredith tells Kaylee as she hugs her. "Sleep well sweetie."

Kaylee toddled off to bed leaving Derek and Meredith with Zara.

"We just have her to get to bed and we can shower."

"A shower sounds good." She says.

"Come on then."

Derek leads her upstairs and they turn out the lights up to the bedroom. Derek turns the soft light on in the nursery so Meredith can sit and nurse Zara. Meredith feeds her and hands her to Derek to burp and get to sleep. Meredith showers as Derek burps her. He softly speaks to her and rocks her side to side. Handing her a pacifier to have as she sleeps.

He lies her down in the basinet beside their bed and rubs her stomach until she is asleep.

Meredith emerges from the bathroom and they lie down in bed together.

"What did Jennings say to you today?" She asks quietly.

"He told me he is part of the board in firing people for this merger."

"He is? Why did he come and speak to you?"

"He tried to be the good guy. He sounded like he was the good guy but he left me wondering are we really going to make it through this. He wished me luck."

"Everyone needs luck during this time Derek. We'll survive it."

"Everyone's job is on the line Mer. No one is safe. It's worse than what we suspected."

"We could be unemployed Derek."

"If anything does happen, we'll survive. We always do."


	41. Live In The Present

"Meredith." Derek whispers two days later.

"Hmm, what?" She says without opening her eyes.

"It's 8 o'clock and Zara is still asleep." He says. "She is developing her sleeping pattern and a good one at that." He says cuddling her.

"She's a well-trained baby. Five days old and she sleeps for the whole night. It's a rare thing for that to happen so early." She says as she yawns.

"Well if this is going to happen we will have an uninterrupted sleep."

"Well the first two nights were successful. I think she is just a sleeper." She says.

"Which isn't helping your milk?" He says. "You're leaking."

She looks down at her sleep top noticing her shirt was damp from the leaking milk. "Great. I expressed before bed last night. I even dream fed her last night."

"Well you have only just started breastfeeding in the last five days. Your milk has only just arrived. You've done this before and you know what to do and you know it happens. It's part of being a mother to a newborn." He says.

"You're speaking from experience Derek?" She asks with a smile. "You've breastfed before?"

"Many times." He says smirking. "Go and change and we can wait until Zara wakes and you can feed her and maybe express some more."

She got up out of the bed and looked into the bassinet and saw her baby girl awake. She was awake and didn't make a noise.

"Good morning beautiful girl. Did you sleep well?" She asks lifting Zara from her bed and kissing her cheek. "You are so beautiful. Here go to daddy while I change."

She passes Zara to Derek to hold whole she changes. She listens to Derek talk to Zara and coo to her. She smiled knowing how happy Derek was with having another baby in the house. He was happy because of the fun that was to begin with having three children. He placed a number of kisses on her cheeks and smiled at her.

"Do you think the kids are up?"

"Maybe." He says. "I haven't heard a peep from them though. They could be downstairs though with the TV off."

"They really have taken to Zara well." She says sitting down beside Derek and kissing Zara's head. "I mean no fighting, they listen to us and Kaylee is really wonderful taking care of Cooper and telling him what to do and making him feel special even with Zarz."

"We really have been blessed." He says and kisses her cheek. "I'm starved. Let's go and check the kids and get Zara here fed." He says kissing her cheek.

They head downstairs together and see that the kids aren't in the lounge or in their bedrooms. They walked through into the kitchen and see Kaylee and Cooper sitting at the table eating their breakfast surprising both the parents.

"Morning kids." Meredith says.

"Hi Mummy. Hi Daddy." Kaylee say smiling. "Morning Zara."

Derek moves towards Kaylee and lets her kiss Zara's cheek. Meredith kisses Cooper and Kaylee and puts the kettle on.

"Did you sleep well Mummy?"

"Yes I did."

"Did Zara wake you up?"

"No she didn't. I did wake though to dream fed her but she didn't wake me once."

"She's a good baby."

"She really is."

"We checked on her this morning when we woke."

"What time did you kids wake?"

"7."

"Was Zara awake when you checked her?"

"No she wasn't. She was sound asleep. She lost her pacifier though so I gave it back to her."

"That was nice of you Kay." Derek says handing Zara to Meredith while he begins to make the two of them breakfast.

Meredith sat down and started feeding Zara. She had to smile at how well her kids were coping with Zara and how independent they were from her and Derek. They were growing up and taking responsibility of themselves.

"Can we hold Zara when your finished Mummy?" Kaylee asks.

"Sure sweetie. I'll burp her and let you hold her. She may need a diaper change though."

"I'll do it." Kaylee offers.

"You don't have to sweetie."

"Yes because I want to help you and Daddy out with her and not be a lazy person and leave the work to you and Daddy."

"Kaylee we are the parents. That's what we are meant to do."

"But the siblings of the baby always get to help with the simple things."

"I suppose." Meredith says.

"But it's Daddy's time to change Zara's nappy, you can watch him very carefully and we will let you change her next nappy, if you feel up to it."

"That's a deal." She says climbing up off her chair and rushing from the room. "I'll be back." She calls out.

Meredith looks at Derek with a confused look on her face and smiles. He places her mug of tea in front of her and her breakfast and he sits down beside Cooper.

"Jackson and Jasmine have offered to take care of the kids today."

"Why are they so interested in taking care of the kids?" Derek asks.

"I really don't know. They aren't having a baby together. They are in the last year as teenagers; they should be out causing havoc and growing up not being tied down with their niece and nephew."

"I don't know Mer. You should ask them why the sudden interest."

"Yeah maybe."

Kaylee comes back into the room with the changing mat, powders, diapers, creams, new clothes and wipes. Everything to change Zara's nappy.

"There you go." She says breathless.

"Thanks sweetie. You didn't have to do that."

"Yes I did." She says climbing up onto the chair. "It's called helping."

Meredith finished feeding Zara and burped her and Derek held her while they waited for her diaper to be changed. Kaylee waiting impatiently and Meredith and Derek smiled.

"Something smells like poopy." Cooper says holding his nose.

"Do you want to know what that is Coop?" Derek asks him.

"Yes." He says.

Derek stands up with Zara in his arms and places Zara's bottom near Cooper.

"Yucky." He says shaking his head. "Zara needs a change."

"I'm on it. Come on Kay, come and watch the expert change the nappy."

Derek lays Zara down on the changing mat and takes her onesie off and her dirty diaper. Kaylee stands beside Derek and watches how he does everything.

"No you got to make sure you wipe away, not towards you." He tells her. "And be mindful of diaper rash because being in them all the time doesn't help the skin very much and it becomes irritated."

Zara watched Kaylee as Derek changed her and Kaylee watched carefully at how to change her diaper for next time.

"And you've gotta be quick and watch their hands because they can be sneaky with their hands. Powder her bottom with not too much and then put a new diaper on. Then her new onesie."

"How is the best way to put on the onesie daddy?"

"Scrunch it in your hands like this." He says flattening the cotton. "And then over the head. You have to be careful of their heads and neck muscles. Then once it's over her head you put the arms and the legs in. But if you have the button up onesie lay in out open on the mat and lift the baby and either slid or lay the baby on top of it." He tells her while dressing Zara in her onesie and snapping it together at the bottom. "And that's how you change the baby."

"Are you going to wrap her Daddy?" She asks.

"Mer?"

"Yeah wrap her then we can hopefully get her to sleep while we get ready."

"You know how to do this Kaylee." Derek says picking Zara up into his arms. "Just like Mummy was showing you with your baby doll."

"Oh yeah. Can I wrap her?"

"Sure. Lay her blanket out on the mat."

Kaylee lies the blanket out and folds down one of the corners and Derek lies Zara down.

"Now gently."

"I know Daddy." She says smiling.

She wraps Zara in the blanket and smiles at her work.

"I think we should give her the pacifier so she'll go to sleep." Kaylee says looking down at her baby sister.

"And since when have you become the baby expert?" Derek asks.

Kaylee just giggles and takes the pacifier from her mother and offers it to Zara.

"Nice work Kaylee." Meredith says. "Can you do us a very big responsibility?"

"Yes." She says nodding her head.

"Do you think you can carry her to her swing?"

Kaylee looks at Zara, to the door then to her parents.

"Are you really going to let me?"

"Of course." Meredith says.

"Okay." She says. "I'll be super careful."

She climbs down from the chair and Derek picks Zara up and places her in Kaylee's arms.

"Support her head and hold her tight." Derek says. "When you get to the swing transfer her to your left hand and support her head and lie her down gently and clip her in."

Kaylee smiled and walked slowly and carefully to the lounge where Zara's baby swing was. Derek and Meredith follow behind her just to be the safety net and they watched as she successfully carried her baby sister to the swing and clipped her in and turned the swing on.

"Good work sweetie." Derek says smiling. "You did a good job."

Meredith smiles knowing that these small things were becoming confidence boosters for Kaylee and becoming a trust thing for the more responsibilities and helping out with Zara.

Jackson and Jasmine had arrived and Derek and Meredith headed to the hospital with Zara. She was sound asleep in her carrier. Derek placed her on the base and climbed into the driver's seat and headed towards the hospital.

"When does the merger begin?"

"Next week. When we go to see Dr French for Zara is the day the merger starts." Meredith says looking up from her phone.

"Great." Derek says. "I can just see what it is going to be like. Its going to be like the apocalypse."

"You should get in there Derek. Just because we have Zara doesn't mean you lose your spot in getting surgeries and hours up in the OR. You have to fight for patients."

"Mer, I will be fine. You keep telling me this, but I will be fine." He says. "I want to be home for you and Zara and help you get settled in because I do go back to work in 12 days and I want to spend as much time with you and Zara before I go back in and start surgeries."

"But our jobs aren't safe."

"I know. We'll still be fine."

He pulled in at the hospital and they got out from the car. Meredith took the capsule and carried Zara inside with Derek following behind. They walked through the doors and saw everyone running, rushing, making mistakes like it was the end of the world. They were all fighting over patients and not treating them like they should. It was not what they left two days ago.

Izzie rounded the corner and headed towards them with a terrible red wig on.

"Oh god." Meredith says quietly.

"Hey guys." She says with a huge smile. "What are you all doing here?"

"Dropping in. We had to grab some things and then we were heading to the mall to get Zara some baby things because I realised that I have less newborn things than I thought I did. So shopping for baby clothes and groceries."

"Well I'm going to stop by again for another nurse."

"You can nurse her now if you want."

"I have to fight to be here. Holding babies will not help me one bit."

"Okay well pop by whenever."

Izzie waves goodbye and she leaves headed to the cardio wing. Cristina then rounds the corner with a bear pinned to her white jacket.

"Mer, what are you doing here?"

"Dropping in." She says indicating to Zara. "What are you doing?" She says pointing to the bear on her jacket.

"I'm on peads."

"You're on peads?"

"Yes I am."

"Why?"

"Because I just am. People like children."

"You aren't people though."

"I know. It's just I can't get on any other service besides this one."

"And how is that going?"

"Alright. I have to go though. Lots of people very few cases."

"Right. Bye then."

Cristina left and Derek burst out laughing.

"She can't hold onto Zara for three minutes and now she is on peads. My gosh it really is the end of the world." He says smirking.

Meredith smiles and leans up and kisses him.

"Oh hello you two." Dr Roach says walking towards them. "How is this little one?"

"Zara is great. Such a good baby. You missed out on coming and seeing her."

"I know. I only just got back from holidays with Tash and Jill and Josh."

"Oh that sounds lovely."

"It was but now I'm back here and it's the apocalypse."

"Oh it sure is. We came in to see everyone and they are running around crazy."

"Be grateful that you have the next two months off Meredith."

"If my job is still here."

"What do you mean?"

"Jennings had words with Derek the day we left the hospital and wished us all luck. There is going to be job cuts soon and I'll be the first to go."

"Meredith you are one of the best. Derek is as well. The ones who don't know how to do their job probably and have a bad record will be the ones gone." He says smiling.

"Let's hope so." Derek says.

"Now I have to go off and make sure residents are killing each other. Congrats on the baby. I'll be sure to tell Tash about little Zara here. She's been patiently waiting to see little miss."

"Well get her to call me and she can come by and see her and I'll finally be able to meet Josh."

"I will. Good day to you both." He says taking his chart and leaving.

"Come on let's come back later." Derek says grabbing Zara's capsule.

They pass the chaos and head to the car. They strap Zara in and Derek drives to the mall.

"I really hope our jobs are still there when we get back."

"They will be." Derek assures her. "We will come straight back to work with a few changes but we will have our jobs waiting for us."

"But we may not."

"If they fire you we will fight them because of the discrimination they made towards you. It will look like they fired you because you had just had a baby and it won't look very good if they fired you."

"I love you." She says smiling.

"I love you too." He says. "Like I've said, we are fighters."

She squeezed his hand and they sat there for a moment just smiling at one another.

"Come on let's go inside and do our shopping." He says.

He opens the pram and Meredith attaches the capsule to it. With the baby bag in the basket. Derek locked the car and they headed inside the mall towards the baby shop and make their way through the crowd of people with Derek pushing the pram and Meredith holding onto his forearm. Meredith felt people looking towards the pram as they walked just like when they left the hospital and people were looking at Zara inside the capsule. The teenage girls all the way through to the elderly ladies. A common occurrence throughout society, people seeing the baby and how old and how cute it usually is. Meredith has never gotten to it after all those 7 years of pushing prams and carrying babies. Derek led her into the baby store and they headed towards the newborn clothing.

"So what do we need Mer?" Derek asks grabbing a tiny onesie that hung on the rack.

"Some onesies, socks and beanies for her. I know we have some of those things from the baby shower and gifts and from before but it's really just so we can be prepared if we have to go to work or something and we don't have anything for her, we can just place them in our cubby or something."

"Okay then. Newborn sizes or bigger ones?"

"A range." She says smiling.

Derek grabs a range of onesies from pink to whites to yellows to different styles and sizes. And they grabbed socks and beanies for her and strolled and viewed the cute little baby outfits that lined the racks.

Zara started to grizzle in the pram, kicking her arms and legs and screwing her face up.

"Hey girly." Meredith says grabbing her hand. "What's wrong little one?"

Zara stops kicking her arms and legs and opens her eyes and grizzles.

"Oh you have a hard life don't you." Meredith says offering her the pacifier that fell from her tiny lips.

She took the pacifier for a few seconds before it fell from her lips.

"Come to Mumma then Zar."

Meredith took Zara from the pram and settled her over her shoulder, rubbing her back and moving from side to side.

"You wanna get lunch?" Derek asks.

"Lunch sounds great."

They left the store paying for the clothes and went and bought lunch and sat at the tables. Zara had seemed to settle and fell asleep again and was nestled in the pram.

"Oh what a beautiful baby she is." A lady says. "She's gorgeous. How old is she?"

"5 days old."

"She's precious with her beautiful hair."

"Thank you."

"Is she your first born?"

"No, she's our third baby. She has an older sister who is 7 and brother who is 3 and a half."

"Well you two are very lucky to be blessed with a gorgeous girl. What did you name her?"

"Zara."

"Beautiful name." She says leaving them.

"Look how popular you are." Derek says to her.

People gushed over Zara as she slept and paid Meredith and Derek compliments about how gorgeous the baby was. They asked questions about her name and how old she was and if the two of them were thinking of having another baby. They told them that she is their third baby and that they haven't thought about another baby right at this moment.

Zara woke and Meredith fed her while they sat and spoke, Derek's phone sounded and he looked at who it was.

"It's Mark."

"What's wrong?"

"He said 'check your emails. If you don't have one from HR, you're safe, if you do then you've been cut."

"They've began the cuts already?" She asks.

"They have." Derek says and eagerly checks his emails. "I'm safe."

"Good." She says and then checks her phone. She feels a wave of relief wash over her. "I'm safe."

"I think we better go and see the others and let them know when she finishes."

She finished nursing Zara and burped her and they laid her down in the pram and strapped her in. Derek pushed the pram to the car and they got Zara in before they drove towards the hospital. Derek was dropping Meredith off and then going and getting the kids and bringing them to the hospital to meet Meredith and see the others.

"I should be back in 40 minutes." He says handing her the baby bag to sling over her shoulder.

"Take your time." She says smiling.

He leans down and kisses her. "Bye Zar."

Meredith headed off with the capsule and towards the doors of the hospital. She gets up to one of the nurses stations and pages Cristina, Alex and Izzie. She stands at the desk and checks her emails again to make sure she is still safe. The three had answered their pages and were on their way to meet her.

"What's going on? You paged us." Alex asks walking towards her with Cristina and Izzie.

"Check your email." Meredith says.

"For what?" Izzie asks.

"HR. If you got cut, you'll have an email. I didn't get one, but... I've been calm through this crisis. I have been calm. But, if one of us gets cut I will not be calm!"

"No email." Cristina says.

"I'm fine." Alex says.

"I'm good too." Izzie says.

"Good. See, I knew it! I knew it! I knew none of us would get cut."

"Yet. There's gonna be another round." Cristina says. Meredith feels her heart tighten. Yes she was safe now but she might not be after tomorrow of the next day.

She could be unemployed with three children. A mother o year old and a 5 day old baby. She could be the next.

"Big Grey." Mark says walking towards her. "You safe?"

"I'm safe."

"Derek?"

"He's safe to."

"Where is he?"

"Gone to get the kids." She tells him. "He'll be back in half an hour."

"Good because I need to see him."

"Hey, I have something to do." Cristina says. "I'll see you before you leave."

"Sure."

Meredith decided to go and see Richard upstairs in his office to pay him a little visit so he could see Zara. Patricia was in his office.

"Oh Hi, is Richard around?"

"He's just ducked downstairs for a bit. He shouldn't be too long."

"So is it right that I sit in here?"

"Sure, rest your feet. Especially with that precious girl." She says smiling. "I'll just close the door."

"Thanks."

She places the capsule down on the coffee table and the lays the bag next to it. She notices Zara was awake and looking a little happier. So she took her from the capsule and held her in her arms and went and sat down in Richard's chair to overlook the hospital.

"Now Zara this here is where your Daddy and I work. We walk these catwalks and between these walls for hours on end. Your Pop works here as well. He is in charge of this hospital. So he deals with the important issues and dealings that happen underneath the roof. He is a busy man. He makes decisions and mistakes. It's the nature of being a doctor. You have to be focused and ready to deal with the bad things. You have to deal with death and carnage. And if you make one mistake then that could be it. You could lose your job. Just like how everyone here is on watch. Everyone here has one chance. I may not have a job after they make cuts towards the staff and I will be devastated. Everyone is on edge at what could really happen. I know I am because then I might not be able to provide for you and if your daddy gets cut then it means we all suffer as a family unit. But we won't suffer in the love that we all have for each other. We love each other very much in this family and it's beautiful." She says to Zara. She places a kiss on her chubby cheek and swings the chair to face the desk.

She kept her eyes on Zara as she didn't have an interest to snoop but a folder caught her interest and folder she shouldn't be looking at.

_Staff lists: attendings, residents, interns and nurses_

Meredith opened the folder and read the top page. Lists of staff, medical records, sick days, vacation days and surgical log hours. And a colour coding system had been set in place at who was draining the hospital in sick days and lagging hours in the OR. Green for stay, red for go, yellow for maybe.

She flicked through the pages at the different doctors and staff at the hospital and was met with a sheet, _Cuts. _And these were categorised into the different number of cuts they were planning on making. Three cuts with nearly one hundred staff members being cut all together. The first list had all the doctors and nurses names with their names coloured. Derek was green, Izzie, Alex and Cristina were green. Even Callie, Mark and Arizona were coloured green. It was just her name that shocked her it had been underlined in red but coloured in yellow. She flicked over and saw the maybe list with notes made between each and every person who was actually thought about to be culled. Her name was first on the list with different notes about herself.

On maternity leave until March 5th 2018. Just welcomed a new baby – distracted and sleep deprived could become an issue. Has three children. Sick days and vacation days are down to a very small number. Hospital records, been involved in the bomb explosion. Her surgical skills are one of a kind and she knows how to take the lead. She will be one of the greats to come from this hospital but I don't feel that she really wants to be here especially after just welcoming another child.

She them found a comment from one of the board members.

_The cutting in Dr Meredith Grey could lead to the hospital being sued for discrimination and she may feel that she was cut because of just welcoming a baby and bringing a new life into this earth, wrongful termination. Could result in a negative recovery after the birth of her child. A hefty price may be paid for cutting Dr Grey. But the hospital is paying for her maternity leave while going through this GFC. She is a contender for being cut. We will support your decision to cut her but we wish you luck if you do decide to cut her. _

Meredith felt her jaw drop. She couldn't be in here though she had to show Derek that she has been considered for the next cut.

She takes photographs on her phone of the different pages for proof that he was going to cut her. The codes and the documents. She should have copied them but she didn't have enough time.

She left the room and went and met Derek feeling a little on edge on what was going to happen. Cuts were due again in the next two to three weeks.

She found Cristina standing over a chart and she went and stood beside her.

"Did you find Richard?"

"He was busy."

"Okay." She says closing the chart. "Give me Zara. I want a nurse."

Cristina takes Zara into her arms and smiles at the small baby.

"Are you alright Mer?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Have you seen Derek?"

"He went by earlier with the kids to look for Owen."

"Okay."

Cristina starts making small talk about Zara and if she has been good. Meredith answers her and starts telling her everything that has happened in the space of two days.

Owen came by with Derek and the kids and he went and stood beside Cristina while the kids and Derek stood with Mer.

"Come on we're going home." He says.

"I can't go home tonight. I was kicked off peads. I can't go home."

"She's right. She has to stay here."

"You know what." Owen says. "Meet us at the sports field in half an hour, near the baseball field. I have an idea."

Owen leaves, dragging Cristina along down towards the locker rooms.

Meredith and Derek leave with the kids and go down to the car. Zara needed her nappy changed and Kaylee offered to do it and they let her do it and she done an alright job at it as well. They strapped the kids in and then headed to the sports field that was only a five minute drive from the hospital and they got out of the car and strapped Zara into the pram and Derek kicked a ball around with Cooper and Kaylee while they waited. A few more cars pulled up. With Cristina, Owen, Mark, Danny, Callie and Arizona.

Mark brought along and cooler full of beers and sat them on the ground and offered them to everyone.

"I'm sorry. I don't have time for games. I have to get back to the hospital." Cristina says.

"She's right, she does have to go back to the hospital." Meredith says rocking the pram.

"We're not gonna talk about the hospital, we're here to play baseball." Derek says.

"And to drink beer. Drink your beer. What more do you want in life?" He says indicating to Danny to drink hers.

"I'm not gonna drink beer when all my friends just got fired." She says.

"Batter, batter, batter, batter." He says and presses the button with a ball launching towards Cristina who doesn't make an attempt to swing at all.

"What are you trying…" She says in annoyance.

"You need to stop thinking about what's gonna happen, you need to focus on what is right in front of you. Now, hit the ball!" He says pressing the button and the ball flies towards her and she takes a swing hitting it.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! I got it!" She says.

"Ok!" Danny says taking the bat from her.

"I did it! I did it." She cheers jumping towards Meredith and hugging her.

"Now you like baseball!"

"Oh here we go little Grey. Let's go." Derek says as the ball is launched towards her and she hits it into the far distance.

Meredith stood and looked everyone. Everyone for now was safe. She knew that she was safe this time but it could change in the matter of days. She just focused on what was happening now and looked at her children who were playing happily with everyone and she looked at her baby girl sleeping.

This is the present, the future may be changing.


End file.
